Fake tan + wife = embarrasssment.

Anonymous

Whilst watching the TV comedy "Luther" last night, Mrs lite and I were having a glass of wine, when she asked if I would massage her feet. I obliged, she got some moisturiser cream and she got her feet massaged. Nice evening.

This morning I have got up for work at 5:40 am, sneaked out so's not to wake kids and got in the car. It was then i noticed that my hands, back and front were bright orange. Nipped back in the house to find the "moisturiser" my wife had got was in fact fake tan lotion, which was not ideal. So, my hands are bright orange, I look like a 120 fags a day for 40 years nicotene stained smoker who is ambidextrous and they smell.
All my colleagues are taking the mick mercilessly and it won't come off.

skyd0g

john-e-big-guns

David Dickinson.....eat ya heart out

Heckler1974

john-e-big-guns wrote:

David Dickinson.....eat ya heart out

:shock: Really, will he? No wonder the people on Bargain Hunt look so stressed, the loser has their heart ritually consumed by the Dickinson, great globs of blood and cartlidge spilling from his open foetid maw as he nosily chews, surrounded by hooded cultists repeaing over and over in a opium induced droning mantra, 'cheap as chips, cheap as chips, cheap as chips' :shock:

STEFANOS4784

So when will she notice the orange feet i wonder

Anonymous

STEFANOS4784 wrote:

So when will she notice the orange feet i wonder

her feet were pointed out to her by our 6 year old girl this morning. She went round a friends for a spray tan this afternoon, do a bit of blending. She's going to look like a female oompa loompa when I get home. Might even have to move to Essex.

STEFANOS4784

Nice, lucky man

Gazzaputt

STEFANOS4784 wrote:

Douche Bags

hopper1

dmclite, are you sure you were massaging the wifes feet?.... :?

Or, were you secretly trying to get a bit of colour into your legs before the next club ride?... Applying it in a darkened room, so as not to be noticed... :roll: :oops:

EDIT: Which brand was it? I always try to learn from others mistakes.

crumbschief

Haha,cracker,i like the blending bit as well,let us know how she turns out.

garrynolan

My kid sister spray tanned herself with an aerosol. Of course, some of it settled on the carpet. The carpet now has a large yellow(???) stain with two lovely white footprints in the centre of the stain.

cee

STEFANOS4784 wrote:

Nice, lucky man

awesome!

Why would anyone want this look?

skyd0g

Doc - "Hello, how can I help you?"
Man - "I've got an orange willy, doc."
Doc - "What??"
Man - "My willy, it's turned orange."
Doc - "I'll have to look that up. Umm ..... it could be a sign of stress; do you suffer from stress?"
Man - "Not really."
Doc - "What about stress at work?"
Man - "Well, I did have a nightmare job, a complete idiot for a boss."
Doc - "That sounds stressful."
Man - "I worked 80 hours a week for pennies and then I got the sack."
Doc - "That sounds very stressful."
Man - "Yeah, but my new job is great: half the hours, 3 times the salary and I feel really appreciated."
Doc - "Umm ..... what about your home life?"
Man - "My girlfriend is a complete cow, she nags non-stop and puts me down every chance she gets."
Doc - "That sounds stressful."
Man - "Yeah, but I'm leaving her and I've never been happier."
Doc - "Umm ..... what about your social life?"
Man - "Social life? I don't really have one."
Doc - "Really? What do you do in your spare time."
Man - "Watch porn videos and eat Cheesy Wotsits."

verylonglegs

I can't get past the fact you touched someone elses feet, urgh. Sorry..I just find feet repulsive.

crown_jewel

verylonglegs wrote:

I can't get past the fact you touched someone elses feet, urgh. Sorry..I just find feet repulsive.

Hence the very long legs

neilmacd

skyd0g wrote:

Doc - "Hello, how can I help you?"
Man - "I've got an orange willy, doc."
Doc - "What??"
Man - "My willy, it's turned orange."
Doc - "I'll have to look that up. Umm ..... it could be a sign of stress; do you suffer from stress?"
Man - "Not really."
Doc - "What about stress at work?"
Man - "Well, I did have a nightmare job, a complete idiot for a boss."
Doc - "That sounds stressful."
Man - "I worked 80 hours a week for pennies and then I got the sack."
Doc - "That sounds very stressful."
Man - "Yeah, but my new job is great: half the hours, 3 times the salary and I feel really appreciated."
Doc - "Umm ..... what about your home life?"
Man - "My girlfriend is a complete cow, she nags non-stop and puts me down every chance she gets."
Doc - "That sounds stressful."
Man - "Yeah, but I'm leaving her and I've never been happier."
Doc - "Umm ..... what about your social life?"
Man - "Social life? I don't really have one."
Doc - "Really? What do you do in your spare time."
Man - "Watch porn videos and eat Cheesy Wotsits."

Brilliant - absolute genius