Unsympathetic Other Halves

kelsen
kelsen Posts: 2,003
edited January 2010 in Commuting chat
My wife doesn't like me cycling as she thinks it's too dangerous. I've been commuting for over 5 years around London and realistic about the inherent dangers, but I tell her at the end of the day anything we do can be dangerous and all we can do is minimise the risk the best we can.

Does anyone else have the same problem with their partners and how have you dealt with it?
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Comments

  • Jamey
    Jamey Posts: 2,152
    My girlfriend is terrified of me dying too but it works in my favour... Anytime we have an argument I know we'll definitely have made up before my next commuting journey because she can't bear the thought of me dying while we weren't on speaking terms.

    Slightly morbid but often handy :)
    My photography // My helmet cam videos // My bike
  • ride_whenever
    ride_whenever Posts: 13,279
    Just use some statistics, surely the added fitness of commuting lowers your risk or heart attack etc. enough to outweigh the chance of death.
    Neeermad
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  • Clever Pun
    Clever Pun Posts: 6,778
    you've been cycling for 5 years and you're not dead or injured...nuff said

    the missus disaproves of me not wearing a helmet but I explained the details etc she's still against it but realises it's what I do
    Purveyor of sonic doom

    Very Hairy Roadie - FCN 4
    Fixed Pista- FCN 5
    Beared Bromptonite - FCN 14
  • Mithras
    Mithras Posts: 428
    My Mrs isn't concerned about me dying...however I have picked up a knee injury and she is pretty pi55ed off I need to use the car! :roll:
    I can afford to talk softly!....................I carry a big stick!
  • SBezza
    SBezza Posts: 2,173
    More people die using a car, just tell her that. Maybe not as a percentage of users, but still more people actually die in car crashes.

    I am sure my wife worries a little, but then again I worry about her a little having to do a 35 mile round trip on the M20/M25.
  • UndercoverElephant
    UndercoverElephant Posts: 5,796
    My wife is very much the same, terrified. I came up with statistics that show that the life-expectancy of a cyclist is longer than that of a non-cyclist. You may get unlucky, but on average, you'll be with her for longer if you cycle than if you didn't.
    Sun - Rain - Snow
  • sarajoy
    sarajoy Posts: 1,675
    I wouldn't say unsympathetic - maybe hypersympathetic - they love you and don't know what they'd do without you.

    Rather nice. Hope they're not terrified to the point of making them sick with worry !
    4537512329_a78cc710e6_o.gif4537512331_ec1ef42fea_o.gif
  • always_tyred
    always_tyred Posts: 4,965
    Tell her you understand, so you are getting motorcycle lessons instead.
  • andrewc3142
    andrewc3142 Posts: 906
    Mine's absolutely fine about cycling. Sometimes wonders whether it's sane to set off for 30 miles into work when it's cold and raining, but that's different.

    Using a profoundly unsound inductivist argument, if I've got to 50 without any serious mishaps then ....

    She cycles too. Only 6 miles each way twice a week, plus local and weekends with the kids, but enjoys it. Sometimes used to comment on helmet wearing or lack of, but since she doesn't use one any more either ....
  • oscarbudgie
    oscarbudgie Posts: 850
    Always Tyred wrote:
    Tell her you understand, so you are getting motorcycle lessons instead.
    :lol: Priceless!
    Cannondale Supersix / CAAD9 / Boardman 9.0 / Benotto 3000
  • il_principe
    il_principe Posts: 9,155
    How about getting her on a bike? My GF's opinion has changed since she started riding. It's always non-cyclists that bleat on about dangerous cycling is. I had a few arguments with family members over Xmas re my lack of helmet, none of whom cycle.
  • daniel_b
    daniel_b Posts: 12,033
    Il Principe wrote:
    How about getting her on a bike? It's always non-cyclists that bleat on about dangerous cycling is.

