controlling road rage

thrope

Hi,

I've been commuting in Manchester for a little while now, and despite frequent attempts to 'take it easy' and not get het up while commuting I just can't seem to stop myself.

When someone risks your life passing you less than 6 inches away just to sit at the traffic lights 30 seconds earlier I find it hard to remain calm.

I think also the adrenaline of exercising hard also contributes.

I usually don't do anything, but one time I did knock on someones bonnet as they were edging me into a stationary bus at a traffic light. Trouble was I was nervously looking over my shoulder all the way home - after the anger passes I of course realise that I'm much more vulnerable on a bike and perhaps its not such a good idea to provoke people. I also shout or use the finger occasionally, but nearly always regret it shortly after.

Anyway, do others have any advice on keeping it under control? When these things happen is there something you think to yourself that makes it easier to let it go?

btw, I'm not usually a particularly aggressive person (quite the opposite) - I'm certainly not while driving a car.

Any advice greatfully received...

Jamey

If you're worried about retribution just turn up a side road and take a little detour for quarter of a mile or so.

To be honest, nobody's stupid enough to deliberately put themselves in court over a bonnet knock or window tap.

jb2008

I'm in exactly the same boat.
It can't be blamed on adrenaline but adrenaline is a HUGE factor which will make you behave in ways you wouldn't of thought possible from the comfort of your couch.
As for keeping a lid on it, well theres lots you can do but everyone breaks eventually, nobody's perfect and anyone who reckons they're calm all the time either isn't a human or is a liar.
If the chemical levels in your brain are unbalanced enough by events and circumstance you're capable of absolutely anything, murder, the works.
For a fascinating insight into the way minds work try some of Isaac Asimov's robot stories. Whilst not human, the robots sometimes malfunction when experiencing unbalanced levels of different electrical potentials ( in our case chemicals like adrenaline and its opposite serotonin) which cause undesigned behaviour, banging car bonnets , folding wing mirrors :oops:
If you feel your life's in danger....all bets are off.

CheapSkate

I reckon I raise my voice a couple of times a month at most, but that may be because I'm used to the predictability of dangerous behaviour - it's easier not to rise to anger from a position of "I knew you were going to do something that stupid, and that's why I eased off slightly".

The key thing is feeling more in control of what's going on, and doing what you know to be the right thing to prevent that escalation to stupidity, whether it's riding in primary where you need to - and by doing so giving yourself a little room to your left so you have at least some room for manoeuvre rather than hugging the gutter and inviting them to squeeze you - or by getting a bit quicker and feeling a bit more like you can better ride your way out trouble.

Inevitably you can't stop them doing everything stupid, and if you're in a very urban environment then I find general commuting hours to be particularly trying on the patience, but that can also make it easier, here's an example - I ride a very busy, mostly double parked road, where there just is not room for four car widths and me *and* enough room to get round me safely. So when there is traffic coming the other way, I'm holding primary at 20mph, and they just have no chance of going for it and barely squeezing past me in the way they might if I were doing 12mph and hugging the parked cars. Neither of those overtakes is safe, but one comes with an invitation to give it a go, and that's the one I'm definitely not doing.

Feel more in control of your riding conditions, and you may find yourself less angered by other road users - that's something to think about anyway.

Mog Uk

thrope wrote:

When these things happen is there something you think to yourself that makes it easier to let it go?

Yes, my 4year old son waiting for me to get home in one piece...

I'm lucky on my commute that it's mainly in the countryside and not a built up city like Manchester. On the odd occasion when someone does p155 me off I just count to 10 and forget about it, they're in and out my life in a few seconds, lifes to short.....

spen666

Jamey wrote:

..

To be honest, nobody's stupid enough to deliberately put themselves in court over a bonnet knock or window tap.

you are so out of touch with the real world mate
i have represented many defendants who have done just such a thing.

To many people touching their car is worse than touching up their missus

craker

Yeah I had a run in yesterday with a black cab outside the station. He was stationary and then just did a u turn right in front of me. I banged on his window and told him to look out (OK stronger language than that) but I wish I'd been calmer and had a controlled conversation.

I think a helmet cam is probably a good idea; without it you're just a sitting duck for arseholes in cars, with it you may feel like you've got some protection, in terms of evidence that you can use against a poorly driven vehicle. And it's how you _feel_ that's important.

el_presidente

spen666 wrote:

Jamey wrote:

..

To be honest, nobody's stupid enough to deliberately put themselves in court over a bonnet knock or window tap.

you are so out of touch with the real world mate
i have represented many defendants who have done just such a thing.

To many people touching their car is worse than touching up their missus

seems fair enough once you've seen their missus

jb2008

spen666 wrote:

Jamey wrote:

..

