Here is the News
spen666
Posts: 17,709
Good morning. Here is the news for today, Friday, December the 25th.
Our top story: A businessman has been arrested after killing a burglar who broke into his home in the early hours of this morning.
Police say he was just putting the finishing touches to his Christmas decorations when he heard a noise coming from the roof.
There was a loud crash and a burly figure climbed out of the fireplace and began stealing mince pies, which were warming on a plate in the hearth.
The intruder was disguised in a white comedy beard, red cape and hoodie, and was carrying a large sack over his shoulder.
His breath smelt strongly of cheap sherry and he appeared to have been drinking heavily.
According to police sources, when confronted he simply threw back his head and laughed: 'Ho, ho, ho!'
Fearing for his own life and the safety of his family, the householder grabbed a carving knife from the dining table, which had already been laid in preparation for Christmas lunch.
A struggle ensued and the intruder fell to the ground clutching his ample stomach, fatally wounded.
Police were today trying to piece together the burglar's movements and identity. His bulging sack was found to contain children's toys and sweets.
These had either been stolen from nearby properties - or he was a serial paedophile, scouring the suburbs for victims during the school holidays.
A man answering a similar description had earlier been spotted in a number of city centre department stores, encouraging young boys and girls to sit on his knee.
The intruder was initially believed to be German, because the householder told investigating officers that the last words he breathed as he crawled back towards the chimney were: 'Donner und Blitzen.'
It was thought that he may have entered Britain recently through the Channel Tunnel.
This theory was quickly discounted, however, when it was reported that the Eurostar had been out of action for a week because of the wrong kind of 'fluffy' snow.
Detectives are now working on the likelihood that he was an asylum seeker from the North Pole, who gained entry to Britain illegally via an international people-smuggling ring based in Greenland.
What would you do if you caught Father Christmas in your home?
Crime scene investigators found reindeer tracks on the roof and there are indications that a sledge may have been involved.
This would explain how he managed to beat the widespread travel chaos which accompanied the recent adverse weather, caused by climate change.
At a press conference today, lawyers representing the householder, who can't be named for legal reasons, insisted that he was acting in self-defence and has no case to answer.
Their client was confronted in his own home by a drunken stranger on Christmas Eve and was perfectly within his rights to defend himself and his family by all possible means, including the use of deadly force.
There had been a string of unsolved burglaries in the area, following the closure of the local police station.
It has also emerged that when neighbours dialled 999 to report a man acting suspiciously on rooftops in the area, they were put through to a call centre 50 miles away and told that there were no officers available, because of 'lack of resources' and the Christmas party.
Only when they said they believed the man may be drunk in charge of a sleigh did police instantly scramble six patrol cars, an armed response unit and a helicopter.
Officers arrived in time to see a number of elves fleeing the scene - two of whom they shot dead on sight, believing them to be Islamic terrorists. They were about to shoot the householder when he gave himself up.
In a statement today, the Crown Prosecution Service said that they intend to charge the businessman with murder.
They maintain that as there was clear evidence that the intruder was attempting to escape up the chimney, the householder was technically in 'hot pursuit' and therefore the defence of 'reasonable force' simply did not apply.
No one should be allowed to 'take the law into his own hands' - even if the police and courts can't be bothered to enforce it properly.
And in an off-the-record briefing to crime correspondents, detectives said that they believed the householder had set a trap for the intruder, luring him inside with the plate of mince pies.
They also revealed that after a thorough search of the house, they had confiscated explosive materials (namely, a box of Christmas crackers) and replica weapons, including a toy cowboy pistol and a Star Wars light sabre, cunningly concealed in wrapping paper under the tree.
A spokesman for the Bar Council, which represents leading barristers, said that under the European Convention of Human Rights, even foreign criminals who climb down your chimney in the early hours are entitled to the full protection of the law.
But this morning, both Labour and the Conservatives said they would be bringing forward legislation to allow homeowners to use any force necessary - up to and including hanging, drawing and quartering - provided it wasn't 'grossly disproportionate'.
Our political editor says that these pledges will be quietly forgotten once the general election is out of the way.
And we're just receiving news that the dead man may not have been a burglar, after all, but was in fact a well-known figure in the entertainment world who has devoted his life to cheering up deprived children . . .
