Friday Humour

jibi

Not a joke to start but some observations

Murphy's Technology Law #1 -- You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
Murphy's Technology Law #2 -- Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Murphy's Technology Law #3 -- Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
Murphy's Technology Law #4 -- If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
Murphy's Technology Law #5 -- All great discoveries are made by mistake.
Murphy's Technology Law #6 -- Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
Murphy's Technology Law #7 -- All's well that ends... period.
Murphy's Technology Law #8 -- A meeting is an event at which minutes are kept and hours are lost.
Murphy's Technology Law #9 -- The first myth of management is that it exists.
Murphy's Technology Law #10 -- A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection.
Murphy's Technology Law #11 -- New systems generate new problems.
Murphy's Technology Law #12 -- Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
Murphy's Technology Law #13 -- A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.

george

HJ1976

Given to me by my fater after a really troublesome construction customer queried what a pipe is....
International Pipe Specification

1. All pipes shall be made of pipular materials
2. All pipes are to be made of a long hole surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole.
3. All pipes are to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe.
4. The ID (inside diameter) of all pipes must not exceed the OD (outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside.
5. All pipes are to be supplied with nothing in the hole, so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.
6. All pipes should be supplied without rust; this can be more readily applied at the job site.
Note: Some vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipes. If available in your area, this product is a recommended thing, as it will save a great deal of time at the job site.
7. All pipe over 500 ft in length should have the words "LONG PIPE" clearly painted on each side and end, so the contractor will know it's a long pipe.
8. Pipe over 2 miles in length must also have the words "LONG PIPE" painted in the middle so the contractor will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether or not it is a long pipe or a short pipe.
9. All pipes over 6 ft in diameter must have the words "LARGE PIPE" painted on it, so the contractor will not mistake it for a small pipe.
10. Flanges must be used on all pipes. Flanges must have holes for bolts, quite separate from the big hole in the middle.
11. When ordering 90 deg. or 30 deg. elbows, be sure to specify left-hand or right-hand, otherwise you will end up going the wrong way.
12. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipes for going uphill, the water will flow the wrong way.
13. All couplings should have either right-hand or left-hand threads, but do not mix the threads, otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on one pipe, it is being unscrewed from the other.
14. All pipes shorter than 1/8in are very uneconomical in use, requiring many joints. They are generally known as washers.
15. Joints in pipes for piping water must be water-tight. Those in pipes for compressed air, however, need only be air-tight.
16. Lengths of pipes may be welded or soldered together. This method is not recommended for concrete or earthenware pipes.
17. Other commodities are often confused with pipes. These include: Hose, Conduit, Tube, Tunnel and Drain. Use only genuine pipes.

John Stevenson

I'm very fond of Hofstadter's Law, which seems to severely afflict website development:

It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.