Bad Neigbour advice

songwriter

My neigbour just won't leave me alone. Their recent game is to laugh at me through their door whenever they feel they can provoke me. I locked myself out last month and I heard them saying 'arr did you lock yourself out' and sniggering behind their door and the other day I went out at 4am for a ride and I heard them again laughing. They are in their 60's and behave like teenage (chav) girls. It's been one thing after the other for nearly 4 years.

It sounds easy to ignore and it is most of the time but if they catch me on a bad day I'm the one that will get in trouble.

Any suggestions on how to protect myself from these fucking idiots who basically need some friends and a hobbie, like cycling!.

thanks

alan_sherman

Love bomb them. i.e. give them complete and total positive attention. Always invite them out for drinks, say hello whenever you see them, always stop for a chat and ask about them (don't talk about yourself). When locked out you should have invited yourself around to their place for a cup of tea, and maybe dinner. Suggest a holiday away with your lycra clad friends perhaps.


Give it a couple of months and you'll either be insane or they will do ANYTHING to avoid you.

Good luck

Papa Smurf

When they say something bad... Take a deep breath, turn and smile and say, "Why thankyou, I love you too" - It's sarcastic but nice and stops most w@nkers dead in their tracks.

Brains

Have you thought about joining your local thrash metal band ?

The lads will need somewhere to practice, as will you on your electric violin/double necked guitar/drums

Failing that, for real 'annoy the neighbours' music, buy some Captain Beefhart or Pere Ubu CD off EBay, and sent the player to 11 as you go off for a 4am ride

HungryCol

Ignore it. Don't let it get under your skin and bother you becuse they'll take you down to their level and beat you with experience. Be happy in the knowledge that they'll always be idiots and you'll always be a healthy happy chappy.

You could try and have abit of fun too. Put on different accents whenever you see them when saying hello or bye. Eventually you'll be the loon next door and they'll be rushing into their house whenever they see you. Eitherway you'll be happier

heavymental

They sound like a couple of weirdos. What are they doing laughing at you at 4 in the morning and talking to you through the letterbox!? :? I'd make as much effort to say hello and talk to them as possible. Maybe they'll be a bit more civilized if they know you a bit better.

allaction

Buy a chainsaw and start chopping wood outside there house, whilst looking at them through the window, will scare the sh*t out of them!

Seriously I'd ignore them or move. My inlaws have recieved 'anonymous' mail for over 15 years, even though they are sure it's from there neighbours, he is a proper slalker. I'd have either twatted him or moved, as he is just to stubborn to die!

songwriter

Thanks for all the support. It's funny how easliy you can get dragged into someone elses insanity!

carlstone

I had the kids from hell outside my house every day and night, so I put up with it for 3 years. Then I moved. There is absolutely nothing you can do legally as far as I can tell. Best decision I ever made. I went to the estate agents straight after I nearly made the huge mistake of clipping one around the ear. I would have loved to have ignored it but when its costing money to get your car and house fixed you just can't. House I am in now is on a main road, so no kids. Great.

schmako

Buy an mp3 player, my neighbourhood is full of idiots and I can't hear any of them!

spen666

Reading this thread, there does seem to be some "bad, neighbour advice"

vermooten

Either:
Ignore it - try meditation to keep you chilled
Or:
Make friends with them.
Or:
Move.

if it was me I'd do the last one.

fossyant

I'd like to know what the hell were they doing up at 4am.

Just take the hiss back, but in a nice way.... if they take the hiss out of your cycling/getting locked out, at least say "At least I get out and about, you should try it !"

HarryB

You are being intimidated by a couple of pensioners (well, almost)? Give your head a shake. Then, when you've done that, give them a shake.

FitzyNC

either do nothing and take $h1t off them until you move.

or next time laughing boy come round and starts shouting through your letter box, pepper spray the old git. but if he croaks on you move sharpish

richardast

1. Fit a laminate floor.
2. Wear your road shoes in the house all the time.
3. Take up Jenga.
4. Practice your tap dancing every evening for at least 2 hours.
5. I believe the US Army found Queen's "We are the Champions" at max volume very effective against General Noriega.

Or move across the border to Herts .
Don't let 'em get you down.

martincroxall

Try doing stuff in the garden that makes no sense. My neighbour is an absolute to**er and has on occaision done various things that were particularly nasty (mainly when my wife was on her own). Now, when he is in the garden I wander out and pretend to put up wood in a flag pole stylee, stack bins on to of each other or just stand on a set of steps for no reason whatsoever. I think he's now decided I'm seriously unhinged and should be left well alone.

songwriter

I failed!. I might of, kind of, called him a fucking dick and let him have it. A massive moment of weakness. You can't provoke someone all the time and not expect to catch them on a bad day.