We'll be bringing you further updates on this breaking story in our next bulletin.
That's coming up after Thought for the Day, with Tony Martin.
Want to know the Spen666 behind the posts?
Then read MY BLOG @ http://www.pebennett.com
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Then read MY BLOG @ http://www.pebennett.com
Twittering @spen_666
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Comments
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Never had you down as a Mail reader.0
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simple_salmon wrote:Never had you down as a Mail reader.
I read every paper I can if I have the time.Want to know the Spen666 behind the posts?
Then read MY BLOG @ http://www.pebennett.com
Twittering @spen_6660 -
Santa deserves it. He's a complete c*nt.0
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Porgy wrote:Santa deserves it. He's a complete c*nt.
Who didn't get what he asked for last Christmas?Want to know the Spen666 behind the posts?
Then read MY BLOG @ http://www.pebennett.com
Twittering @spen_6660 -
in fact - I'm not even sure he's real!!! :evil:0
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Wallace1492 wrote:
what even politicians and bankers? You're asking a bit much there.0 -
Should have d-locked him.0
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Porgy wrote:Wallace1492 wrote:
what even politicians and bankers? You're asking a bit much there.
Most of my fellow Bankers are peacful, civil and have a lot of goodwill. It is only a very few that overstepped the mark and ruined it. 99.9% or more of people who work in Banks are paying for the sins of the very few."Encyclopaedia is a fetish for very small bicycles"0 -
Wallace1492 wrote:Porgy wrote:Wallace1492 wrote:
what even politicians and bankers? You're asking a bit much there.
Most of my fellow Bankers are peacful, civil and have a lot of goodwill. It is only a very few that overstepped the mark and ruined it. 99.9% or more of people who work in Banks are paying for the sins of the very few.
bankers defended by a banker - shock! horror!0 -
Porgy wrote:Wallace1492 wrote:Porgy wrote:Wallace1492 wrote:
what even politicians and bankers? You're asking a bit much there.
Most of my fellow Bankers are peacful, civil and have a lot of goodwill. It is only a very few that overstepped the mark and ruined it. 99.9% or more of people who work in Banks are paying for the sins of the very few.
bankers defended by a banker - shock! horror!
I do not defend the indefensible. merely point out that you are tarring a lot of people with a big brush that had no input to the crisis. Shock horror, all bankers are evil."Encyclopaedia is a fetish for very small bicycles"0 -
Wallace1492 wrote:Porgy wrote:Wallace1492 wrote:Porgy wrote:Wallace1492 wrote:
what even politicians and bankers? You're asking a bit much there.
Most of my fellow Bankers are peacful, civil and have a lot of goodwill. It is only a very few that overstepped the mark and ruined it. 99.9% or more of people who work in Banks are paying for the sins of the very few.
bankers defended by a banker - shock! horror!
I do not defend the indefensible. merely point out that you are tarring a lot of people with a big brush that had no input to the crisis. Shock horror, all bankers are evil.
as a cyclist and a tubeworker I know what it's like to be irrationally hated.
That said - I see fat overpaid bankers every day who seem to be doing very well thankyou one year into the worst recession in history, and all the banks are behaving like c*nts at the moment wrt to loaning money, bank charges etc. so anyone who works in that industry should expect nothing less, or if they are sensitive: a change of career?0 -
Porgy wrote:as a cyclist and a tubeworker I know what it's like to be irrationally hated.
That said - I see fat overpaid bankers every day who seem to be doing very well thankyou one year into the worst recession in history, and all the banks are behaving like c*nts at the moment wrt to loaning money, bank charges etc. so anyone who works in that industry should expect nothing less, or if they are sensitive: a change of career?
And I have known a lot that now no longer have a job. Decent, honest hard working people, on relatively low salaries thrown out of work.
Yes there are still plenty of the fat cats doing quite well, but did the ones you see (if they are Bankers, maybe they are Lawyers, IT, Consultants, Accountants etc) cause the global recession? Probably not......
Banks at the moment are fighting for survival, and will need to squeeze every penny they can out of their customers. Not the best, but hey, change your account, keep your cash under your bed."Encyclopaedia is a fetish for very small bicycles"0 -
Wallace1492 wrote:Porgy wrote:as a cyclist and a tubeworker I know what it's like to be irrationally hated.
