Top Tips

spen666

Fellow CyclistsThe fact that there is a millimetre of space between myself and the vehicle in front does not mean it is an invite for you to dive in to that space to get onto the pavement to undertake the slow moving vehicle ahead


Motor Cyclists
When I am legally riding in the cycle lane and you are illegally sat in said lane behind me, your repated revving of the engine and sounding of the horn will not encourage me to get out of the lane I am legally in to let you use it illegally.

as the purpose of sounding a horn legally is only to warn other road users, when I hear a horn sound, I am likely to slow down until I can assess what that danger is. This may have the effect of slowing down your illegal progression along the cycle path


Pedestrians
Can you explain the recent phenomenon I see where you stand patiently at the pedestrian crossing whilst the red man is showing, you remain there when the green man is showing. However when the green man starts to flash you then walk across the road

nasahapley

I'm disappointed - I thought this was going to be a thread about the Top Tips in Viz. Here's a few:

MOTORISTS: recreate the feeling of an expensive gravel driveway by sellotaping rice crispies to your tyres.

GAMBLERS: For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself by Royal Mail.

CYCLISTS: Avoid getting a sore behind by simply placing a naan bread over your saddle. This will comfort your ride and when you return home, hey presto! A warm snack.

etc etc

downfader

nasahapley wrote:

CYCLISTS: Avoid getting a sore behind by simply placing a naan bread over your saddle. This will comfort your ride and when you return home, hey presto! A warm snack.

etc etc

I remember that one!

Spen666 I have to say I agree with you. Have you noticd pedestrians using cycle lanes to stand in whilst they contemplate the traffic they are about to cross through? I have also seen various mopeds riding up and down our cycle lnes around here.... one of these days I will catch one on camera :twisted:

spen666

Female Cyclists Wearing Lycra Shorts
Stop wearing underwear under those shorts, the VPL distracts from the view

robmanic1

spen666 wrote:

Female Cyclists Wearing Lycra Shorts
Stop wearing underwear under those shorts, the VPL distracts from the view

Stop wearing shorts over that underwear for a similar reason

grim168

to make your car look like a taxi (at a distance) cellotape an old cornflakes box to the centre of the roof.

sicrow

Never tie your shoe laces to revolving doors

downfader

sicrow wrote:

Never tie your shoe laces to revolving doors

...personal experience?

shockedsoshocked

Posh People - Make it look as if you use real butter by simply using margarine and tearing the bread instead.

Stewie Griffin

Make people in aeroplanes think that you have a swimming pool by painting your lawn blue. Was always my favourite .

Nuggs

Motorists: make people think you have expensive air conditioning by driving around all summer in a ski jacket with the windows closed.

Semi-detatched home owners: make your neighbours think you have twice as many stairs as them by banging your foot twice on every step.

Clever Pun

http://www.viz.co.uk/?%2Fletterbocks%2Ftoptips_story.php%3Ffb%3D1

downfader

Clever Pun wrote:

http://www.viz.co.uk/?%2Fletterbocks%2Ftoptips_story.php%3Ffb%3D1

8)

reutercrooks

MUMS - Out of Christmas wrapping paper? Simply convert birthday wrapping paper by adding "Jesus" after "Happy Birthday."

nwallace

grim168 wrote:

to make your car look like a taxi (at a distance) cellotape an old cornflakes box to the centre of the roof.

Nah easier than that, drive about at chucking out time, no need for a roof light. In fact no need for a 4/5 door bodyshell either. Any car is a taxi to some drunkards.

Ambermile

downfader wrote:

I have also seen various mopeds riding up and down our cycle lnes around here.... one of these days I will catch one on camera :twisted:

I think that's actually legal you know... the definition of moped is still on the statute, but I suspect you do not mean *moped* at all?

Arthur

martinwitnam

Make a saving on the amount of toilet paper you use by using both sides!

unclemalc

nasahapley wrote:

I'm disappointed - I thought this was going to be a thread about the Top Tips in Viz. Here's a few:

MOTORISTS: recreate the feeling of an expensive gravel driveway by sellotaping rice crispies to your tyres.

GAMBLERS: For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself by Royal Mail.

CYCLISTS: Avoid getting a sore behind by simply placing a naan bread over your saddle. This will comfort your ride and when you return home, hey presto! A warm snack.

etc etc

Tasted brilliant after I'd bonked....

shockedsoshocked

MONKS. Conduct a life of celibacy and emotional solitude without joining a monastery by simply living with my wife. It's more comfortable and you'll be able to watch TV and use the internet.

BAHAHAHA

unclemalc

ShockedSoShocked wrote:

Posh People - Make it look as if you use real butter by simply using margarine and tearing the bread instead.

excellent...