One of those days

Rich158

Do you ever get one of those days? I felt like I was in Final Destination this morning, and that the grim reaper was out to get me.

To start, thrashing through the lanes some idiot decides to pull out from a garden centre, now bearing in mind this is a dead straight section of road, and the junction is set well back in a layby, he has oodles of time to see me, or so I thought. As a consequence I didn't slow up, and assumed he would stop to let me go by, but no he proceeds to pull out right in front of me and then sit halfway across the road like a rabbit stuck in car headlights, causing me to swerve into the opposite carriageway. Giving the one finger salute I'm on my way putting that one down to experience.

4 miles down the road I then have a visit from the puncture fairy, at a busy cross roads populated by kids from about three diferent schools, and a number of plod trying to keep the peace. A quick change of tubes, together with the first use of my CO2 canister I'm feeling well pleased with myself. As I'm packing away I hear that familiar pssssttttttt of a tyre rapidly deflating, and realise I must have pinched the tube :roll: numpty. Amid much laughter from the kids I then proceed to change the tube again, and thank my lucky stars that I always carry two tubes and a mini pump.

The next 5 miles or so are pretty unventful, untill I get to the top of Shooters Hill, filtering to the left past a line of stationary traffic the silly cow next to me decides to pull over to the left to get past someone turning right. Never mind me, I can shape change to fit into the six inch gap she decided to leave :twisted: She gets the one fingered salute, again.

Over the top of the hill I go and approaching the start of the bus lane notice some people and kids crossing the road, keeping one eye on them I speed up to enter the bus lane when their lovely 4/5 year old decides to run straight across the road, about 10 yards in front of me, and I'm doing about 15-20 by now. How I missed him god only knows, I'm pretty sure I passed straight through him :shock: , but that's against the laws of physics as I understand them. I was convinced I was going to be rag dolling down the road, and stop at the traffic lights flabbergasted that I'm still on the bike.

Things cant get much worse, can they.

Oh yes they can, approaching Greenwich Park I need to make a right hand turn at the apex of a sharp left hand turn. I approach the tricky junction riding primary as always to ward of idiot car drivers, and check there's nothing behind me. As I signal right I'm aware that there's some cock in an Audi whose sped up behind me, tried to get arround me and suddenly realised that I intend to turn right. My right arm sticking out in the direction of my intended manouver may have alerted him to my intentions, I don't know, he still decided to try to overtake me anyway. In spite of me being in the middle of the road, signalling right and moving over to the centre, mr Audi driver merely moves further over into the opposite carriageway, keeping pace with me, untill he decides he's being bloody stupid, and slots back in behind me to allow me to complete my right turn. Yet another middle finger salute see's him on his way.

I cycled the final mile or so at a very sedate pace convinced that come Greenwich Town center my time was up. I feel as though I should have cycled in with my middle finger permanently in the air this morning.

Oh and I forgot about the slipping gears all the way in, sometimes i wish I'd never got up.

Here's hoping the journey home is as booring as hell

Kieran_Burns

It's karma - chop your middle digit off and you'll be fine

Rich158

I'm usually quite laid back but this morning was something else. I usually have one really close near miss a month, but five in a morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God knows what I've done to upset Karma so badly, but I promise I'll be nice from now on......................................I'm maiking my list now...........................honest

A - W

The ride home will be great, tail wind guaranteed.

downfader

Rich, dont use the middle finger - use "Hey! Watchout!!" as that will a) draw witnesses and b) stops people going "saw this bl**dy cyclist this morning..." some of the time.

I know its frustrating when pillocks drive like that but you'll be in a better situation should you ever need the Police's help.

sarajoy

I seem to default to "Whhooaaahhh Jesus!!"

lost_in_thought

I'm an OI!

Followed by lots of muttered swearing or smat-@rse remarks if they overtake me to stop at lights...

Rich158

The middle finger was the last resort for the motorists

The kid got a very loud wwhhhoooooooaaaaaaaaaa, I was too shocked to say anything else.

I've sorted the Karma thing. Keeping a large slab of cherry and sultana cake in my desk drawer for my sole consupmtion may be the cause :oops:

Serves me right for being a greedy bastard

downfader

Rich158 wrote:

The middle finger was the last resort for the motorists

The kid got a very loud wwhhhoooooooaaaaaaaaaa, I was too shocked to say anything else.

I've sorted the Karma thing. Keeping a large slab of cherry and sultana cake in my desk drawer for my sole consupmtion may be the cause :oops:

Serves me right for being a greedy bastard

I just had a whole packet of value jaffa cakes myself.

cjcp

lost_in_thought wrote:

I'm an OI!

Followed by lots of muttered swearing or smat-@rse remarks if they overtake me to stop at lights...

"Oi!", "Woaaaaaah Jesus!", and "Hey! Watch out!". I'm seriously impressed at the restraint.

I'm, um, a little more vocal at times. Not all the time by any means, because sometimes you just suck in air, look at the driver, and ride off in silence, the heart beating like hell. But there are occasions when my language is a bit ripe. :oops:

Rich - sounds like you were having a Basil Fawlty kind of day.

