England- What a Joke
spen666
Posts: 17,709
England's new coach will be arriving at their hotel this afternoon to take them to the airport
* Oxo are bringing out a new cube. It's white with a red cross on it called "laughing stock"!!
* England are flying back to a heroes welcome - they land in Glasgow later today
* David Blaine is said to be gutted about englands world cup campaign. Blaine's record of doing nothing in a box for 22 days has just been broken by Wayne Rooney
* No wonder Rooney's been scoring in training, as Capello claims. He's been playing against England's defence.
* Fabio Capello walks into a bar. Sorry I mean job centre.
* "Did you see that goal that wasn't awarded in the England match?" "No, I was too busy... reffing the game"
*FIFA have announced a special award for the nation whose media have portrayed the most unrealistic picture of theor teams prospects and progress and the world cup. North Korea are said to be devasted at having been beaten into second place by England and have already conceeded that they are unlikely to take that crown at any future world cup
*If anyone missed the match and forgot to set their sky + you can easily recreate it by taking a dump, staring at it for ninety minutes and yelling about a linesman.
*The Wembley turf is being dug up again, and this time it's being laid with old copies of The Sun, The Star etc.. Well everybody keeps saying that on paper England are a good team....
*The England team went out to visit an orphanage in Cape Town on Saturday morning. "It's. good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible," said Moeketsi Umboto, aged 6.
* The FA have launched an inquiry to find out how a fan found his way into the dressing room. They have also launched another enquiry into how Aaron Lennon found his way into the dressing room.
* In honour of England's display against Germany, we're unveiling a new national flag. It's the same design as before but without the red cross.
* I'm shocked at Wayne Rooney's outburst after the Algeria game. Who knew he could even string a sentence together!
* Fabio Capello told Wayne Rooney to have a long look at himself in the mirror. Like that's going to improve his confidence.
* Fabio Capello was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping. He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" To which the old lady replied, "No way. You got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out!"
* Police have released the name of the angry bloke who stormed into the England dressing room and subjected Fabio Capello and the players to a stream of foul-mouthed abuse. It's Wayne Rooney.
* What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup? A referee.
* The new Shrek film is very disappointing. Shrek did nothing for 90 minutes and then had a go at the audience for booing during the credits.
* What's the difference between Wayne Rooney and Shrek? Shrek can save the day.
* I can't believe we only managed a draw against a poor team we should easily have beaten. I'm ashamed to call myself Algerian.
* Three hours of football and Robert Green is still England's top scorer.
* What's the difference between a faulty jet engine and Wayne Rooney? The jet engine eventually stops whining.
* Handy that Blackpool are in the Premier League this season. It's the only chance these England players will get at going in an open-top bus.
* Some good news though: In training today David James had 400 shots fired at him and didn't conceded a single goal. Tomorrow, he and Emile Heskey will train with the rest of the squad.
* Apparently that fan had no trouble slipping into the England dressing room – Robert Green was guarding the door.
* Oxo are bringing out a new cube. It's white with a red cross on it called "laughing stock"!!
* England are flying back to a heroes welcome - they land in Glasgow later today
* David Blaine is said to be gutted about englands world cup campaign. Blaine's record of doing nothing in a box for 22 days has just been broken by Wayne Rooney
* No wonder Rooney's been scoring in training, as Capello claims. He's been playing against England's defence.
* Fabio Capello walks into a bar. Sorry I mean job centre.
* "Did you see that goal that wasn't awarded in the England match?" "No, I was too busy... reffing the game"
*FIFA have announced a special award for the nation whose media have portrayed the most unrealistic picture of theor teams prospects and progress and the world cup. North Korea are said to be devasted at having been beaten into second place by England and have already conceeded that they are unlikely to take that crown at any future world cup
*If anyone missed the match and forgot to set their sky + you can easily recreate it by taking a dump, staring at it for ninety minutes and yelling about a linesman.
*The Wembley turf is being dug up again, and this time it's being laid with old copies of The Sun, The Star etc.. Well everybody keeps saying that on paper England are a good team....
*The England team went out to visit an orphanage in Cape Town on Saturday morning. "It's. good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible," said Moeketsi Umboto, aged 6.
* The FA have launched an inquiry to find out how a fan found his way into the dressing room. They have also launched another enquiry into how Aaron Lennon found his way into the dressing room.
* In honour of England's display against Germany, we're unveiling a new national flag. It's the same design as before but without the red cross.
* I'm shocked at Wayne Rooney's outburst after the Algeria game. Who knew he could even string a sentence together!
* Fabio Capello told Wayne Rooney to have a long look at himself in the mirror. Like that's going to improve his confidence.
* Fabio Capello was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping. He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" To which the old lady replied, "No way. You got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out!"
* Police have released the name of the angry bloke who stormed into the England dressing room and subjected Fabio Capello and the players to a stream of foul-mouthed abuse. It's Wayne Rooney.
* What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup? A referee.
* The new Shrek film is very disappointing. Shrek did nothing for 90 minutes and then had a go at the audience for booing during the credits.
* What's the difference between Wayne Rooney and Shrek? Shrek can save the day.
* I can't believe we only managed a draw against a poor team we should easily have beaten. I'm ashamed to call myself Algerian.
* Three hours of football and Robert Green is still England's top scorer.
* What's the difference between a faulty jet engine and Wayne Rooney? The jet engine eventually stops whining.
* Handy that Blackpool are in the Premier League this season. It's the only chance these England players will get at going in an open-top bus.
* Some good news though: In training today David James had 400 shots fired at him and didn't conceded a single goal. Tomorrow, he and Emile Heskey will train with the rest of the squad.
* Apparently that fan had no trouble slipping into the England dressing room – Robert Green was guarding the door.
Want to know the Spen666 behind the posts?
Then read MY BLOG @ http://www.pebennett.com
Twittering @spen_666
Then read MY BLOG @ http://www.pebennett.com
Twittering @spen_666
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Comments
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Mines on the "England return" thread...0
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A guy walks into a brothel and asks to be humiliated.
"That will be £40", says the madam.
"What do I get for that?", asks the guy.
"A f*cking England top!"
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The North of England was put on major flood alert late on Sunday afternoon. It happened after everybody in Scotland started to pi$$ themselves laughing.....0
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To get things back on track the FA has organised a friendly against Iceland…and if they win they will then play Tesco and Sainsburys.Scott CR1 Team
Bitsa training bike. Bitsa this Bitsa that.......
I'd rather quit than buy from Halfords0 -
The weather report say's all of england will be sunny today......... except for Heathrow airport where there's a shower arriving from Africa (Courtesy of the Sun newspaper, not that I read that shi@e) 0
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Q: What's the difference between England and a tea bag?
A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Q. What does the Englishman do when England wins the World Cup?
A. He switches off the Play Station.Want to know the Spen666 behind the posts?
Then read MY BLOG @ http://www.pebennett.com
Twittering @spen_6660 -
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha nice one guysgoing downhill slowly0
