Dear Sixteen Year Old Me...

CHRISNOIR

T’other week Stephen Fryresponded to a letter he wrote, to himself, when he was sixteen.

What three things would you tell your sixteen year old self? Here’s my attempt…

Dear Chris

- Don’t try and grow your hair, lad. It’s curly and just makes you look like a div. You may think you look great - all sullen in the corner of the club, Pearl Jam t-shirt, hair hanging down over your face and cradling your cider. The girls don’t think you look sensitive and interesting; they think you’re a knob.

- Don’t stop cycling. In only a few years you’ll find yourself with a 38” waistline - that’s nearly a f*cking foot more than now isn’t it? It'll take around two years of double-chin hell until you can evn look at those skinny jeans (yeah, they'll be back...)

- You know how you fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Or a bit of a musician? It really, really helps to actually write something or pick up an instrument once in a while. Laziness may well be the route to dead-end admin jobs. And you’d hate that now, wouldn’t you…?

All the Best
Your Older, Balder, Bored Self

PS - when a girl called Sarah dumps you don’t fret about it for months on end; she was a cracking pair of boobs and little else really.

cee

"
Dear cee,

Although your first summer job at the members house in the zoo is not an April fools joke, it is not wise to think of it as the start of a career path. Whilst you will learn to cook decent food, you are not michelin star material. Go back to school and finish your highers. Software is where you will end up anyway. Save yourself the mundanity of all those sh1t jobs and just get to uni as quickly as possible.

When you think about cutting your hair short again, don't! It will all start to fall out in 2 years, so grasp the chance to wave it about now when you have the chance.

DO NOT LEAVE ANYTHING AT A FLAT BELONGING TO A GIRL NAMED SUSAN. IT WILL ALL BE BURNED AND THROWN FROM A 3 STOREY WINDOW

Cheers,

oldyou
ps sell all your shares in banks before your birthday in 2007.

"

Incidentally Chris, I have just managed to acquire pre-release tickets to see Pearl Jam in Manchester in August. They go on general sale tomorrow morning.

guilliano

OK, here's mine....

Dear young puppy me

In a few months someone will offer you a funny looking cigarette...... don't take it! It will lead to a few years of drugs that have long lasting repercussions in your life including a lack of education, a woman you really shouldn't get together with, losing touch with good friends and loss of love for sport (you aren't Premiership material but you could make it pro at a lower level).

Keep up the studying. I know you find it dull, but you have an ambition to teach and you can be a very good teacher. If the football doesn't work out then the Sports Science degree will be a great second option.

Treat your parents with the respect they deserve. They have worked hard to give you everything you ever wanted or needed, they've supported you in everything and deserve better than you give them at the moment. You won't want to regret things you did or things you should have said but didn't in the future..... you know your mum hasn't been too well lately.

Heed the advice, I made those mistakes and don't want you to follow in my footsteps.

Your older, slightly pudgy, still uneducated self.

Barrie_G

Here's mine, though I'd liked it addressed to 14 year old me.

Young Barrie,

Stick in at school, it may seem boring now but when you apply yourself you are very capable and could do well, don't mess about trying to be popular, you are surprisingly well liked and could be more popular if you stopped being such a dick, and besides once you leave school you'll never see your so called friends again anyway.

When you go to a New Years Eve party and meet a girl named Joan, just have a few drinks, go home and forget about her.

When you're 26 and if you still live in Ashington then in that summer if you get approached on the dance floor by a girl named Joanne, turn around and walk quickly away, do not look back, just leave quickly and quietly by the nearest exit.

From your still good looking, still fit, non smoking, still unemployed older self.

STEFANOS4784

Dear me,
Drop the weed, even though you say you'll never touch ciggies they take the place of the weed when you realise you're on the verge of a brake-down(seriously). You will end up as a salesman, despite your lucky G.C.S.E results/wasted intelligence, as you will be(as you are now), a lazy git. STOP NOW AND MARRY RUTH YOU EEEJOOT :evil: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

You will end up driven insane by a girl named Zoe, avoid her like the plague.
(and yes i have seen her, she's got baggage dawg, BIG baggage )
I know you hate D/H MTB'ing with your mates, buy a road bike now you will love it i promise

I know you wont listen because you're a mug.


Good luck,

you

finchy

Dear John,

Cut your hair. Concentrate on maths and sciences instead of humanities. You're better than you think, and just lacking in confidence at the moment. But Tony Buzan's books straightaway, use them for GCSE revision, and all through A-Levels and university.

