Fat Blokes in White Vans

Landlocked
Landlocked Posts: 37
edited June 2009 in Commuting chat
Had a bit of road rage this morning with a portly gentleman driving a white van.

Stopped in the middle of a narrow road in front of me. Then proceeded to move to the right as i went to overtake him, then to the left as i went round that side.

He then decided to reverse into a side road, all without indicating or sticking his hazards on.

When i told him to be more considerate, in a very polite manor (not my usual type of comments!), he told me to f##k off and that i should have just gone on the pavement "like we normally do".

so i told him to f##k off and get his fat @rse down the gym.

Now, this is nothing unusual, but he then told me to "come back here and say that".

Now, i'm pretty fit, relatively solid and can handle myself, so it just made me question why fat blokes in vans, always think they are some sort of 'hard men'??
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Comments

  • Gussio
    Gussio Posts: 2,452
    Maybe he fancied you :wink:
  • Tim.s
    Tim.s Posts: 515
    Yes, you should of waited for him to get out of the van then cycled round him in circles just out of reach singing 'Hey Fatty Boom Boom' while he windmilled his swollen fists at you.

    Then when he collapsed from exhaustion you could claim the victory.
    "Didn't hurt"
  • Landlocked
    Landlocked Posts: 37
    Gussio wrote:
    Maybe he fancied you :wink:

    phah - i could do far better than that!! :lol:
  • gtvlusso
    gtvlusso Posts: 5,112
    "Fat blokes in white vans" - are easier than you think to punch out......my well documented pugilistic victory on this forum...of which I am now ashamed.
  • berkan
    berkan Posts: 27
    I had a similar experience with a prat in porsch not long ago. I was riding along minding my own business when this guy overtook me so close that I remember looking down and seeing about 4 inches between my pedal and his car (and no I wasn't in the middle of the road). I yelled something like f***ing w***er at him as most reasonable people would, he was driving a convertible (hairdressers car) so it wasn't hard for him to hear me and he appeared to have his 'boyfriend' in the seat next to him.

    Obviously not wanting to lose face he immediately stopped the car and jumped out. I slowed to a near halt to hear what he had to say for himself. I told him I was upset because he didn't give me more space, he said he would give me more than that next time... mmm err, I think he also fancied me. Anyway, he proceeded to 'offer me out' as they say in these parts (another dodgy expression) by uttering the same line as white van man, "come here and say that". It wasn't til he said these words that I properly evaluated the situation the guy was about 5'6" (car was obviously a height extension) but very agressive. I did consider fighting for a moment but realised this guy was not even in my weight category as I'm 6'1&1/2" and 17 stone 10 pounds.

    As Landlocked wrote how come drivers assume they are far 'harder' (ooh err) than cyclists because they drive a tin can with wheels? I would have killed the guy but had to get home for dinner so quitley rode off. Funnily enough he didn't follow me.
  • biondino
    biondino Posts: 5,990
    gtvlusso wrote:
    "Fat blokes in white vans" - are easier than you think to punch out......my well documented pugilistic victory on this forum...of which I am now ashamed.

    You're only ashamed cos so many people said "Jesus, you psycho!" afterwards :)
    My Focus / My Bob Jackson
    Blog (incl. bikes)
  • biondino
    biondino Posts: 5,990
    Well, drivers have armour! Seems pretty obvious to me. The plus we have is they can't use the vehicle as a weapon unless they want to kill us. If they do want to kill us, though, it then becomes a bit of a minus.
    My Focus / My Bob Jackson
    Blog (incl. bikes)
  • will3
    will3 Posts: 2,173
    Landlocked wrote:

    Now, this is nothing unusual, but he then told me to "come back here and say that".

    I'm slightly dissapointed that you didn't invite him to waddle over to you as the excerise would do him good.
  • lost_in_thought
    lost_in_thought Posts: 10,563
    biondino wrote:
    gtvlusso wrote:
    "Fat blokes in white vans" - are easier than you think to punch out......my well documented pugilistic victory on this forum...of which I am now ashamed.

    You're only ashamed cos so many people said "Jesus, you psycho!" afterwards :)

    I have to say, if I was ashamed of something I wouldn't keep bringing it up...
    FCN 7/1
    Viner Maxima, Tifosi CK7, Giant Bowery, Old commuter.
  • il_principe
    il_principe Posts: 9,155
    Should'a D Locked the C**t.

