best lie you ever told

Anonymous

i once told my mates wife:

i was thrown out of twycross zoo and am never allowed to return because when my dad came to see me one weekend (he was only allowed to see me once a month for about 8 hrs as my mother was a sheepscunt and hated my dad who she was divorced from).

we were looking at the farmyard animals and i was by the goat enclosure, one ofthem looked at me funny and turned agressively towards me so i lashed out and punched it straight in the head. it fell straight over and i had hit it so hard that it's feet fell off!!


my mates wife was dumbstruck, i thought she knew i was lying until my wife told me a couple of hours later that my mates mrs had mentioned it to her as being a terrible thing to do!

i also once told my sisters mate

that i had a fake leg but a real foot, she didnt believe me but i kept on insisting and she finally fell for it, when she asked to see it i told her i was a bit self consious of it and i should never have brought the subject up in the first place, she was mortified at having offended me and bought me drinks for the rest of the night!

n.battison

I lie to every person i meet, especially girls at festivals, then ruin their lives.

supersonic

I tell people I ride bikes.

Mynameisdann

Tend not to lie i just usually tell people im broke to stop them asking for money.

Anonymous

I tell people I'm not Gee Atherton. Only one person on the whole forum seems to have clocked this so far.
Yeehaa Mc What did you say? :roll:



ssssh.
Fake photos, fake profiles, fakebook pages. It's incredible what you can get away with

Mancunianfightingcat

I once promised not to spurt in someone's mouth! (Actually, it was more than once!)

supersonic

Mancunianfightingcat wrote:

I once promised not to spurt in someone's mouth! (Actually, it was more than once!)

I don't make any promises - I just do it! Then you can't break them...

Splottboy

I didn't read your post...

spongtastic

Mancunianfightingcat wrote:

I once promised not to spurt in someone's mouth! (Actually, it was more than once!)

I don't think there's one man on here who's never told that little one.

Anonymous

spongtastic wrote:

Mancunianfightingcat wrote:

I once promised not to spurt in someone's mouth! (Actually, it was more than once!)

I don't think there's one man on here who's never told that little one.

I am that one man then. I've never promised not to. Conversation goes something like
her: "don't spurt in my mouth"
me: "huh?"

snotty badger

I convinced a couple of girls you could milk swans- told them the Queen has swan milk in her tea and thats why all swans are property of the Queen.


I hadn't seen a friend for ages (couple of years), she asked what I'd been upto, I told her I'd "just got out"- told her I'd been to prison for speeding. Man that rumour spread quickly!

montevideoguy

I convinced wide that my sister's neigher kept crocodiles in the garden.

As well as this I also convinved her that a plant arrangement outside Pizza express was there for homeless people to eat so they didn't go hungry. She thought that was very nice of em

bails87

yeehaamcgee wrote:

spongtastic wrote:

Mancunianfightingcat wrote:

I once promised not to spurt in someone's mouth! (Actually, it was more than once!)

I don't think there's one man on here who's never told that little one.

I am that one man then. I've never promised not to. Conversation goes something like
her: "don't spurt in my mouth"
me: "huh?"

No one's ever said not to.....

RevellRider

sheepsteeth wrote:

i also once told my sisters mate

that i had a fake leg but a real foot, she didnt believe me but i kept on insisting and she finally fell for it, when she asked to see it i told her i was a bit self consious of it and i should never have brought the subject up in the first place, she was mortified at having offended me and bought me drinks for the rest of the night!

I once did that to a girl I used to work with. I told her i lost my leg below the knee in a cycling accident and I had a artificial leg with motors to make the ankle move.

She fell for it hook line and sinker

neddie

Told my wife the new mountain bike sitting in the shed didn't cost that much

Oh yeah and the girl thing

cat_with_no_tail

I never murdered that prostitute and left her in a ditch with her head on backwards.

Anonymous

Cat With No Tail wrote:

I never murdered that prostitute and left her in a ditch with her head on backwards.

ive been there brother, ive been there.

cat_with_no_tail

Your sister? Really? I had no idea!

Anonymous

Cat With No Tail wrote:

Your sister? Really? I had no idea!

right after she finished with your mum.

Cleat Eastwood

I tell every one the tests were negative.

Anonymous

Cleat Eastwood wrote:

I tell every one the tests were negative.

my first post after training back in 97 was to ripon and we would go out in the general north yorks area. at the time there were 2 birds going around with HIV and dishing it out to un knowing blokes.

we got briefed on it as a health issue so i decided the best thing to do was start bumming birds stood up in a running shower to stay safe.

Andy

I once won a lie telling contest. It was held in a small town called 'Lie'. I won a years supply of Edam cheese.

Cleat Eastwood

sheepsteeth wrote:

Cleat Eastwood wrote:

I tell every one the tests were negative.

my first post after training back in 97 was to ripon and we would go out in the general north yorks area. at the time there were 2 birds going around with HIV and dishing it out to un knowing blokes.

we got briefed on it as a health issue so i decided the best thing to do was start bumming birds stood up in a running shower to stay safe.

So you met me mum then.

Anonymous

Cleat Eastwood wrote:

sheepsteeth wrote:

Cleat Eastwood wrote:

I tell every one the tests were negative.

my first post after training back in 97 was to ripon and we would go out in the general north yorks area. at the time there were 2 birds going around with HIV and dishing it out to un knowing blokes.

we got briefed on it as a health issue so i decided the best thing to do was start bumming birds stood up in a running shower to stay safe.

So you met me mum then.

depends, did your mum come home late in 97 unable to sit down straight for a week?

sandy hill

Best one recently was that I convinced my daughter and her sleep over buddies that Louis from Pineapple Dance Studios wasn't gay and that he was really a comdian putting it on for the show.

Previously answered my son and the "Where do I come from Daddy?" question with, "From a shop. And when we got you, you were called Stuart but we didn't like that name so we changed it."

It never ceases to amuse me how far a straight face and implicit trust can get you.

desmosedici

It never ceases to amuse me how far a straight face and implicit trust can get you.

"Daddy, are dragons real?"

"Of course they are, that's why I keep a shotgun in the cupboard."

The innocence of childhood is lost all too soon these days.

bannedbiker

My mrs is one of the most gulible people around, she's believed great ones like:

Ah bacon, my favourite part of the cow.

Mongooses dont have hearts, thats why they're so active: they pump the blood around thier bodies using all their muscles,as they move their arm's or legs it moves a little bit of blood.


My ex also fell for stuff like:

Of course I dont think your sister is hot.
Of course I dont think your mum is hot.
Of course I dont think your mates are hot