That said - I see fat overpaid bankers every day who seem to be doing very well thankyou one year into the worst recession in history, and all the banks are behaving like c*nts at the moment wrt to loaning money, bank charges etc. so anyone who works in that industry should expect nothing less, or if they are sensitive: a change of career?
And I have known a lot that now no longer have a job. Decent, honest hard working people, on relatively low salaries thrown out of work.
Yes there are still plenty of the fat cats doing quite well, but did the ones you see (if they are Bankers, maybe they are Lawyers, IT, Consultants, Accountants etc) cause the global recession? Probably not......
Banks at the moment are fighting for survival, and will need to squeeze every penny they can out of their customers. Not the best, but hey, change your account, keep your cash under your bed.
I bank with the co-op - and they've been pretty good apart from taking my overdraft away and putting the interest up on my perosnal loan.
As taxes go up and bank-charged interest rates go up it seems i'm being squeezed at both ends - and I'm someone who has never defaulted on a loan in my life!
Ha well - it's not as if I'm actually attacking anyone - just harbouring a deeply felt resentment which may expode into barely controlled rage at a later point in my life.
I may well suspend resentments for xmas and raise a glass to hard hit bankers - if someone can spare a bit of their bonus to buy me a drink that is.
Merry Xmas!!0 -
Yes but they're fighting for survival because of their own actions (as I understand it). Still it has had the nice side effect of cutting down on the amount of junk mail I receive, now that my bank is no longer throwing money at me.
As always it's those at the bottom of the tree that get sh*t on the most. The further down the tree, the more brown stuff falls on you.0 -
Porgy wrote:I may well suspend resentments for xmas and raise a glass to hard hit bankers - if someone can spare a bit of their bonus to buy me a drink that is.
Merry Xmas!!
Now there is another story. Well, I and virtually all the people I know have had no bonus for two years, and quite rightly so, I do not believe failing, or loss making company should pay ANYONE bonus's.
However in years before, a lot of the staff got modest bonus's, these were previously know as "profit sharing" and encouraged staff to work hard and share in the sucess of the company. Nothing wrong with that.
However for years before the downturn, it was encouraged to take your Bonus in shares, there was an incentive that if you held them for a certain time you got some extra free, not a lot but worth it.
So, the modest bonus a lot got, was in shares at say £10 each. After the craziness happened, they were worth about 30p each. So not only have we had no bonus last 2 years, but the small ones we got for the 4 or 5 years before are now virtually worthless.
Personally I am happy to have a job. For now.
Merry Xmas!!"Encyclopaedia is a fetish for very small bicycles"0 -
Porgy wrote:
That said - I see fat overpaid bankers every day who seem to be doing very well thankyou one year into the worst recession in history, and all the banks are behaving like c*nts at the moment wrt to loaning money, bank charges etc. so anyone who works in that industry should expect nothing less, or if they are sensitive: a change of career?
If you think this is the worst recession in history, then I think you need to re-read history.
I have personally seen 2 that were worse and I seem to remember reading that the late twenties/early thirties were not very pleasant :evil:
It may be the worst for you personally but that's a different matter.
Anyhoo, the same is happening as ever. The rich wander off unaffected and the poor pay the price. Not all people working for the banks are rich. On the other hand, the ones that are...... :evil:None of the above should be taken seriously, and certainly not personally.0 -
daviesee wrote:Porgy wrote:
That said - I see fat overpaid bankers every day who seem to be doing very well thankyou one year into the worst recession in history, and all the banks are behaving like c*nts at the moment wrt to loaning money, bank charges etc. so anyone who works in that industry should expect nothing less, or if they are sensitive: a change of career?
If you think this is the worst recession in history, then I think you need to re-read history.
I have personally seen 2 that were worse and I seem to remember reading that the late twenties/early thirties were not very pleasant :evil:
It may be the worst for you personally but that's a different matter.
I have read much history thankyou.
depends on your criteria - in Britain its the longest ever. The global reach of this one was as bad/ worse than the one in the 30s. commentators and experts seem divided on the issue - but you seem pretty certain.
