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Help - New science needed for Titanium bike manufacturers

TheDrunkMonkTheDrunkMonk Posts: 181
edited December 2008 in The bottom bracket
Last year I bought a titanium Van Nicholas bike, with all the guys in the LBS singing the praises of titanium. Don't get me wrong, I now love my bike, but I came across this page on the Van Nick website 'Why Ti?' NOTE:The graph at the bottom.

http://vannicholas.com//ResLib/WbmTitanium.aspx

It seems to me that they are saying "OK its not as strong, light or stiff as other materials, but we've measured the comfiness and durability and it came out tops"

Comfort and durabilty are hard to quantify, so some cynical people may claim that this graph is simply 'made up'. So to help Van Nick (or Litespeed or whoever) I'm copywriting some new SI units which they can use in their marketing bullcarp, this is how far I got. Its far from perfect, so any help from you guys is welcome.

1. The COMFON. A measure of comfort based on the number miles that can be travelled down a pot holey Exmoor side road before your coxix fractures. 134 miles = 10 COMFONS

2. The DURON. A measure of frame durability based on how many ditches (or hedges) a bike can shoved into by the local BMW Barry boys club before suffering irrepairable damage, wear or fatigue. 41 ditches = 65 hedges = 10 DURONS.

I'm currently working on the PIEON (as a calorie alternative) the CHUBON (a weight to PIEON ratio) the BARRYON (a measure of risk inversely proportional to the COCKON level of the guy driving that BMW) the MONKON (how many hours you can ride before your wife leaves you [see STROPPON]) the HARDON (a measure of hill gradient) and a few others that also aren't Titanium related, so I'll save them for another thread.

Any ideas?

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