Ever Been Arrested?

CHRISNOIR

While sorting some old documents out this weekend I discovered my old charge sheet courtesy of Magalufs finest from a 'lads' holiday many years ago…

Within nine hours of landing in the godforsaken sh*t-hole I was in the back of a Police car utterly catatonic and speeding back to the hotel in a state of panic due to the fact that -

1. I’d never done this sort of thing before.
2. I had a pocket full of illegal combustible matter / pharmaceuticals I’d just bought off a very friendly African bloke.

My crime was pissing up a wall which is, let’s be honest, pretty disgusting. In my mitigation I wasn’t actually weeing - I was certainly thinking about it but come on, can you be done for ‘Intention To Expel Urine in a Public Place’? I saw the copper out of the corner of my eye and decided (criminal genius that I am) to leg it. Unfortunately the information couldn’t be processed by my legs quick enough and I fell over. Two policemen drove me and a mate back to the hotel, pulled me out of the car and the one that looked like Ron Jeremy (!) bitch-slapped me the length of the reception before demanding that I pay a fine - arbitrarily set at the amount I had in my wallet at the time.

Ah, the stupidity of youth… Anyone else want to confess to past misdemeanours..?

heavymental

CHRISNOIR wrote:

2. I had a pocket full of illegal combustible matter / pharmaceuticals I’d just bought off a very friendly African bloke.

:?:

A box of matches and a packed of fishermans friends?!

STEFANOS4784

Worst one was when my brothers next door neighbor slept with a girl i used to see and still really liked.

I was very drunk and he and my bro had fallen out about something else. The police were called and we were assured that he would not bother us again. Anyway about half hour later went out for a rollup and there he was stood, glaring at me like i was some piece of sh1t, needless to say my vodka fuelled rage that followed ended with him running inside his house and hiding behind his gfriend(who stayed with him despite the cheating).
Made my way bback in my bro's house and about half an hour later the police came knocking with dogs and all. Was bundled into a police van and taken to the cells.
The next morning we were interviewed and (being the criminal mastermind that i am) i denied all knowledge, safe in the fact that i knew my brother wouldn't grass on me, i was informed that i should confess as ,due to previous *ahem* misdimeanors, i was looking at a custodial sentence, anyway i stood my ground.
I later learned that my brother was release with a caution but was informed that they were charging me with assault and would not be granted bale, i spent a total of 36 hours in custody, was taken to court in a van and felt like sh1t.
After speeking to the duty solicitor and telling him i would pleade guilty as i couldn't be bothered with the hastle and the cost of court hearings, he said no fvck that(exact words, honest) pleade not guilty which i did, had a letter through a few months later saying it had all been thrown out, big relief but i would not recommend that certain devon basedf hotel to any-one :!:





* anything written in this post is taken from what the police came up with and accused me of, i have no clear memory of the evnts above so can not be held accountable for inaccuracies*

STEFANOS4784

.........Also the time i climbed Bath abbey on new year, the police came, i forgot how i got up and my weedy arms were giving way, they told me to hang on the fire brigade was coming, i didn't i shouted 3....2....1 jumped splatted, got up to leg it and collapsed as i had a broken foot, que a night in the cells followed by a 6mile walking round trip from station to home to work in the cold and wet with a cast on my leg, got let off with a fine for that one

STEFANOS4784

P.s please don't judge me ttto harshly in general i'm really nice and will do a favour for any-one i just used to drink to much and lose control, i wont post about the other times as i'm sure i will be shunned by the lovely, if some-what conservative forumites

APIII

There's 3 coppers in my family, so I don't think they'd be best pleased if I were arrested.
Keep the stories coming though, most entertaining

Eat My Dust

I was once challenged to a fight by 5 drunken ar*eholes while walking down the road with my wife. When I pointed out it would very unfair (5 to 1) they assured me that they wouldn't all pile in at once. So I thought "OK". I remember throwing a punch, that was about it. I came to with foot prints all over my face. To top it all off the police nicked me as I threw the first punch. TBH I was really hacked off. I did throw the first punch,but, if I hadn't, the outcome was definitely going to be the same.

STEFANOS4784

go-on then one more, it might coax others out of there shells, bit dull this one.

