Comedy Hour

NGale
NGale Posts: 1,866
edited August 2009 in Commuting chat
I thought a bit of light relief was in order with a cycling related joke.

It was one which appealed to the chap on two levels...cyclist and engineer

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus where one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."
Officers don't run, it's undignified and panics the men

Comments

  • itboffin
    itboffin Posts: 20,064
    The shoes might have and the panties defo would have!

    TMI?
    Rule #5 // Harden The Feck Up.
    Rule #9 // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.
    Rule #12 // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.
    Rule #42 // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.
  • redvee
    redvee Posts: 11,922
    itboffin wrote:
    The shoes might have and the panties defo would have!

    TMI?

    From you, no. :lol:
    I've added a signature to prove it is still possible.
  • Cafewanda
    Cafewanda Posts: 2,788
    itboffin wrote:
    The shoes might have and the panties defo would have!

    TMI?

    Pictures!!! :D
  • itboffin
    itboffin Posts: 20,064
    I've said too much :roll:
    Rule #5 // Harden The Feck Up.
    Rule #9 // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.
    Rule #12 // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.
    Rule #42 // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.
  • blu3cat
    blu3cat Posts: 1,016
    itboffin wrote:
    I've said too much :roll:
    yet delivered so little. :wink:
    "Bed is for sleepy people.
    Let's get a kebab and go to a disco."

    FCN = 3 - 5
    Colnago World Cup 2
  • NGale
    NGale Posts: 1,866
    blu3cat wrote:
    itboffin wrote:
    I've said too much :roll:
    yet delivered so little. :wink:

    thats what I heard :wink:
    Officers don't run, it's undignified and panics the men
  • itboffin
    itboffin Posts: 20,064
    blu3cat wrote:
    itboffin wrote:
    I've said too much :roll:
    yet delivered so little. :wink:

    2 o'clock by the clock tower all with be revealed, i'll be wearing a pink carnation :P
    Rule #5 // Harden The Feck Up.
    Rule #9 // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.
    Rule #12 // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.
    Rule #42 // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.
  • blu3cat
    blu3cat Posts: 1,016
    itboffin wrote:
    blu3cat wrote:
    itboffin wrote:
    I've said too much :roll:
    yet delivered so little. :wink:

    2 o'clock by the clock tower all with be revealed, i'll be wearing a pink carnation :P

    I'll bring a copy of cycling weekly and will ensure I am as suitably attired as you. I do like a challenge, an opportunity to rise to the occasion. :roll:

    Nice joke OP.
    "Bed is for sleepy people.
    Let's get a kebab and go to a disco."

    FCN = 3 - 5
    Colnago World Cup 2
  • hisoka
    hisoka Posts: 541
    blu3cat wrote:
    itboffin wrote:
    blu3cat wrote:
    itboffin wrote:
    I've said too much :roll:
    yet delivered so little. :wink:

    2 o'clock by the clock tower all with be revealed, i'll be wearing a pink carnation :P

    I'll bring a copy of cycling weekly and will ensure I am as suitably attired as you. I do like a challenge, an opportunity to rise to the occasion. :roll:

    Nice joke OP.

    I'd be concerned, he didn't say he would be wearing anything BUT the pink carnation!

    great joke, chuckling away here in much need mirth.
    "This area left purposefully blank"
    Sign hung on my head everyday till noon.

    FCN: 11 (apparently)
  • Kieran_Burns
    Kieran_Burns Posts: 9,757
    Three guys: a user, an engineer, and a programmer are riding a 3 man bike (think Goodies) and to come to a steep hill.

    They start going down and the brakes fail

    They are hurtling down the hill, screaming in fear and barely making bends that would kill them if they came off... faster and faster down the hill while all attempts to stop are futile!

    Eventually, through sheer good fortune they make it to the bottom in one piece and still on the bike.

    The user, terrified beyond measure screams "Jesus Christ! that thing lethal!!" and runs away.

