I'm bad to the bone

finchy

Today the local supermarket was giving out samples of chocolate - and I went round.... THREE TIMES.

What tales of pathetic badness can you rival mine with?

rick_chasey

My girlfriend gets massive kicks out of queue jumping with me.

Edit: Thus i queue jump a lot.....including recently.

shockedsoshocked

There was a stall in Manchester Piccadilly once giving away shots of the new Gordons Gin recipe, normal and Sloe.

The woman was quite friendly and we ended up grabbing about 6 shots each. This was after drinking on the train all the way from Middlesbrough. Then we bought bottles of port, watched Ross Noble and tore up Castle Irwell. I then ate a microwavable roast dinner for breakfast.


8)

Flasheart

You'll all burn for eternity you know

Anonymous

For a jape I once went up to a member of staff stood about 6 feet away from the the purpose built 'Order your Christmas Turkeys HERE' stand in Marks and Spencers and asked her if there was anywhere I could order a christmas turkey.

bagpusscp

Somethings are better left out of print :shock:

freehub

Well when my dad goes past the sweetie isle in the supermarket he'd always "sample" them.

snakehips

NapoleonD wrote:

For a jape I once went up to a member of staff stood about 6 feet away from the the purpose built 'Order your Christmas Turkeys HERE' stand in Marks and Spencers and asked her if there was anywhere I could order a christmas turkey.

I think I know you , we met last Tuesday. I was standing outside Acton town hall (don't ask) and you came up and asked for directions to Acton town hall !

Snake

My Library

verylonglegs

NapoleonD wrote:

For a jape I once went up to a member of staff stood about 6 feet away from the the purpose built 'Order your Christmas Turkeys HERE' stand in Marks and Spencers and asked her if there was anywhere I could order a christmas turkey.

I do similiar things, I went to a gig at the Hammersmith apollo that was sponsored by Carling (disgusting stuff!) and so every pump along the bar was Carling with banners plastered everywhere. When I was served I asked totally deadpan, 'Have you got any Carling?'.
She wasn't particularly amused.

ratsbeyfus

I once worked in a bike shop in Clapham and someone came in and asked if we sold bread. :shock:

Anyway, back on-topic, here's a sad thing I enjoy - when I see people in shopping centres counting people going past with those clicky-counter things for some kind survey I like to step past them then step back and repeat a few times so I get counted loads of times and screw-up their stats. A-ha-ha-ha-ha hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhaha.

I really should get out more. :oops:

Anonymous

More hilarious amusements -

when I ask for orange at a pub and they say 'Still Orange?', I reply 'Yes, I haven't changed my mind!'

When ordering Mussells at a restaurant and the waitress brings the food to the table and says 'Mussells?' I reply 'Oooh, how did you know my nickname?'

It never fails to raise a sigh!

finchy

NapoleonD wrote:

when I ask for orange at a pub and they say 'Still Orange?', I reply 'Yes, I haven't changed my mind!'

I used to do the same thing when I worked in catering during uni holidays. If somebody asked me "is that still water", I would reply "no, it used to be, but it isn't anymore." 8)

The laughter never stops when I'm around. Mind you, that's because it never starts.

ratsbeyfus

NapoleonD wrote:

More hilarious amusements -

when I ask for orange at a pub and they say 'Still Orange?', I reply 'Yes, I haven't changed my mind!'

When ordering Mussells at a restaurant and the waitress brings the food to the table and says 'Mussells?' I reply 'Oooh, how did you know my nickname?'

It never fails to raise a sigh!

I'm sure there must be loads of opportunities for having a laugh on the job as a policeman. When I was a stoo-dent, in an inebriated state I 'helped myself' to a garden chair that was outside a pub... I staggered up the road with it only to bump into a copper. Seeing my face drain he said "allo allo allo, what do we have here then?" and bent both legs at the knees at the knees whilst doing so - all he needed was to be twirling truncheon to finish off the keystone cop look! Anyhow, needless to say the chair was returned and nothing more said! Not sure if I learnt my lesson but it did make me chuckle.

shouldbeinbed

I've been known to send impolite people in completely the wtong direction when I've been asked for directions. they do need to be really arsey tho, generally I'm quite helpful.

