anger problem

ScottDougall

I am having trouble keeping hold of my temper while in traffic...

Today in my short ride up from Victoria to the Kings Cross area I was harassed and shouted at by a number of different drivers and when one guy drove past as if I was not there I just lost it...

I try really hard to be rational and tell him his driving was dangerous and pointless - after all I was able to stop and chat to him in stationary traffic not yards from where he drove so dangerously...

but

I go over the top - I rant and all the frustration of the other drivers spills out in a sort of craziness

I tried all the usual deep breathing - counting to ten - I felt it coming on - but in the end I lost control - posting this is also part of my attempt as dissipating the bile left in my autonomic system...

Tell me I am not alone - discourage me from being physically violent towards them and their cars/vans/taxi's... blatting wing mirrors is not an option.

el_presidente

I am surprised you have been shouted at by so many drivers - I cycle through the centre of London most days and have never been shouted at by a driver. Why do you think they are shouting at you?

TheBoyBilly

Funnily enough I get the same when driving my car, but thankfully riding a bike has the opposite effect. It calms me. I come over all superior on a bike. The trouble is for you, I think, that you are riding in a manic part of London where everyone is in a rush. Happily I don't have this problem often but I understand that the increasing disrespect in today's society can bring on bouts of frustration that need a release. Road Rage is unfortunately the nearest to hand. Just try to remember though that the bloke you are about to rant at might, just might, be nasty enough to carry a weapon and be prepared to use it and that this could be the last you see of this world. That for me would have a calming effect. Once that driver had got ahead of you he was, to all intents, out of your life.....leave it at that.

ScottDougall

well - I ride up Park Lane - I turn left into Upper Brook St and so I ride up the left lane prior to my turn and most of the problems happen there - also the road past the American Embassy has been narrowed and a lot of the problems happen there - todays for instance - the narrowing from Princes St onto Regents Street is another flash point and the pinch points along Mortimer St yet another - can you see a pattern here -

I ride assertively through these areas and drivers dont like that one bit.

ScottDougall

[quote="Once that driver had got ahead of you he was, to all intents, out of your life.....leave it at that.[/quote]

The problem in London and today is that these drivers are presented to you moments later stationary in queues of traffic - compounding the frustration by emphasising just how futile and selfish their driving was in the first place.

I totally accept that losing my temper the way I did today is my problem and not theirs - I felt my tamper raise and I was conscious of it and tried to calm myself before this happened - what I think I will try to do in future is find a cafe and stop for a bit to fully calm down.

Having said that I am in no way excusing him of his bad driving.

TheBoyBilly

Scott, I hope I didn't seem condescending. I fully understand your frustrations. However it amazes me how often, while sitting outside a cafe with a coffee, I see a seemingly simple mistake from a driver turn into a major confrontation because one person thinks they own the road. It's never escalated to blows but is quite disturbing sometimes. That said, I have done it myself and ranted at somebody and then wondered... why?? You're not on your own mate, I think we all get the red mist.

el_presidente

ScottDougall wrote:

well - I ride up Park Lane - I turn left into Upper Brook St and so I ride up the left lane prior to my turn and most of the problems happen there - also the road past the American Embassy has been narrowed and a lot of the problems happen there - todays for instance - the narrowing from Princes St onto Regents Street is another flash point and the pinch points along Mortimer St yet another - can you see a pattern here -

I ride assertively through these areas and drivers dont like that one bit.

I presume you mean you turn RIGHT into Upper Brook St and take the right hand lane?

take the far right hand side so cars can go past on the left maybe?

ScottDougall

yes - nightmare - RIGHT is right

hahahhaha

Sea_Green_Incorruptible

I find music on my ipod helps zone me out while commuting. If I cycle without it I get irritated much quicker. With it, I kind of feel divorced from the traffic and am able to treat it more like an impersonal obstacle course.

I know lots of people don't like the idea of listening to headphones on safety grounds (though bear in mind motorcyclists can't hear much either, music or not), but this certainly works for me...

ScottDougall

yeh - I do that - though this morning I had Juno Reactor on maybe that did not help me much..!

PrettyBoyTim

Allow me to paraphrase some advice I'm sure I remember hearing on one bike forum or another:

If someone is an asshole to you, go out of your way to do a good turn to someone else as soon as you can afterwards.

ScottDougall

yes - done that already - I complemented one of my suppliers today and made her feel groovy - made me feel better too - so life aint that bad anymore... good advice Tim

BentMikey

Commisserations, Scott, I get exactly where you're coming from.

Very good PBT, most impressed! That's one I use myself.

Other things that work for me are
* remembering that most drivers are much shittier to other car drivers, we tend to get far less as vulnerable cyclists
* filming them with a helmet camera, and telling them (nicely) that they are being filmed for youtube. Every time they pass me after that I've found politeness and plenty of space.
* Telling them nicely how much their driving scared me, and asking them if they'd pass their wife or mum like that.

It's really hard to do some of the above, but doing it makes it easier next time, and is very empowering!

richardast

Since I started treating my commute (largely through the City and East London) as a leisure ride rather than a "must go faster" training run, I find that I'm more chilled out and better able to anticipate other people's actions.

I save my faster, head down cycling for the small Hertfordshire town at the other end of my daily train journey.
It's actually while cycling in my adopted hometown that I now feel most threatened by other road users: School-run 4x4s, megabass pounding small hatchbacks, aggressive minicab drivers and all the other usual suspects. Maybe that's connected.

If you're planning to push yourself physically, it's probably best done in the evenings or at the weekends, away from rush-hour traffic and potential flash-points like busy junctions.
If you don't have the luxury of making that choice, at least come off the gas and get your adrenalin down when you're approaching a flash-point.

Unless you have a supercool fighter-pilot mentality, if you're cycling all out your body has effectively put your brain some way towards "fight or flight" mode. The red mist can easily descend and impair your judgement.

ScottDougall

I hear you - I am on my folder though - this is not a speed thing !!

jjstenso

I get exactly what you mean re: Anger.

About 80% of my 7.5 mile round trip commute is on CP aside the busy A660 into Leeds from the North. The things that make me flip my lid the most is the blatant disregard of the cycle lane's exclusivity for cyclists by drivers of every other vehicle, mainly large ones, (currently in ongoing letter writings to First buses for remuneration of the cost of damage caused to my bike whilst evading a bus cutting the CP)

Only this morning did a cement mixing lorry gradually pull into the cycle lane (finally taking up the whole lane) whilst I was alongside at a similar speed causing me to take very quick evasive action in the form of hopping up the kerb at around 17mph, scattering pedestrians. I hammered wildly on the side of his cab at the next junction at Leeds university parkinson steps, gave him a huge mouthful of abuse (perhaps not the best actions) but my blood was literally boiling due to his potentially fatal actions towards me. The chap in passenger seat also had the audace to spit at me, the disgusting uneducated oik. (luckily he missed or i would have climbed up his door and brained him with my new york lock)

My words may smart of a cyclist burning up with hate for other road users but I find myself curteous and aware... Everyone else seems to be against me!