The 10 (ish) commandments of cycling

PostieJohn

1:- Thou's computers average speedth should notth dropest whilst broweth sprinting. :evil:

Please continue

Alex_Simmons/RST

Thou does not chaseth down one's team mate in thy break ahead and bringeth thy bunch back into thyne race

Shadowduck

Thou shalt not acknowledge the existence of riders on lower spec equipment.*

Sorry, was that a bit cynical?

*Not a problem for me, as there is no lower spec equipment.

John C.

If thow only unclips 1 spd at a stop you will fall off the other side of the bike :oops:

Mike Willcox1

Thou shalt shout foul abuse at any rider who fails to return your acknowledgement. (ignorant bas....ds)

pneumatic

Thou shalt issue commandments in proper King James (VI) grammar, or not at all!

So

I shall
Thou shalt
He/she/we/you(pl)/they shall

I do
Thou doest
He/She doeth or doth

e.g. he that slaggeth off this pedant, shall feel the wrath thereof (and that is a proverb, rather than a commandment).

Well, it is Sunday!

labarum

I thank thee, Pneumatic (if thou wilt forgive the familiarity).

Thou didst chastise the childer before me.

Let all learn their "thees" and "thous", "doests" and "doths".

Let none be slothful, none naughty, none ignorant of traditional English.

pneumatic

Thou art welcome, sirrah!

But pay heed! He that insisteth on every last detail, usually misseth the wider point.

labarum

Why dost thou call me sirrah?

Noun 1. sirrah - formerly a contemptuous term of address to an inferior man or boy; often used in anger

Cunobelin

Labarum wrote:

Why dost thou call me sirrah?

Noun 1. sirrah - formerly a contemptuous term of address to an inferior man or boy; often used in anger

If the item of haberdashery fitteth the circumference of one's noggin, it should become part of one's habitual vestments

trailtrash

Cunobelin wrote:

Labarum wrote:

Why dost thou call me sirrah?

Noun 1. sirrah - formerly a contemptuous term of address to an inferior man or boy; often used in anger

If the item of haberdashery fitteth the circumference of one's noggin, it should become part of one's habitual vestments

Sir, thou are a jester of great artfulness. Thou dost cause me to ruin my new hose with the water of my bladder.

trailtrash

When thou art ridng along a trail and encounter a comely maiden in tight attire cycling towards thou, thou shalt always have snot streaming across thy cheek. :oops:

Bronzie

7:- When thou nostrils doth become overwhelmed with thee great quantity of mucous, and thou doth empty yon nostrils upon the Tarmacadam, thou must take thee greastest care not to coat thee rider astern with said nasal outpourings lest they become sore annoyed and call to thee in a tone most beligerent

Bronzie

8:- When thou doth annoint thyself with thee "Assos Chamois Cream" thou must take great pains to avoid picking up thee tube of "Ralgex" in error, which may cause flames to appear from thee nether regions

Mike Healey

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's Assos

IanTrcp

For six hours you shall labour and do all the work. Only to get outsprinted by some wheelsuckers as your club run approaches the las bus stop...

pneumatic

Labarum wrote:

Why dost thou call me sirrah?

Noun 1. sirrah - formerly a contemptuous term of address to an inferior man or boy; often used in anger

Goddes Teeth! Sorry old chap! That could have ended in a duel.

Note to self: Thou shalt not make basic errors in Jacobean vocabulary.

ChrisLS

...for thou and thy kind must knowest this: there are more up hills than down hills. All winds will blow into thy face making thee sorely knackered...praise the lord!

McBain_v1

Always apply Savlon / Sudocreme to one's nether regions before a ride, as it will save much agony and pustules in the long- term

pneumatic

Thou shalt not steel (Carbon is better!)

McBain_v1

Wash your mouth out pneumatic - steel is real

clanton

PMSL. Perfect for a Monday!

pneumatic

clanton wrote:

PMSL!

Art thou saying that thy pants betray the urgency of thy mirth?

labarum

Mike Healey wrote:

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's Assos

The most excelent yet!

labarum

Let there be more merriment in this company.

Know ye all of the "Wicked Bible"?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wicked_Bible

Write ye now commandments in like manner.

Mike Healey

And He said, "Your shims are forgiven you, go and Shimano no more"

labarum

pneumatic wrote:

Labarum wrote:

Why dost thou call me sirrah?

Noun 1. sirrah - formerly a contemptuous term of address to an inferior man or boy; often used in anger

Goddes Teeth! Sorry old chap! That could have ended in a duel.

Note to self: Thou shalt not make basic errors in Jacobean vocabulary.

No satisfaction for thy transgression is required, only thine hearty repentence.
Be of good spirit, O excellent Pneumatic.

But if I may quibble one more time (I do crave indulgence).

If thou didst believe "Sirrah" was "Sir" or "Sire", why didst thou conjoin it with the familiar "thou"?
To call "Sir" doth reqire a most polite "you", methinks.

And now I will retire, for it be bedtime in Westfalia.

pneumatic

Gadzooks! And you, Sire, seem more of a pedant than I, Sire!

"Bedtime in Westfalia" sounds like a very fine title for an arthouse movie in period costume, possibly in a formal garden at dusk, during which absolutely nothing happens twice or three times over a period of several hours in grainy black and white.

so far, I vote for coveting one's neighbours Assos, closely followed by Shim no more, but a multitude of possibilities remain.

Meanwhile, a relevant quiz question:

Who had the bendiest bum in the bible?

Moses, who tied his ass to a tree, and walked into Jerusalem.

boom boom!