On way back from having a few bevvies with my work-mates i went into the local bottoms up to purchase some further refreshments, from what i can remember(was quite drunk) i got barged by some chap in the door way, anyway i decided the right course of action to take would be for me to flip out and get in the fellas face screaming and shouting, he swung at me and i managed to move back, then, backstepping with my guard up and slipping in a few sly daps(to set the scene a bit i am 6' with long arms and he was about 5' and quite fat) and having him swinging at air i start thinking ha, who's the tough guy now? Anyway i notice 2 guys circling to surround me so jog back shouting( was natural as a dog barking i suppose) they all move in for the kill and i think stuff this and so i leg it, about 20 mtrs up the road i look back and it's only the fat bloke panting after me, which could have been no more than a walking pace, so i decide to turn around again, as i'd abandoned my bag of refreshments along with a new t-shirt during the original battle, i stomp towards him with conviction in my eyes and notice him suddenly get nervous as his mates had disappeaed, anyway his mates re-appeared and so i ran forward pushed the guy outa the way and ran to grab my bag planning on bidding a hasty retreat, one of his mates though was a bit lighter on his feet than the porker and whilst straitening up from grabbing my bag he clouted me a beaut from behind, i stumbled managed to get up but had my back to the wall and had blood p1ssing out my nose and thought, ok ills this is it, custers last stand lets go out fighting, luckily i used to work in bottoms up and an old workmate came out to back me up and as soon as the blokes realised it was not 3 on1 but 3 on 2 now they bid a hasty retreat, anyway i went in the shop and waited for the police to arrive, at this point they arrested me for afray :x :? :evil: Que another night in the cells....... Next day they showed me the cctv which was a joke it was just people darting about i guess the cctv recorderd about 3 frames a minute and because there were 3 of them 1 of me and no real witnesses i was once again charged, this time with public order somerthing or other, another court case later and 80 quid fine and that was that. This goes some way to explaining why i don't like the police, they seem to judge on personal prejudice and hitting targets rather than what happened, lesson to all, lie to the police like the other guys did and you laughing, be honest like i was and expect a fine or 2 :roll:

Eat My Dust

That reminds me of a guy I know from way back. He was at the football and was being chased by about 10 oppostion fans (hooligans) Anyway he was pretty fit. He said he was sh*tting himself but after a while he looked behind him and noticed that 9 of the guys were a fair bit back, with one guy closing in on him. So he stopped, gave the guy (who was knackered) a good old kicking and still had time to make a hasty retreat before his mates caught up. He must have felt like a right t*t!!

alfablue

Arrested following being assaulted outside my house, the perpetrator came off a bit worse than me, as I defended myself rather vigorously (he was bleeding quite a lot from a wound above his eye). I spent a night in the cells and was released, he was charged, but they refused to give me a lift home :twisted:

Crapaud

CHRISNOIR wrote:

... Ah, the stupidity of youth… Anyone else want to confess to past misdemeanours..?

No, but what the hell...I’m bored…

Drunk and incapable, I guess, the charge was.

Me and a few mates went on a driving holiday in France. In my wisdom I decided to travel overnight to Dover to avoid the traffic. The idea was that I'd sleep on the ferry, but that didn't happen.

After checking into the hotel, we wandered off in search of food, but found a pub first. After a few litres of beer, we had a few more and the last thing I remember was putting a whisky down on the table. Then, without transition, I’m hanging onto some railings, wondering where the water wheel came from. Next thing, I find I’m lying naked and shivering in a white tiled cell with 2 gendarmes at the door with my clothes piled up in their arms. I guess that they’d tried to sober me up by hosing me down or throwing buckets of cold water over me (at least I hope so).

The first gendarme threw me my underpants, so it was obvious that I was to get dressed (my French at that time was less than rudimentary), but they were soaking wet. In my confused, still drunk, state, I couldn’t get them on and tried to dry them off by whirling them round on the end of my finger, but they flew off over my shoulder, hit the wall with a wet splat, and stuck.

Don’t remember getting dressed, but they threw me out at 3 or 4 o’clock in the morning. The next 4 or 5 hours I spent wandering around a city I didn’t know, drifting in and out of conciousness, trying to get into hotels that, had I been sober, were clearly not mine. At one point I tried to get into a hospital (that was straight out of Garth Merengies Darkplace) to ‘phone a taxi, but it was closed. :?

Somehow – probably that drunk, homing pigeon instinct – I was only 2 streets way when I got a local to direct me to the right hotel.

Got a £97 fine.

CHRISNOIR wrote:

Within nine hours of landing in the godforsaken sh*t-hole I was in the back of a Police car ...

