Lance to undergo doping lie detector test !
'Have you ever taken performance enhancing drugs? ....yes, or no...'
Well, of course he'd never undertake one, but that would be a great idea wouldn't it? He could clear his name! ....I might email him at Livestrong...
Dear Lance...
Why not clear your name of years of allegations of doping by taking a simple lie-detector test?
Seeing as you are clean (and always have been) then this will show the world, the doubters, that you truly are the clean champion you say you are! ...this in turn will result in massive press for Livestrong, more than you could get from entering another Tour de France surely!
They're very accurate compared to dope tests by the way. For example, wasn't it true that noone on that Festina team was testing positive but there was a little issue with them that I heard about in the press? ...so all this 'never tested positive' obviously doesn't hold any water, anyone educated or well read on the sport knows that, but this will sort it all out.
The police successfully use the results as evidence, don't worry Lance, they're very very reliable, don't think they're just some fuzzy-wuzzy tool of choice of british tv presenter Jeremy Kyle ...no, they actually come under the banner of trusted methods of 'Forensic Science', so please don't dismiss them as being unreliable, not that I'd imagine you would!
Anyway... I'm sure with your press connections you can make all this happen within the next few weeks and finally you will clear your name.
Yours sincerely
A 'fan'
Well, of course he'd never undertake one, but that would be a great idea wouldn't it? He could clear his name! ....I might email him at Livestrong...
Dear Lance...
Why not clear your name of years of allegations of doping by taking a simple lie-detector test?
Seeing as you are clean (and always have been) then this will show the world, the doubters, that you truly are the clean champion you say you are! ...this in turn will result in massive press for Livestrong, more than you could get from entering another Tour de France surely!
They're very accurate compared to dope tests by the way. For example, wasn't it true that noone on that Festina team was testing positive but there was a little issue with them that I heard about in the press? ...so all this 'never tested positive' obviously doesn't hold any water, anyone educated or well read on the sport knows that, but this will sort it all out.
The police successfully use the results as evidence, don't worry Lance, they're very very reliable, don't think they're just some fuzzy-wuzzy tool of choice of british tv presenter Jeremy Kyle ...no, they actually come under the banner of trusted methods of 'Forensic Science', so please don't dismiss them as being unreliable, not that I'd imagine you would!
Anyway... I'm sure with your press connections you can make all this happen within the next few weeks and finally you will clear your name.
Yours sincerely
A 'fan'
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Comments
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polygraph is pretty useless.
Not to mention if he doped, but considers what he did as not doping, then it would come up as a truth regardless.0 -
Polygraphs arent accurate.
If he passed it = people will say - look - just shows you polygraphs can be beaten.
If he failed it - his supporters will say its a french plot.
So we'd be back to square one.
He'd never agree to take one, and I dont blame him.0 -
Yeeah he could go on the Jerry Springer show and everything...........0
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Oh well... suppose it is useless then.
I just thought they'd be reliable enough to spot 'gigantic whoppers' though? Surely otherwise it would be like saying 'hammers do a job but its just that they're not too good for banging in nails'? ...if they couldn't do their job 'at all' then they would exist no more than a time machine would or a car that runs on badgers, so they must work quite accurately to have been used by police etc?
Surely they have calibration/test questions like 'are you a giraffe' and if you say 'yes' then you've lied. This is about the only level we'd need isn't it? Its either a massive lie or its not.
Lets face it if you made a lie detector that couldn't pick up massive whoppers you might as well have put flashing lights into a shoe box! (with a pencil hanging out the side on a rubber band drawing swiggly lines if you had an extra half hour).
Would just need.... 'did you take performance enhancing drugs...' then if he says 'no' and immediately all the alarms, sirens and flashing red lights went off and he started saying 'but these things aren't accurate' and got all chopsy and that ...then we'd already have it half packed away by then and be on the way to the pub anyway?0 -
cougie wrote:He'd never agree to take one, and I dont blame him.
I know I wouldnt in that situation if I was a liar. Also would be great that you could skip round the subject just by saying they're innacurate.
I know one thing... I bet they're better at picking up lies than all the 1000s of doping tests are at picking up organised dopers! ...judging by all the failed tests on confessed proven dopers over the years that's gotta sound reasonably sane?0 -
As far as my feeble understanding goes, each person tested is asked innocent questions to get a calibrated base level, but this calibration stage can be 'fooled' by acting suspiciously on the innocent questions which then masks the actual lies. I don't think law-enforcement agencies use them at all these days (only Jeremy Kyle) ... but tell us more of this badger-powered car you speak of.0
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They only detect stress. If you've been accused of something 5,000 times and have a standard reply / denial to the accusations, then doing it strapped to a polygraph machine isn't going to change much.
Indeed, many pros have rationalised their doping, it is not seen by them as cheating, instead it is "preparation", "re-equilibriation" or simply "professionalism".
Instead, why not just ask for your 1999 samples to be submitted for independent analysis?0 -
Ironically enough one of the best ways to ensure you pass a polygraph test is to "dope".0
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It would make great TV .The Jerry Springer cycling special with guests - Paul Kimage, Greg LeMond, Lance Armstrong, Floyd Landis and Vino.
Jerry - On the question did you or didn't you take illegal substances our test shows positive!!!
Greg - I bleeping knew it!!!
Lance - Bleep you Greg.
Jerry - O' wait a minute these are Vino's results?? I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen I'm just hearing in my ear piece that the operator of the test equipment is from the UCI and has mistaken the red power light indicator as a positive reading??? Therefore all tests are negative.
Jerry - Please tune in next week for the big helmet issue.
I mite even subscribe to SKY for that.0 -
Maybe they could make better advanced in lie detector tests by calibrating them on proper liars though?
'Lance - have you ever taken performance enhancing drugs?'
'No'
Silence ...straight lines on bits of paper....
'Mavis, chuck the kettle on, the machine's f**ked again'
5 minutes later....
'Lance... you think cheating isn't cheating if everyone else is doing it don't you?'
'No'
BEEEEPPPPP!!! BEEEEPPP!! BEEEEP!! BEEEEPPP!!!
'...that's better, its working again now'.0 -
Ummm, shouldn't the UCI undertake a lie detector test?Let's close our eyes and see what happens0
