Double-Entendres

NWLondoner

Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I
once rode her mother.'

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from
Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'

5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is
playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god !! What have I just said??'

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live'
said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better
today after a 69 yesterday.'

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said:
'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports': 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'

11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male
astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They
seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his
shorts.'

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'

that person wot rides a b

13. Franco Russian Treaty













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deptfordmarmoset

No mention of the Test Match Special classic, sometime last millennium? ''The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willey''

Splottboy

What should have been said, " And this South African female sprinter has got real balls to get to the front..."

micken

There was the woman who went into a bar and asked the barman for a Double Entendre, so he gave her one.

andy162

Marc & Lards " Fat Harry White" was chock full off 'em.

Fat Harry was helping the vicars wife ( sexy Fiona) move house. They couldn't get her keyboard out of the front door. " So I had to ram the old organ down her back passage"

3o'clock in the afternoon. How they got away with it is anybodies guess.

Crapaud

This is an old one from the Herald diary. I may have posted it before, but it's worth another outing.

DavidBelcher

andy162 wrote:

Marc & Lards " Fat Harry White" was chock full off 'em.

Fat Harry was helping the vicars wife ( sexy Fiona) move house. They couldn't get her keyboard out of the front door. " So I had to ram the old organ down her back passage"

3o'clock in the afternoon. How they got away with it is anybodies guess.

Likewise some of the stuff in I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, more often than not at the expense of Lionel Blair (e.g. "The game is based on that old TV favourite Give Us A Clue, where players had to mime to titles given to them on cards by chairman Michael Aspel. The undisputed mime-master was Lionel Blair who used to get quite emotional at times. Who can ever forget the tear of pleasure in his eye as he bent over the chairman's desk to receive A Man Called Horse?"). How they carry on getting away with it at 6:30 in the evening I'll never know. Not complaining, though, as it's hilarious!!

David

Nuggs

Didn't Coleman once exclaim that Zola Budd was really opening up her legs and showing her class to the field (or did I just dream that one)?

bobtbuilder

Didn't Coleman once exclaim that Zola Budd was really opening up her legs and showing her class to the field (or did I just dream that one)?

You are fantasising again Nuggs! It was Juantorena that Coleman was talking about.

pottssteve

DavidBelcher wrote:

andy162 wrote:

Marc & Lards " Fat Harry White" was chock full off 'em.

Fat Harry was helping the vicars wife ( sexy Fiona) move house. They couldn't get her keyboard out of the front door. " So I had to ram the old organ down her back passage"

3o'clock in the afternoon. How they got away with it is anybodies guess.

Likewise some of the stuff in I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, more often than not at the expense of Lionel Blair (e.g. "The game is based on that old TV favourite Give Us A Clue, where players had to mime to titles given to them on cards by chairman Michael Aspel. The undisputed mime-master was Lionel Blair who used to get quite emotional at times. Who can ever forget the tear of pleasure in his eye as he bent over the chairman's desk to receive A Man Called Horse?"). How they carry on getting away with it at 6:30 in the evening I'll never know. Not complaining, though, as it's hilarious!!

David

Not to mention the lovely Samantha searching for an old 12 incher in the basement archives of the BBC which she could give a turn later on....

pottssteve

More from Samantha...

During the introduction to the game Pick Up Song on BBC Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't Clue, the host, Humphrey Littleton, recounts a tale of scorer Samantha's time in the gramaphone library:


Samantha spent several hours down in the gramaphone archive earlier, choosing four of the very best, and those magnificant hits are about to be given an airing for the teams' delight. She'll soon have them swinging along to the music.

__________________

Samantha has drawn my attention to several misunderstandings in past introductions to this round, as she takes her preparation work for it very seriously. She insists we spend hours in the gramaphone archive researching records, and I can't tell you how long she keeps me down there. However, she retains her sense of humour, and if I ever do slip up she always gives me a reassuring smile when I put it incorrectly.

__________________

Our regular scorer, Samantha, can't be with us today as she's away helping an elderly neighbour clear out for a house move. This morning she sorted his box room and later she's going to join him in the attic to have a good rummage in his trunks.

__________________

Samantha spent some time in the gramaphone archive last night sorting through the jazz section. When I arrived she kindly got my vintage collection out and spread them on the desk for me.



Samantha and I spent a few hours in the record library earlier and enjoyed a good long root in the singles section.

__________________

I spent a frankly unrewarding half hour down there this morning, until Samantha generously offered to help me out. Strictly speaking, her contract doesn't cover research, and by asking her to have an unpaid poke amongst the record stack I might have put her in an awkward position, but she didn't mind.

__________________

She accompanied me down to the Gramaphone library earlier where she quickly uncovered the greatest hits ever, and what a treat for my old years they were.

__________________

As ever, Samantha spent a few hours browsing among the shelves in the singles archive this week, and as a result of a rewarding poke in the country section, she was thrilled to discover a mint condition 7 inch Boxcar Willie.