Around about 4 hours for me. :oops:

STEFANOS4784

lol Great stuff keep 'em coming i've got a belter but it really is quite bad, might save it up for a bit, word to the wise only post if you've been convicted you wouldn't want to inerdvertantly confess and get charged lol

andyp

I was out on the lash to celebrate my 18th birthday with some mates in the town where I went to college, so 20 miles from home. I was meant to be staying at a mate's house but he'd pulled so he sent me off up the road to catch up with his brother, who, unbeknown to us, had also pulled and had gone home with the girl.

I get to their place alone, and decide not to wake up their dad, who was a bit of an ogre then, so decide to wander back towards town to find one of my mates. I was very pissed by this point as the last few drinks kicked it and somehow managed to fall over a low brick wall into a car sales forecourt where I ended up sprawled across a car bonnet. The following bit is unclear to me but I somehow managed to break off the car windscreen wiper and was flailing around with it. An old lady who lived over the road phoned the police at this point and told them that there was a mad man attacking the cars with an iron bar!

A couple of minutes later five police cars turned up (must've been a quiet night) but it took them some time to find me as I was asleep under one of the cars. I was awoken as one of the coppers dragged me out by my feet. I was bundled into one of the cars and taken to the station but they gave up attempting to question me as I was in no fit state so I was banged up, left to sleep for a few hours, then brought out again for questioning. They then kicked me out at 6 a.m. and I began walking home before calling my dad at 0730 and he came and picked me up.

I was cautioned for criminal damage in the end as the damage I'd caused was estimated to be £150. I'd gone to the garage a couple of weeks later and spoke to the owner to apologise and cough up the cash for the repairs. I told him what had happened, he roared with laughter and told me that £40 should cover it. I don't know who was more happy at that point, him because of the story or me because I was only £40 down, rather than £150.

Anonymous

STEFANOS4784 wrote:

go-on then one more, it might coax others out of there shells, bit dull this one.

On way back from having a few bevvies with my work-mates i went into the local bottoms up to purchase some further refreshments, from what i can remember(was quite drunk) i got barged by some chap in the door way, anyway i decided the right course of action to take would be for me to flip out and get in the fellas face screaming and shouting, he swung at me and i managed to move back, then, backstepping with my guard up and slipping in a few sly daps(to set the scene a bit i am 6' with long arms and he was about 5' and quite fat) and having him swinging at air i start thinking ha, who's the tough guy now? Anyway i notice 2 guys circling to surround me so jog back shouting( was natural as a dog barking i suppose) they all move in for the kill and i think stuff this and so i leg it, about 20 mtrs up the road i look back and it's only the fat bloke panting after me, which could have been no more than a walking pace, so i decide to turn around again, as i'd abandoned my bag of refreshments along with a new t-shirt during the original battle, i stomp towards him with conviction in my eyes and notice him suddenly get nervous as his mates had disappeaed, anyway his mates re-appeared and so i ran forward pushed the guy outa the way and ran to grab my bag planning on bidding a hasty retreat, one of his mates though was a bit lighter on his feet than the porker and whilst straitening up from grabbing my bag he clouted me a beaut from behind, i stumbled managed to get up but had my back to the wall and had blood p1ssing out my nose and thought, ok ills this is it, custers last stand lets go out fighting, luckily i used to work in bottoms up and an old workmate came out to back me up and as soon as the blokes realised it was not 3 on1 but 3 on 2 now they bid a hasty retreat, anyway i went in the shop and waited for the police to arrive, at this point they arrested me for afray :x :? :evil: Que another night in the cells....... Next day they showed me the cctv which was a joke it was just people darting about i guess the cctv recorderd about 3 frames a minute and because there were 3 of them 1 of me and no real witnesses i was once again charged, this time with public order somerthing or other, another court case later and 80 quid fine and that was that. This goes some way to explaining why i don't like the police, they seem to judge on personal prejudice and hitting targets rather than what happened, lesson to all, lie to the police like the other guys did and you laughing, be honest like i was and expect a fine or 2 :roll:

:?:

Sounds like an affray to me..

STEFANOS4784

How, i was by my-self :?

Anonymous

I was nab'ed one time after a scumbag nicked my bike while i was visiting my mum. He was well fick though he only livid in the next street and a few kids in the street tout'ed him up . I went round and demanded my bike back from his mother "who should have been sterilized at birth" when the wee sh1t came down the stairs with a pool cue. He swung it at me a couple of times befor i let loose "11 years of judo come in handy" when the police arrive to see me putting his head through the front door window " i had lost it a bit".When they got me at the station a female officer ask'd if the scumbag was still walking and i said yes "shame " she said . She'd had him in court 17 times herself for bike theft and was getting pee'd of with the scrote .Any how after due proceess the courts let him off with theft and i got 12 mounts probaition . A little morel on this a year later the scum cut the throat of a wee girl working in a news agents. he got 2 years. so if you can don't leave them walking and don't get caught

Eat My Dust

lol, I went to school with a guy called Billy Feagan from Bangor. He was f*cking mad as well.

pedylan

Read somewhere that 1 in 4 males in UK will have a criminal record by the time they're 30 and drink will be to blame for half of convictions.

