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censored Monday

CressersCressers Posts: 1,329
edited April 2010 in The bottom bracket
Ah, censored Monday. It's not that far off nay...

That glorious day when, heading into work on the bus, or walking to the tube, or sitting on the train, you find yourself suddenly chirpier than you have been in months. You find yourself smiling at strangers again. There is a mild involuntary tumescence in your trousers that comes and goes throughout the morning with the comforting regularity of a heartbeat.

And then you get a text around lunchtime from a mate which says: "At last, censored Monday!" And you instantly understand why you are so happy. For censored Monday is that special day in the year when, for the first time, the temperature rises above that magical point which causes girls getting dressed in the morning to decide to show a bit of skin.

After months of dull colours and chunky knit, the world's birds suddenly dive into last summer's wardrobe (they've not had chance to buy this season's stuff) and chuck it on without a thought. Your urban landscape is suddenly lightened with acres of naked arm and leg and, after many dark months of burrowing, breasts rising to the surface like moles at dusk.

Big breasts in white work shirts straining at the buttons. Small breasts braless in vest tops, the nipples frotted by ribby fabrics. Breasts in summer dresses bouncing in the distance so that they catch your eye before you even notice there is someone wearing them. Breasts nudging out from the crowd at traffic islands, quivering to cross the road...

And you know it is nearly summer. For previous generations, the arrival of spring was heralded by the sound of the first cuckoo. For us, it is censored Monday.

Not that it always falls on a Monday. Like Easter, censored Monday is a moveable feast. Last year it fell on a Friday. Friday 29 April, to be precise, when temperatures maxed out at 22.1C after nothing much above 16C all year. It last fell on a Monday in 2004, when temperatures leapt to 22C on 24 April.

And then, of course, there is censored Monday Night. You see, in early summer, temperatures drop off very dramatically when night falls (censored Friday 2005 dropped away to a parky 11.8C). But the dollies are not prepared. Slightly stunned by the morning heat, they drag out the summer clothes but forget to bring a cardie (a mistake they will not make again until next year), so that when they're all standing outside All Bar One after work celebrating the arrival of spring, their barely covered nipples have no protection from the cold. It's like a Bring-and-Buy sale where everyone has brought hat pegs. It's like a prog-rock gig where, instead of lighters, everyone is holding up nipples.

So when will censored Monday fall this year? Will you be the first to text your mates with the announcement? Do not shoot your bolt too early. There will be false starts. You will smell fresh cut grass and see a couple of early starters and feel compelled to declare censored Monday. But your more level-headed friends will tell you to hold your horses, keep your powder dry, don't fire until you see the whites of their bra straps.

As the poet said: one bold Northern slapper in a bikini doth not a summer make.

Posts

  • AggieboyAggieboy Posts: 3,689
    Well, Spring is only just here and some places are still cold. Our native birds are still finding food scarce. Please go to the pet shop and buy a bag of nuts for our feathered friends. There is no finer sight on a cold morning than a pair of tits around your nut sack. Just remember, however, it's a bit early in the year to expect a swallow!!
    "There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world, t'would be a pity to damage yours."
  • There is nothing better than seeing some tits swinging from your fat balls in early spring
  • MattC59MattC59 Posts: 5,433
    Don't call it........... it's too early !!!
    There's nothing worse than someone overeagerly calling "censored Monday" only do be presented with a week of rain !!

    :)
    Science adjusts it’s beliefs based on what’s observed.
    Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved
  • nwallacenwallace Posts: 1,465
    And with that Dundee United and Hibs fans have been watching the weather forecasts all day and probably all tomorrow along with the BBC news website, because chances are the match at Easter Road tomorrow will be snowed off!
    Do Nellyphants count?

    Commuter: FCN 9
    Cheapo Roadie: FCN 5
    Off Road: FCN 11

    +1 when I don't get round to shaving for x days
  • ceecee Posts: 4,553
    nwallace wrote:
    And with that Dundee United and Hibs fans have been watching the weather forecasts all day and probably all tomorrow along with the BBC news website, because chances are the match at Easter Road tomorrow will be snowed off!

    should be ok...the snow has stopped and it is not lying in town!
    Whenever I see an adult on a bicycle, I believe in the future of the human race.