Christophe3967

I have a cold and it hurts to shout, so have resorted to my very best Paddington Bear tactics. However before giving someone a Very Hard Stare Indeed it's best to check that your nose isn't running and your glasses aren't steamed up.

antfly

Am I the only one who still uses two fingers?It somehow feels less aggressive.

Rich158

After the trials and tribulations of the morning I was looking forward to a quiet ride home, but no, in a small village I go through a buch of chavs decided to throw a block of wood at me :evil: :evil: :evil: Luckily it only hit me n the arm, god knows what would have happened if I'd have caught it in the face at 20mph. Still I stopped and gave them a mouthfull, but backed down when they decided that there was one of me, and six of them. Luckilly plod was stopped in a layby about 1/2 mile up the road so like a naughty school boy I dobed them in. Hopefully it will stop them from doing it again.

Then getting into be I decided I was developing a bit of a sniffle (man cold) and applied Vicks vapour rub in liberal quatities to my chest to ease my breathing through the night. I must remember to completely clear it off my hand before I get into bed and have a scratch :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

cjcp

Rich - you need to move house, mate. Come join us in SW London and duke it out on Embankment with us.

Rich158

Yep, north kent isn't great, too many chavs for my liking. I can't wait for our 50ft white horse though, lets see what creative grafiti they can come up with for that :shock:

I think I'll stay put for the time being, I wouldn't want to embaress everyone on the embankment

iain_j

I'm usually "WHOOOAAAA!" followed by a stunned silence as I'm too stunned at what the idiot in question has just done to come up with anything else. A minute or two later something really clever comes to me but by then it's too late

lost_in_thought

cjcp wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

I'm an OI!

Followed by lots of muttered swearing or smat-@rse remarks if they overtake me to stop at lights...

"Oi!", "Woaaaaaah Jesus!", and "Hey! Watch out!". I'm seriously impressed at the restraint.

I'm, um, a little more vocal at times. Not all the time by any means, because sometimes you just suck in air, look at the driver, and ride off in silence, the heart beating like hell. But there are occasions when my language is a bit ripe. :oops:

See I'm shooting to inspire nagging guilt rather than lingering rage, so shouted abuse may not be the way forward. Although I am often @rsey to people who overtake me to stop at red lights, if they're within shouting distance, they'll get an OI followed by a 'please LOOK in future' with some gesturing at my eyes.

antfly

Rich158 wrote:

Yep, north kent isn't great, too many chavs for my liking. I can't wait for our 50ft white horse though, lets see what creative grafiti they can come up with for that :shock:

I think I'll stay put for the time being, I wouldn't want to embaress everyone on the embankment

Are you Victor Meldrew back from the grave?Do you have a lot of litter in your garden?I think so.

Rich158

antfly wrote:

Rich158 wrote:

Yep, north kent isn't great, too many chavs for my liking. I can't wait for our 50ft white horse though, lets see what creative grafiti they can come up with for that :shock:

I think I'll stay put for the time being, I wouldn't want to embaress everyone on the embankment

Are you Victor Meldrew back from the grave?Do you have a lot of litter in your garden?I think so.

Strangely enough the other half has commented on it :oops: I wondered why my front garden is always full of litter :roll:

I'm normally quite laid back, but for some reason since christmas I've found myself turning into a grumpy old man.

Time to relax and take time to smell the roses methinks

antfly

Welcome back Victor!
Your day did sound like an episode from a sit-com.

cjcp

lost_in_thought wrote:

cjcp wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

I'm an OI!

Followed by lots of muttered swearing or smat-@rse remarks if they overtake me to stop at lights...

"Oi!", "Woaaaaaah Jesus!", and "Hey! Watch out!". I'm seriously impressed at the restraint.

I'm, um, a little more vocal at times. Not all the time by any means, because sometimes you just suck in air, look at the driver, and ride off in silence, the heart beating like hell. But there are occasions when my language is a bit ripe. :oops:

See I'm shooting to inspire nagging guilt rather than lingering rage, so shouted abuse may not be the way forward. Although I am often @rsey to people who overtake me to stop at red lights, if they're within shouting distance, they'll get an OI followed by a 'please LOOK in future' with some gesturing at my eyes.

You're right, but, frankly, there are times I just lose it (only verbally though). Thinking about it, it tends to be on those occasions when I feel the driving just gives the impression that they don't give a sh* in any event, in which ase, they won't feel the slightest pang of guilt. Hence, the verbal abuse option. I know, I shouldn't. :oops:

The Chingford Skinhead

I'm generally a rather loud "Oi!", occassionally a "Whoaaaaaah" and for special occassions a string of expletives so long and loud that I've no idea how my mind has strung them together while copiing with impeding death.

The guy I ride to work with occassionally is generally mild mannered but the other day we were going across a crossroad (lights in our favour) when a complete twonk turning right continued to edge out while on his mobile. I kid you not, the wordless stare my mate gave him as he swerved around the bonnet caused all of the crumple zones on the car to twitch and the airbag almost went off. I could only watch in awe!

Specialized Needs

Rich158 wrote:

Yep, north kent isn't great, too many chavs for my liking. I can't wait for our 50ft white horse though, lets see what creative grafiti they can come up with for that :shock:

I'm sure we won't have to wait long for the 10ft high pile of horseshit :roll: