ATTENTION: New Laws regarding...

Splottboy

...The Import, Sales, Purchase or Usage of... Cheap, Junk, Heavy "Mountain Type Bikes."

WE, Nick Cameron and David Clegg, of the Lib-Dem ( Liberian Demonic ) Party,
Do Hereby Declare, By Act of Parliament, from,The First Day of June, in the Year of Our Lord, Two Thousand and Ten...

THAT, No one shall issue, give, transfer or supply "Splottboy", with the above to,
Clean, repair, fettle, wash, fix or generally waste his valuable Annual Leave time on.

Punishable by:
First Offence: Being made to got on "Britains Got Talent."
Second: Going on "The X Factor", or whichever is the most emabrassing to the guilty party.

Signed: "Splottboy", AKA... Why do people buy this total waste of good metal/rubber???
Member of the S.N.O.B.S, ( Stupid Nutters On Bike Shite.) Academy.

Bunneh

THe biggest offenders of these crap bikes are those from side street car part vendors and the Daily Bloody Mail.

'Only 79.99 and you too can be off road this summer' yeah off road, head first into a ditch because it's NOT A MOUNTAIN BIKE, it's a lump of metal that has wheels attached. The brakes are terrible and they're not safe!

A mate of mine bought one for 100 quid at his local car parts shop, and he said 'it's great, it's got disc brakes on' - he then had to take it back because the disc brakes were faulty and didn't stop sh*t.

Sadly people get taken in by these lumps of crap and I've repaired my fair share in the past for friends. Ended up buying new cables and fitting some of my old MTB parts to make them run safely. As far as I'm concerned these cheap mountain bikes should not be called mountain bikes - you cannot effectively take them offroad unless it's to the park, and even then do not take the thing onto the grass, brakes will get wet and you're dead!

It reminds me somewhat of when I worked for Halfords. This kid comes in with his dad and the V Brakes had just been introduced (1998 ish). I said to them 'don't lean to heavy on the brakes at the front, they've very sensitive'. So off shot the kid on his test ride and not listening at all he jams on the front brakes, flies over the handle bars right into a pile of packaged Haynes Manuals. Talk about split my sides...

Splottboy

Just noticed the "loose spoke" he told me about is snapped at the nipple.
Oh well, he'll have to take this piece of crap to Halfords.

Thing is, he's 6ft 7ins and a 19 stone fitness freak.

Hope he can't run/ride fast!!!!

Cressers

Don't forget that this is the time 'o the year for supermarkets and shopping channels to sell their BSOs.

I once watched a salesman on Bid-TV point out that their BSO had spokes...

Bunneh

lol BidTV makes me laugh sometimes. Love how they say 'look only £1.00 for this plant pot!' and in the top left corner there's a P&P of 7.99; there's no way that plant pot costs 7.99 to post... I reckon that's where they recoup a lot of their losses.

Splottboy

Think you'd go faster on the plant pot than the POC that I'm fixing..

Bunneh

replace 'fixing' with 'screaming abuse at'

DaSy

I did an experiment last year to test how a supermarket full susser would hold up to real MTBing, and wrote it up here, if you have a spare part of your life to waste! - Scrapheap Challenge

Cressers

...and don't forget the £1.50 it costs just to order by phone on Bid-TV.

It truly is train-crash TV entertainment!