    The engineer, bends down and peers at the brakes muttering to himself "was it the cables, or the shoes, maybe the bolts are loose"

    The programmer gets back on the bike saying "I think I've worked it out, if we have one more go....."
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • dirk_van_gently
    dirk_van_gently Posts: 826
    Jim died.

    His will provided £40,000 for an elaborate funeral.

    As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Sharon turned to her oldest and dearest friend Brenda. "Well, she sighed I'm sure Jim would be pleased " , she said.


    "I'm sure you're right ", replied Brenda, who then lowered her voice and leaned in close, "How much did this REALLY cost? " , she whispered.

    "ALL of it?" , whispered Sharon back. "Forty thousand."

    "No!" Brenda exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but £40,000?"

    Sharon answered, "The funeral was £6,500. I donated £500 to the church. The whiskey, wine and snacks were another £500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone. "

    Brenda computed quickly. " £32,500 for a Memorial Stone? Holy cow, how big is it? "






    stone.jpg
    If you see the candle as flame, the meal is already cooked.
    Photography, Google Earth, Route 30
  • woodyonthebeach
    woodyonthebeach Posts: 583
    NG class joke
    The doctor said I needed to start drinking more whiskey. Also, I’m calling myself ‘the doctor’ now
  • skyd0g
    skyd0g Posts: 2,540
    Two cannibals are eating a clown.
    One says to the other,
    "Does this taste funny to you?"
    Cycling weakly
  • sufferingpete
    sufferingpete Posts: 524
    Two engineering students were walking across a university campus where one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
    The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
    The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."

    I presume the reason for the answer is that the engineering students are famale!

    Answer from a Mechanical Engineer
    Racing is rubbish you can\'t relax and enjoy it- because some bugger is always trying to get past.
  • secretsam
    secretsam Posts: 5,120
    itboffin wrote:
    2 o'clock by the clock tower all with be revealed, i'll be wearing a pink carnation :P

    I'd wear a bit more than that, you'll catch your death
    It's just a hill. Get over it.
  • blu3cat
    blu3cat Posts: 1,016
    SecretSam wrote:
    itboffin wrote:
    2 o'clock by the clock tower all with be revealed, i'll be wearing a pink carnation :P

    I'd wear a bit more than that, you'll catch your death

    Don't worry I'll bring something nice and warm to slip into. :wink:
    "Bed is for sleepy people.
    Let's get a kebab and go to a disco."

    FCN = 3 - 5
    Colnago World Cup 2
  • d21dga
    d21dga Posts: 113
    What's grey and comes in pints?
















    An elephant :roll:
  • Jay dubbleU
    Jay dubbleU Posts: 3,159
    Goat goes into employment exhange

    Goat 'Any jobs going ?'

    Clerk 'Funny you should ask - there's a job going with the circus'

    Goat 'What would the circus want with a bricklayer?'
  • posh_pedaller
    posh_pedaller Posts: 124
    d21dga wrote:
    What's grey and comes in pints?
    I don't get it.

    EDIT: OHHH now I get it.
    FCN 7
    Porridge and coffee - the breakfast of champions
  • biondino
    biondino Posts: 5,990
    Jay dubbleU wrote:
    Goat goes into employment exhange

    Goat 'Any jobs going ?'

    Clerk 'Funny you should ask - there's a job going with the circus'

    Goat 'What would the circus want with a bricklayer?'

    What would a circus want with a goat?
    My Focus / My Bob Jackson
    Blog (incl. bikes)
  • NGale
    NGale Posts: 1,866
    sufferingpete wrote:
    Two engineering students were walking across a university campus where one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
    The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
    The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."

    I presume the reason for the answer is that the engineering students are famale!

    Answer from a Mechanical Engineer

    As the chap says: 'Whats the difference between a mechanical engineer and a civil engineer? The mechanical engineer builds weapons while the civil engineer builds targets'

    This is coming from someone who is a marine and mechanical engineer for a living!
    Officers don't run, it's undignified and panics the men
  • secretsam
    secretsam Posts: 5,120
    NGale wrote:
    sufferingpete wrote:
    Two engineering students were walking across a university campus where one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
    The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
    The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."

