My God. My bike is minging.

Kieran_Burns

You London and city commuting lot don't know you're born.

I tell you - you think you have it tough dodging traffic and pedestrians bent on murder or suicide (or both)

Slugs.

At least you don't have to deal with suicidal slugs. These little b*stards leap out at you and throw themselves under your wheels. My God, you haven't heard anything until you've ridden through the massed ranks of Samurai Slugs. These Divine Wind Mollusc monsters must be made of glue 'cos I swear I'm going to have to sand blast the bike to get the remains off.

My crank, lower frame, chain, and well every part of the bike down there is covered in slmiy slug sh*t.

It's hard enough dodging berseker bunnies (and there were LOTS this morning), not to mention the worlds dumbest animal: the pigeon; but when you swing round the start of the bridle way to see nothing but 50ft of farking slugs you KNOW you're in trouble.

I was aiming at puddles and pools in a desparate attempt to clean the bike after that - it's not worked so I may have to go over to the jet wash at Sainsburys and have a go at lunch.

That'll be fun, if I manage to catch a particuarly big lump, I wonder how far i can make it fly?

always_tyred

I think you'll find that the world's dumbest animal is, in fact, lemingus pedestraianus.

girv73

Slugs.

They slime. They ooze. They kill.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093995/

Kieran_Burns

Ohhhh hell. I've just thought. :shock:

There's going to be LOADS minging mollusc material smeared all up the insides of the mudguards.

God I hate wet weather. :evil:

lost_in_thought

Is it really bad that I find that funny?

woodyonthebeach

Does sound funny. But at least you are lucky you don't have to contend with the bloody inconsiderate dogs walkers who never pick up their dogs sh*t.

fairweatherbiker

Ducks on the towpath - cocky little sods - most birds do what they're supposed to and fly off well in advance - not the ducks some wander into your path like some pikey wanting a fight. If it weren't for the proximity of the stagnant sludge-filled canal I'd run the buggers down.

Kieran_Burns

At least getting up early to cycle in I can take solace in not being known as slug-a-bed, a slug-a-BIKE maybe.... :P

Really though, it's a disgusting noise when riding over dozens of them, and really you can't dodge, so just grit your teeth (shut your mouth!) and keep in a straight line.

If you imagine walking through a field of squidgy wet bubble wrap, it might give you an idea of what I went through....

Feltup

Worlds most stupid creature when it comes to crossing roads has to be the pheasant.

Run out in to road half way, panic, run back, panic, run out again, panic, freeze, run under wheels of the car coming the other way.

Squirrels are evil. They wait in ambush and then throw themselves at my front spokes but only if I am doing 25mph plus.

I also cycle past some stables, guess what else my bike is covered in. :?:

spen666

Always Tyred wrote:

I think you'll find that the world's dumbest animal is, in fact, lemingus pedestraianus.

Aren't they and slugs the same thing?

always_tyred

spen666 wrote:

Always Tyred wrote:

I think you'll find that the world's dumbest animal is, in fact, lemingus pedestraianus.

Aren't they and slugs the same thing?

Some are better dressed than others.

woodyonthebeach

I find chavs equally mentally challenging when trying cycle down an cycle route in a towns.

In defence to the slugs they were made to go slow and slimy. Were as on the other hand chavs generally dont go much faster than a slug on Prozac and leave a trial of bad smellingness

always_tyred

woodyonthebeach wrote:

I find chavs equally mentally challenging when trying cycle down an cycle route in a towns.

In defence to the slugs they were made to go slow and slimy. Were as on the other hand chavs generally dont go much faster than a slug on Prozac and leave a trial of bad smellingness

However, put them in a Vauxhall Nova with a HUGE exhaust, and watch them go.

Do I mean slugs? You decide.

Kieran_Burns

woodyonthebeach wrote:

I find chavs equally mentally challenging when trying cycle down an cycle route in a towns.

In defence to the slugs they were made to go slow and slimy. Were as on the other hand chavs generally dont go much faster than a slug on Prozac and leave a trial of bad smellingness

Oddly enough on the last stretch of shared cycle / footpath (see my commute photos for details ) I passed a chavvy schoolgirl and was genuinely coughing in the cloud of cheap perfume in her wake.

I wonder if any of my impromptu and incomplete passengers managed to say hello as I went past? :P

spen666

Always Tyred wrote:

spen666 wrote:

Always Tyred wrote:

I think you'll find that the world's dumbest animal is, in fact, lemingus pedestraianus.

Aren't they and slugs the same thing?

Some are better dressed than others.

True,

i've never seen a badly dressed slug

Feltup

spen666 wrote:

Always Tyred wrote:

spen666 wrote:

Always Tyred wrote:

I think you'll find that the world's dumbest animal is, in fact, lemingus pedestraianus.

Aren't they and slugs the same thing?

Some are better dressed than others.

True,

i've never seen a badly dressed slug

All slugs are badly dressed, just ask a snail

woodyonthebeach

Feltup wrote:

spen666 wrote:

Always Tyred wrote:

spen666 wrote:

Always Tyred wrote:

I think you'll find that the world's dumbest animal is, in fact, lemingus pedestraianus.

Aren't they and slugs the same thing?

Some are better dressed than others.

True,

i've never seen a badly dressed slug

All slugs are badly dressed, just ask a snail

are they as badly dressed as a chav. they have got to lower form of life than a slug

spen666

woodyonthebeach wrote:

.....


are they as badly dressed as a chav. they have got to lower form of life than a slug

Isn't the lowest form of human life a limbo dancer?

always_tyred

spen666 wrote:

woodyonthebeach wrote:

.....


are they as badly dressed as a chav. they have got to lower form of life than a slug

Isn't the lowest form of human life a limbo dancer?

Or a miner. Or a diver. Or an Australian - depending on the coordinate system you use.

Kieran_Burns

My God, it's TIPPIING it down out there :shock:

I think that:

a) I'm REALLY glad I used my Nightvision today, rather than the showerproof
b) the slugs (the ones left) will be washed off the path
c) the path might be washed off as well
d) I am going to get REALLY REALLY muddy on the way home tonight.



....and the rain just got heavier....

e) my neoprene overshoes are at home
f) arse.

Jay dubbleU

The Nautilus - now thats a classy mollusc 8)

Kieran_Burns

Jay dubbleU wrote:

The Nautilus - now thats a classy mollusc 8)

If I see any on the way home tonight, I'll be sure to let you know....

marchant

You need some of this. Fill it with salt, a few turns up & down your commute, and Bob's your uncle