Off the wall dope testing suggestion....

No_Ta_Doctor

One of the major costs of anti doping is having the testers go out and collect samples. Personnel costs money. And dopers aren't tested enough, especially off season.

So how about equipping every rider with a fridge and a webcam and a stack of sterile plastic containers. The rider provides a pee each morning, in front of the webcam, seals it up and bungs it in the fridge. Once a week a bloke with a refrigerated truck comes along and collects it. Bingo - the possibility of daily testing.

Obviously not all of it would be tested, or even kept, but it would be possible to target test riders daily over a prolonged period. And testing batches would reduce the cost of the individual test.

It's obviously a silly idea, but it could just work.....

RichN95.

And then, when the webcam is off, the rider takes the sample out, gets his wife/agent/mechanic/priest to pee in another identical pot, and replaces his own cocktail. Or, as Blue Peter might say, uses one he prepared earlier (when off the dope).

I've foiled you plan in ten seconds, and I've drunk most of a bottle of Rioja.

Anyway, the best tests are done with blood. You still have to do them.

afx237vi

Have you been on Chatroulette again NtD?

No_Ta_Doctor

RichN95 wrote:

And then, when the webcam is off, the rider takes the sample out, gets his wife/agent/mechanic/priest to pee in another identical pot, and replaces his own cocktail. Or, as Blue Peter might say, uses one he prepared earlier (when off the dope).

I've foiled you plan in ten seconds, and I've drunk most of a bottle of Rioja.

Anyway, the best tests are done with blood. You still have to do them.

Obviously they'd have to be properly sealed in something tamperproof, that shouldn't be too difficult. You could also rig the fridge up so that it could only be opened by remote, or at least gave an alert when opened.

I'd also be up for some riders opening their veins on webcam, but that's more of an entertainment thing

No_Ta_Doctor

afx237vi wrote:

Have you been on Chatroulette again NtD?

I've never been on chatroulette, South Park scared me off! (Don't have a webcam).

RichN95.

No tA Doctor wrote:

Obviously they'd have to be properly sealed in something tamperproof, that shouldn't be too difficult. You could also rig the fridge up so that it could only be opened by remote, or at least gave an alert when opened.

For the first suggestion, you'd just mock up a look-a-like seal. Not too difficult, you only have to fool a webcam, not Hi-Def TV.

The second one, I'm no electrician, so I'm not sure. Copycat fridge? Or just stack up clean samples beforehand. They would be justified in not showing their dick on webcam.

And then there's the old Michael Pollentier trick.

Pokerface

RichN95 wrote:

No tA Doctor wrote:

Obviously they'd have to be properly sealed in something tamperproof, that shouldn't be too difficult. You could also rig the fridge up so that it could only be opened by remote, or at least gave an alert when opened.

For the first suggestion, you'd just mock up a look-a-like seal. Not too difficult, you only have to fool a webcam, not Hi-Def TV.

The second one, I'm no electrician, so I'm not sure. Copycat fridge? Or just stack up clean samples beforehand. They would be justified in not showing their dick on webcam.

And then there's the old Michael Pollentier trick.

When you give a sample, the tester actually stands there and watches the urine come out of your d!ck. So they should be pretty used to showing off their junk by now.

RichN95.

Pokerface wrote:

When you give a sample, the tester actually stands there and watches the urine come out of your d!ck. So they should be pretty used to showing off their junk by now.

But that's in private, not over the internet.

You probably get dope tested. Would you be happy waving your wang about on UCITV?

Pokerface

RichN95 wrote:

Pokerface wrote:

When you give a sample, the tester actually stands there and watches the urine come out of your d!ck. So they should be pretty used to showing off their junk by now.

But that's in private, not over the internet.

You probably get dope tested. Would you be happy waving your wang about on UCITV?

Once you get your c0ck out in front of someone else, it's no longer in private now is it?

I'm not happy pulling my junk out in front of any dude personally, but I'd rather do it over the net. It would be a lot nicer than when the dude is standing next to you in the cubicle or porta-loo. 8)

(We're talking in hypotheticals here so it really makes no difference and not worth arguing over. I see your point and I imagine you see mine.)

