Laughing until point of urination

heavymental

When was the last time you laughed until you nigh on (or infact did) wet yourself!? Can't say I ever have but I guess as I get older....the odds increase!


:shock: :oops:

pedylan

Couple of months ago a colleague and I were queuing on the French side of the Channel tunnel waiting to present passports to French customs control. I was driving. With still a bit of a wait I pressed the window button to lower his window (customs booth being French therefore on passenger side). The window made a noise like a loud, prolonged wet fart.

This started snorts of laughter and then some comical remarks from each of us. By the time we drew level with the booth I had tears streaming down my cheeks and my colleague with passports in his hand was shaking violently and looked set to explode. Customs lady then asks to see drivers face and he started howling.

I was sure we were going to get dragged off for some unspeakable searches but she waved us on shaking her head.

I didn't actually lose control of my bladder but I ached so bad i had to get out of the car at the barrier and reel around like a lunatic.

We are both in our late 40's. :oops: :oops: :oops:

Nuggs

Reading through 101 facts about Chuck Norris made me hurt myself...

For example:

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris only has two speeds: "walk" and "kill"

Chuck Norris is so hard that if he jumped in a river, he wouldn't get wet - the river would get Chuck Norris

If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked BA Barracas at the same time as BA pitied Chuck Norris, the world would reboot to 1984.

If you diss Chuck, he'll karate chop you into a quabillion pieces. If you inform him that quabillion isn't a real number, he'll roudhouse kick you into a bajillion pieces...

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

If you have five pounds, and Chuck Norris has five pounds, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Gavin Gilbert

Nuggs wrote:

Reading through 101 facts about Chuck Norris made me hurt myself...

Nope, left me feeling I was sitting outside of an in-joke.

shockedsoshocked

Just about everytime I read Viz something makes me laugh to the point of crying.

vermooten

I went to see The Aristocrats at the pictures with sis and her friends. They were all horrified but I couldn't stop laughing the filthier it got. Being with prudes made it all the funnier. Didn't quite wet myself but I cried buckets til they walked huffily.

Crapaud

Nuggs wrote:

Reading through 101 facts about Chuck Norris made me hurt myself...

For example:

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Sheer genius!!!

I found a huge page of Chuck Norris stuff a few weeks ago - had me rolling about too.

PostieJohn

Gareth Southgate Badger.
I would then write, 'say no more', but I guess I'd better explain.

Harry Hill's, very 1st TV show, on Chl4.
I was laughing all the way through building up and up too the moment Gareth Southgate Badger appeared. I just couldn't take anymore, I was in so much pain something had too give.

heavymental

Haha...and Tasmin Archer Badger

cee

Heavymental wrote:

When was the last time you laughed until you nigh on (or infact did) wet yourself!? Can't say I ever have but I guess as I get older....the odds increase!

Billy Connolly has 3 tips for getting older which help to avoid situations like this.

1. Never pass up the opportunity to take a pee.
2. Never trust a fart.
3. Never waste an erection - even if you're by yourself.

CHRISNOIR

A few years ago a few of us from where I used to work were enjoying a ‘liquid lunch’ in a nearby pub. It’s fairly well known as a bit of a gastro pub and many people were eating in the fairly packed bar area. With us was a mate – we’ll call him ‘Johnny Fartpants’ and after a few pints he decided to clear some gas…

The fart was so loud we heard it above the music and general noise of a crowded bar. This must have absolutely deafened the poor bloke eating a meal behind us who had the misfortune of having Johnny’s thunderously pooting arse six inches from his ear. He quietly put his knife and fork down, pushed his plate away and went to the Gents (presumably to puke).

Only a few minutes later did we realise just how completely insulting it all was. Can you disrespect someone more than farting down their ear ‘ole while they’re eating with their girlfriend!? The geezer would have had every right to knock Fartpants’ teeth out – the fact he didn’t and accepted it with a stoical expression seemed to make the whole thing funnier and eventually the laughter did reach that hysterical state where you realise the original event wasn’t that funny but you fear you’ll never stop...

pneumatic

vermooten wrote:

I went to see The Aristocrats at the pictures with sis and her friends. They were all horrified but I couldn't stop laughing the filthier it got. Being with prudes made it all the funnier. Didn't quite wet myself but I cried buckets til they walked huffily.

I thought you'd typed "Aristocats", which I saw with my sister (about 40 years ago) and didn't remember anything filthy about it. :oops:

I embarassed myself in the trouser department whilst reading "101 uses for a dead cat", especially the pencil sharpener image if anyone remembers it. Age at the time? Still a teenager (but only just!).

So much did I enjoy it (the book, not the humiliating retreat with chafed nethers), that I bought it for my Dad for Christmas. He read it silently and then declared it unfunny. Just goes to show how hard it is to share a joke.

jpembroke

In Vic Reeves' autobiography he recalls the rag and bone man coming by his street on his round. The young Vic (Jim) misunderstands the rag and bone man's call for a cry of 'Eggbound'. Confused, Vic asks his mother what 'Eggbound' means to which she replies 'constipated'. Vic then spends the rest of his childhood wondering why a man was coming up his street every week announcing to the world that his stools were a bit on the hard side.

By this point I was in tears. I was very very close to p*ssing my self.

Crapaud

I'm fairly well known for gutting myself in public - usually among complete strangers - when reading the likes of Private Eye or the local rag's diary (sadly a shadow of it's former self). This, from a number of years ago, was sufficiently memorable that I cut it out and kept it:



I was on the bus when I read it.


In a similar vein:

On a fishing weekend with the boys, some of us went to a restaurant and the rest to the pub(s). Halfway through the meal Jim and Tam come in, slightly the worse for wear, and spot 2 women, a mother (about 60) and her daughter, and make a bee-line for them.
The restaurant spontaneously went silent during the conversation:

Jim, "How're you doin'? I'm Jim and this is my mate Tam. We're here for the weekend fish..." quick change of tack, "we're here for raw sex!" Mother, "Are you two together then?"

*Long pause*

Jim, "C'mon Tam. We're not wanted here."

I slid off of my seat, tears of laughter streaming down my face, and I'd swear that I was going blue from lack of oxygen.

discurio

rodney rude (aussie comedian) doing his mcdonalds routine in a pub in country west australia. classic

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VltEKuQl ... re=related

has swearing if u listen at work.

hammerite

whilst a little disrespectful, the Ronnie O'Sullivan interview today in China made me laugh quite a lot!

http://vhead.blog.sina.com.cn/player/outer_player.swf?auto=0&vid=12031348&uid=undefined

jpembroke

Oh yeah, i read that. The man seems to be having another one of his episodes.