    Sorry, thought I was on LFGSS... :oops:
  • gtvlusso
    gtvlusso Posts: 5,112
    lost_in_thought wrote:
    biondino wrote:
    gtvlusso wrote:
    "Fat blokes in white vans" - are easier than you think to punch out......my well documented pugilistic victory on this forum...of which I am now ashamed.

    You're only ashamed cos so many people said "Jesus, you psycho!" afterwards :)

    I have to say, if I was ashamed of something I wouldn't keep bringing it up...

    I'll get my coat...:-(
  • Jay dubbleU
    Jay dubbleU Posts: 3,159
    Has anyone notice the resemblance between fat bokes in white vans and fat security guards ? Think our local secuity firm hires by the kilo - how they would ever expect to catch anyone without having a heart attack beats me
  • Stuey01
    Stuey01 Posts: 1,273
    Maybe he thinks he is hard because every time he challenges someone they piss their pants and run away. If you'd f'ked him up he'd probably think he was a bit less hard.

    BTW, how do you know you can handle yourself? Sounds like it is you that thinks you are hard.
    Not climber, not sprinter, not rouleur
  • Landlocked
    Landlocked Posts: 37
    Stuey01 wrote:
    Maybe he thinks he is hard because every time he challenges someone they wee-wee their pants and run away. If you'd f'ked him up he'd probably think he was a bit less hard.

    BTW, how do you know you can handle yourself? Sounds like it is you that thinks you are hard.

    oh dear. cyber warrior.

    pull your neck in mate.
  • always_tyred
    always_tyred Posts: 4,965
    Landlocked wrote:
    Stuey01 wrote:
    Maybe he thinks he is hard because every time he challenges someone they wee-wee their pants and run away. If you'd f'ked him up he'd probably think he was a bit less hard.

    BTW, how do you know you can handle yourself? Sounds like it is you that thinks you are hard.

    oh dear. cyber warrior.

    pull your neck in mate.
    Yes, you should have taken him to a place where you would be immune from prosecution and a P45 and given him a bunch of fives.

    I think they call such places "the police station".....
  • Stuey01
    Stuey01 Posts: 1,273
    Landlocked wrote:
    Stuey01 wrote:
    Maybe he thinks he is hard because every time he challenges someone they wee-wee their pants and run away. If you'd f'ked him up he'd probably think he was a bit less hard.

    BTW, how do you know you can handle yourself? Sounds like it is you that thinks you are hard.

    oh dear. cyber warrior.

    pull your neck in mate.

    You're the one bleating about being able to handle yourself. Never claimed to be able to myself.
    Not climber, not sprinter, not rouleur
  • always_tyred
    always_tyred Posts: 4,965
    Stuey01 wrote:
    Landlocked wrote:
    Stuey01 wrote:
    Maybe he thinks he is hard because every time he challenges someone they wee-wee their pants and run away. If you'd f'ked him up he'd probably think he was a bit less hard.

    BTW, how do you know you can handle yourself? Sounds like it is you that thinks you are hard.

    oh dear. cyber warrior.

    pull your neck in mate.

    You're the one bleating about being able to handle yourself. Never claimed to be able to myself.
    come here and say that
  • Stuey01
    Stuey01 Posts: 1,273
    Always Tyred wrote:
    Stuey01 wrote:
    Landlocked wrote:
    Stuey01 wrote:
    Maybe he thinks he is hard because every time he challenges someone they wee-wee their pants and run away. If you'd f'ked him up he'd probably think he was a bit less hard.

    BTW, how do you know you can handle yourself? Sounds like it is you that thinks you are hard.

    oh dear. cyber warrior.

    pull your neck in mate.

    You're the one bleating about being able to handle yourself. Never claimed to be able to myself.
    come here and say that

    You come here, exercise will do you good.
    Not climber, not sprinter, not rouleur
  • always_tyred
    always_tyred Posts: 4,965
    Stuey01 wrote:
    Always Tyred wrote:
    Stuey01 wrote:
    Landlocked wrote:
    Stuey01 wrote:
    Maybe he thinks he is hard because every time he challenges someone they wee-wee their pants and run away. If you'd f'ked him up he'd probably think he was a bit less hard.

    BTW, how do you know you can handle yourself? Sounds like it is you that thinks you are hard.

    oh dear. cyber warrior.

    pull your neck in mate.

