Swine flu comedy and only slightly offensive to cyclists!

SpaceBadger Posts: 113
edited May 2009 in Commuting chat

AS the number of confirmed pork flu cases in the UK soared into single figures, millions of people across Britain were last night wondering who would be the first arsehole to start wearing a facemask.

And of course, some arsehole is going to put one on their dog. Online retailers have reported high demand for their utterly useless anti-pork flu kits, consisting of a flimsy surgical mask, some Kendal mintcake, a James Blunt CD, a novelty keyring and a cyanide pill.

Stephen Malley, a trainee accountant from Finsbury Park, said: "I think it's going to be this guy in my office called Geoff. He rides a bicycle to work and eats bananas at his desk. He's a prick." :shock:

Emma Bradford, a marketing assistant from Hatfield, said: "My friend Janet is pathetically melodramatic. She wore one during the foot and mouth outbreak in 2001 because she said it really accentuated her eyelashes."

And Roy Hobbs, a retired architect from Stevenage, said: "My wife's friends are all idiots, but I have a feeling it might turn out to be Harriet Harman, just because she's such an arsehole."

Experts warned that despite their uselessness, many arseholes will be tempted to walk around wearing facemasks and thinking they are in a film based on a Michael Crichton novel.

Dr Tom Booker, from Reading University, said: "Of course they're wearing them in Mexico. If I was in Mexico I'd be wearing one regardless. You can almost smell the fucking place from here."

He added: "If you've got the cash - and the back muscles - you could try walking around in a scuba suit, with a couple of oxygen tanks strapped to your shoulders.

"But really, the best way to stop pork flu is to get it, takes some pills and watch the telly until you don't have it anymore."
"I think the phrase rhymes with Clucking Bell"

FCN = 4


  • CiB
    CiB Posts: 6,098
    No need to worry about swine flu now - there's a cure. Get down to Boots and buy a jar of oinkment.
  • monkeysm8
    monkeysm8 Posts: 191
    No need to worry about swine flu now - there's a cure. Get down to Boots and buy a jar of oinkment.

    Is that to be liberally applied to the rashers?

    Is that my taxi??
  • SpaceBadger
    SpaceBadger Posts: 113
    I tried to phone NHS direct but all I got was crackling :lol:

    I'll get my coat.
    "I think the phrase rhymes with Clucking Bell"

    FCN = 4
  • artaxerxes
    artaxerxes Posts: 612
    Is this the aporkalypse now?

    I'll show myself out...
  • Bassjunkieuk
    Bassjunkieuk Posts: 4,232
    ur all a bit late, we covering swine flu on the scr thread yesterday,

    I'm rather boared of it now...........
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