Don't go out with Alex.

Start playing bass guitar soon, and play with a metronome from the start.

Join a cycling club now, not when you're 28.

See you in 13 years. Hope you make the most of your talents.

John

whyamihere

Dear Chris,

Don't start 6th form just because your mates are doing it you moron. Go to college and do your A levels there, you'll have the time of your life.

Road bikes are cool. No, really. Buy one, now. You won't regret it.

You know all those girls who look at you, and you look away and make sure there's nothing on your face? They LIKE you you damned fool. Go for it.

Love Chris

I really wish I'd known the last one...

pugwashcp

Dear Me.

F.F.S chill out man!! There IS someone out there for you and you WILL meet her....it will then become increasingly apparent that she ISN'T the one for you and months of angst and heartache will follow before the whole process begins again....and again......and again. It will keep happening to a lesser or greater extent until you hit your mid-thirties at which point you'll meet someone that bares no resemblance to the mythical ideal woman you have in your head...AT ALL!!!....and all of a sudden life will make sense. It won't be plain sailing, you'll just be happy she's sharing your journey.

When you meet a girl called Sue feel free to say the first thing that pops into your head. No, honestly, she will see the funny side of a half-cut northern bloke stumbling across a crowded room to whisper "you're quite tasty for a big bird" in her ear. Just don't spend the next two years beating yourself up because you don't think you're good enough for her......You are!! Thinking otherwise will just drive you up the fricking wall.

Finally. Spending four years wandering around the planet on a whim taking short term contracts whenever you run out of money and chasing cheap thrills, cheap beer and dirty women may sound like a good idea...........................IT IS!!!! Fill your boots son, the world and anyone who really matters will still be there when you get back and the experience will change you for the better.

Good luck sunshine and happy hunting.

HonestAl

OK, here goes

Dear me

You're wrong, the world's not against you, and despite you doing your best to put yourself down you can be moderately successful once you set your mind to do something. But that creeping uncertainty will always be there. Learn to love it, it's part of you and stop you becoming too much of a cocky arse.

When you meet that girl 5 days before your 19th birthday, look carefully and take a deep breath. She'll still be with you around 35 years later (and counting) and you'll not look back. If that scares you too much then DON'T go to the disco with Mart, stay in and watch Star Trek.

When you think kids will be good, you're wrong. They'll be GREAT. Spend all the time you can with them. don't let them think anything is difficult and you'll be amazed what they can achieve.

Yours
Elf

PS Don't let yourself spend years regretting being overweight. Get a bike. You'll bloody love it!!

muffin top

Hello,
When you're 18 you'll find yourself standing on Nottingham station. A 90 year old man will approach you for help; he'll ask you to put him on the next train to London, where is daughter is meeting him. The train on platform 1 is NOT the train to London - that's the train to Sheffield...

It's not a requirement to fall in love with every girl you kiss. Try and focus more on sexual gratification, lots of it (you must be practically the only 16 year old lad to ever need this advice).

If you can't walk home from the pub, don't think you'll be able to cycle. A broken collar bone is surprisingly painful, even when drunk. Also, your wife will never tire of reminding you that she would rather have spent her birthday on the promised shopping trip and NOT sitting with you in A&E.

Have fun!

ps. the Euro lottery numbers on Friday 01 May 2009 will be 5 - 19 - 31 - 38 - 47 3 - 5 . I know that seems a long time to wait, but you can retire at this time. Write back for more advice re lottery, share tips, horses etc.

Stone Glider

This is a thank you note and a piece of information which could have changed your and my, life.

Firstly, thanks for avoiding fags and drugs; enjoying all sorts of music but not too loud; for liking beer but loving wine; for making friends who are still friends.

Although you won't find out for another thirteen years, we suffer from hay fever and associated asthma; caused by tree pollen. That is why you have no energy in the spring and early summer and your exam results are barely adequate. Fortunately you take professional exams in march and early april and end up with letters after your name and a "job for life". (No time to explain the falseness of that statement).

It is a shame that you are so intense and drven, it covers up for a lack of confidence which in time will prove misplaced. It is sad that you cannot relax and enjoy it but I can and do.

