Comedy Mishaps

KevinMcC

As way of saying hello to all you nice folks I thought I would share this story with you.

Few years ago, riding a mtb that weighs more than Jupiter, I am cycling along a cycle path at a fair rate of knots. ( I was fit then, 7am no other riders, traffic, smooth tarmac and no wind, bliss). Suddenly I see a flash of red/orange out the corner of my eye and abruptly my bike stops dead.

Momentum, being part of physics (cheers God) carries me over the handlebars, spinning as I go because evolution (cheers, erm Darwin) means when hurtling through the air you grab something, in this case the handlebars.

Luckily I am going fast enough that I flip and land on the top of my back, slightly slower and it would have been square on my neck or head and I wouldn’t be here writing this post.

Hitting the deck I bounce and roll like a bad Hollywood movie, bike comically finishing on top of me of course. Upon standing I discover that yes, dismounting in this fashion hurts like a bugger and promptly fall back down. Standing again I weave over the road and sit down again. Standing a third time I take stock.

Knees look like they have been hit with a meat tenderiser , perfect pattern of the ground bashed into them. Can’t bend the right one. Elbows a strange shade of blood covered purple bruise in waiting. Blood dripping down from arms and legs.

Water bottle retrieved from 20m down the road, wash the worst of the stones and grit out. Then I go to the bike. Something small furry and grey is wrapped round my wheel, wedged against the forks. A squirrel, still twitching! Disengaging it (leaving some fur and red smears behind) I kick it into the bushes.

Now the observant amongst you will say “ but Kevin you said you seen something red/orange out the corner of your eye, yet you say this squirrel is grey, not red”
Well you see when I kick the creature to the thick bushes at the side of the road, out pops a fox and makes off with it!
So to surmise events, squirrel having some breakfast in the bushes, fox spies it, stalks it then both sh1t it when I come thundering along, the squirrel committing hara-kiri when it dives into my wheels.

As I cycle using one leg the 8 miles home (having bent my handlebars back into something like a proper alignment) I pass lots of families out for a pleasant cycle. Many stare, wondering why I am covered in blood, dirt, cuts and grazes , bike scraped and chipped with the handlebars pointing off to the side a bit.
So let this be a warning- don’t trust squirrels! Oh and watch out for cunning foxes, I shall personally be boycotting the Fantastic Mr Fox movie when it comes out!

The week before I had had a near miss as I had to duck a duck which flew over my head by a matter of inches, I am jinxed!

So, who else has had comedy mishaps on bikes then?

Ollieda

You have a lot of wildlife in your area, all I ever see (or feel) is flies and midges depending on time of day!

Nearest thing I've got to comedy so far is cycling past Jimmy Carr as he was walking along the pavement!

finchy

I came within inches of being knocked off my bike by a deer once. I was going downhill at about 40mph and, to my shame, not wearing a helmet.

I feel very lucky to have survived that one.

morgs2001

When I was about 14/15 I used to cycle from to Edale down Mam Tor ,its quite a steep and windy road and the last section is quite straight downhill before a right hand bend in the road. On one occasion I was cycling down this section and I was wearing one of the old capes that went over the handle bars and over the whole bike pretty much .It was lashing down and thundering ,as I wizzed down the hill my hood came off so I grabbed it to pull it back on but pulled it a bit too far and pulled the cape over my head ,completely blinding myself.
Lots of panicked braking and weaving around ensued ,and luckily I brooadsided the wall at the bottom rather that going head long into it ,scrapped knuckled and knees but nothing serious.
Dont know if anybody saw me ,but the sight of an orange tent hurtling downhill must havebeen quite funny

unCivilServant

Didn't happen to me but one I saw:

Running along through central London, came up to a junction where lots of traffic was waiting at a red light--including a woman on a bike.

Suddenly there was a crash--the cyclist + bike toppled over & were lying on the ground. I was pretty surprised as the lights hadn't changed.

I rushed over to check she was OK--had a pedestrian pushed her (I've had this happened while moving & it's not funny), or had she been nudged by another vehicle?

The cyclist seemed a bit embarrassed, and admitted her foot had just slipped on the pedal--flipflops where the only thing keeping it on your feet is a single band across the toes, not being exactly ideal cycling footwear. :roll:

iain_j

Your squirrel incident happened to my brother years ago, in about the last quarter-mile of a 50-mile ride. No foxes involved though.

