Silly Season

Has it finally arrived,
Moderate weather arrives and all manner of lunacy breaks out from all parties.
Today’s usually uneventful 14 mile commute included:
Some portly older bint in a BMW undertaking me into a junction where we were both turning right.
A pikey tool in a 3 series convertible (a theme here perhaps) squeezing past me and a fellow cyclist on a speed hump between parked cars either side of the road into the path an oncoming car with foot on the accelerator and hand on the horn.
A hoody wandering out into my path causing a near miss coming out of Richmond Park.
A school kid in Fulham wandering across the road aimlessly missing me with me telling her to use her eyes, for then her to walk straight into the cyclist behind me wiping him out onto the tarmac.
Getting overtaken by a chauffeured Volvo who then pulls straight into a parking space in front of me.
Moderate weather arrives and all manner of lunacy breaks out from all parties.
Today’s usually uneventful 14 mile commute included:
Some portly older bint in a BMW undertaking me into a junction where we were both turning right.
A pikey tool in a 3 series convertible (a theme here perhaps) squeezing past me and a fellow cyclist on a speed hump between parked cars either side of the road into the path an oncoming car with foot on the accelerator and hand on the horn.
A hoody wandering out into my path causing a near miss coming out of Richmond Park.
A school kid in Fulham wandering across the road aimlessly missing me with me telling her to use her eyes, for then her to walk straight into the cyclist behind me wiping him out onto the tarmac.
Getting overtaken by a chauffeured Volvo who then pulls straight into a parking space in front of me.
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"What happens when the hammer goes down, kids?"
"It stays down, Daddy."
"Exactly."
The best was a woman blocking the ASL filter lane and the ASL itself at Vauxhall Bridge lights. I pointed this out simply saying "You shouldn't be there" to which I received a fuming mouthful of abuse from her, I wasn't sure what she said as I was on her inside. I moved my bike in front of her which is what the ASL is for after all. To which she responded by holding her hand on her horn until the lights had changed and we had moved off, even as she turned left rouond the corner she was still on her horn.
Some pepple are so full of rage it's scary. She was so obviously in the wrong but was so full of fury all the could do was rant at us.
Fixed FCN: 6
Viner Maxima, Tifosi CK7, Giant Bowery, Old commuter.
And as for drafting me.....well, that just ain't cricket! :evil:
FCN 4: Willier Izoard XP
FCN 7: GT Legato 4.0
*GAME* competitor
In the last week I've had more incidents than in my previous 18 months cycling to/from work.
People keep screaming at me to "cycle on the f**kin' road you tw4t!" despite the fact that I'm on a shared cycle path. Numpties walking out in front of me blindly while they text on their phones. Keep having to slam on the brakes to avoid clattering into headless chicken f**kwits. Can someone please tell pedestrians that they have a duty of care to watch where they walk?
Theres a lot of anger out there at the minute people. Be careful what you retaliate to.
This is why I avoid shared cycle paths like the plague, I think it's a terrible idea however it's implemented.
I had to bang on the roof of a Peugeot that was aimlessly wandering into the cycle lane this morning. Think that gave her a bit of a start. Probably not as much as she gave me given that she could easily have crushed me between her car and a pedestrian barrier fence.
Now, if my housemate would just stop pinning the 'run me over' sign on the back of my bag....
Just an hour ago I got sandwiched between a curb and a van today as the van tried drive across me turning left. Yesterday someone actually did drive across me! I've pulled out three time now in two days, each were ridiculous beyond belief.
Its not just motorists its also cyclists as well - fair weather cyclists insisting on squashing me into curbs or trying to overtake on the inside pushing me out onto oncoming traffic OR drafting when its clearly blocked ahead and I'm gonna need to stop don't help. Neither do the ones who RLJ switch lanes without looking (forcing the car behind them to emergency stop).
If people drive/ride stupid and hinder other people it has a cascade effect...
A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game
Getting home is a simple matter of the bungy cord I nicked from Skippers bridge, a grappling hook, and a passing SUV.
Let's hear it for the SUV drivers. They barely notice. Anything.
Have you ever been to Sipson Village Redvee?
It's a hole, manky crappy little house all looking rather run down, just occupied by idiots who have bought houses in the past 50 years next to an international airport and now have bother to complain about it!
Don't believe the media hype that it's thatched cottages around a village green. To be honest a runway on top of the houses is no loss, maybe on top of the occupants is a bonus?
As I said, Silly Season!