P.S. more women loved you than you knew, which is probably the best way round.

claash

Here goes:-

Dear C,

Congratulaions on the O level passes! Now, Don't let school bully you into taking German French and English at A level: Go for the Chemistry with the German and Business studies. it will widen your job opportunities no end I am sure!! And you will still get to travel! Oh and you will survive the shit that is about to happen in the 6th form: However confront it straight on. Do not retreat!! You have to become stronger in holding your ground, saying no and standing up for yourself to bullies: They are just idiots!

When they tell you "stay as you are" they mean happy go lucky and friendly..... BUT start to rebel now: Go out, have fun and live a little defy your parents, they are not God (Oh and talking of him: by the way break away from the church too if you can do...... you give it up anyway by the 2nd year of uni!!)

Don't fall for every guy you meet: Have fun with being with them but they aren't all forever! Don't get married at 24 you are way too young and settling down is boring: filled with responsibility! Plus I will let you in to a secret (It doesn't last with the German guy!)

Once you get to Switzerland: The school will work! (you'll find out) BUT do NOT let the German take care of the finances of it! You can do a far better job than he can and you will avoid a lot of heart ache, sweat and toil!

I will write later to tell you more: Till then my advice: Live life to the full and enjoy as much as you can: You are already totally willing to take on a challenge! Keep going!

Your older and maybe wiser self!

term1te

Dear Sixteen year old me,

My, what a lot of hair you have, enjoy it whilst you can. Try to widen your musical horizons; Howard Jones was good, but not that good. Watch out for the Metal phase, it will soon be considered classic rather than rebellious.

Whilst being a teenager you know everything already, here are a few pearls of wisdom you may have missed:

Whilst cycling home from handing in your O’ level chemistry project, don’t be tempted to try to overtake a moving car. It will end in tears, and you will get to see one of your own bones.

When entering into a cycling prowess boasting match to impress Jayne in the sixth form, don’t ask how you steer a fixed wheel bike.

When you get to University, you will despite what your physics teacher says, please do some work in the first couple of years. Oh and try not to forget about those exams at the end of the first year, they do actually count for something. You’ll be kicking yourself for years afterwards. Watch out for Jenny, the bit about her not going out with the other guy anymore is not strictly true. Don’t touch the punch when you get home from your grandfather’s funeral, you will need a liver in later life. Also don’t eat the thrifty mince; you haven’t heard of prions yet, but you will moo.

After Jo, try going out with girls whose names don’t begin with J, it will be for the best in the long run.

Don’t believe everything they say at your job interview with ICI, in fact don’t believe anything they say.

Be tolerant of economic migrants, you’ll become one.

Also you'll never believe it, but, one of the children you went to Sunday School with ends up leading a UK political party!

Most of all, try and have a bit more fun while you still can, as Shaw said “youth is wasted on the young”.

Johnny G

Dear greasy-haired slob,

Stop wanking, get out of bed and get out on that bloody bike you've just built up you pillock!

Luv,

Johnny Less-hair

SpinningJenny

Dear younger, more neurotic self

The braces on your teeth will be worth it and the spots are only a passing phase.

The boy you meet in the 6th form is NOT the love of your life, you don't need to stay with him through A levels, your year out and first year of uni. For the love of god, don't lend him money either - you'll never see it again.

When it comes to first year exam time at uni, and you have the option to switch your degree, DO go for English Literature and specialise in Medieval Literature studies. You will spend the rest of your uni career loving it all, not just the socialising part!

Your mother doesn't know everything, nor should she have the power to control your life from afar into your late 20s. You can make your own mistakes and enjoy sorting them all out in your own way.

Don't lose touch with your Dad - he will spend the rest of his life trying to make up for the lost years. Be a bit more forgiving towards him as you'll soon learn that everyone makes mistakes - even you.

Move to Brighton when you had the chance first time round.

Chill out and be a bit more rebellious - it won't kill you!

rogerthecat

What a great but disturbing thread :shock:

SpinningJenny

All those things are what made us all the 'adults' we are today.

Although anyone that bumps into me tonight in the hostelries of Brighton may not immediately have the word 'adult' spring into their mind....!

LangerDan

I seem to have stumbled upon a bizzare form of Calvinist predestination, where folk are happy to dictate the life path for their younger selves.


Though while I'm here ....

Right, mush

As a sixteen year old, do not take any advice from someone purporting to be you in several decades time

They're either a tinfoil hat-wearing loon OR you're being "groomed".

