Comedy Hour
NGale
Posts: 1,866
I thought a bit of light relief was in order with a cycling related joke.
It was one which appealed to the chap on two levels...cyclist and engineer
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus where one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."
It was one which appealed to the chap on two levels...cyclist and engineer
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus where one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."
Officers don't run, it's undignified and panics the men
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Comments
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The shoes might have and the panties defo would have!
TMI?Rule #5 // Harden The Feck Up.
Rule #9 // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.
Rule #12 // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.
Rule #42 // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.0 -
I've said too much :roll:Rule #5 // Harden The Feck Up.
Rule #9 // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.
Rule #12 // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.
Rule #42 // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.0 -
blu3cat wrote:itboffin wrote:I've said too much :roll:
2 o'clock by the clock tower all with be revealed, i'll be wearing a pink carnation :PRule #5 // Harden The Feck Up.
Rule #9 // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.
Rule #12 // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.
Rule #42 // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.0 -
itboffin wrote:
I'll bring a copy of cycling weekly and will ensure I am as suitably attired as you. I do like a challenge, an opportunity to rise to the occasion. :roll:
Nice joke OP."Bed is for sleepy people.
Let's get a kebab and go to a disco."
FCN = 3 - 5
Colnago World Cup 20 -
blu3cat wrote:itboffin wrote:
I'll bring a copy of cycling weekly and will ensure I am as suitably attired as you. I do like a challenge, an opportunity to rise to the occasion. :roll:
Nice joke OP.
I'd be concerned, he didn't say he would be wearing anything BUT the pink carnation!
great joke, chuckling away here in much need mirth."This area left purposefully blank"
Sign hung on my head everyday till noon.
FCN: 11 (apparently)0 -
Three guys: a user, an engineer, and a programmer are riding a 3 man bike (think Goodies) and to come to a steep hill.
They start going down and the brakes fail
They are hurtling down the hill, screaming in fear and barely making bends that would kill them if they came off... faster and faster down the hill while all attempts to stop are futile!
Eventually, through sheer good fortune they make it to the bottom in one piece and still on the bike.
The user, terrified beyond measure screams "Jesus Christ! that thing lethal!!" and runs away.
The engineer, bends down and peers at the brakes muttering to himself "was it the cables, or the shoes, maybe the bolts are loose"
The programmer gets back on the bike saying "I think I've worked it out, if we have one more go....."Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
2011 Trek Madone 4.5
2012 Felt F65X
Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter0 -
Jim died.
His will provided £40,000 for an elaborate funeral.
As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Sharon turned to her oldest and dearest friend Brenda. "Well, she sighed I'm sure Jim would be pleased " , she said.
"I'm sure you're right ", replied Brenda, who then lowered her voice and leaned in close, "How much did this REALLY cost? " , she whispered.
"ALL of it?" , whispered Sharon back. "Forty thousand."
"No!" Brenda exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but £40,000?"
Sharon answered, "The funeral was £6,500. I donated £500 to the church. The whiskey, wine and snacks were another £500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone. "
Brenda computed quickly. " £32,500 for a Memorial Stone? Holy cow, how big is it? "
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NG class jokeThe doctor said I needed to start drinking more whiskey. Also, I’m calling myself ‘the doctor’ now0
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Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other,
"Does this taste funny to you?"Cycling weakly0 -
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus where one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."
I presume the reason for the answer is that the engineering students are famale!
Answer from a Mechanical EngineerRacing is rubbish you can\'t relax and enjoy it- because some bugger is always trying to get past.0 -
SecretSam wrote:itboffin wrote:2 o'clock by the clock tower all with be revealed, i'll be wearing a pink carnation :P
I'd wear a bit more than that, you'll catch your death
Don't worry I'll bring something nice and warm to slip into."Bed is for sleepy people.
Let's get a kebab and go to a disco."
FCN = 3 - 5
Colnago World Cup 20 -
What's grey and comes in pints?
An elephant :roll:0 -
Goat goes into employment exhange
Goat 'Any jobs going ?'
