All you bike lovers out there be warned.........

hammerite

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml;jsessionid=YNQFFXC0V5II5QFIQMFSFFWAVCBQ0IV0?xml=/news/2007/10/26/nsex126.xml



No idea why anyone would do this, but also is it really as bas to be put on the sex offenders list alongside people who would've committed crimes of a more severe nature.





Sorry if this has been posted already.

jimmythecuckoo

That's put me off my dinner.

Bronzie

Now I like to think I'm an open minded sort of person, but I am befuddled as to how you "have sex with a pavement". :?:

SteveR_100Milers

And why exactlyt is that illegal? It was in private, and not in public after all, not that I can understand the attraction of shagging ones bike, let alone condoning it.

emaichael

why should it be illegal...not that i really care.
but women use dildos, vibrating ones aswell. yet a guy having sex with a bike... is illegal. lol
put on the sex offenders register for having sex with an item... sounds ridiculous.
''GIANT TCR 2 2006 edition, did you, or didn't you give consent for this man to have sex with you''

Monty Dog

I'm intruiged about the pavement thing too?? I agree that he's been treated unduly harsh - he was behind a locked door and not causing offence to anyone - it's bizarre behaviour but hardly a threat to anyone

emaichael

i can understand a women getting....thrills from rubbing themselves on a pavement... but i cant understand how a guy could.

SteveR_100Milers

There's a difference between having a tug in private and in public. One is perfectly acceptable and not to be denied, the other is outrageous and should be counteracted with the full force of the legal process. Both of which sidestep the real point: why a bike FFS????

Crapaud

There was a story a few years back of a guy who was arrested for shagging a shoe, then a couple of weeks later he was arrested again for shagging a bin bag - both in public! :?

Anecdotally, I've heard of someone cutting a hole on an orange with an apple corer and doing the evil deed with that - it's just like the real thing! Apparently. :shock:

This has just reminded me of another story, but I think I'll go and throw up instead of telling it. [projectile vomit smilie]

emaichael

Crapaud wrote:

There was a story a few years back of a guy who was arrested for shagging a shoe, then a couple of weeks later he was arrested again for shagging a bin bag - both in public! :?

Anecdotally, I've heard of someone cutting a hole on an orange with an apple corer and doing the evil deed with that - it's just like the real thing! Apparently. :shock:

This has just reminded me of another story, but I think I'll go and throw up instead of telling it. [projectile vomit smilie]

*everyone rushes for an orange and tries it out*

on the road

Crapaud wrote:

This has just reminded me of another story, but I think I'll go and throw up instead of telling it. [projectile vomit smilie]

Do tell, you've got everyone im suspence now

SteveR_100Milers

I've also heard that the nostril of cow is also like the "real thing" with the added advantage that it can use its tongue at the same time....

Crapaud

on the road wrote:

Crapaud wrote:

This has just reminded me of another story, but I think I'll go and throw up instead of telling it. [projectile vomit smilie]

Do tell, you've got everyone im suspence now

Can't. It'll get me thrown off the forum and, possibly out of the country. Anyway, it's a bit off topic.

SteveR_100Milers wrote:

I've also heard that the nostril of cow is also like the "real thing" with the added advantage that it can use its tongue at the same time....

That's seriously disgusting. I hope you just made it up. [heaves]

bryanm

Anyone know what sort of bike it was? :?

Crapaud

bryanm wrote:

Anyone know what sort of bike it was? :?

Full sussies MTB?

popette

SteveR_100Milers wrote:

I've also heard that the nostril of cow is also like the "real thing" with the added advantage that it can use its tongue at the same time....

I think a line may have been crossed yuk

emaichael

that is utterly disgusting, but made me laugh a little. anything to brake the mood my bitchy gf causes

andyp

So does this mean every businessman in the country who watches the pay tv channel, or bongo vision as it's known around here, will be prosecuted and placed on the sex offenders register if a cleaner comes into the room mid act?

Nivacrom

Typical; marginalising pedestrians and cyclists....

pedylan

Crapaud wrote:

Anecdotally, I've heard of someone cutting a hole on an orange with an apple corer and doing the evil deed with that - it's just like the real thing! Apparently. :shock:

Old Middle Eastern saying, women for babies, boys for pleasure and water melons for ecstasy.

Pre bike days obviously...........

popette

hey steve,
just back from a 40th birhtday party (i'm years and years off that yet). I amused some farmers with my talk of cows nostrils and tongues, I can tell you
Thanks for that mate.

crackle

SteveR_100Milers wrote:

I've also heard that the nostril of cow is also like the "real thing" with the added advantage that it can use its tongue at the same time....

....OK....

...and moving onto practicalities. How d'yer keep it still exactly :?

Or are cows used to this as part of the milking regime in some farms :shock:


this hasn't got anything to do with cheese production has it :!: :roll:


...OK, I'm leaving

SteveR_100Milers

Hell knows, I never made this up, its an old joke heard years ago from a mate, made me laugh at the time too. Glad it helped break the ice Popette, did any of the assembled party throng offer to "test drive" Ermintrude?
I also read (probably in Viz which means it must be true) that prisoners detained on her majestys pleasure (oh the irony) are all keen to get gardening duties, so that they can collect jars of worms..... :shock:

popette

we went on to talk about how on farms they have lady horses called the teaser mares who are there just to excite the men horses but they don't ever get any action as the man horse is then "introduced" to another unsuspecting female at the vital moment.
Being a teaser mare must be the worst ever job.

I must have been a bit tipsy because I resolved to make myself a paper mache head and claim to be frank sidebottoms sister, do tours of timperley and thus avoid going back to work when my maternity leave is over.

rgisme

Well, to resurrect this topic for a moment, it's just as well he wasn't doing it in a hotel room in Indonesia :!: :

"In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation " according to the beeb: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7081038.stm

Salsiccia

Sorry to resurrect this one, but did you see that the guy has been convicted and sentenced?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm

Sex offenders register for three years! FFS!

I mean, it's not something I approve/condone or even understand, but how has a crime been committed? It was in his own, locked, private room with an inanimate object. Can somebody explain this for me?

Bronzie

Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink

Presumably, he thought the bike had consented to sex?

rgisme

Well, I just think it's a disgrace.. that he was convicted and sentenced at all! I mean, according the report he was in a locked room, the cleaners let themselves in with a pass key. Is it his fault they intruded at a 'private moment'?

hammerite

I'm quite shocked by the BBCs coverage, usually they don't publish photos of the victim in crimes like this, but here they clearly have

Porgy

hammerite wrote:

I'm quite shocked by the BBCs coverage, usually they don't publish photos of the victim in crimes like this, but here they clearly have

I don;t think that is the actual bike - when I read the article I was amused that they had included a picture of a bike - just in case anyone didn;t know what a bike looked like. :?

chewa

That bike is clearly "asking for it" - no mudguards lol!

Anyway reason he's on the sex offenders register is presumably because they found photos of bikes with stabilisers on his pc.

Ridiculous, if he'd been having a sherman would there have been this fuss?