It was drink that was my downfall in my late 20's. Returned on business to Edinburgh, scene of my student days, and took advantage of liberal licensing hours. Colleagues I was with weren't boozers so ended up on my own in Bannermans in Cowgate around 1am, wonder if it's still there (it is I googled it).

Got involved, God knows how, in trying to peace keep in a slanging match which turned into a brawl. I got hit more times than i landed blows but i was in the thick of it when plod arrived mob handed. I was thrown into the back of a police car and sat on by a couple of Edinburgh's finest. Got charged by a desk sergeant and his female accomplice, slung into cells for the night. Next day in cuffs and in police van taken to cell at Edinburgh courts where I spent an interesting day behind bars in the company of assorted other felons. Duty solicitor said plead guilty and cite no previous and plead for mercy. Sheriff lectured me, convicted me and gave me a caution of £70. Paid this to the court and got it back 12 months later.

Good old Scots law.

Very cathartic post, nice to hear from you other drink fuelled desperadoes.

The Mechanic

You guys don't know what being arrested is all about. You should try it in Egypt, or better still, the Congo.

STEFANOS4784

The Mechanic wrote:

You guys don't know what being arrested is all about. You should try it in Egypt, or better still, the Congo.

#


No thanks..........

CHRISNOIR

The Mechanic wrote:

You guys don't know what being arrested is all about. You should try it in Egypt, or better still, the Congo.

That's 'Extreme Being Arrested'... I don't think a b*tch-slapping from a Spanish Ron Jeremy lookalike would be sufficient preparation.

:shock:

Finbar Saunders

While reading Stefanos' confessions I hear them in a voice that sounds like Russel Brand!

boybiker

A friend of my dad's was once arrested by a load of armed police as an off duty policeman saw him in the barbers having his hair cut and 'recognised' him as a suspect in an armed robbery, he walked out the barbers and found himself on the ground with 5 armed police pointing guns at him.I don't think he ever got an apology from the police.

Stewie Griffin

We were teenagers in a gang walking down a road, plod comes flying around a corner in a van and a number of them jump out and stop us. One of us NOT ME had a spring loaded centre punch, pliers and car stereo keys I DIDNT KNOW HE HAD THEM. As there were more of us than plod and they couldnt keep their eyes on all of us the fellow with the tools dropped them on the floor. Everyone near it was arrested and the rest allowed on their way eventually. When we got to the Police Station we were searched and everything in your possession is listed. On my list was all of the equipment listed above. Why is that on my list I asked, it has to go onto someones I was told. Thankfully an alarm bell said thats rhubarb, dont sign it, so I didnt. Charged and released several hours later. I went to the CAB and sought their advice. Got a call days/weeks later from the CAB and was asked to come in. Have you told us the truth? Yes of course I have. They showed me the Police Statements and 3 of the Policemen said in their statements that they had seen me drop the tools and that from my behaviour I was clearly the ringleader. I was bemused at first, furious later. 2 appearances in Court and the charges were dropped after the fellow carrying the stuff admitted it was all his. I had never been in any trouble with the Police before or in fact since this point. NWA were right :evil: I wouldnt pee on one if he was on fire.

aarw

jacks2ts wrote:

I was nab'ed one time after a scumbag nicked my bike while i was visiting my mum. He was well fick though he only livid in the next street and a few kids in the street tout'ed him up . I went round and demanded my bike back from his mother "who should have been sterilized at birth" when the wee sh1t came down the stairs with a pool cue. He swung it at me a couple of times befor i let loose "11 years of judo come in handy" when the police arrive to see me putting his head through the front door window " i had lost it a bit".When they got me at the station a female officer ask'd if the scumbag was still walking and i said yes "shame " she said . She'd had him in court 17 times herself for bike theft and was getting pee'd of with the scrote .Any how after due proceess the courts let him off with theft and i got 12 mounts probaition . A little morel on this a year later the scum cut the throat of a wee girl working in a news agents. he got 2 years. so if you can don't leave them walking and don't get caught

LOL, didn't even have to look left to see what country... i heard a few good stories from bangor when i was younger from one or two of the ards cc guys

drewfromrisca

STEFANOS4784 wrote:

How, i was by my-self :?

