Total W@NKERS

geedub · June 2007

Spent today plugging steadily uphill in the rain on my MTB into one of North Yorkshire's larger forests in training for next weekend's killer road bike ride from Sheffield to Glossop and back along the dreaded Snake and Winnats Passes.

Oh Joy! A group of quadbikers ahead, tootling along at 5 mph stretched across the full width of the track, who then decide to stop to wait for one of their unfortunate colleagues who was travelling ahead of me on the decidedly un-Mt Ventoux-ish incline at a breathtaking 3 mph. As I got nearer to them they turned (as one - a collective organism perhaps?) to see who dared to approach them. Oh look! It's a cyclist! Shall we move out of his way so he can get past us without having to risk his life by squeezing past us on a decidedly risky negative camber with a 100 foot drop if he gets it wrong?

NO!

We'll wait here so he can swear at us for not making any attempt whatsoever to get out of his way!

*&^%$œ@+++)(***&>?<ers!

Never mind! They probably don"t know any better, even with 2 team leaders from the company that were supplying the quads looking extremely sheepish as they ate my dust!

Thinking I was now past this bunch of tossrs I continued my progress uphill. What's that painful whining sound? Oh happy day - it's the w@nkers on their tractors again. OK, so they managed to burn me off on the climb to the summit, but yippee!!!, look at their astonishment as the crazed cyclist actually overtook them on the descent!

Progress came to a halt at the padlocked gate that was the exit of the forest onto the North York Moors and guess what? Yes, we'll stop here and stretch right across the track again, blocking the single width exit at the side of the gate so the cyclist can't get past.
Total *&^%$œ@+++)(***&>?<ers! More swearing I'm afraid - what a common pleb!

Is it a common occurence that these BMW, Audi and Saab driving morons (all their expensive company cars parked at the edge of the forest) feel that they have the right to lord it over a bloke on a bike even when they aren't on a motorway and on decidedly w@nkerish go-karts? I know that the Forestry Commission give equal rights to all users of their forests but are manners and consideration for others a thing of the past?

Am I a sad old git?

Or is there anyone else out there who feels the same way?[:(!]

Mine's a pint!

gbb · June 2007

Theres w@nkers everywhere, in all walks of life. Every once in a while, you get reminded they're there.

Chill out, fer Christsakes....

Spawn of Cabbie · June 2007

Unfortunately, weekends are the wirst for riding I find. After work the people driving around seem to expect cyclists and behave pretty well.
On the weekend the idiots haven't got Coranation Street to worry about so they venture out and shout things like "Get a car".

Joe Sacco · June 2007

Yep, definitely worse at weekends. That's when the ramblers come out.

jonpcp · June 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Joe Sacco

Yep, definitely worse at weekends. That's when the ramblers come out.
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

The poor buggers didn't manage to avoid you, Joe. No doubt ruined their weekend too.

Scenic commute!

spen666 · June 2007

So what exactly did these quad bikers do wrong?

Are they not allowed to be on tracks you want to ride on?

Should they have got off their bikes and worshipped at youer feet?

You sound like the motorists who complain that cyclists are on the road because they are going slower than the motorist wants to go in his car.

You have no God given right to use the tracks in priority to others.

Learn to share

22nd March can't come soon enough, neither can 26th May 2007

Carbon Footprint what Carbon Footprint?

yenrodcp · June 2007

My god spen whats egged your hornets party ?

Listen it was simply a case of not being respectful to 'geedub'

And, in the 1st instance, like you know being a law job...

To stop the bloke falling down an incline...

I would have gone down pretty much the same road as Gee..

Lighten up spen !

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by spen666

So what exactly did these quad bikers do wrong?

Are they not allowed to be on tracks you want to ride on?

Should they have got off their bikes and worshipped at youer feet?

You sound like the motorists who complain that cyclists are on the road because they are going slower than the motorist wants to go in his car.

You have no God given right to use the tracks in priority to others.

Learn to share

22nd March can't come soon enough, neither can 26th May 2007

Carbon Footprint what Carbon Footprint?
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

[;)] 'tuono nel mio cuore...[:)]

spen666 · June 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by yenrod

My god spen whats egged your hornets party ?

Listen it was simply a case of not being respectful to 'geedub'

And, in the 1st instance, like you know being a law job...

To stop the bloke falling down an incline...

I would have gone down pretty much the same road as Gee..

Lighten up spen !

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by spen666

So what exactly did these quad bikers do wrong?

Are they not allowed to be on tracks you want to ride on?

Should they have got off their bikes and worshipped at youer feet?

You sound like the motorists who complain that cyclists are on the road because they are going slower than the motorist wants to go in his car.

You have no God given right to use the tracks in priority to others.

Learn to share

22nd March can't come soon enough, neither can 26th May 2007

Carbon Footprint what Carbon Footprint?
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

[;)] 'tuono nel mio cuore...[:)]
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Lighten up?

I'm not the one bleating and twisting because someone else dared to use the same bit of track that I was on.

It seems to me thast the self self self approach is being exhibited by the op because others were using the same bit of track he wanted to use. It is for everyone, not just him. If someone else is there first, then tough- either wait or go another way.

22nd March can't come soon enough, neither can 26th May 2007

Carbon Footprint what Carbon Footprint?

Canrider · June 2007

Um, if that was the Dalby Forest, I'm not 100% sure that quadbiking is permitted, to be honest. I've definitely been told by police within the forest to let them know if we spot any quad bikes..

Edit: actually, that's probably only on the dedicated MTB trails in Dalby, not the actual roads.

