The Office Christmas Party...

andyp

In my first job after university I ended up going home with a colleague, who also happened to be my boss' wife (they'd recently split up). :oops:

My first, and finest, career limiting move.

popette

andyp wrote:

In my first job after university I ended up going home with a colleague, who also happened to be my boss' wife (they'd recently split up). :oops:

My first, and finest, career limiting move.

Did something similar with my first job out of uni - :oops: :oops: :oops:

I'm still waiting to hear back from Vermooten - what did you do?? You didn't eat someone did you?

pneumatic

I once went on a Christmas night out by accident. I met a bunch of colleagues from my previous department who were so pleased to see me (i.e. p1ssed already) that they offered me the spare ticket of the person who had wisely phoned in with a bad cold.

Some hours later, after about ten rounds of drinks and a dinner I don't remember eating, I was leaning against the wall of a local hotel watching the young folks enjoying themselves on the parquet, when a brilliant idea struck me. In the middle of each table was a squadron of helium balloons, moored by shiny silver strands to a wine bottle. Wouldn't it be fun, thought I, to release the balloons by severing their moorings with a candle flame.

As the balloons rose towards the high ceiling of the hotel, three things happened:

I noticed that the silver string was still burning rather vigorously beneath them as they rose.
I noticed that the ceiling was coated in those highly flammable polystyrene tiles.
I sobered up, more suddenly and completely than ever before or since in my life.

popette

that's bad but not as bad as confusing oxters with scrotum!

t4tomo

At least it was helium & not hydrogen. Or had you forgotten helium was inert and hence the panic?

pneumatic

It was quite bad for the bloke from salaries, upon whose bald head and best silk shirt hot molten plastic tape was dripping (until, that is, I threw a pint of lager up into the heart of the flaming comet, and therefore all over him, too).

popette

pneumatic wrote:

It was quite bad for the bloke from salaries, upon whose bald head and best silk shirt hot molten plastic tape was dripping (until, that is, I threw a pint of lager up into the heart of the flaming comet, and therefore all over him, too).

actually, that is worse than oxters/scrotum confusion!

Clever Pun

free beer, I actually like some of the people I work with and can drink more than most, so I'm hoping they'll muck themselves up

In my old place a group of us just had our own alternative one until 9ish pop into the official one see it was mind numbingly tedious and bugger off again

ricadus

Daniel B wrote:

Ricadus - is thet Penguin as in on the Strand?

Yes, but in those days they were in a smaller building nextdoor to High Street Kensington tube station that is now occupied by EMI.

Special K

I once worked for a company that having annouced profits somewhere north of 8 billion earlier on in the year, made sure that it's UK IT staff had a jolly good time out for Christmas by giving all the project managers a budget to spend on their teams. That budget, to be spent on an event somewhere close to work (i.e. the City or Canary Wharf), was... how much, go on, guess.

OK. I'll tell you. The budget was 15 quid per head.

In anyone's book, that's proper Scrooge territory.

Special K

Just remembered a great story (2nd hand so apologies to anyone who was there if I get any of the details wrong):

Wetherspoons christmas party last year. Poor Unfortunate #1 drinks so much he simultaneously vomits and soils himself at the same time - his efforts pooling around the bar he's slumped against.

Poor Unfortunate#2 emerges from the ladies as she walks past the bar, slips in some of the festive effluent and falls to the floor, covered in festive fun.

Just think: you've put on your best party frock, done your hair and your face, you feel like you've just stepped out of TV advert for shampoo and then...

Rare form.

nwallace

pneumatic wrote:

I once went on a Christmas night out by accident. I met a bunch of colleagues from my previous department who were so pleased to see me (i.e. p1ssed already) that they offered me the spare ticket of the person who had wisely phoned in with a bad cold.

Some hours later, after about ten rounds of drinks and a dinner I don't remember eating, I was leaning against the wall of a local hotel watching the young folks enjoying themselves on the parquet, when a brilliant idea struck me. In the middle of each table was a squadron of helium balloons, moored by shiny silver strands to a wine bottle. Wouldn't it be fun, thought I, to release the balloons by severing their moorings with a candle flame.

As the balloons rose towards the high ceiling of the hotel, three things happened:

I noticed that the silver string was still burning rather vigorously beneath them as they rose.
I noticed that the ceiling was coated in those highly flammable polystyrene tiles.
I sobered up, more suddenly and completely than ever before or since in my life.

Baron Watson of Invergowrie in disguise.

pneumatic

I wish!

Numpty **** in full view of his employer!

chrisjsmith

Special K wrote:

I once worked for a company that having annouced profits somewhere north of 8 billion earlier on in the year, made sure that it's UK IT staff had a jolly good time out for Christmas by giving all the project managers a budget to spend on their teams. That budget, to be spent on an event somewhere close to work (i.e. the City or Canary Wharf), was... how much, go on, guess.

OK. I'll tell you. The budget was 15 quid per head.

In anyone's book, that's proper Scrooge territory.

I've had a few like that. They splashed out once on 40 quid a head for a meal out. It turned out to be about 60 quid and poncy crap food (Morrow near Angel) so we had to foot the extra 20 quid ourselves. Nice! Went to spoons every time after that bad experience!

wildmoustache

I'm going to bring out my true colours this year and spend the entire evening advising people on bicycle wheels in the hope I'm excluded from future events.

andyp

wildmoustache wrote:

I'm going to bring out my true colours this year and spend the entire evening advising people on bicycle wheels in the hope I'm excluded from future events.

My team of five has three serious cyclists in it so this behaviour is actively encouraged. My boss probably spends more time talking about cycling in our weekly one hour meeting than he does about my work.

flattythehurdler

Do you work for me?

wildmoustache

andyp wrote:

wildmoustache wrote:

I'm going to bring out my true colours this year and spend the entire evening advising people on bicycle wheels in the hope I'm excluded from future events.

My team of five has three serious cyclists in it so this behaviour is actively encouraged. My boss probably spends more time talking about cycling in our weekly one hour meeting than he does about my work.

that sounds a dream. my office is more the sort of place where, if you turn up with a bike helmet in hand you are asked "did you cycle". To enjoy cycling up a hill is regarded in the same manner as paedophilia. So I'm ploughing a lonely furrow, but I have got my boss to buy a bike and encouraged another guy to do a London-Paris for charity ... small early victories in the long march to liberating my colleagues...

popette

sorry, pressed wrong button there :x

Bunnyman 5.5

popette wrote:

andyp wrote:

In my first job after university I ended up going home with a colleague, who also happened to be my boss' wife (they'd recently split up). :oops:

My first, and finest, career limiting move.

Did something similar with my first job out of uni - :oops: :oops: :oops:

I'm still waiting to hear back from Vermooten - what did you do?? You didn't eat someone did you?

You went home with the boss's wife? :P ...Vermooten-where are those beans then?...