    +1
    Felt F70 05 (Turbo)
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  • Clever Pun
    Clever Pun Posts: 6,778
    Il Principe wrote:
    How about getting her on a bike? My GF's opinion has changed since she started riding. It's always non-cyclists that bleat on about dangerous cycling is. I had a few arguments with family members over Xmas re my lack of helmet, none of whom cycle.

    just bore the conversation out of them with stats etc
    Purveyor of sonic doom

    Very Hairy Roadie - FCN 4
    Fixed Pista- FCN 5
    Beared Bromptonite - FCN 14
  • bannedbiker
    bannedbiker Posts: 382
    A couple people have said about arguments about not wearing a helmet as if they have a valid reason for not wearing one! Gotta ask, why do you guys not wear a lid?! Mine's saved my life at least twice (literally) on the trails, my bro would be a vegetable now if it wasnt for his lid when him n his bike had an argument with a bus. I have a freind we call E-head, not because he enjoys funny little pills, but because he has an "e" shaped scar on his head from having a large peice of his skull removed and then replaced to relieve the pressure that would have killed him after he crashed without a lid.

    As for the problems with the mrs, mine does get a bit worried about me commuting, but is more worried about me when i'm out in the middle of the moors or on the DH trails. I've spent enough years as an at risk road user on motorbikes, mountain bikes and road bikes to be well aware of how vunerable you are at all times and how much more attention you have to pay to everyone else!
    Giant Reign - now sold :-(
    Rockhopper Pro - XC and commuting
    DH8 - New toy :-)
  • always_tyred
    always_tyred Posts: 4,965
    Oh god.
  • roger_merriman
    roger_merriman Posts: 6,165
    Always Tyred wrote:
    Oh god.

    popcorn?
  • jedster
    jedster Posts: 1,717
    My wife does worry about me (with a degree of justification, she has had to rescue me after hitting the ground hard a couple of times) but she knows that net net my cycling is a good thing (keeping me fitter, happier and saner than not cycling).

    She does nag me if I she thinks I'm not wearing bright enough colours and would be upset if I didnt wear a helmet.

    As it happens I nearly always wear a helmet anyway (having smashed two in nasty falls without damaging my head, I see the point in them). But I do find myself donning bright colours a little more often than I otherwise would to soothe her worries.

    To be honest if your other half is really worried by you not wearing a helmet I think it is pretty unkind not to wear one.

    J
  • always_tyred
    always_tyred Posts: 4,965
    roger merriman wrote:
    Always Tyred wrote:
    Oh god.

    popcorn?
    Butterscotch. A large bucket of.
  • roger_merriman
    roger_merriman Posts: 6,165
    Always Tyred wrote:
    roger merriman wrote:
    Always Tyred wrote:
    Oh god.

    popcorn?
    Butterscotch. A large bucket of.

    drinks?
  • bannedbiker
    bannedbiker Posts: 382
    Ok, maybe you guys have been over this a few times before, no need to take the pi$$!
    Giant Reign - now sold :-(
    Rockhopper Pro - XC and commuting
    DH8 - New toy :-)
  • always_tyred
    always_tyred Posts: 4,965
    Mine's a G&T. Ta.
  • Matt.K
    Matt.K Posts: 105
    My wife does worry, and I can understand why cos she's not a cyclist.
    And now she's pregnant she goes on about it a lot more, always offering me lifts.

    She keeps telling me how she feels bad that I have to bike after we sold one of our two cars, and it's impossible to explain to her that I enjoy it and even if we had 2 cars I'd still be biking.

    The only thing that annoys me is that, to stop her worrying, I can't rant at her about nearly being knocked off by a driver.
    Such as last night, about half a mile from home, when some c*nt in an Audi 4WD monster carried straight on at about 30mph, not slowing down, to the roundabout I was already on with out even so much as a glance to see if there was anything coming. Missed my front wheel by about 6 inches! I swear loudly at him, pedestrians look at me wondering what's happened, he doesn't even flinch and carries on in to the night.
    I get home a couple of minutes later, really p*ssed off, adrenaline pumping and have to breath deep and pretend everything's OK so as not to cause her worry.
  • Clever Pun
    Clever Pun Posts: 6,778
    bannedbiker wrote:
    Ok, maybe you guys have been over this a few times before, no need to take the pi$$!

    it's been done to death, have a search read till you go blind :wink:


    *Backs off slowly*
    Purveyor of sonic doom

    Very Hairy Roadie - FCN 4
    Fixed Pista- FCN 5
    Beared Bromptonite - FCN 14
  • bannedbiker
    bannedbiker Posts: 382
    Clever Pun wrote:
    bannedbiker wrote:
    Ok, maybe you guys have been over this a few times before, no need to take the pi$$!

    it's been done to death, have a search read till you go blind :wink:


    *Backs off slowly*

    Furry muff 8)
    Giant Reign - now sold :-(
    Rockhopper Pro - XC and commuting
    DH8 - New toy :-)
  • Kieran_Burns
    Kieran_Burns Posts: 9,757
    bannedbiker wrote:
    Ok, maybe you guys have been over this a few times before, no need to take the pi$$!