Squirrel: dead
Bike: write-off
Collarbone: broken.

jimmypippa

morgs2001 wrote:

When I was about 14/15 I used to cycle from to Edale down Mam Tor ,its quite a steep and windy road and the last section is quite straight downhill before a right hand bend in the road. On one occasion I was cycling down this section and I was wearing one of the old capes that went over the handle bars and over the whole bike pretty much .It was lashing down and thundering ,as I wizzed down the hill my hood came off so I grabbed it to pull it back on but pulled it a bit too far and pulled the cape over my head ,completely blinding myself.
Lots of panicked braking and weaving around ensued ,and luckily I brooadsided the wall at the bottom rather that going head long into it ,scrapped knuckled and knees but nothing serious.
Dont know if anybody saw me ,but the sight of an orange tent hurtling downhill must havebeen quite funny

Down Mam Nick with a cycling cape???

The windiest place on God's Earth?

Teenagers often aren't very bright.

cyclingmev

I forgot to unclip from my pedals at a junction and ended up in a heap on the road (fortunately quiet). However, an elderly couple passing by at that VERY instant turned their car around to help pick me up from the deck..i swear i could hear them giggling as they drove away..... :roll:

NWLondoner

iain_j wrote:

Your squirrel incident happened to my brother years ago, in about the last quarter-mile of a 50-mile ride. No foxes involved though.

Squirrel: dead
Bike: write-off
Collarbone: broken.

For everything else there is Mastercard

jrduquemin

I switched over to clips and straps a few years back after running SPDs for a while. Riding into Totnes one weekend to visit Hot Pursuit, I forgot that I had tightened up the straps to such an extent that I couldn't get out of them. Cue comedy moment as my bike slowly topples over on Totnes high street with hundreds of people walking round.

Not my finest hour I miust admit :-D

takethehighroad

I've done that at the lights before, trying to do a track stand and getting it slightly wrong. Not the most graceful of falls really, but luckily there was no one around.

LazyBoycp

TakeTheHighRoad wrote:

I've done that at the lights before, trying to do a track stand and getting it slightly wrong. Not the most graceful of falls really, but luckily there was no one around.

+1, though unfortunately my failed trackstand was in the middle of Manchester (just next to the Urbis) at about 5.30pm, right next to a packed bus. :oops: A very nice girl came and asked if I was alright and tried to make me less embarrassed by saying she was sure nobody had noticed! When she and her friend walked off, they started p1ssing themselves, which didn't make me feel very dignified.

Flanker37

A long time a go in a galaxy far far away when i last owned a racer. I was bombing a long my local estate to the shops fast approaching a left hand bend, whilst i still had the left pedal down (i wasnt wise enough to know better back then)

Said left pedal digs into tarmac, causing my handlebars to kick in to the left, I tried to correct, but at that speed i just over steered, and slid all the way over to the other side of the road, to right outside the shops where everyone knows me no skin or clothing left on my left side at all.


that day hurt, havent rode a roady since

drewfromrisca

Not bike related but see my newest post...

deptfordmarmoset

Teen years, drafting a bus on the Bromley road, nutter jumps off bus at speed just in front of me. I emergency braked, locked the slightly-buckled front wheel, and did a single somersault over the handlebars, landing on my feet just beyond aforementioned nutter. Gravity was working pretty mysteriously that day because both of us landed on our feet, both of us looked back at the bike lying in the road, and wondered WTF! (Not being certain whether I had an innate talent for cyclogymnastics, I decided to replace that front wheel very shortly afterwards.)

Crapaud

From a similar, related thread back in the mists of time:

Crapaud wrote:

A clipless moment for me too...

On my way to the local campaigning group's easyride, I was stopped at a red light, right foot unclipped and on the road. With nothing better to do, I have a look around: light, fluffy clouds drift lazily across a bright blue sky (looks like it'll be a nice day), the Kelvingrove museum renovation seems to be coming along nicely, etc.

Then I notice what appears to be a leggy, Mediterranean beauty coming along the pavement towards me, but I only get a glimpse of her before a lamppost in the foreground obscures my view. So I lean slightly to the left to get a better view. Sure enough, she's a stunner! Long legs in tight jeans, ample, hourglass figure, beautiful face topped with long wavey auburn hair - lovely, but something's wrong. It took me a few seconds to realise that I'd moved my centre of gravity a bit too far, and with the sloooowest of slow topples, right arm and leg flailing, I hit the deck.

As I lay on the road, trying to unclip my other foot to get up, I saw some movement out of the corner of my eye. It's the Mediterranean beauty looking down at me writhing on the ground, with an amused smirk. It's only at this point that I notice her aged mother, who's obviously seen the whole thing, absolutely pissing herself.

Not my finest hour. But, hey.....pwhoar!!!