    I presume the reason for the answer is that the engineering students are famale!

    Answer from a Mechanical Engineer

    As the chap says: 'Whats the difference between a mechanical engineer and a civil engineer? The mechanical engineer builds weapons while the civil engineer builds targets'

    This is coming from someone who is a marine and mechanical engineer for a living!

    Engineer humour...takes me back to my Uni days, sharing with a 'Lec Enge and Chem Eng-er

    My other housemate was a physicist. Now he was funny
    It's just a hill. Get over it.
  • lost_in_thought
    lost_in_thought Posts: 10,563
    A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man outside a pub below. He descended a bit more and shouted:

    "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

    The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approx 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees longitude."

    "You must be an Engineer" said the balloonist.

    "I am" replied the man, "how did you know?"

    "Well" answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far"

    The man below responded, "You must be a Manager"

    "I am" replied the balloonist "but how did you know?"

    "Well" said the man "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You are in exactly the same position now that you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
    FCN 7/1
    Viner Maxima, Tifosi CK7, Giant Bowery, Old commuter.
  • blu3cat
    blu3cat Posts: 1,016
    lost_in_thought wrote:
    A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man outside a pub below. He descended a bit more and shouted:

    "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

    The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approx 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees longitude."

    "You must be an Engineer" said the balloonist.

    "I am" replied the man, "how did you know?"

    "Well" answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far"

    The man below responded, "You must be a Manager"

    "I am" replied the balloonist "but how did you know?"

    "Well" said the man "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You are in exactly the same position now that you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

    Funny, but unfortunately true, especially if you substitute Project Manager for Manager
    "Bed is for sleepy people.
    Let's get a kebab and go to a disco."

    FCN = 3 - 5
    Colnago World Cup 2
  • NGale
    NGale Posts: 1,866
    lost_in_thought wrote:
    A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man outside a pub below. He descended a bit more and shouted:

    "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

    The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approx 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees longitude."

    "You must be an Engineer" said the balloonist.

    "I am" replied the man, "how did you know?"

    "Well" answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far"

    The man below responded, "You must be a Manager"

    "I am" replied the balloonist "but how did you know?"

    "Well" said the man "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You are in exactly the same position now that you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

    also true for Prison Service, NHS, Police Force...in fact any civil service managers :wink:
    Officers don't run, it's undignified and panics the men
  • itboffin
    itboffin Posts: 20,064
    blu3cat wrote:
    SecretSam wrote:
    itboffin wrote:
    2 o'clock by the clock tower all with be revealed, i'll be wearing a pink carnation :P

    I'd wear a bit more than that, you'll catch your death

    Don't worry I'll bring something nice and warm to slip into. :wink:

    okay i'm scared now :shock:
    Rule #5 // Harden The Feck Up.
    Rule #9 // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.
    Rule #12 // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.
    Rule #42 // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run.
  • posh_pedaller
    posh_pedaller Posts: 124
    An oldie but goodie...

    Three engineers are in the pub, wondering what kind of engineer God was.

    The electrical engineer says, 'He was obviously an electrical engineer. Just look at the complexity of the central nervous system!'

    The mechanical engineer says, 'No, just look at the muscular-skeleto system, such elaborate machinery! He was clearly a mechanical engineer.'

    The extremely masculine and attractive civil engineer turns away from the girl on his lap, takes a drag and says confidently, 'He was definitely a civil engineer. Who else would put a toxic waste pipe through a recreational area?'

    From a civil engineering student.
    FCN 7
    Porridge and coffee - the breakfast of champions
  • Jay dubbleU
    Jay dubbleU Posts: 3,159
    biondino wrote:
    Jay dubbleU wrote:
    Goat goes into employment exhange

    Goat 'Any jobs going ?'

    Clerk 'Funny you should ask - there's a job going with the circus'

    Goat 'What would the circus want with a bricklayer?'

    What would a circus want with a goat?

    You mean you never heard of The Great Adolpho and his performing goats ?

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