I used to work in a photographic place - we had a nice little old lady in once wanting us to take the hat off her late husband in her favourite picture, I asked what colour his hair was for the retouching, she replied 'you'll see that whan you take his hat off'

bagpusscp

After censoring the list of possible posts for this thread.
Yes I know what I said back up the page.This my not even count.

The food fight I started in my then local ,at the end of my stag night.Mild by my standards then.{get it Mild} onh please your self.
Got my mate with the Jar of pickleolilley.Full size catering jar that is.He replied with the beetroot jar.Contents only I must add.
The Landlord never batted on eyelid.

Gawd was it that long ago.

deptfordmarmoset

When people stop in their cars and ask me for directions with no intention of making any physical effort whatsoever fully expecting me to go over to their car and tell them, I stay exactly where I am and give directions in a very quiet voice. If they then beckon me over so that they can hear better, I simply beckon back. They never get out of their cars, preferring to drive around lost...

Frank the tank

I once asked the woman serving in the butchers if she had a sheeps head. When she said no I said "It must be the way she had her hair cut".

finchy

My library books are really late back. Gonna get a massive fine on those.

Also late with my paperwork for work and getting very far behind with my degree.

Time to pull myself together.

deptfordmarmoset

johnfinch wrote:

My library books are really late back. Gonna get a massive fine on those.

Also late with my paperwork for work and getting very far behind with my degree.

Time to pull myself together.

I've still got a library book that was due back in 1973.

rolf_f

deptfordmarmoset wrote:

I've still got a library book that was due back in 1973.

I'd keep quiet about that. Libraries are known to chase hard if they get the scent of a lost book - and the fine will be £43,927.24 now.........

robbiedont

I get my kicks putting things in other peoples shopping trolleys...

Bunneh

Just don't do that if you take your kids to the supermarket :oops:

I like annoying tinpot security guards in places like PC World and WHSmiths. Did an employment related course last week and the little fat man in blue didn't like it when you took coffee from the top floor to the first floor. To pass the time we organised a small game, get some coffee and time trial down to the 1st floor and not get caught. That was fun!

Percy Vera

Frank the tank wrote:

I once asked the woman serving in the butchers if she had a sheeps head. When she said no I said "It must be the way she had her hair cut".

Frank the tank

Talking to my mate in the local this afto (His wife is Vietnamese, a lovely woman) he was saying she was chairwoman at the Vietnam social centre. I asked if she helped them organise boat trips.

He cracked out laughing, Mrs Tank just rolled her eyes and shook her head.

Anonymous

When our radios at work weren't best ever I was at a job with a mate where a window had gone through at a clothes shop.
He was asking the radio operator to arrange boarding up, she asked him what size window it was.
He left a delay then said "6 inches"
"Go again?"
"......6 inches"
"Sorry Aidy, not getting you?"
"......6 inches"
"Aidy, I'm only getting 6 inches from you"
Cue hilarity for days....

Ands

Mr A and I went to Costco once and went in without a trolley. We waited for someone to turn their back on their trolley and claimed it for our own. We then spent ages in fits of giggles whilst we watched the shopper trying to find his trolley.

lemon63

When I'm out for a meal, if someone orders a veggie, I'll go with - "if God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he cover them in meat ?"
Usually gets a few eyes rolling.

drewfromrisca

When I used to be posted at Big Ben some tw@t would always come up and ask the time!

Anonymous

We used to have an old camera in the guardroom in a barracks in Kent and pretend to photograph peoples bikes to make "bike passes" to enter the camp. The days flew by.....

pottssteve

I fake the results of my student's practical classes because school experiments never work.

Anonymous

I worked in a large building society for 4 weeks on a job experience thing when I was 16. The manager was a total cow, think Hyacinth Bouquet on speed and you are there. Anyway on my second to last day my job was to fill young starter packs for kids,7 and over, getting a savings account, which was a form, keyring, stickers and a pen into a cardboard tube, like a large smarties tube and then seal them up and the kids would get one when opening a junior savers account. I had about 40 of these to do, so I dutifully got all the tubes, contents all laid out and began to fill. I also put an extra item in which cost a bit, but was worth it. I put in a single cigarette with a match taped to a small card which I wrote "Try it" written on it. As this was Hyacinths department she was responsible for these tubes. I never knew the outcome as I left Scotland shortly after, can only imagine parents reaction and Hyacinth trying to explain. :evil: