zero to hero

john74

ok im starting a blog from today on my journey from nothing to completing an endurance mtb event.
the story so far is im 34 years old i suffer from depression and a social phobia so im out of work and skint. i smoke like a trooper and i feel it is time to turn my life around. i used to be a keen mtber until about 4 years ago when my best mate and riding partner died of a heart attack whilst out riding from this moment i thought whats the point of all this. i ditched the riding started drinking and staying at home smoking myself stupid and drinking far too much. i sold all my bikes and blew the money so from today its day 1.
ive still got a crappy trek with a rusty chain and v brakes that dont slow you down.
im off to buy some nicotine patches today and ditching the fags which is kind of scary but a big step towards my goal. im going to dust the bike off and get out this afternoon if i can get motivated which is hard for me.
i will probably manage 10 mins before im knackered but 10 mins is better than none.
im sorry if this bores you but i feel typing this will help my rehabilitation and if it inspires other people all well and good.
i will try to update as often as possible.

thebluefox

Upmost respect to you for getting off your arse and doing something positive, it isn't always easy, but its always worth it.

Good luck mate, I'll look forward to hearing how you get on.

punctureboy

nice one mate good luck with it all. the first couple of times you'll have to force yourself out, but before long you'll feel guilty if you miss a ride! the buzz you get from riding, and fitness in general, will soon sort out your depression.

breezer

Check the Rides section on here as you may find some people local to you, normally better to ride with others and especially if you are seeking more motivation to get back out there.

FSR_XC

I will follow your progress with interest.

john74 wrote:

im sorry if this bores you but i feel typing this will help my rehabilitation and if it inspires other people all well and good.
i will try to update as often as possible.

Great for inspiring others, but just think of the ribbing you'll get when you take more than a day off riding from now on.

sparrowlegs78

Good on you!!! Believe me it WILL make you feel better in yourself even if it feels like it's killing you to begin with.
I am also off work with depression,anxiety, and social phobia due to some really really nasty crap.
I find the biking gets my mind working and keeps me fit, also gets me out meeting people and generally have a good time, it's worked so well that even though i have been signed off work for another year!!!! i am currently in a programme to get me back into work...if i wasn't biking i think i'd be in no fit state to even think about going back to work...so i can heartily commend you on your choice in getting back on the bike and giving yourself a goal...good luck hun.... Caroline xxxxxx

john74

ok this is the 4th time ive typed this, my computer keeps turning itself off after about a hundred words or so. so i will have to do this in short posts please bear with me.

Sarnian

Nice one, hope It all goes to plan I will read with interest.

thehoff

35, suffer anxiety, getting my 4rse back into gear!!! mountain biking is great for the mind and body!!!

good luck to you, i'll read your blog with interest.

tlw1

You have had a sh1t time, now get on your bike & have a good time. Remember the fun you used to have with your mate - he will be looking down & smilling seeing you out again.

Remember, people are like stars, the bright ones burn out first!

john74

ok lets hope my pc behaves today.
thanks for all the words of support.
i never believed all this stuff about mental illness, but after experiencing it i will never be so quick to judge in future.
anyway went to tescos last night and bought some patches, put one on last night and had an awful nights sleep i was sweating and kept having really vivid dreams (really wierd stuff) but i made it through until morning but i still feel really spaced out but it will be worth it in the end.
i dug my bike out of the garage put a bit of oil on the chain and went up the local trails.
its amazing the amount of fitness you lose. i did about 45 mins of actual riding time, i was ok for about 20 mins out of breath but feeling good but after 20 mins my body just shut down my legs were screaming my lungs burning. it was mentaly tough too i kept thinking why am i doing this i could be sat at home with a nice cuppa and a fag. the ride itself was cooold and a complete mudfest. although it was tough going i was buzzing for the rest of the day and cant wait to go out again.
the bike itself stood up quite well considering its over 5 years old and was pretty cheap back then. Although it did seem rather heavy on the climbs but i think maybe its me who is heavier now. the v brakes were scary and noisey with that horrible scoring sound against the rim. and the tyres well, it felt like i had slicks on they are specialized fast traxs lets just say they are not a mud tyre i think i may have covered 3 times the distance in wheelspins.
The hills were not good. the hills i used to get up on my middle chainring i had to walk up and even thet was a struggle.
a 75k merida seems a long way off!!!! but every long journey begins with a single step and i tell myself every turn of the crank im slightly fitter.
will update later this evening.

FSR_XC

Welcome to the world of mud!

As is often the case. Getting out is the hardest part. There something nice about struggling through mud and the achievement of completing a hard ride.

Well done.

You'll be aching tomorrow!

Surf-Matt

John - you are doing the right thing!

We lost a baby at 37 weeks last year - due to a knot in his cord. Running and cycling really helped stave off depression and my wife and I managed to get through it by flinging ourselves into both.

Oh and I had Fast Traks - they are USELESS in mud - I got Conti Mountain Kings which are much better.

john74

my god matt how do you cope with something like that?
didnt go out on the bike today still a bit achy from yesterday but going out early in the morning for a blast brrrrrrr.
as for the smoking day 1 with no fags its been tough and ive nearly crumbled but i havent so im off to bed in a minute feeling rather pleased. will update after the ride tomorrow.

mounty

Good luck John, all the best....

I have recently suffered beavrement and its been very tough, going to get tougher with Christmas around the corner, just trying to sort out some counselling as the hurt and suffering is no going to go away on its own....but I do find biking helps, even if its just a short 1 - 2 hours blast, it all helps take the mind off things..

Just stick with it and turn those cranks !

Surf-Matt

john74 wrote:

my god matt how do you cope with something like that?
didnt go out on the bike today still a bit achy from yesterday but going out early in the morning for a blast brrrrrrr.
as for the smoking day 1 with no fags its been tough and ive nearly crumbled but i havent so im off to bed in a minute feeling rather pleased. will update after the ride tomorrow.

Talk, talk, talk and then talk some more. Don't bottle anything up, just talk about it. We also did some "home made" therapy (literally made it up as we went along) - it was bad enough losing a baby (who was perfect apart from the knot) but to lose another person (me or my wife) to depression simply wasn't going to happen - and it didn't. It was very tough (and often still is) but we have a gorgeous little 10 week old boy now.

We did get stupidly fit though - it was sort of part of our therapy and rehabilitation process. Which is why I suggest it works to anyone - too "easy" to lose yourself to depression and if you slip away, you will have a very hard time getting back.

mounty

Dont make the mistake I made and bottle everything up, it just eats you up inside....and takes you apart piece by piece..........

If have learnt the hard way,(trust me its hard). I have only just started to open up and talk about it all.........like surf matt says.......just talk, talk, talk and keep on talking....

gb155

First off, WELL DONE, Keep it up and in no time you will be an addict, No not to the fags but back to the bike.

and I just wanted to add:

Matt et el are right, talking REALLY does help, I bottled up 10 years of hurt and gained 22 STONE, I have now lost 14 of that and I have so much of my life back, Most of the time I talk to myself on a long commute, It helps me understand things, Makes things better sometimes too, Some times I need to talk to someone else and sometimes I jsut have to let my emotion out.

Just dont bottle it up and end up like me please, It was such a horrific place to be in, Im so glad im out of MOST of it by now.

Gaz

john74

wow talk about support, im really happy to have found some like minded folk. well done gb155 i just looked at your pics what a difference keep it up.
just a quick update another crap nights sleep sweating dreaming in fact im dreading tonight. woke at 6am and was at the trails just as it was getting light it was great i didnt see another sole in a whole hour of riding just a couple of deer. it was still really wet and boggy and i was slipping and sliding all over the place. it was really tough again. cant wait until summer.
still not smoking thats day 2 although its not as bad as yesterday im still getting really bad cravings they feel like anxiety attacks but im not giving in, its saturday so the kids are at home which makes it a bit worse.
i just wish i could fast forward my life 3 months to get it all out of the way.

BigJimmyB

John - good for you. You've made a very good decision. Keep us posted with your progress.

Matt, that must have been terrible. I agree with your sentiment that losing one of you to depression wasn't worth thinking about.

Stay strong both of you.

My wife and I have just lost our third baby, the second one this year to an ectopic, so my poor 30 year old wife has lost both tubes. We now have to go via IVF to have a chance of having a baby. I'm lucky in that I have 2 teenage girls already, but we're desparate for a child of our own.

I'm about to throw myself into getting fitter. I've been riding at least once a week for over a year now, sometimes 10-15 miles every other day. Not exactly super human effort but it beats f-all (which s what I was doing). I've got a trainer for the bike and some dumbbells to get my upper half a bit fitter (and work off those moobs!)

Here's to better things.
BJB

counterculture

Good on you John, hard days ahead mate but think of the end result.