FWIW - I'd rather see the money going into more accurate tests (if such a thing is possible).

No_Ta_Doctor

RichN95 wrote:

No tA Doctor wrote:

Obviously they'd have to be properly sealed in something tamperproof, that shouldn't be too difficult. You could also rig the fridge up so that it could only be opened by remote, or at least gave an alert when opened.

For the first suggestion, you'd just mock up a look-a-like seal. Not too difficult, you only have to fool a webcam, not Hi-Def TV.

The second one, I'm no electrician, so I'm not sure. Copycat fridge? Or just stack up clean samples beforehand. They would be justified in not showing their dick on webcam.

And then there's the old Michael Pollentier trick.

Nothing insurmountable there though. The webcam is attached to the fridge, so you can't make a fake fridge. The sample remains in view the entire time, you'd have to be Paul Daniels to switch it.

I don't think it would raise privacy issues, not more so than currently anyway, I'm not suggesting they're published to Youtube.

The Michel Pollentier trick was designed to fool testers that were actually in the room with him. I presume that since it's discovery riders have their "equipment" checked in some way, shouldn't be too difficult to implement the same remotely.

If all this doesn't work then I'm working on a miniaturised Sysmex coupled to an iPhone run over an iDope app.... That or surgical implant of a few chips and microprocessors to continually monitor blood values.... Complete with GPS and a small explosive charge that detonates on contact with EPO

edhornby

just herd up all the pro cyclists and make them live year round on an island so they can't go training in mexico where they bugger off for months on end.

Have a UCI official on every tour bus throughout the grand tours, CCTV in the hotel rooms

mididoctors

wouldn't work

way too many ways to cheat

if its expensive get the riders to pay

that will soon concentrate minds

Tom Butcher

edhornby wrote:

just herd up all the pro cyclists and make them live year round on an island so they can't go training in mexico where they bugger off for months on end.

Have a UCI official on every tour bus throughout the grand tours, CCTV in the hotel rooms

Good idea - sort of a Truman show thing. You could call the place they live Pelotonville and it could all be paid for by selling the footage as a reality TV show. If any of them don't want to take part I'm sure we can find people who will. They could even have town centre crits every evening and they'd never be short of people to train with - it's a win win.

RichN95.

Tom Butcher wrote:

edhornby wrote:

just herd up all the pro cyclists and make them live year round on an island so they can't go training in mexico where they bugger off for months on end.

Have a UCI official on every tour bus throughout the grand tours, CCTV in the hotel rooms

Good idea - sort of a Truman show thing. You could call the place they live Pelotonville and it could all be paid for by selling the footage as a reality TV show. If any of them don't want to take part I'm sure we can find people who will. They could even have town centre crits every evening and they'd never be short of people to train with - it's a win win.

Do we get to vote them out - 0898 500 666 to evict Riccardo. That sort of thing.

robert-sb

This has got my brain working. I don't think the following is either too intrusive or beyond technological possibility.

At the moment there is the one hour per day whereabouts rule. Continue this but in addition tests could be carried out remotely. Supply a number of testing kits to each cyclist that they have to have with them during this hour in an area with mobile phone reception - failure to do so = a failed test. The one off kit includes a "pricking needle" (the sort you have to test for lactic acid), a pipette and a technical bag - this bag has a serial number - it needs a pin number to open it and a pin number to lock it, these can only be given by the tester (similar to the devices used to access internet banking); if there is a delay of greater than 10 minutes between opening and closing it counts as a failed test. In addition each cyclist is given an iphone with which to accept the testers call and transmit the test live to the tester to ensure no switching. If the tester is not happy with what they see a live tester would be despatched immediately.

It sounds convoluted, and probably is, but the pro cycling community (as a whole) have only got themselves to blame.

LangerDan

The cost of testing is in the lab analysis, not the sample gathering. The sample collectors are not squads of elite PhD chemists, jetting around Europe with their little bottles. They often tend to be former sportspeople or officials who seem to do this for the same reasons people marshall at races or act as finish judges.

Some years back, I saw the rates for sample collection - you certainly wouldn't be doing it to make your fortune. And as if the rates weren't bad enough, you can always rely on a bit of verbal or physical abuse as an added bonus.