Errr not at the time of offence you weren't?!?!?!

drewfromrisca

Stewie Griffin wrote:

We were teenagers in a gang walking down a road, plod comes flying around a corner in a van and a number of them jump out and stop us. One of us NOT ME had a spring loaded centre punch, pliers and car stereo keys I DIDNT KNOW HE HAD THEM. As there were more of us than plod and they couldnt keep their eyes on all of us the fellow with the tools dropped them on the floor. Everyone near it was arrested and the rest allowed on their way eventually. When we got to the Police Station we were searched and everything in your possession is listed. On my list was all of the equipment listed above. Why is that on my list I asked, it has to go onto someones I was told. Thankfully an alarm bell said thats rhubarb, dont sign it, so I didnt. Charged and released several hours later. I went to the CAB and sought their advice. Got a call days/weeks later from the CAB and was asked to come in. Have you told us the truth? Yes of course I have. They showed me the Police Statements and 3 of the Policemen said in their statements that they had seen me drop the tools and that from my behaviour I was clearly the ringleader. I was bemused at first, furious later. 2 appearances in Court and the charges were dropped after the fellow carrying the stuff admitted it was all his. I had never been in any trouble with the Police before or in fact since this point. NWA were right :evil: I wouldnt pee on one if he was on fire.

How did CAB get hold of your statement?

Finbar Saunders

drewfromrisca wrote:

STEFANOS4784 wrote:

How, i was by my-self :?

Errr not at the time of offence you weren't?!?!?!

Not according to the CCTV evidence he was shown. As far as I understand Stefanos' account, the CCTV only caught him running around due to the low frame rate. So technically, and according to the evidence, he was alone and just running about like a nutter.

Stewie Griffin

drewfromrisca wrote:

Stewie Griffin wrote:

We were teenagers in a gang walking down a road, plod comes flying around a corner in a van and a number of them jump out and stop us. One of us NOT ME had a spring loaded centre punch, pliers and car stereo keys I DIDNT KNOW HE HAD THEM. As there were more of us than plod and they couldnt keep their eyes on all of us the fellow with the tools dropped them on the floor. Everyone near it was arrested and the rest allowed on their way eventually. When we got to the Police Station we were searched and everything in your possession is listed. On my list was all of the equipment listed above. Why is that on my list I asked, it has to go onto someones I was told. Thankfully an alarm bell said thats rhubarb, dont sign it, so I didnt. Charged and released several hours later. I went to the CAB and sought their advice. Got a call days/weeks later from the CAB and was asked to come in. Have you told us the truth? Yes of course I have. They showed me the Police Statements and 3 of the Policemen said in their statements that they had seen me drop the tools and that from my behaviour I was clearly the ringleader. I was bemused at first, furious later. 2 appearances in Court and the charges were dropped after the fellow carrying the stuff admitted it was all his. I had never been in any trouble with the Police before or in fact since this point. NWA were right :evil: I wouldnt pee on one if he was on fire.

How did CAB get hold of your statement?

They asked the Police or the DPP or whoever it is who is responsible for looking after the evidence that they will rely upon to seek a conviction I guess. Disclosure, that might be the Americanism for it, I watch too much TV

drewfromrisca

Finbar Saunders wrote:

drewfromrisca wrote:

STEFANOS4784 wrote:

How, i was by my-self :?

Errr not at the time of offence you weren't?!?!?!

Not according to the CCTV evidence he was shown. As far as I understand Stefanos' account, the CCTV only caught him running around due to the low frame rate. So technically, and according to the evidence, he was alone and just running about like a nutter.

Well CCTV is not the only evidence available. When Police turn up they don't just make up offences and arrest people they actually have to have something to go on. What probably happened was that they took an account of the incident from the other two/three/whatever muppets and then went from there.

NaB

STEFANOS4784 wrote:

anyway i decided the right course of action to take would be for me to flip out and get in the fellas face screaming and shouting,

I think this speaks volumes. I'm sure all the other paying customers appreciated your contribution to their night out. I appreciate you may have grown out of this behaviour but its not funny its just sad...drunkeness is no defence for aggressive behaviour. It would have served you right if you had been charged with affray because thats the offence that you describe.

I don't mean this to sound like a personal attack but there's too much alcohol fuelled violence and it doesn't help to describe it in cartoonish terms. Its just ugly depressing behaviour and nothing more.