Friday Humour

woodgob Posts: 96
edited January 2009 in Commuting chat
An ad forwarded to me by a friend....

Manly Bike for Sale
Date: 2008-07-22, 10:18AM PDT

Bike for sale

What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am
though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out
of metal and kick ass spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if
you think that deters me from riding at night, you're way wrong. I
practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the
first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let
the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like
saying "**** YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME".

The bike says Giant on the side because it's referring to my junk, but
rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is
going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars
from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War
2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while
stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm
wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when
I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I
thought that was sissy **** so I said no way.

The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad
ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you
probably drove it underwater and that's bad ass in itself. Those
screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you're going to go
to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you're
probably a dickless lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating.

I've topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you're just
a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This
thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The
bike has 7 speeds in total:

Gear 1 - Sissy Gear
Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 - Boy Gear
Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 - Manly Gear
Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear

I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.
Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock
to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull's testicles and
tells people you don't **** around with locking up your bike tank. It
tells would-be-thieves "Hey *******, touch this bike and I'll appear
from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four".

Bike is for 150 OBO (and don't give me no panzy prices)