Clerk 'Funny you should ask - there's a job going with the circus'
Goat 'What would the circus want with a bricklayer?'0 -
FCN 7
Porridge and coffee - the breakfast of champions0 -
Jay dubbleU wrote:Goat goes into employment exhange
Goat 'Any jobs going ?'
Clerk 'Funny you should ask - there's a job going with the circus'
Goat 'What would the circus want with a bricklayer?'
What would a circus want with a goat?0 -
sufferingpete wrote:Two engineering students were walking across a university campus where one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."
I presume the reason for the answer is that the engineering students are famale!
Answer from a Mechanical Engineer
As the chap says: 'Whats the difference between a mechanical engineer and a civil engineer? The mechanical engineer builds weapons while the civil engineer builds targets'
This is coming from someone who is a marine and mechanical engineer for a living!Officers don't run, it's undignified and panics the men0 -
NGale wrote:sufferingpete wrote:Two engineering students were walking across a university campus where one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."
I presume the reason for the answer is that the engineering students are famale!
Answer from a Mechanical Engineer
As the chap says: 'Whats the difference between a mechanical engineer and a civil engineer? The mechanical engineer builds weapons while the civil engineer builds targets'
This is coming from someone who is a marine and mechanical engineer for a living!
Engineer humour...takes me back to my Uni days, sharing with a 'Lec Enge and Chem Eng-er
My other housemate was a physicist. Now he was funny
It's just a hill. Get over it.0 -
A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man outside a pub below. He descended a bit more and shouted:
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approx 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees longitude."
"You must be an Engineer" said the balloonist.
"I am" replied the man, "how did you know?"
"Well" answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far"
The man below responded, "You must be a Manager"
"I am" replied the balloonist "but how did you know?"
"Well" said the man "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You are in exactly the same position now that you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."0 -
lost_in_thought wrote:A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man outside a pub below. He descended a bit more and shouted:
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approx 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees longitude."
"You must be an Engineer" said the balloonist.
"I am" replied the man, "how did you know?"
"Well" answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far"
The man below responded, "You must be a Manager"
"I am" replied the balloonist "but how did you know?"
"Well" said the man "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You are in exactly the same position now that you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
Funny, but unfortunately true, especially if you substitute Project Manager for Manager"Bed is for sleepy people.
Let's get a kebab and go to a disco."
FCN = 3 - 5
Colnago World Cup 20 -
lost_in_thought wrote:A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man outside a pub below. He descended a bit more and shouted:
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approx 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees longitude."
"You must be an Engineer" said the balloonist.
"I am" replied the man, "how did you know?"
"Well" answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far"
The man below responded, "You must be a Manager"
"I am" replied the balloonist "but how did you know?"
"Well" said the man "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You are in exactly the same position now that you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
also true for Prison Service, NHS, Police Force...in fact any civil service managersOfficers don't run, it's undignified and panics the men0 -
blu3cat wrote:
okay i'm scared now :shock:Rule #5 // Harden The Feck Up.
Rule #9 // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.
Rule #12 // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.
Rule #42 // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.0 -
An oldie but goodie...
Three engineers are in the pub, wondering what kind of engineer God was.
The electrical engineer says, 'He was obviously an electrical engineer. Just look at the complexity of the central nervous system!'
The mechanical engineer says, 'No, just look at the muscular-skeleto system, such elaborate machinery! He was clearly a mechanical engineer.'
The extremely masculine and attractive civil engineer turns away from the girl on his lap, takes a drag and says confidently, 'He was definitely a civil engineer. Who else would put a toxic waste pipe through a recreational area?'
From a civil engineering student.FCN 7
Porridge and coffee - the breakfast of champions0 -
biondino wrote:Jay dubbleU wrote:Goat goes into employment exhange
Goat 'Any jobs going ?'
Clerk 'Funny you should ask - there's a job going with the circus'
Goat 'What would the circus want with a bricklayer?'
What would a circus want with a goat?
You mean you never heard of The Great Adolpho and his performing goats ?0