    You're the one bleating about being able to handle yourself. Never claimed to be able to myself.
    come here and say that

    You come here, exercise will do you good.
    bloody cyclists
  • Porgy
    Porgy Posts: 4,525
    Jay dubbleU wrote:
    Has anyone notice the resemblance between fat bokes in white vans and fat security guards ? Think our local secuity firm hires by the kilo - how they would ever expect to catch anyone without having a heart attack beats me

    not every fat bloke has a heart problem :x
  • Stuey01
    Stuey01 Posts: 1,273
    Always Tyred wrote:
    Stuey01 wrote:
    Always Tyred wrote:
    Stuey01 wrote:
    Landlocked wrote:
    Stuey01 wrote:
    Maybe he thinks he is hard because every time he challenges someone they wee-wee their pants and run away. If you'd f'ked him up he'd probably think he was a bit less hard.

    BTW, how do you know you can handle yourself? Sounds like it is you that thinks you are hard.

    oh dear. cyber warrior.

    pull your neck in mate.

    You're the one bleating about being able to handle yourself. Never claimed to be able to myself.
    come here and say that

    You come here, exercise will do you good.
    bloody cyclists

    Fat B'stard van drivers
    Not climber, not sprinter, not rouleur
  • Landlocked
    Landlocked Posts: 37
    Hardly bleating was I?

    Think you need to get out a it more if you want to start picking at things like that pal.
  • Stuey01
    Stuey01 Posts: 1,273
    You're wound a bit tight aren't you.

    I just found it funny how you were sniggering in one paragraph about how WVM "think they are hard", then in the next claim "I can handle myself".

    Do you not see the irony in that?
    Not climber, not sprinter, not rouleur
  • Landlocked
    Landlocked Posts: 37
    I'm wound a bit tight? nah not really fella.

    Think you're missing the point.

    the point i was making is that he offered me out, wanting a row. Now if i was a skinny guy or a woman, he'd just be a twat, but he seemed to think he was some kind of hard man.

    Never stated i was one of those.
  • DonDaddyD
    DonDaddyD Posts: 12,689
    Am I really reading this?

    A guy comes on here complains about White Van Man and their innate knuckle dragging delusions of being Tyson. And now I'm reading two cyclists on the forum arguing about the cyclists carrying on as though he is hard?

    :shock:

    Internet folk are most funny.... Me I'm a lover not a fighter... more fun...
    Food Chain number = 4

    A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game
  • bluesacs
    bluesacs Posts: 95
    Always Tyred wrote:
    Stuey01 wrote:
    Always Tyred wrote:
    Stuey01 wrote:
    Landlocked wrote:
    Stuey01 wrote:
    Maybe he thinks he is hard because every time he challenges someone they wee-wee their pants and run away. If you'd f'ked him up he'd probably think he was a bit less hard.

    BTW, how do you know you can handle yourself? Sounds like it is you that thinks you are hard.

    oh dear. cyber warrior.

    pull your neck in mate.

    You're the one bleating about being able to handle yourself. Never claimed to be able to myself.
    come here and say that

    You come here, exercise will do you good.
    bloody cyclists

    hey hey boys this is just panniers
  • RyanB
    RyanB Posts: 116
    I liked the post about using the D lock as a weapon. I've never thought of that before. I will the next time though.
  • Porgy
    Porgy Posts: 4,525
    RyanB wrote:
    I liked the post about using the D lock as a weapon. I've never thought of that before. I will the next time though.

    The only thing that saved me a while back when a cab driver was deliberately trying to edge me off the road, I threatened to smash his wndows with my D Lock and he backed off and left me alone. I'm surprised that he believed that I would have done it, I didn;t. :lol:


    He called me a f.ucking nut though. Better a f.ucking nut than dead I say.
  • RyanB
    RyanB Posts: 116
    Well said that man...
  • Stuey01
    Stuey01 Posts: 1,273
    Porgy wrote:
    RyanB wrote:
    I liked the post about using the D lock as a weapon. I've never thought of that before. I will the next time though.

    The only thing that saved me a while back when a cab driver was deliberately trying to edge me off the road, I threatened to smash his wndows with my D Lock and backed off. I'm surprised that he believed that I would have done it, I didn;t. :lol:


    He called me a f.ucking nut though. Better a f.ucking nut than dead I say.

    You're like a magnet for lunatic cab drivers. If I had your luck I think I'd have given up cycle commuting long ago.
    Not climber, not sprinter, not rouleur

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