To be honest, nobody's stupid enough to deliberately put themselves in court over a bonnet knock or window tap.

you are so out of touch with the real world mate
i have represented many defendants who have done just such a thing.

To many people touching their car is worse than touching up their missus

It's a sad day when a motorcar is valued over a loved one.
I can't stand the current Litigation culture and all the Ambulance chasers tempted by a selfish grab at some cash for the bigger price of a reduction in quality of life as kids school trips get canceled or activity centers have to close or voluntary groups collapse under the weight of new legislation. The effects are felt everywhere.

cee

hmmm..is the question do we control our anger rather than what we can do to mitigate other peoples stupidity.

Or maybe a bit of both.... I do agree that by expecting the stupid behaviour that would make you miffed if it happened unexpectedly, we can laugh a little and say I knew you were going to do that...I like to smile at people and clap them.

Its amazing how much a smile can diffuse a situation.

Once the red mist descends though... well thats a diffrent matter all together..Mog has a good point about thinking about something that makes it necessary for you to get home in one piece and try to cool off.

Im pretty sure that there are many psychology books on controlling rage and asking whether rage/ or ones id CAN actually be controlled. difficult

thrope

Thanks for the responses...

I guess I could/should ride primary more often, especially coming up to lights - let the car drivers get pissed off and I can just cycle along feeling smug. I tend to avoid it at the moment as a part time car driver myself, but I suppose it is safer.

Trying to read the stupidity and laugh at it is also a good suggestion. I will try to be more cautious. The problem is since I got a speedo I tend to keep an eye on my time which probably isn't such a good idea.

Another thing that gets my goat is when I'm waiting to turn right on a busy road, with traffic in the same direction squeezing past on the left, and people in the opposite direction not letting me go, although of course theres a traffic light about 800 yards further on. I find it an unsettling position to be in, and of course on the bike you can nip across much quicker than a car, the oncoming driver probably wouldn't even need to slow down, let alone stop - all I need is a nod or a flash, but no. I think in that situation I will adopt the sarcastic smile and thankyou wave! (only I wear a pollution mask so the smile might be lost...)

spen666

thrope wrote:

Thanks for the responses...

I guess I could/should ride primary more often, especially coming up to lights - let the car drivers get pissed off and I can just cycle along feeling smug. I tend to avoid it at the moment as a part time car driver myself, but I suppose it is safer.

Trying to read the stupidity and laugh at it is also a good suggestion. I will try to be more cautious. The problem is since I got a speedo I tend to keep an eye on my time which probably isn't such a good idea.

Another thing that gets my goat is when I'm waiting to turn right on a busy road, with traffic in the same direction squeezing past on the left, and people in the opposite direction not letting me go, although of course theres a traffic light about 800 yards further on. I find it an unsettling position to be in, and of course on the bike you can nip across much quicker than a car, the oncoming driver probably wouldn't even need to slow down, let alone stop - all I need is a nod or a flash, but no. I think in that situation I will adopt the sarcastic smile and thankyou wave! (only I wear a pollution mask so the smile might be lost...)

a nod or a flash could end up with said motorist being held partially liable if you are hit by another vehicle

mailmannz

Jamey wrote:

If To be honest, nobody's stupid enough to deliberately put themselves in court over a bonnet knock or window tap.

Yes they are!

People will do stupid things in the heat of the moment, especially if they are enraged!

Mailman

Gussio

mailmannz wrote:

Jamey wrote:

If To be honest, nobody's stupid enough to deliberately put themselves in court over a bonnet knock or window tap.

Yes they are!

People will do stupid things in the heat of the moment, especially if they are enraged!

Mailman

Not just in the heat of the moment, either. There are some really bad and stupid people out there capable of really bad and stupid acts. Pick your road battles carefully.....

cee

Gussio wrote:

mailmannz wrote:

Jamey wrote:

If To be honest, nobody's stupid enough to deliberately put themselves in court over a bonnet knock or window tap.

Yes they are!

People will do stupid things in the heat of the moment, especially if they are enraged!

Mailman

Not just in the heat of the moment, either. There are some really bad and stupid people out there capable of really bad and stupid acts. Pick your road battles carefully.....

definitely......and use those strong calf muscle to full use if you think its gonna get out of hand. getting arrested for beating a driver to the ground with a d-lock is no fun either....erm alegedly

secretsam

Mog Uk wrote:

thrope wrote:

When these things happen is there something you think to yourself that makes it easier to let it go?

Yes, my 4year old son waiting for me to get home in one piece...

I'm lucky on my commute that it's mainly in the countryside and not a built up city like Manchester. On the odd occasion when someone does p155 me off I just count to 10 and forget about it, they're in and out my life in a few seconds, lifes to short.....

