A groaner for the weekend
mr_hippo
Posts: 1,051
Julius Caesar was addressing the crowd in the Coliseum. "Friends, Romans and Countrymen, lend me your ears.
Tomorrow I take our glorious army to conquer Northern Europe and I shall start with France . We shall kill many Gauls and return victorious."
The crowd are up on their feet "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"
Brutus turns to his mate and says " He doesn't half talk some shi*e eh?
He couldn't fight his way out of a wet parchment bag."
Six months later, Caesar comes back having conquered France and addresses the crowd in the Coliseum. "Friends, Romans and Countrymen, I have returned from our campaign in France and as I promised, we killed 50,000 Gauls". The crowd are up on their feet again. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar".
Brutus once again turns to his mate "I'm sick of his bullsh*t, I'm off to France to check this out." So Brutus sets of for France and three weeks later he comes back to Rome .
Caesar is addressing the public in the Coliseum again "Friends, Romans and Countrymen, tomorrow we set off for Britain and we are going to sort those b*stards out". The crowd are up on their feet."Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"
Brutus jumps up and shouts "Caesar, you are a liar. You told us that you had killed 50,000 Gauls in France but I've been there to check it out and you only killed 25,000 !!!!"
The crowd are stunned and all sit down in silence.
Caesar gets up and looks slowly round the Coliseum then across at Brutus and says
"Brutus, you are forgetting one thing . . . . . away Gauls count double in Europe .
Tomorrow I take our glorious army to conquer Northern Europe and I shall start with France . We shall kill many Gauls and return victorious."
The crowd are up on their feet "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"
Brutus turns to his mate and says " He doesn't half talk some shi*e eh?
He couldn't fight his way out of a wet parchment bag."
Six months later, Caesar comes back having conquered France and addresses the crowd in the Coliseum. "Friends, Romans and Countrymen, I have returned from our campaign in France and as I promised, we killed 50,000 Gauls". The crowd are up on their feet again. "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar".
Brutus once again turns to his mate "I'm sick of his bullsh*t, I'm off to France to check this out." So Brutus sets of for France and three weeks later he comes back to Rome .
Caesar is addressing the public in the Coliseum again "Friends, Romans and Countrymen, tomorrow we set off for Britain and we are going to sort those b*stards out". The crowd are up on their feet."Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty Caesar"
Brutus jumps up and shouts "Caesar, you are a liar. You told us that you had killed 50,000 Gauls in France but I've been there to check it out and you only killed 25,000 !!!!"
The crowd are stunned and all sit down in silence.
Caesar gets up and looks slowly round the Coliseum then across at Brutus and says
"Brutus, you are forgetting one thing . . . . . away Gauls count double in Europe .
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Comments
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That's a good 'un Hippo - how about this...........
An octopus walks into a pub.................."I can play any musical instrument you give, and I swear it'll be the sweetest music you ever hear".
Intrigued, the landlord hands him a guitar..................the octopus strikes up a few chords and then plays it better than Hendrix himself.
Now most impressed, the locals shout "Play the piano Mr Octopus, let's see how you get on with that". Of course, having 8 arms, the octopus plays the piano with ease and knocks out a couple of Mozarts symphonies without breaking sweat.
The pub's resident Scotsman (c'mon, every pub's got one) says "Hey Pussy, have a gee w' this"................and hands him a set of bagpipes.
After a few minutes of fumbling and strange noises emanating from the pipes, the Scotsman says, "Wasamatta Pussy, ken ye no play 'em".
"Play 'em?" says the octopus, "when I get her out of these tartan pyjamas, I'm gonna f*ck her brains out".0 -
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for £10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?""Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." (Albert Einstein)0 -
For gawds sake don`t mention ducks on a Mr Hippo thread! It`ll start all over again!
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Have I missed something? what's this about ducks? :oops: 0
