Did that totally horrible thing (guys only)

tardington
tardington Posts: 1,379
edited May 2009 in The bottom bracket
Girlfriend asleep on the sofa, so was creeping up to give her a kiss on the cheek. All okay so far!

BUT on the approach, though I' d let out a bit of wind. You know where this is going? As it left me it felt... hot. Being a sensible lad I froze, and reversed. Bloody hell! I never ate anything like that today! The smell!!! :shock: :shock: :shock:

Hopefully my surreptitious wafting will work before it wakes her up... :shock:

Comments

  • drewfromrisca
    drewfromrisca Posts: 1,165
    Best ones are when you shart yourself...done that once. I was wearing a dodgy pair of 80's silky football shorts as well. Absolutley no grip on them!!!
    There is never redemption, any fool can regret yesterday...

    Be Pure! Be Vigilant! Behave!
  • guilliano
    guilliano Posts: 5,495
    I try to leave them round the girlfriend's midriff then run away....... they wake up thinking they did it.

    Why am I single?
  • drewfromrisca
    drewfromrisca Posts: 1,165
    Used to fart in a test tube in science lab in school. cork it then let it go around the snobby cow girls in class. I wasn't liked much in school!!!
    There is never redemption, any fool can regret yesterday...

    Be Pure! Be Vigilant! Behave!
  • tardington
    tardington Posts: 1,379
    Drewfromrisca - you had my sympathy till the football short bit. Silky? :shock:

    Guilliano - Ah, good plan for next time. She is still asleep so I've probably gotten away with it!
  • drewfromrisca
    drewfromrisca Posts: 1,165
    Tardie, don't you remember them??? They were shiny/silky and very very short!!!
    There is never redemption, any fool can regret yesterday...

    Be Pure! Be Vigilant! Behave!
  • FCE2007
    FCE2007 Posts: 952
    Juvenile, perhaps, but LMFAO at 'shart' :lol:
    Powered by Haribo.
  • teagar
    teagar Posts: 2,100
    Just teach your other to love your own personal brand. 8)
    Note: the above post is an opinion and not fact. It might be a lie.
  • SpinningJenny
    SpinningJenny Posts: 889
    I know you said guys only but...

    This was all fine - until the silky shorts :shock:

    Even laydees have bottom burps you know :D
    Ned Flanders: “You were bicycling two abreast?”
    Homer Simpson: “I wish. We were bicycling to a lake.”

    Specialized Rockhopper Pro Disc 08
  • Stewie Griffin
    Stewie Griffin Posts: 4,330
    I know you said guys only but...

    This was all fine - until the silky shorts :shock:

    Even laydees have bottom burps you know :D

    I can remember when I found out. 5 Mins I spent trying to find out where the smell of gas was coming from. I even got a bit panicky after remembering that the flat was all lecky :shock: . For another 5 mins she let me run around the flat looking for the source. IIRC it was only when I said I was going to knock on our neighbours doors to see if they could smell it that she admitted that it had in fact emanated from her :lol: .
  • SpinningJenny
    SpinningJenny Posts: 889

    I can remember when I found out. 5 Mins I spent trying to find out where the smell of gas was coming from. I even got a bit panicky after remembering that the flat was all lecky :shock: . For another 5 mins she let me run around the flat looking for the source. IIRC it was only when I said I was going to knock on our neighbours doors to see if they could smell it that she admitted that it had in fact emanated from her :lol: .

    :lol::lol::lol::lol:
    Ned Flanders: “You were bicycling two abreast?”
    Homer Simpson: “I wish. We were bicycling to a lake.”

    Specialized Rockhopper Pro Disc 08
  • finchy
    finchy Posts: 6,686
    I usually tell my girlfriend that it slipped out without me noticing it.
  • teagar
    teagar Posts: 2,100
    johnfinch wrote:
    I usually tell my girlfriend that it slipped out without me noticing it.

    What, during sex or farting?


    Sorry, I couldn't resist! :twisted:
    Note: the above post is an opinion and not fact. It might be a lie.
  • mrushton
    mrushton Posts: 5,182
    NEVER trust a f**t
    M.Rushton
  • finchy
    finchy Posts: 6,686
    teagar wrote:
    johnfinch wrote:
    I usually tell my girlfriend that it slipped out without me noticing it.

    What, during sex or farting?


    Sorry, I couldn't resist! :twisted:

    I once let out the most enormous rotten egg during sex.
  • Stewie Griffin
    Stewie Griffin Posts: 4,330
    johnfinch wrote:
    teagar wrote:
    johnfinch wrote:
    I usually tell my girlfriend that it slipped out without me noticing it.

    What, during sex or farting?


    Sorry, I couldn't resist! :twisted:

    I once let out the most enormous rotten egg during sex.

    I got caught watching tv once :lol:
  • Gav888
    Gav888 Posts: 946
    LMAO :lol:
    Cycling never gets any easier, you just go faster - Greg LeMond
  • NGale
    NGale Posts: 1,866
    And so many of you wonder why your single :lol:

    I will freely admit that I am the queen of the bottom burps in my family, they are never subtle but very rarely smell :shock: :roll: :lol:
    Officers don't run, it's undignified and panics the men
  • Jakes Dad
    Jakes Dad Posts: 369
    Even laydees have bottom burps you know :D

    That's a Myth

    They dont keep their mouths closed long enough to build up enough pressure :wink:

    Simon
    "It never gets easier, you just go faster"
  • tardington
    tardington Posts: 1,379
    I did hear my gf trumping in the bathroom once.

    I also told her she farted in her sleep... She was NOT happy! And even less happy when I admitted I'd made it up. :lol:
  • AyrshireBacon
    AyrshireBacon Posts: 173
    mrushton wrote:
    NEVER trust a f**t

    Part of Billy Connolly's three rules of old age...
    1. Never trust a f@rt
    2. Take every opportunity to have a p1ss
    3. If you do manage to get an erection, make sure you use it
    :D
    time flies like an arrow
    fruit flies like a banana
  • CHRISNOIR
    CHRISNOIR Posts: 1,400
    When I first met my Missus our one point of disagreement* was the merits of toilet humour. After we'd been together for a few months I felt safe enough to start squeezing the odd one out here and there and it seems to have encouraged her to do likewise. She's now a one-woman guff-machine.

    I've never been able to figure out what will make someone like / hate toilet humour and farting. Male / female, Working / Middle / Upper class, Old / Young - you just never know whether someone will like it or not!

    *actually there were two; I'm still baffled by her love of the Pet Shop Boys.
  • stevo1602
    stevo1602 Posts: 43
    Those are the best, the warm ones, when you can feel the Turtle's head coming out, and its time for a pitch inspection :D