For all you good people that don't live on a lame X council estate in a shit town in Essex kiss your home and thank god, For here no one ever reachs past the mental age of 16 . And the mums violently scream at their children and your often woken by drunks next door killing each other at four in the morning. And you can't go to the shops without stepping into a world of ignorance. I'm moving cos I hate white trash!!!!!

giant_man

I'm quite surprised people are that 'friendly' in Harlow I have to say. Which part of Harlow are you songwriter? I'm thinking Parndon Wood area or Bush Fair but I could be wrong.

richardast

I think it's called post-war Eastend overspill.
(I have friends and relatives in the Harlow area and it's a standing joke - not meant to be seriously offensive to anyone).

Really, Hertfordshire is very nice and it's only an extra 10 minutes on the train to a very quaint little market town just 8 miles to your North.

heavymental

So what happened? What did you say?! What did he say!?

Parsnip49

Old people giving you bother?

Try cutting off thier gas supply and let hypothermia do its thing


Whats blue and f**ks over old people?

CHRISNOIR

I'm guessing they're not exactly superb physical specimens. Just point at them and laugh. Irritates people far more than verbal abuse.

Nine Stone Cowboy

1. Postal warfare - Fill in as many brochure requests, free samples, double glazing salesmen visits and so on as possible.

2. Create a stink - Get 10 tons of manure dropped on their drive while they're out. Leave the cash payment in an envelope pinned to their front door.

3. Turn their water off if you can get to the stopcock.

4. Write rude words with cress seeds on their front lawn. This will be invisible until they mow the green tops off leaving your message in white stalks.

5. Photoshop a local authority letterhead and mail them saying that their house is subject to a compusory purchase order and will be dempolished.

6. Advertise their car in the local paper at a very reasonable price - Pay cash again.

7. Dig two grave sized holes in your back garden. Then invite them round for dinner.

That should do the job.

HungryCol

Brillant nine stone. You really do have a warped mind. Great suggestions. Martin likewise. Put on a robe and start chanting prayers at mightmight, give them a wink every time you see them during the day.

I think Mr songwriter it's time you got f**k outta Dodge.

Special K

Get out of Harlow.

iainment

songwriter wrote:

I failed!. I might of, kind of, called him a ******* dick and let him have it. A massive moment of weakness. You can't provoke someone all the time and not expect to catch them on a bad day.

For all you good people that don't live on a lame X council estate in a shoot town in Essex kiss your home and thank god, For here no one ever reachs past the mental age of 16 . And the mums violently scream at their children and your often woken by drunks next door killing each other at four in the morning. And you can't go to the shops without stepping into a world of ignorance. I'm moving cos I hate white trash!!!!!

If they are council tenants, or leaseholders who exercised the right to buy, contact your local housing office and complain. You will then be expected to keep some sort of diary for a while and then they will consider if there behaviour is serious enough to warrant action. This might just be a warning letter or all the way up to asbo or possession proceedings.
Don't ignore it but don't engage in behaviour that gives them cause to counter claim that you are behaving badly. The process might be lengthy but it's there for you.

I speak as a housing officer in inner london.


Good luck.

Special K

previous advie is good if you like the area: otherwise, if you don't I refer you to my earlier point

get out of Harlow.

Anonymous

songwriter wrote:

My neigbour just won't leave me alone. Their recent game is to laugh at me through their door whenever they feel they can provoke me. I locked myself out last month and I heard them saying 'arr did you lock yourself out' and sniggering behind their door and the other day I went out at 4am for a ride and I heard them again laughing. They are in their 60's and behave like teenage (chav) girls. It's been one thing after the other for nearly 4 years.

It sounds easy to ignore and it is most of the time but if they catch me on a bad day I'm the one that will get in trouble.

Any suggestions on how to protect myself from these ******* idiots who basically need some friends and a hobbie, like cycling!.

thanks

Just my opinion, but it sounds to me as though you depend upon them to dis you daily just so you can, somehow, be important to someone at all.

They are driving your bus whether you like it or not. I would ignore them totally. But if you feel you absolutely HAVE respond to them, respond in any manner, whether they hear you or not, as though they have just paid you a compliment. A huge smile and a friendly wave is a good start. Make their point moot. They will soon realize that they are making no headway at all.

Bottom line, ignore their sissy ass*s.