Kudos to GB aswell, thats a hell of an achievement with your weight loss, ive got a mate who is trying to lose alot of weight but keeps puting it off and finding excuses, will show him your picture to show him what a bit of hard work can do

I work as a Mental Health Nurse and i work with folk with depression, anxiety and all other issues, im not a Psychiatrist obviously but i am trained in elements of CBT and similar therapies, so if any of you need a bit of advice, send me a message, i wont be able to cure you of your problems but i can help keep you thinking in the right kind of way.

supersonic

Depression is evil, but there are many solutions to it. I have suffered with it as part of my M.E./glandular fever for a few years now, but careful planning, CBT (as mentioned above), counselling, and just getting some fresh air works wonders. But it aint gonna stop me from being involved with bikes, I still ride and it the whole scene has worked wonders for me. Getting the magazine column was a great boost!

Surf-Matt

Jimmy - blimey, that's terrible.
This baby malarkey is a lot harder than it seems.

Our mates have been trying for two years (two miscarriages so far) and are getting frantic.

Supersonic - it's a good column too. Just got my latest issue of WMB (I subscribe) and it's another good 'un!

John - might sound odd but your ride sounds like my idea of heaven! Love being out on my own, being challenged a bit and just enjoying nature. It'll take time but soon youll relish any weather (as long as you have the right clothing!) and just love being out there. Youll also get fit enough to not even notice the effort.

And so BikeRadar's very own therapy centre was born!

missmarple

John, it is people like you whom I've got the utmost respect for!

Keep it up, soon biking will become a part of your life again - and you'll never be able to go a minute without thinking about it!

Also, drink plenty of water; helps to prevent cravings and appetite.


Cheers, Theo.

BigJimmyB

Surf-Matt wrote:

Our mates have been trying for two years (two miscarriages so far) and are getting frantic.

Tell them to hang in there Matt, and most importantly, relax. Although it didn't work out, the 2nd ectopic was a complete suprise, as we hadn't been 'trying'. I think the fact we weren't conscious (sic) about it helped.]

Surf-Matt wrote:

It'll take time but soon youll relish any weather (as long as you have the right clothing!) and just love being out there. Youll also get fit enough to not even notice the effort.

I have to say John, I prefer riding with someone else, BUT I do find the wrose the weather, the more determined I am. Me against the elements!

However you ride, enjoy it and think of the pay off. We always say when we come off a ride we haven't particularly enjoyed that it was better than not doing it at all.....

switchback18

john74 wrote:

a 75k merida seems a long way off!!!! but every long journey begins with a single step and i tell myself every turn of the crank im slightly fitter.

Yep, that's the right attitude. Don't worry if you don't start to feel fitter - what tends to happen is the fitter you get, the faster you climb the hills, so you end up feeling just as out of breath! But you will get there.You'll start to notice that you're using harder gears again, and if you time yourself the times will go down.
...and, enjoy the riding!

Hope you're an inspiration to others, you definitely should be

Team515

keep at it John 8)

FSR_XC

John

Have you not been out this weekend?

Drummond1

Hi John,

First of all well done, sounds like you're fully committed and I wish you all the best in turning your life around..... Riding is a great way of getting fit and escaping for some alone time to gather thoughts and feelings (it actually creates a meditative state when you focus so hard whilst ridng, your subconcious mind is allowed to get through your regular chatter box that occupies the mind with thoughts all day long.... un-cluttering the mind! so very positive)

Your dedication is honourable but remember to treat your quest as a fun exercise too, all too often people decide on a life style change and go at it all guns blazing, inevitably they loose interest and fail....... your goal of the endurance race is a great motivator and I would also suggest a little cross training too, maybe a little rock climbing at the bouldering wall or even just going for walks........ Even though its a fantastic sport there will be days when you simply dont feel like riding and any other positive activities will not only help your riding fitness progress but also keep riding fresh and fun....

I will read this thread with great interest, it has certainly opened up a lot of peoples emotions and support...

All the best everyone,
Ian

john74

hi peeps not been out since saturday morning but hopefully be out this afternoon havent even washed the bike from saturday yet, im still not smoking and im on day 5 yesterday was a tough day with cravings and stuff but its calmed down a bit today. luckily i have an understanding wife who gave up the fags over a year ago so if the cravings get too bad she sends me off for a lie down and she looks after the kids.
im looking forward to getting out today to see if there is any improvement on my brathing yet. will update later.
also noticed that my lungs seem slightly better im no longer squeeking when i breath and my smokers cough has gone. although i feel a bit spaced out all the time but the missus says this is because more oxygen is getting to the brain and it will level itself out in the end but i have noticed my tea intake has increased alot.

john74

if there is anyone in the buckinghamshire area who fancies getting together for a slow slog rather than an all day epic ride let me know.