__________________

As ever, Samantha spent some hours down in the gramaphone archive selecting the team's discs. You know, she puts in a lot of hard work on this round and she gets a bit fed up with silly comments about the way she 'checks the teams' 7 inchers' or 'pulls out my reproduction equipment and twists my knob'. Samantha tells me she tries to take no notice of these pathetic, purile critics, but it isn't always easy to ignore her knockers.

__________________

Samantha has spent a rewarding evening amongst the shelves down in the gramaphone archive. As ever, her keen eye has spotted a firm favourite or two, and she couldn't resist getting them down.

__________________

Samantha has been busying herself down in the gramaphone archive, pulling out a 7 incher for each of the teams, and checking closely for damage. She was disappointed to see one or two where worn almost flat through over use. Fortunately, she has a couple of fine 45s in reserve for just such an emergency, and will be getting them out soon to put things right.

pottssteve

And a few more...

"While Samantha nips out to warm up her little Morris..."

"While Samantha nips over to Prague for a quick check-up..."

"Before I nip out with Samantha for a time honoured blow on the seafront..."

"While Samantha and I nip out with my flexible friend to make a large withdrawal..."

"As Samantha tells me it's time to let her whippet out..."

"Samantha tells me she's expecting a visit from a film producer in her dressing room after the show. With news of a part he's been holding for her. He seems sure she's gonna make it big."

"While Samantha nips out to enjoy a mouthful of Jacob's..."

"Samantha has just returned from congratulating a local builder friend who successfully bid for a contract this week. He said she was delighted to see his little firm won."

"Samantha was telling us before the show she's been visiting a nice gentleman racehorse owner in his stables recently. She doesn't know much about racing, but she's already seen something to admire in his jockeys."

"Samantha tells me she has to nip out to help an old man next door who has trouble using his stairlift. She goes in every night to put him on downstairs, and then pulls him off on the landing."

"While Samantha nips out to enjoy a portion of local winkles in cider..."

"So as Samantha heads off to the Highland games to admire the contestants in the caber competition, and perhaps have a go at tossing one or two herself..."

"So while Samantha nips out to nibble on her favourite bit of Leicester..."

"Samantha has just started keeping bees, and already has three dozen or so. She says she's got an expert handler coming round to give a demonstration. He'll carefully take out her 38 bees... and soon have them flying round his head."

"Samantha has to nip out now, as she is off to see a Scots trawlerman friend, whose vessel needs to go in for repairs. Samantha says he's keen to lay her up in the Orkneys..."

"Samantha has to nip out now to spend time with her new gentleman friend. They're going on a driving tour of Wales. She says he's looking forward to showing her Cardiff and Cardigan Bay, before going on to Bangor in the back of his van."

"Samantha has to nip out now with her new gentleman friend. Apparently, they've been working on the restoration of an old chest of drawers. Samantha is in charge of polishing, while he scrapes the varnish and wax off next to her."

"Samantha has to nip out now as she's got a new job working in the sound archive at the manager. It's her first day, so apparently she's going to give a speech in the back room and hand jobs out in the office."

"The sound effects were acquired for us from the BBC archives by the lovely Samantha. She visits the old men down there every so often to get new material for the show, but it's a trifle unorganised down there. She says that she doesn't mind if they want to dicker about three times a week."

"Samantha has to nip out now as she has a new gentleman friend. Apparently, he's a vacuum cleaner salesman, and he's managed to get her the latest model. She says she can't wait to get home and handle her new Phillips upright."

"Samantha has to nip out now as she is meeting her new zookeeper gentleman friend. She's going to meet him at the monkey house, where he's often found swinging about with his charges. She says she doesn't mind looking up and seeing him hung like a baboon."

"Samantha's popped out to visit an old gentleman friend of hers who's a notorious curmudgeon. However, she finds that if she butters him up properly she can sometimes get him to splash out." (November 2006)

"In her spare time, Samantha likes nothing more than to peruse old record shops. She particularly enjoys a rewarding poke in the country section."

"Samantha nearly made it - she's been detained at the last minute in the city's Latin quarter. An Italian gentleman friend has promised to take her out for an ice-cream, and she likes nothing better than to spend an evening licking the nuts off a large Neapolitan." (Humphrey Lyttleton's final joke on the show, recorded shortly before his death in April 2008)

El Imbatido

1. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries,and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

2. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

3. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

4. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

Nuggs

And here comes Mansell in his F1 car, unique in every way. Execept to the one behind it, which is identical.

DavidBelcher

For the full list of Humph's Lionel Blair references, see;

http://www.g0akh.f2s.com/isihac/Sound_C ... s_Page.php



David

PBo

Nuggs, El Imbatido....

shouldn't yours be in a "colemenballs" thead , not double entendres?

Anyone remember Finnbar saunders from Viz.....any time I'm in a pub quiz, my team is called "Oldham and bangor" in respect of a great finnbar double....(the full text of which now escapes me....but you can probably guess the jist)