"We will never win until the oil runs out or they invent hover cars - but then they may land on us." -- lardarse rider

The Bosscp · June 2007

You were MTBing at Dalby forest? Shouldn't you be riding a road bike from Sheffield to glossop in preparation for that, rather than the other way round?
But yes those quads did sound like wankaz.

<hr noshade size="1">
CyclingIsPermittedAlongThisFootpath GenericPath

Tourist Tony · June 2007

Bonj would've revved his big engine at them....

If I had a stalker, I would hug it and kiss it and call it George...or Dick

geedub · June 2007

Nah, not in Dalby - was in Langdale which is supposedly well-known as a bike-friendly zone and is used for Bike Orienteering etc etc.

What I'm moaning about is the fact that these to$$ers, who had stopped dead and were parked right across the track, watched me cycle towards them on both occasions, knowing full well they were taking up all the available room but made no attempt to move so I could cycle past. I never claimed I had a god given right to any priority over them but simple good manners would have been to at least make an attempt to move out of the way.

Bleating? More like effin furious sonny!

Mine's a pint!

Unknown · June 2007

surely they should have been parked up in a line or two lines at one edge of the trail or something.

i've noticed that most mountain bikers when in a forrest will line up allong sides of a forrest track if they're stopping for any length of time

unless they're all huddled in a group trying to read a map!

yenrodcp · June 2007

Exactly Gee' and Spunky666 needs to realise this is, is he batting for the bottom deck [?]

In regards to this retrograde viewpoint ?

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by geedub

Nah, not in Dalby - was in Langdale which is supposedly well-known as a bike-friendly zone and is used for Bike Orienteering etc etc.

What I'm moaning about is the fact that these to$$ers, who had stopped dead and were parked right across the track, watched me cycle towards them on both occasions, knowing full well they were taking up all the available room but made no attempt to move so I could cycle past. I never claimed I had a god given right to any priority over them but simple good manners would have been to at least make an attempt to move out of the way.

Bleating? More like effin furious sonny!

Mine's a pint!
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

[;)] 'tuono nel mio cuore...[:)]

geedub · June 2007

Spot on yenrod! Nuff said.

Mine's a pint!

papercorn2000 · June 2007

A forest environment is a perfect location for some serious tinkering with the minds of the car-borne. There's a (decidedly rapidly vanishing) chance that there's no mobile coverage in the area - so they are cut off from the outside world.
Slash the tyres of their rep-mobiles - they are now stranded! (Do you see where I am going here?[:D]).
Right, after a few hours, they will return to their cars; tired and elated; but a sudden head count reveals that one is missing ...(probably the one who's wearing glasses).

Over the remainder of the evening and well into the night, you need to pick them off one by one and subject them to increasingly imaginative - and inevitably terminal - treatments.

A mobile phone camera with some indistict images of a multi-tool bearing, bike-helmeted psycho is found some six months later. But of the group of chin-less, yacking sales reps no physical traces are ever found.

They may even make a film of the incident (possibly starring Robert Carlyle) and they will name it The Sales Reps Who Went Quad-Biking in the Woods One Day and Mysteriously Disappeared.

God told me to skin you alive.
http://www.ekroadclub.co.uk/

stelvio · June 2007

Anybody else met the foul-mouthed "get out of my way" MTBers in Bedgebury Forest recently ? Hopefully visitors rather than locals. Some horsey types were definitely not amused by them either; startling horses with little girls on the back is not going to win friends among the parents.

papercorn2000 · June 2007

They get it in the follow up to the hugely successful movie.

God told me to skin you alive.
http://www.ekroadclub.co.uk/

dsoutar · June 2007

Why are you doing it next week ??

You should have been doing it Sunday (Polka Dot) ! Great day and will definetly be back

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." ~ Mark Twain, "Taming the Bicycle"

stelvio · June 2007

Can I audition for the part of the creepy pathologist with ze Deutsche ahxzent ( think dentist in marathon man )?

papercorn2000 · June 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by stelvio

Can I audition for the part of the creepy pathologist with ze Deutsche ahxzent ( think dentist in marathon man )?
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

You need to write yourself in. I was envisioning the first installment to be shot out of doors in twilight conditions and hadn't; as yet; considered a creepy scientist type - regardless of accent.

God told me to skin you alive.
http://www.ekroadclub.co.uk/

Sheddy · June 2007

Saw a quad bike doing 70mph in lane 1 on the Motorway last week. Appeared to be legal.

Norvcp · June 2007

Papercorn, you've been listening to the Dead Kennedys to much! Your film plan sounds about as nasty as the lyrics of Forest Fire off of Plastic Surgery disasters!

......................

"Prejudice burns brighter when it's all we have to burn"

papercorn2000 · June 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Norv

Papercorn, you've been listening to the Dead Kennedys to much! Your film plan sounds about as nasty as the lyrics of Forest Fire off of Plastic Surgery disasters!

......................

"Prejudice burns brighter when it's all we have to burn"
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

You can't listen to the Dead Kennedys too much. Nor The Clash.

I can see I have my hands full for the next few years writing low-budget, UK produced and filmed, post-modern, knowing yet genuinely exciting grungy horror flicks.
If anyone comes up with some good ideas, I'll acknowledge you in the credits and, who knows, you may get a cut of the loot![:D]

God told me to skin you alive.
http://www.ekroadclub.co.uk/

Sheddy · June 2007

Make sure it has a bicycle chase with red, white and blue bikes

papercorn2000 · June 2007

Now THAT'S the kind of idea that I am after![:D]

God told me to skin you alive.
http://www.ekroadclub.co.uk/

Total W@NKERS

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