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Sad News, now confused what to next?

shane515shane515 Posts: 139
edited May 2009 in The bottom bracket
Hello all

I have just learned from his wife that my great friend, training/riding buddy and drinking partner has died in a tragic accident (not cycle related). We had started training early this year as we had places on the Caledonia Etape, we had also entered the Highclere and the Surrey 100 and we planned to finish the year with a charity ride to Paris. As you can probably imagine my head is in a spin and my stomach is hurting.......selfishly the shine has tragically come off the rides, especially the Etape ride as he really could not wait to go 'hammer and tongs' at it!

I am at a complete loss as what to do, I look up from desk and can see the training plan that we had been following and can see todays effort is a 2 hour evening ride with some hill reps, but I do not know if I can 'get back on' today, tomorrow or even manage Scotland, I am lost.

What a waste, so sad RIP mate.

Posts

  • softladsoftlad Posts: 3,587
    sorry for your loss fella - keep riding - ride the events for him....
  • AnonymousAnonymous Posts: 28,799
    Sh*t, that is just, well, sh*t. I really feel for you.

    This is going to sound cliched but the best thing you can do is get back on and train your a*rse off and do the rides to the very best of your ability.

    Good luck with everything, thoughts go out.
  • Robmanic1Robmanic1 Posts: 2,150
    Awful, difficult to know what to say. Cycling is a great way to channel the sadness and anger you must be feeling, so I agree with Napoleon, go ride.
    Pictures are better than words because some words are big and hard to understand.

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/3336802663/
  • bobtbuilderbobtbuilder Posts: 2,058
    My condolences. I know it sounds cliched, but I'm sure your mate would have wanted you to go on and complete the sportives.
  • heavymentalheavymental Posts: 2,006
    Sad to hear about your mate. Loss is always hard to take.

    Give it a while. Grieve, then get back on it. To not do the rides would be tragic so you need to ride them in tribute to him and your friendship. Do what feels right for you now, even if that is sitting around and eating pies. But get back on it when you can.

    Take care.
  • spen666spen666 Posts: 17,709
    softlad wrote:
    sorry for your loss fella - keep riding - ride the events for him....

    +1 Do the rides in memory of him and think of him as you do them
    Want to know the Spen666 behind the posts?
    Then read MY BLOG @ http://www.pebennett.com

    Twittering @spen_666
  • AndyRubioAndyRubio Posts: 880
    TS fella, fcking shame, I feel for you.

    Andy
  • spanielssonspanielsson Posts: 776
    Condolences regarding the loss of your friend, no matter how young or old losing someone close is awful.

    If your friend is as most of us here are, I'm sure on a top three list of things to do before he left would have been to ride with you, be it training or one of the events you had planned. If it were me I'd do my best to carry on as best i could to do it.


    I'm not a religious person, or would even claim to be spiritual in anyway. I've only ever told my wife this:

    Last year I lost one of my best friends I'd known all of my life, without him there is a hole that really can't be filled, but, I'm closer to him than ever when I ride my bike. Especially on the hard climbs and fast descents, it's as though I have a helping hand.

    Do what feels right, better to try and stop if it's wrong than put the brakes on everything.
  • AnonymousAnonymous Posts: 28,799
    Sorry for your loss mate, but do the rides for him and yourself.
  • pdstsppdstsp Posts: 1,264
    I'm really sad to hear of this loss - perhaps think what you would want if things were reversed - I guess you would want your mate to keep riding? Its a horible time and, as other have siad, you need to grieve and then get on with life, albeit with a large piece missing. Good luck.
  • Red RockRed Rock Posts: 517
    Sorry to hear your sad news.

    First of all remember that your mate is now at peace and it's you and those who where close to him that are feeling pain right now. Look after each other, take some time out and then see how you feel about doing the rides.

    Red Rock
  • Frank the tankFrank the tank Posts: 6,806
    May I offer my condolences, it's awful.

    I know it sounds cliched but would you stopping riding be what your mate would want. Indeed you stopping riding will afterall not change anything other than (A) make you even more miserable. (B) cycling loses two riders.

    My mum died two christmas eves ago and getting on my bike was the most possitive thing I did. Although when I first set off the feeling of guilt was huge, it's amazing how things start and sort themselves out in your head.

    Take a deep breath, throw your leg over the top tube, click in and turn the cranks my owd. Grieving is not the easiest or most comfortable road to get down but, honestly, cycling will be a help.