    H.G. Wells.
  • nah....live in the tropics, have to look at vulgar displays of strapless tops with huge fat tattooed arms and 'muffin tops' with ultra short shorts with fat unmuscled legs all the time....
  • blueheeler wrote:
    nah....live in the tropics, have to look at vulgar displays of strapless tops with huge fat tattooed arms and 'muffin tops' with ultra short shorts with fat unmuscled legs all the time....
    I live in the tropics too, but fat chicks are not a problem here at all....

    Most are small tanned and lovely, much to my wife's dismay!!
  • mcflyssmcflyss Posts: 257
    PMSL!!!! Awesome! and True!!!
  • neil²neil² Posts: 337
    I'm sorry to say that was a bad call.

    The skill with announcing censored Monday is getting it right. Getting it wrong is like the sprinter who kicks too early, only to be embarrassed as they get overtaken by the peloton... but if you time it right, you can lead the censored Monday announcement with pride, like a town crier announcing the harvest, like Cav on the Champs Elysees in 2009, raising your hands to heaven in joy.

    Any 'censored Monday' followed by a Chill Tuesday was no censored Monday in my book. censored Monday usually comes just before the budding cherry blossom blooms; use nature's own calendar.

    Unfortunately, Cressers, you have had a premature annunciation this year and so are out of the game until 2011, if your original post was indeed an announcement.
  • CressersCressers Posts: 1,329
    "live in the tropics, have to look at vulgar displays of strapless tops with huge fat tattooed arms and 'muffin tops' with ultra short shorts with fat unmuscled legs all the time...."

    You can see that here in your local supermarket.
  • BigG67BigG67 Posts: 582
    neil² wrote:
    I'm sorry to say that was a bad call.

    The skill with announcing censored Monday is getting it right. Getting it wrong is like the sprinter who kicks too early, only to be embarrassed as they get overtaken by the peloton... but if you time it right, you can lead the censored Monday announcement with pride, like a town crier announcing the harvest, like Cav on the Champs Elysees in 2009, raising your hands to heaven in joy.

    Any 'censored Monday' followed by a Chill Tuesday was no censored Monday in my book. censored Monday usually comes just before the budding cherry blossom blooms; use nature's own calendar.

    Unfortunately, Cressers, you have had a premature annunciation this year and so are out of the game until 2011, if your original post was indeed an announcement.

    I saw it more as an annoucement of "under starters orders" and an outline of the rules to a newbie such as myself.....though in my defence censored Monday up here tends to fall in July...on holiday....in Spain... :?
  • neil²neil² Posts: 337
    BigG67 wrote:
    neil² wrote:
    I'm sorry to say that was a bad call.

    The skill with announcing censored Monday is getting it right. Getting it wrong is like the sprinter who kicks too early, only to be embarrassed as they get overtaken by the peloton... but if you time it right, you can lead the censored Monday announcement with pride, like a town crier announcing the harvest, like Cav on the Champs Elysees in 2009, raising your hands to heaven in joy.

    Any 'censored Monday' followed by a Chill Tuesday was no censored Monday in my book. censored Monday usually comes just before the budding cherry blossom blooms; use nature's own calendar.

    Unfortunately, Cressers, you have had a premature annunciation this year and so are out of the game until 2011, if your original post was indeed an announcement.

    I saw it more as an annoucement of "under starters orders" and an outline of the rules to a newbie such as myself.....though in my defence censored Monday up here tends to fall in July...on holiday....in Spain... :?

    Fair comment - Under Starters Orders it is then....
  • pictures or i wont believe it !!!!!!
  • BunnehBunneh Posts: 1,329
    Problem with censored Monday is Lard Monday appears too. HUGE women wearing tiny shorts and cleavage that could hold 2 dozen bikes upright. Not my sort of thing thanks!
  • Spender45Spender45 Posts: 78
    nwallace wrote:
    And with that Dundee United and Hibs fans have been watching the weather forecasts all day and probably all tomorrow along with the BBC news website, because chances are the match at Easter Road tomorrow will be snowed off!


    Are these fans looking forwasrd to seeing 22 tits on the pitch at Easter Road?
  • timmyflashtimmyflash Posts: 526
    Well this is fun - http://www.titmonday.com/
    Steel Blue Fixed - Orange Backpack Cover

    How do i get a link to a photo in here?!

    Fixeh
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