Very Hairy Roadie - FCN 4
Fixed Pista- FCN 5
Beared Bromptonite - FCN 14
My "favourite" is still the guy in the old Vauxhall Cavalier who pulled out in front of me from a parking space (causing expletives from more than one orifice) and then proceeded to berate me at the next set of lights. My fault, it seems, as he had been indicating and I should therefore, I assume, have got out of his way.*
I've prepared my next line for when I'm really badly cut up by a crappy old car, "Hey, mate, why don't you swap that pile of shite for a couple of driving lessons and a copy of the Highway Code." Suggestions for improvement welcomed.
* I saw his indicators, he started to pull out while I still had just about enough time to stop so I grabbed the brakes, he then stopped moving so I thought he'd seen me and I released the brakes (still doing between 15 and 20 at that point). Oh no, it was just a pause - he was biding his time so he could cause maximum panic by waiting until I was really, really close until he finished pulling out.
Not improvements, just variations really:
"Ugly, fat, stupid.... and blind" Works best on women.
" Your parents must be sooo proud...."
"Evolution - its doesn't always pan out "
"Mummy let you out to play did she?"
"The Peugot 106 was voted the world's worse car recently" Works best on Peugot 106s
"The indicators are just there, on the side of the steering wheel"
"Did you have special driving lessons, or does it come naturally?"
"Ooh, look, it can talk"
"Do I look like the Invisible man?"
"Couldn't you afford one with indicators?"
"Lemming (s)" - for pedestrians.
Always remember to be as patronising as possible.
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Bike 2
http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected] ... otostream/
New Bike
http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/3479300346/
'Trying to maintain the element of surprise, are we?' - those who don't indicate
'Get there faster did you? Miles ahead are you?' - for people who cut you up to stop at lights
A recent minicab driver told me to eff off and stop being an effing stupid effing b*tch after I used phrase 2 2 weeks ago. He then got an earful from his passenger. Score!
Viner Maxima, Tifosi CK7, Giant Bowery, Old commuter.
"Next time you get that close at least have the decency to buy me some flowers".
The passengers p1ssed themselves laughing.
"No, no, he didn't slam you, he didn't bump you, he didn't nudge you... he 'rubbed' you. And rubbin', son, is racin'!"
FCN 4
I was knocked off just before Xmas (car hit me side on at 30 as I was going round a roundabout)....then had 4/5 really bad pull outs/near misses in early Jan..... all gone quiet up here, thank goodness..... :?
And they've just shut the canal tow path until next Thursday! Aaaaargh! So it's a 100% road trip every day until then.
The standard of driving is so poor nowadays. That said, I slipped into Halfords last night (in the car) to pick up some things and I followed a car-full of youngsters also going to Halfords. They waited patiently at a junction for a cyclist, then followed at a slow speed and didn't overtake (even though there was an opportunity). It was a model of good, courteous driving. Quite remarkable. A pity that it is remarkable, these days.
I've had two peds just wonder out in front of me. One in open road despite looking at me first, one while I was filtering on the cycle lane (left) and she was on the pavement, she saw the semi-stationery cars and simply walked out. Spidey senses meant I'd already clocked the danger and had the brakes covered. She had the decency to apologise. I waved her across with a slightly stern "cross safely"
Lots of cars getting closer and closer as they pass or simply deliberately pulling into the cycle lane so you can't pass while they are in the jam.
Today was worse. Took a diff route to work due to my Lidl visit - blimey the road was almost entirely lorries and vans - and none of them could have passed a test. It's a long wind road and up hill. Two big corners - on both I'm into the start of the corner when a van and a lorry decide they're going to pass me AND cut off the corner. Then had a police car roar up behind me so I pull over and the lorry in front of the police car decides I'm letting him throgh despite the blues and twos! Cue cut up and then blocking the police car DoH! Police car then turns right - oops wrong turn so does a loop and flies out of next junction across the road in front of me to turn left. FFS But it was the van and lorry on he corners that really go me Like Elvis I was all shook up. If that was my only serious option as a route to work I would sell the bike
Why not just call out? "Coooey" normally does the trick. 8)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/3258551288/
Bike 2
http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected] ... otostream/
New Bike
http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/3479300346/
I find 'OI!' followed by a muttered stream of expletives quite effective.
I used to shout 'ding' at errant pedestrians - I am my own bell.
Viner Maxima, Tifosi CK7, Giant Bowery, Old commuter.
I like those. And impressed that you encountered a minicab driver that has that much English.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/3258551288/
Bike 2
http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected] ... otostream/
New Bike
http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/3479300346/