Moral Dilemma

martinwitnam

A month ago my long term partner (female) of eight years kicked me out because she accused me of having an affair with a woman that I work with. This was by the way completely unfounded and was on the basis of three slightly cheeky texts that I sent.
Now the other night the woman I am accused of having the affair with invited me around to her house for a meal. We then went for a drink in her local and she came on to me and asked me to stop the night. Having only had a total of a pint and a half I made my excuses and left.
The question is should I have taken her up on her offer and been hung for a sheep as a lamb?

hopper1

Depends...

If you harbour any hopes of getting back with your ex, then no, I think you did the right thing.
However, if it is over between you and your ex, then why not? It wouldn't be a case of being hung for a sheep, as it's already decided.

Frank the tank

Why would someone you have no relationship with invite you round to there house for a meal?

I've had a lot of work colleagues and very seldom been invited out to there homes for a meal on a one to one basis.

Is your OP genuinely honest? I'd say your ex's suspicions are not without a certain amount of foundation, and if you truely love her you have to ask yourself (not "randoms" on a cycling forum) what the f**k am I doing here.

Rockhopper

Is she fit?

1footedninja

Only you can really answer that.

And how you perceive it is up to you, just as those around you will perceive it the way they want to.

Personally, in my own experience, I could have met up with a lass who had a thing for me and probably had a nice night of nookie but I was still just finishing with a girl I was quite into at the time. By taking the night of nookie up I would have been doing the very thing which was one of the reasons I ended up finishing with her over. I'm not one for taking the moral high ground usually but on this time I seem to have come out on the higher ground side. I can't believe I missed out on a good night of nookie (bangs head against the wall) but I have an overall great sense of wellbeing and a cosy glow in the knowledge I'm one step nearer to the pearly gates. Or something.

martinwitnam

Okay.
I suppose you're right ninja.

Anonymous

Keep your integrity and dont go round, thank her for the offer.

crumbschief

lol is she fit,there's always one to say it in such a thread and it always make me laugh,good one.

Smokin Joe

You should have shagged her.

Your ex wouldn't know and if she found out it is none of her business anyway as she dumped you. Never let your conscience get in the way of a good rattle, you don't get many chances.

lastwords

lol just do it, you only live once

1footedninja

martinwitnam wrote:

Okay.
I suppose you're right ninja.

Well I might be, but then again I could be wrong! I wouldnt want to be seen as right, not all the time anyway, I have a reputation with some on here to be seen as wrong. And I wouldnt want to let the side down.

You shoulda ragged her silly, there and then before, during or just after the meal, probably before pudding was served , could have been messy! carte do'r melts ever so quickly.

Or done it in her local, over the top of the bar whilst ordering some crisps and a couple of pints. Got her to nibble on your nuts.

I mean thats probably what she was after anyway, again I could be wrong though, women work in mysterious ways, Was there condoms available to you as you walked in her door? Did she imply anything along the lines of 'give me a good seeing to bigboy, right now damn you!' at any time during the night?
You could have been just being invited around for jam and scones back at her gaff or to look at her etchings in the evening, who knows.

Hindsights a bitch though. Another lost notch on the bedpost of J'taime.

This is getting to be like some kind of agony aunt lark here.....

Leesykoi

Quality post 'Smokin Joe'..........

Haha made me laugh, i like how us blokes are downright honest when it comes to 'rattling' !!!!!!

Lee.

martinwitnam

To answer previous questions. There is no chance of a reconciliation with my ex and I still have the scars to prove it.
I have known the woman I was accused of knocking off for the past six and a half years since I moved to Kent from the West Midlands to be with my ex. She has been a very good friend at work in this time. She is very attractive in all ways. She is both nice looking and a generally nice person.
The thing is if I was to sleep with her it might end a good working relationship.
But I sort of want to as well.
I had gone armed but I think I just chickened out.

hopper1

martinwitnam wrote:

To answer previous questions. There is no chance of a reconciliation with my ex and I still have the scars to prove it.
I have known the woman I was accused of knocking off for the past six and a half years since I moved to Kent from the West Midlands to be with my ex. She has been a very good friend at work in this time. She is very attractive in all ways. She is both nice looking and a generally nice person.
The thing is if I was to sleep with her it might end a good working relationship.
But I sort of want to as well.
I had gone armed but I think I just chickened out.

The truth outs...

You need a good slap!
Then, you need to go round hers and give her what you both want! :twisted: :twisted:

tri-sexual

if there is no chance of reconciliation whats stopping you?
i think you should also make a move on your ex's best friend and her sister(s) whilst you are at it

mingmong

You can't loose what you've already lost. Go around to hers and get the back wheels in :twisted:

Anonymous

martinwitnam wrote:

To answer previous questions. There is no chance of a reconciliation with my ex and I still have the scars to prove it.
I have known the woman I was accused of knocking off for the past six and a half years since I moved to Kent from the West Midlands to be with my ex. She has been a very good friend at work in this time. She is very attractive in all ways. She is both nice looking and a generally nice person.
The thing is if I was to sleep with her it might end a good working relationship.
But I sort of want to as well.
I had gone armed but I think I just chickened out.

Ok, get round there and get the deed done. if there is no chance or a reconciliation with your ex.
By the way, you left with your bike(s) right ? If not that would be truly bad.

2Phat4Rapha

Whenever there's doubt, take the moral high ground.

shouldbeinbed

tri-sexual wrote:

if there is no chance of reconciliation whats stopping you?
i think you should also make a move on your ex's best friend and her sister(s) whilst you are at it

if its over and done with ex then whats the problem? other than she'll spend the rest of her bitterness going ha I was right, but sticks and stones and all that mallarky.

CHRISNOIR

Y’see, the problem here is that if you do go and apply the sausage with this other woman then you’re granting your ex girlfriends suspicions retrospective correctness. And no-one wants their ex to be correct about anything. She wasn’t right when her accusation was first tabled but now she is - and you can guarantee that she will never, ever believe that you and your colleague weren’t going at it like rabbits when you were still attached.

On the other hand the wise sage that is Smokin’ Joe has put it incredibly succinctly up there… See thisthread for details on how people feel about missed opportunites…

disgruntledgoat

tri-sexual wrote:

if there is no chance of reconciliation whats stopping you?
i think you should also make a move on your ex's best friend and her sister(s) whilst you are at it

Correct sah.

pedylan

1. You're not in a relationship so you don't owe your ex anything. You are free to choose what you do.

2. Your colleague may have been attracted to you all along and is only acting upon that now she knows you're unattached. She approached you, not the other way round.

Points 1 and 2 suggest the only sane option was to say thank you very much and take what was on offer.

However, if you care for your colleague's feelings you would have to consider that she's interested in a relatioship and you may not be. Also, rebound decisions are notoriously unreliable.

So - talk to her about it; as opposed to expecting us bunch of bozos and our varying ethical and emotional standards to help you sort it out.