Witty comebacks....
Bassjunkieuk
Posts: 4,232
Heard a great one this evening on the way home :-)
Heading back along Crystal Palace Parade I was passing the exit to the bus garage which is marked out by a yellow box. It's 3 lanes wide at this point with lane 1 being a bus lane and lanes 2 & 3 being for normal traffic. I'm in the bus lane and can see it's rather busy, the van second in the queue our side of the yellow box is obviously wanting to get into lane 1 (bus lane finished after the YB and then turns into lane to head down Anerley Hill) but can't so instead pulls out into lane 3 and then goes through the yellow box to get into the clear lane.
This wouldn't normally irritate me as I understand the frustration he must feel after sitting in traffic for so long but the lights ahead are red for all lanes so he's not REALLY saving himself that much time. What did annoy me though was the driver pulling up with his front tyres OVER the front of the ASL's forward most line. Bearing in mind he has done this whilst the light is red he has effectively RLJ'd.
As I roll up into mine (to go straight over rather then down the hill) I comment "Maybe you should learn where you need to stop" As it was dark I hadn't realized the van window was open (but secretly hoped it was ;-)) and got a "Wot?" from the van driver.
I then said maybe you should try stopping behind the first line rather then in the bike box. He then said "Oh don't worry I can see you"
We sit there for a good 45-60 seconds whilst the lights are red until his changes and then he comes out with a gem:
"You go when it's green!"
and drives off down the road giving me the finger. Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to tell him that maybe he should learn the rules of the road before he tries to educate me. I find it quite amusing that someone with a complete lack of understanding for the rules of the road thinks that implying that I'll break the law is a good retort. I could have gone after him as I think he stopped in the next queue of traffic about 10 yards round the corner but by that time my lights changed and I had a semi-RLJing hybrid rider to scalp :-D
Heading back along Crystal Palace Parade I was passing the exit to the bus garage which is marked out by a yellow box. It's 3 lanes wide at this point with lane 1 being a bus lane and lanes 2 & 3 being for normal traffic. I'm in the bus lane and can see it's rather busy, the van second in the queue our side of the yellow box is obviously wanting to get into lane 1 (bus lane finished after the YB and then turns into lane to head down Anerley Hill) but can't so instead pulls out into lane 3 and then goes through the yellow box to get into the clear lane.
This wouldn't normally irritate me as I understand the frustration he must feel after sitting in traffic for so long but the lights ahead are red for all lanes so he's not REALLY saving himself that much time. What did annoy me though was the driver pulling up with his front tyres OVER the front of the ASL's forward most line. Bearing in mind he has done this whilst the light is red he has effectively RLJ'd.
As I roll up into mine (to go straight over rather then down the hill) I comment "Maybe you should learn where you need to stop" As it was dark I hadn't realized the van window was open (but secretly hoped it was ;-)) and got a "Wot?" from the van driver.
I then said maybe you should try stopping behind the first line rather then in the bike box. He then said "Oh don't worry I can see you"
We sit there for a good 45-60 seconds whilst the lights are red until his changes and then he comes out with a gem:
"You go when it's green!"
and drives off down the road giving me the finger. Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to tell him that maybe he should learn the rules of the road before he tries to educate me. I find it quite amusing that someone with a complete lack of understanding for the rules of the road thinks that implying that I'll break the law is a good retort. I could have gone after him as I think he stopped in the next queue of traffic about 10 yards round the corner but by that time my lights changed and I had a semi-RLJing hybrid rider to scalp :-D
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Comments
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Mate of mine got a really odd and funny one out the other week... He's riding along in secondary and becaise of parked cars theres no space for a safe overtake by the driver that appears behind him. Driver starts banging his horn in a rage so my mate said he turned around and went wait your turn. Then gets badly cut up by some plonker who overtook too close. So he shouts "WATCHOUT!!!"
10 seconds later he arrives at the same red light as said driver, heads down the ASL sink lane and sits in front of plonker who is now leaning out the window. "You're in my ****ing way AGAIN!!"
"So.?"
"I'll hit you!" (this is kind of what I remember of the conversation he told me so apologies its kind of paraphrased) "Do you want me to punch you?"
"Get out your car then." Driver just sits there "Thought so, whats your rush anyway..? Baby need a poo..?!"
Wish I had been there. My mate is 63 and looks like an old boy. Big man in his big car eh? Big and clever threatening an older man.0 -
I was working as a Lifeguard at a pool. Signs everywhere stating "Shallow water, No diving" etc.
Squaddie comes in posing, sits down dangling feet. I knew what he was gonna do, but couldn't stop him - up he went, down he crashed, smashed his head on the pool bottom. Got him out, blood everywhere, and a 50p sized dent in his forehead.
Ambulance was called and we took him into the 1st aid room.
I'd just done a 1st aid course so started making up a ring bandage.
He said, "I'm not putting that on my head, it looks like a doughnut!"
I replied, "You must have been a doughnut for diving into the pool".
Luckily he was the funny side of it...0 -
McGrath to Eddo Brandes: "Why are you so fat?"
Brandes "Because every time I shag your wife she gives me a biscuit".0 -
several years ago, I'd not been living in London long, and I was waiting for a tube (no memory of which station) when the announcement came...."please stand behind the yellow line as we don't want your blood all over the tracks....thanks"
highly amusing!0 -
cyclopsbiker wrote:several years ago, I'd not been living in London long, and I was waiting for a tube (no memory of which station) when the announcement came...."please stand behind the yellow line as we don't want your blood all over the tracks....thanks"
highly amusing!
Aye that was Porgy having a rough day Officers don't run, it's undignified and panics the men0 -
rofl i laughed :P classic! he was lucky not to be a cabbage :PSplottboy wrote:I was working as a Lifeguard at a pool. Signs everywhere stating "Shallow water, No diving" etc.
Squaddie comes in posing, sits down dangling feet. I knew what he was gonna do, but couldn't stop him - up he went, down he crashed, smashed his head on the pool bottom. Got him out, blood everywhere, and a 50p sized dent in his forehead.
Ambulance was called and we took him into the 1st aid room.
I'd just done a 1st aid course so started making up a ring bandage.
He said, "I'm not putting that on my head, it looks like a doughnut!"
I replied, "You must have been a doughnut for diving into the pool".
Luckily he was the funny side of it...Coveryourcar.co.uk RT Tester
north west of england.0 -
My best of recent times with regards to cycling was pulling up to the ASL and then next to me (on my left as I was going to turn right) a police car pulled up, window open.
Me: "Nice bike there"
Police officer: "Pardon?" (very polite I shall say)
I just point down at the big picture of a cycle I was on and the box he was in
Police officer: "Oh, that's new, was it here yesterday?"
I just nodded and lights changed and I cycled off chuckling to myself. I'm sure his partner in the car was going to have a laugh about that one"This area left purposefully blank"
Sign hung on my head everyday till noon.
FCN: 11 (apparently)0