The damage in the 30s was caused by depression not recession - the recession ended relatively quickly. If we don't handle this right - then we'll go into a global depression that makes the 30s look like a picnic. You seem to think we're out of the woods already - but we're not, not by a long way.
Actually - I'm doing all right - all I've got to do is keep my job and keep paying the bills and in about three years time I will be debt free and have £100,000 equity in a house - it's hard work at the moment and the banks aren't making it easy.
I don't measure how bad a recession by how it affects me - im not simple minded or egotistical. I measure by how it affects the whole world, and on that criteria this is shaping up to be the worst recession in history.0 -
Ahhhh,
We may well be one year into the worst recession, if it gets worse; and it could :evil:
At a government level it may be the worst but apart from most people getting a wake up call and being a few pounds worse off but most people have got off relatively lightly.
Lightly, as in the is not the massive lay-offs that were anticipated but that could still happen but little consolation to those that have been affected.
The future depends on how goverments sort out the counties national debts. If they play nice we may get out of it ok. On the other hand, this country is near as damn it bankrupt and if it goes wrong then depression is just round the corner.
Remember, this is an election year. If anyone thinks the current government are telling the whole truth then they are in for a big shock later next year :evil:
We are far from out of the woods
None of the above should be taken seriously, and certainly not personally.0 -
We are far from out of the woods, just like Tiger. "Encyclopaedia is a fetish for very small bicycles"0
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Wallace1492 wrote:
Now there is another story. Well, I and virtually all the people I know have had no bonus for two years, and quite rightly so, I do not believe failing, or loss making company should pay ANYONE bonus's.
However in years before, a lot of the staff got modest bonus's, these were previously know as "profit sharing" and encouraged staff to work hard and share in the sucess of the company. Nothing wrong with that.
However for years before the downturn, it was encouraged to take your Bonus in shares, there was an incentive that if you held them for a certain time you got some extra free, not a lot but worth it.
So, the modest bonus a lot got, was in shares at say £10 each. After the craziness happened, they were worth about 30p each. So not only have we had no bonus last 2 years, but the small ones we got for the 4 or 5 years before are now virtually worthless.
Personally I am happy to have a job. For now.
Merry Xmas!!
bonus what's a bonus?
In an industry already badly hurt and likely to be seriously hamstrung come April to help bail out banks and for which I've never in my life had a bonus however well I personally or we corporately have performed (bloody well over many years) and feeling compelled to work every day of the holidays bar Christmas Day (my dept is shut) for fear that not to will put me on the 'not willing to take one for the team' list, come a multi million pound deficit settlement come April, complaining that recent bonuses are now only worth shirt buttons isn't really breaking my heart.
A banker in a job is still not a bad place to be, those shares will rise and bonuses for all will return, I'm never going to get such perks and pay rises not matching the cost of living will go on for me for an awful long time to come to pay for the banks hubris.0 -
Sometimes, when I read these posts, I get a feeling that I am not the only mad one. This country is in desparate straits despite the media losing interest in reporting more bad news. Unemployment is still increasing, albeit at a slower rate, it is practically impossible to obtain business funding at reasonable rates and if you try to realise equity from a property, either by selling or increasing the mortgage, forget it.
I am so happy that other people have noticed that all the upbeat economic stories in the media are at variance with your own experience. This country is in a dire financial position and the government (any government) have taylored their policies to support the banks at any cost. The great interest rate swindle is the most blatant example, commercial lending rates around 8-9%, return on savings around 3-4%, banks can borrow from the Treasury at 0.5% FFS. With a margin like that even I could make money.
Thanks a lot folks, it may not read like it, but you have really cheered me up. Happy Christmas.
The older I get the faster I was0 -
Stone Glider wrote:Thanks a lot folks, it may not read like it, but you have really cheered me up. Happy Christmas.
You're weird
BTW - the answer to not being able to release equity out of your property is to let it and move into cheap rented accomodation - if you can. At least that's what I've done - and it should get me through the next few years.
Merry Xmas!0 -
Wallace1492 wrote:We are far from out of the woods, just like Tiger.
Tiger is well out of the woods. Well, Mrs Woods at least!
:oops: Just leaving..................None of the above should be taken seriously, and certainly not personally.0