Ditto - 2 year old twins

BentMikey

These few things make a big difference to the way I react towards poor drivers:

* Remembering that most incidents are the result of car drivers who are simply ignorant and don't know any better. I take this as a challenge to talk kindly to them and explain how they went wrong in a way that won't make them defensive, and lets them see I'm human and fragile. I quite often get very positive responses as a result, with apologies and good wishes all round. Shouting and swearing, by contrast, almost never gets an acknowledgment of failure and usually only demeans myself.
* The helmet camera - it's a great way to make people behave, and nips any further road rage right in the bud.
* Thinking about my family waiting back at home for me.

Jamey

I'll agree to differ.

chronyx

I have been mouthy recently to drivers who deserved it. It just seems impossible to do anything other than shout abuse once it gets to the point where such an action seems like a good idea...if you get me?! :twisted: :?

snooks

I try to ride with the idea that everyone else out there is a chuffing big angry caveman.

They have nothing between their ears and will do the most stupid of things at any opportunity...oh and in their car, bus, van lorry or truck they're carrying a big club or machete...then nothing should surprise me and if it does I remember to keep my gob shut...I only use simple non-aggressive hand gestures. Angry caveman are very territorial and like their personal space...So I let them have it...I drive a car (around 20,000 a year and have done for the last 8 years) so I like to think I know most of the tricks people will try to get 2.5 metres further down the road...But I'm not omniscient, and it always amazes me how stupid/impatient/stubborn drivers can be when they want.

Being a cyclist has made me a better driver, and likewise being a driver has made me a better cyclist....Sadly there are drivers out there who've never ridden a bike, so are blissfully unaware of the danger they are causing

I'm not racing anyone, and don't like the idea of being squished or beaten up, no matter how big or small someone is, you really can't tell what's going on in their head

The sad thing is that most of the drivers on the road ARE actually angry cavemen :shock:
.

turkeytickler

cycle craft has some good advice on this - the trick is to let it go, then seek out a positive interaction with another road user asap... e.g., give way to let a driver out of a side street etc..... something to get a smile or wave....

works MOST of the time for me :evil:

unless they dont thank me :evil: :evil:

prj45

I'm pretty chilled out, and even if a vehicle puts me in a ridiculous situation I'm much more likely to have a strong polite word than break into a rage.

Having said that I did slap the side of somebody's van the other day, he was pulling into me to undertake another vehicle (after being stuck, so he was in "only me on the road, get out of my way" mode). He stopped sharphish and when I got aorund the other side he was on his phone, and put it down gingerly while I shouted at him "Sir there is a reason that's illegal, its very dangerous", then he got shouty back at me, quite irate he was, he did get to get out of his van at one point, but obviously thought better of it.

I shrugged my shoulders and rode off with him buzzing me for a little while, but I studiously ignored him.

Possibly should've had another word, would have love to see him explain to the policeman that turned up why the cyclist was having a word with him: -

"This cyclist says you were on your mobile phone sir..."

Saying all that I possibly should've held back though, and only made things worse by riding into the situation, still, a good bit of driver education never goes a miss.

always_tyred

I tend to imagine the driver I'm about to shout at becoming totally insane and trying to drive me off the road 100 yards further on.

Question for the masses - what's the law on helmet cameras? I know that its quite restrictive for private use of CCTV, for example.

BentMikey

Always Tyred wrote:

I tend to imagine the driver I'm about to shout at becoming totally insane and trying to drive me off the road 100 yards further on.

Question for the masses - what's the law on helmet cameras? I know that its quite restrictive for private use of CCTV, for example.

Very sensible on your first sentence, that's something I try to emulate. I'm not sure on the CCTV issue. To me it's not so much CCTV as rather me filming in public as part of making videos of vehicles, people, and traffic situations.

andrewc3142

Be confident, take the primary position, keep up a reasonable pace, ride smoothly, read the traffic and if someone annoys you, let it go, however unpleasant, abusive, idiot or dangerous they are. Bike vs car - bike tends to lose. Besides, without provoking them further, let them get all frothy and red-faced. So what? Absolutely pointless doing the same. Stay cool and get on with life. No need to join in their sad version of it.

Yellow Cliff

I really try to just let things go now as I have realised how much more stressful it is to get angry at drivers in these situations. Reacting less to bad driving has really improved my enjoyment - I generally forget about it in a few minutes, rather than re-living the shouting etc all day.

The main thing I try to think of is that it will just be me who suffers from getting involved, so I am best not to go there. I also tend to think that, in the face of aggressive driving, it is actually nothing to do with me - it is actually all about how crap their life is or how stressed they are, I just happen to be a convenient target for abuse.