How do you protect your bits from attack?

spongtastic

or alternatively how do you stop your wife finding out you've just bought a FSR XC Expert? :shock:

allthegearnoidea

just hide it amongst all the shoes and bags she's recently bought and only worn once!!!

Thewaylander

Not a bad idea, or just make sure your garage is a mess of blokes tools and grease so she never enters it!

Kiwi Kranker

Call the hospital and get them on standby and or buy a cricket box and start praying!

spongtastic

Worst thing is that it's RED and will stick out like the preverbial. I suppose I could get some reebok stickers and tell her it cost £25?

stumpyjon

that's my philosophy
v v v v v v

Stephen-Hawking

Get it really really muddy and don't clean it for at least three months. Shiny kit is a dead give away!

xtreem

You: "It's a gift for you for our anniversary"
She: "I don't do mtb-ing, keep it for your self"

cougie

Choose one colour bike and stick to it for the next one.

Not only will it make your selection a whoooole lot easier - your wife wont notice that its new.

Mine cant tell the difference between a red fixed wheel, and a full DA road bike.


Oh - dont tell your mates how you've done it if they havent the balls to try it themselves - they may well blab to your wife !

Liftman

Choose one colour bike and stick to it for the next one.

Done that before and it worked a treat. Also getting it really dirty and keeping it that way works.

BorisSpencer

My mate stripped down is Rockhopper and gave everything a proper clean. He got a right bollokking off his missus who thought he'd been buying new bits.

bomberesque

I make a point of riding my bikes . a lot. Mrs B may sound like a broken record at times but she really doesn't resent good money spent on something that gets used. To this end, I do have to make sure that I use all my bikes regularly; she's very quick to pick up on lack of use and will jump in with "you haven't used the stinky in a while, why not get rid of it?" after a month or so.

it's a delecate balancing act, but I'm sure you're up for it.

Anonymous

i normally reach into my trousers, find my knackers, realise im a man and do as i please.

when the wife gobs off i beat her until i cant lift my hands then sit down for a delicious steak in front of the telly on top of which is balanced my new bike so i can perv on it for a few days.

edhornby

buy flowers

FSR Si

If she's anything like my wife just put the bike next to the hoover, She'll never notice it then

Surf-Matt

I was in trouble for my recent purchases. Okay now though but to be fair, I didn't really need a new seatpost, saddle and 2D helmet... :oops:

Stephen-Hawking

sheepsteeth wrote:

i normally reach into my trousers, find my knackers, realise im a man and do as i please.

when the wife gobs off i beat her until i cant lift my hands then sit down for a delicious steak in front of the telly on top of which is balanced my new bike so i can perv on it for a few days.

And then when you wake up, yuo grovel round her and say 'sorry love'

Anonymous

nope, my wife is fully aware she married a man.

to be fair i dont beat her but she knows i could beat her in a fight and that keeps things on an even keel, (even if strictly speaking she has beaten me up once before so i still owe her a kicking.)

fourcrossjohn

tell her if she behaves she can clean it

cat_with_no_tail

"You get your b1tch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!"

Ditch Witch

Stephen-Hawking wrote:

sheepsteeth wrote:

i normally reach into my trousers, find my knackers, realise im a man and do as i please.

when the wife gobs off i beat her until i cant lift my hands then sit down for a delicious steak in front of the telly on top of which is balanced my new bike so i can perv on it for a few days.

And then when you wake up, yuo grovel round her and say 'sorry love'

Then he comes round, realizing he's been hallucinating because she's clouted him with a rolling pin

spongtastic

The long terms no problem as I'll ride the bike more than the wife.
I'm more concerned about the initial impact. Even though she's only 5ft she knows how to punch.

fourcrossjohn

punch her in the ovaries?

Thewaylander

just tie her up.. tell its for summat fun.. then when she is properely restrained tell her you have a new bike problem solved

adb1006

fourcrossjohn wrote:

punch her in the ovaries?

"Falcon Punch!"

sheepsteeth wrote:

to be fair i dont beat her but she knows i could beat her in a fight and that keeps things on an even keel, (even if strictly speaking she has beaten me up once before so i still owe her a kicking.)

GAY

fourcrossjohn

'falco abortion'

congratulations rather than spending a fortune on a puke and crap machine you can now get wateva bike you want

Anonymous

adb1006 wrote:

GAY

i know you are but what am i

ThanksBye

spongtastic wrote:

The long terms no problem as I'll ride the bike more than the wife.

Lol

cee

I don't have this problem.....

What with mortgages and other expenses (getting patio doors fitted this summer...they are built now..just need fitting..) I tend to save my cash and get stuff that I actually need (with the obligatory upgrade....)...so with that in mind, when I say to the missus that I am thinking about getting a new..insert bling thing here....she knows it isn't just an impulse thing and that I do actually need it....

But then we have a rule for her as well...one pair of shoes in....one pair of shoes out...

seeeemples

adb1006

sheepsteeth wrote:

i know you are but what am i

I'm rubber, you're glue 8)

deadliest

adb1006 wrote:

sheepsteeth wrote:

i know you are but what am i

I'm rubber, you're glue 8)

??? Explain ???

I Have an 11 yr Old who uses Sheepsteeth's quote all the time and I need a comeback.