    OH yes there is :D


    All utterly tongue in cheek with the greatest injection of good humour. :wink:
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
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    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • il_principe
    il_principe Posts: 9,155
    bannedbiker wrote:
    A couple people have said about arguments about not wearing a helmet as if they have a valid reason for not wearing one! Gotta ask, why do you guys not wear a lid?! Mine's saved my life at least twice (literally) on the trails, my bro would be a vegetable now if it wasnt for his lid when him n his bike had an argument with a bus. I have a freind we call E-head, not because he enjoys funny little pills, but because he has an "e" shaped scar on his head from having a large peice of his skull removed and then replaced to relieve the pressure that would have killed him after he crashed without a lid.

    YAWN.

    I don't ride trails, and there's no way you can no that a helmet has 'literally' saved your life! As for your bro - cycle helmets are not even designed to protect in case of collisions with vehicles, you want that level of protection you need a motorcycle helmet. Anyway I'm not getting into this again, read the literature and make your own decisions.
  • bannedbiker
    bannedbiker Posts: 382
    Il Principe wrote:

    YAWN.

    I don't ride trails, and there's no way you can no that a helmet has 'literally' saved your life! As for your bro - cycle helmets are not even designed to protect in case of collisions with vehicles, you want that level of protection you need a motorcycle helmet. Anyway I'm not getting into this again, read the literature and make your own decisions.

    Jesus dude, relax! I made my desicions a long time ago! i was just interested in you guys point of view.

    Keep smiling, its friday! :P
    Giant Reign - now sold :-(
    Rockhopper Pro - XC and commuting
    DH8 - New toy :-)
  • Eau Rouge
    Eau Rouge Posts: 1,118
    Tell her she's right, but that since you also love her too much to lose her, you're sellng the car as it's far too dangerous for either of you to risk driving it. Deadly things cars. Tens of thousands fo people are seriously injured while using them every year, about 1500 people die using them, and that before you look at the injuries and deaths they cause and the mental trauma that would bring.
  • lost_in_thought
    lost_in_thought Posts: 10,563
    Il Principe wrote:
    bannedbiker wrote:
    A couple people have said about arguments about not wearing a helmet as if they have a valid reason for not wearing one! Gotta ask, why do you guys not wear a lid?! Mine's saved my life at least twice (literally) on the trails, my bro would be a vegetable now if it wasnt for his lid when him n his bike had an argument with a bus. I have a freind we call E-head, not because he enjoys funny little pills, but because he has an "e" shaped scar on his head from having a large peice of his skull removed and then replaced to relieve the pressure that would have killed him after he crashed without a lid.

    YAWN.

    I don't ride trails, and there's no way you can no that a helmet has 'literally' saved your life! As for your bro - cycle helmets are not even designed to protect in case of collisions with vehicles, you want that level of protection you need a motorcycle helmet. Anyway I'm not getting into this again, read the literature and make your own decisions.

    *rolls up newspaper*

    Don't make me use it...
    FCN 7/1
    Viner Maxima, Tifosi CK7, Giant Bowery, Old commuter.
  • lost_in_thought
    lost_in_thought Posts: 10,563
    OP, does the wife pre-date the cycling or vice versa?

    If the cycling came first she knew what she was getting into and it's recently become a problem. If vice versa, it's feasibly something she's never liked you doing.

    Which one?

    As far as doing dangerous things and concerned partners, my line has always been 'your opinion is interesting but it will have no impact whatsoever on my actions'. Once they realise you're not going to change they give up. Show a chink of weakness and you're farked!
    FCN 7/1
    Viner Maxima, Tifosi CK7, Giant Bowery, Old commuter.

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