NGale

Dear Me

Study hard at maths, you may not be any good at it, but you need that C grade, when you get to 31 you will find every oppertunity closed off to you just because of that one subject and that oppertunity of becoming an RAF officer that you want just won't happen without it.

You will get to university, but it'll be later than you think, if you want to get there sooner then for the love of god tell someone you don't understand and that you can't read properly.

Stop freting about being over weight, nothing is going to change there so get used to it. if its any consolation all those that bully you now will either end up in prison or fat themselves.

Don't ever entertain the idea of becoming a journalist, not only are you not willing to sell your soul to the devil for a story, but it will also lead to two years of depression when you get sacked.

When at 20 you meet a guy call Ben, run, run like hell!

The world will always perplex you, get used to it, it will save you time. People are hypocrits, again get used to it!

Anonymous

Dear D,

Still jion the Army at 16, but you should have done P company straight away, not 7 beer, kebab, tequila,curry, rum and beer filled years later.

Buy a bike and get into cycling whilst in the Army. Leave the Army sooner than you did and dont get engaged to a girl called Mary 2 weeks after meeting her when you were 17, it all ends in tears, bigtime.

Dont go into a bar in Cancun in August 1993 and tell the bloke who you find out has a gun in his jacket that his "bird" is a complete dog. You will always regret it.

Bye, say so long to your hair and 1 testicle when you are 35.

pneumatic

Dear 16 year old me:

Get a haircut prior to special occasions (e.g. graduation and your wedding). Those photos will haunt you for ever.

When you get your first car, do not abandon your bike. Keep riding it.

Next summer, your mate Steve is going to offer you a ticket to see Led Zepellin at Knebworth. Say yes and go! Please go! Just because the punk era is underway, it is not at all cool to shrug and say "Nah! can't be bothered."

Worry less, laugh more, keep in touch with your mates

Your old self

Me

BMX Bear

Dear 16 year old Bear,

Start playing rugby NOW, not when you're 21. Play it for you not your old man, it's fun and you are actually pretty good at it.

Ignore everything else I write,

Bear.

PS - give up the raving and those funny pills and look after your knees, they're better when they work. Have fun!

wiffachip

don't play 5 a side 3 times a week for the next 30 years, your knees will get their revenge eventually

do not waste thousands of pounds and hours watching newcastle united

do not join a cycling forum - they are all nutters

davelakers

Dear Dave,


Join the RAF and follow your dreams as soon as you can, do not take the dead end job as a mechanic, you will regret it beyond words in later life. Travel as much as you can and meet as many people and make as many friends(especially female friends) as possible. When asked to be best man at your best mates wedding, do not feel obliged to ask out his sister because she fancies you, it will lead to no end of heartache and pain. In no way should you get engaged to said girl, take the hints and advice from your mates and get shut!!! Do not fall in love with every woman you kiss and dont be such a gentleman all the time, women do like the bastard sometimes!!!

On a March Sunday in 1994, do not play football on Moor Park for your football team against Fulwood East End. You may score a screamer from 30 yards but you will rupture your cruciate ligament and your life will change forever. You should continue to watch Preston North End whenever possible, as you will be rewarded by them being promoted to the top tier of football in 2009 by beating the 6 fingered dingles at Wembley!! Start cycling as soon as you can and try not to get fat, its downhill from then on!!

Whatever happens, the best piece of advice is when your mate suggests a blind date with his girlfriends mate, go along and you will not regret it, she will be the best thing that ever happens to you.

From your older, fatter and crippled self.

Not Another Hill

Dear Not Another Hill (jr)

Tear yourself away from that Heaven 17 album for a moment and write down these numbers: 3, 12, 9, 34, 19, 4.

There will come a time in 2003 when mobile phones aren't the size of house bricks and the National Lottery will arrive. Fill out those numbers for the Sat 23rd June draw. It's a MEGA ROLLOVER and you'll win it and never have to work.

You will want to spend all your free time attempting to be a cycling God instead of the 'left-it-too-late-cyclist' who is desperately but forlornly trying to make up for lost time between a demanding job and a hectic family life.

Sincerely

A greying but full head of hair and slim, fantastically good looking and charrming but aged self

whydoesitalwaysrainonme

Dear Jamie
ooh yer i'm only 14 anyway :shock:

Sirius631

whydoesitalwaysrainonme wrote:

Dear Jamie
ooh yer i'm only 14 anyway :shock:

You could write to your future older self and tell him how it is now. I sure he's forgotten a lot.