KevinMcC

Posted this in another thread, forgot this one was here. Maybe I should avoid this bit of the path, was near the same bloody spot as the first one in this thread

Maybe animals have a hatred of lanky pale geeky looking types round my way or something.

Marmoset shame that one was not recorded, would be a cracking hit on youtube

---

Right picture the scene. Me cycling along, waving a cheery morning to a group of people out for a cycle as I pass them. Sun is shining, cycle path is smooth and lined with steep banks so no wind. Gentle curve on the path and suddenly before me I see a bull.

Not a comedy huge horns and pawing at the ground bull but a bull none the less.

Stopping the bull looks at me and I look at it. I get my phone to take a picture (who would believe me without one) when the group I pas catch up. Being less timid than myself the two lads in the group cycle forward 2 abreast (meaning I cant take my picture) and the bull runs off in the other direction- steep banks you see and bulls arent known for their climbing abilities.

All is dandy, this rather surreal scenario of 2 guys on bikes herding a bull while I cycle behind them with their 2 friends/wives/gf's whatever. Then someone comes the other way. Bull freezes, all bikes stop. Bull tosses head and charges into the bush at the side, we cant see it but we hear it. Bull cant get up, gets back on the path and charges at the riders on my side and we all take evasive into the bushes as it thunders past (big buggers when they pass 2 feet away).

We all laugh nervously and go on our way.

On getting home I realise that my red top might not have been the best thing to be wearing in this scenario.

Anyway my (rather long winded) question is- what would you have done if you have came across the bull and no one else was present? try to walk past? Climb a tree? Turn and ride away? Or chuck norris style roundhouse kick it into burgers? or maybe something involving an awesome display of this quad power I have seen so much about on here?

Splottboy

In the school summer hols of 1968, I was 12, I was riding past my school, just doing stupid zig-zags. Suddenly a pigeon landed in a garden. About 2 seconds later a cat ran across the road into the garden. Then...about a second later a dog ran after the cat!

Now, as I got closer an almighty row ensued, a bit like a Tom and Jerry cartoon.
As I passed the gardens gate, the pigeon fly off, half its feathers missing.
The cat, chased by the dog ran into my front wheel, stunning it and the chasing dog stopped dead. We all stopped and stared at each other for what seemed like hours, but was a only second or so.The cat shook its head, continued to run across the road with the dog in hot pursuit! Within 10 seconds it was totally quiet, as if nothing had happened at all.

I checked my front wheel and the cats head had buckled two spokes.
I was thinking it was a Candid Camera stunt all the way home.

Aggieboy

Not bike related but I laugh every time I remember this :twisted: :-

After a few beers a mate went into Jonny Wilkinson mode. He ran full pelt up to an orange plastic cone and kicked it, to boot it down the road. Unfortunately, someone had put it over a concrete post sticking out of the ground. Oh, how we laughed!! :twisted:

pneumatic

Some time after I got back on my bike and started commuting to work, I found that I had enough energy left at the end of my morning ride to be able to rumble nonchalantly along the cobbled Market Street in St Andrews and then sweep left into College Street down towards the office. At 7am, the place was typically deserted and all mine to play in.

Having perfected this manoeuvre, which also involved bunny hopping a low kerb, imagine my surprise when, one Wednesday morning, I entered College Street at speed only to be confronted by a row of Daleks (well, wheelie bins, actually!). Unable to brake in time, I bore down on a gap between two of them and, to save skinning my knuckles, instinctively lifted my left hand off the bar as I passed too close to one of them.

Bar clips dalek, front wheel spins through 90 degrees. Rider continues journey, scraping shins on front of bike as he leaves it in his wake. Inelegant forward roll leaves me prone on the cobbles. Bike arrives a moment later and falls on top of me. Daleks stand by in emotionless satisfaction. Unlike the builder unloading his van further up the street, who is p1ssing himself.

Apart from my bloodied shins, the deepest injury was to my pride.

bompington

@pneumatic:
Confirms my opinion that the only place worth cycling to in St A is Janetta's

Firecrakka

pneumatic

bompington wrote:

@pneumatic:
Confirms my opinion that the only place worth cycling to in St A is Janetta's

Correct! (and pretty much the only reason I go these days). Where else can you find four adjacent shops that are: cafe, ice cream shop, local bike shop, hardware store?

jc4lab

Cannes Film Festival..Chained my bike to the railing outside on the red carpet..Came back later..They refused me access 4 hours later to it cos the first guests were arriving for the premier of The Changling..Didnt know.it was on at all..Got some nice pictures of Clint,Brad Pitt And angelia Joleen ,Sharon Stone ,.Tim Robins Nick holte etc..with my the bike in the background.chained to a crowd barrier