    All the very best.
    Tail end Charlie

    The above post may contain traces of sarcasm or/and bullsh*t.
  • cjcpcjcp Posts: 13,342
    shane515 wrote:
    especially the Etape ride as he really could not wait to go 'hammer and tongs' at it!

    This is awful. My condolences.

    What the other guys have said. Go at it "hammer and tongs" in his memory.

    Good luck.
    FCN 2-4.

    "What happens when the hammer goes down, kids?"
    "It stays down, Daddy."
    "Exactly."
  • Dave_1Dave_1 Posts: 9,512
    shane515 wrote:
    Hello all

    I have just learned from his wife that my great friend, training/riding buddy and drinking partner has died in a tragic accident (not cycle related). We had started training early this year as we had places on the Caledonia Etape, we had also entered the Highclere and the Surrey 100 and we planned to finish the year with a charity ride to Paris. As you can probably imagine my head is in a spin and my stomach is hurting.......selfishly the shine has tragically come off the rides, especially the Etape ride as he really could not wait to go 'hammer and tongs' at it!

    I am at a complete loss as what to do, I look up from desk and can see the training plan that we had been following and can see todays effort is a 2 hour evening ride with some hill reps, but I do not know if I can 'get back on' today, tomorrow or even manage Scotland, I am lost.

    What a waste, so sad RIP mate.

    very sorry to read of your loss there...I would recommend going with your gut instinct, don't ride them if it upsets you. In 1985 as a 15 year old came back from a training run and found out my brother had just died in an RTA...I was back cycling in 3 days, even though had lost all appetite for food...was like my reaction...go cycle even on the day of his funeral I went cycling that evening...looking back , highly abnormal and definitely unhealthy as I later realised in my mid 20s...so best don't force yourself out on the bike for a while...
  • mickenmicken Posts: 275
    My sincere condolences at your sad loss. Deep down inside you will know what your friend would want you to do. If he was a 'hammer and tongs man' then I reckon he will be with you in spirit if you complete your joint targets and dreams for the year/season.
  • Vino2007Vino2007 Posts: 340
    Absolutely terrible news, sorry for your loss.
    Three years ago, my best friend died suddenly during a 5 mile time trial. I was utterly disillusioned and heartbroken! Personally, despite my other school mates packing it in, i carried on harder than ever because thats what he would have wanted.
    It might be hard to get yourself to carry on with the same training plan, i found riding with other club members actually helpled to ease the pain linked withno longer training with my mate. Chin up
  • SpinningJennySpinningJenny Posts: 889
    So sorry to hear this.

    I think that it would be the best thing in the world for you to do the challenge. It will be really tough, but it will probably help you, in the long run.

    And what you are feeling is not selfish - it's natural.

    Take care.
    Ned Flanders: “You were bicycling two abreast?”
    Homer Simpson: “I wish. We were bicycling to a lake.”

    Specialized Rockhopper Pro Disc 08
  • shane515shane515 Posts: 139
    Hello all

    Many, many thanks for all of your messages of condolence, best wishes and advice. Its quite strange at the moment, I make a decision about the coming events and once I'm convinced that’s what I am going to do I immediately think its the wrong thing to do and change my mind. My good friend would have told me to get over it and ride it, I know life MUST go on and I'm so sure he would have wanted me to ride.

    I will take the next few days to gather my thoughts and ride a few miles, after all he would have gone mad if we didn’t ride in this glorious sunshine we have at the moment.

    Thank you all once again, your help and advice has really helped.

    Shane
  • SpinningJennySpinningJenny Posts: 889
    Good for you, Shane. Try to enjoy the beautiful weather - sunshine is good for the soul.
    Ned Flanders: “You were bicycling two abreast?”
    Homer Simpson: “I wish. We were bicycling to a lake.”

    Specialized Rockhopper Pro Disc 08
  • popettepopette Posts: 2,089
    Shane,
    So sorry to hear your sad news.
    Wishing you all the best & hope to see you at Etape Caledonia
    Karen
  • gavintcgavintc Posts: 3,009
    Condolences, that is really horrid.

    Can I suggest you ride the Etape as normal, but at the top of Schiehalion stop for a minute's silence - then carry on. Do it for him, he will have wanted it
  • shane515shane515 Posts: 139
    gavintc wrote:
    Condolences, that is really horrid.

    Can I suggest you ride the Etape as normal, but at the top of Schiehalion stop for a minute's silence - then carry on. Do it for him, he will have wanted it

    I like your idea Gavin, a moment to pause and rememeber.

    Cheers all
    Shane
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