I looked like an @rse

Punditcp · May 2007

Cycling up the Grassmarket in Edinburgh this afternoon on my way home from work, I was stopped for the pedestrian crossing near the top and a blue micra pulled up right next to me (I was first to stop at the light).

We pull away, I pull away quicker. Mrs Micra then comes from behind me and as she overtakes me suddenly indicates left and attempts to cut in front of me to make a left turn. I hold my ground, impotently wobbling and making flappy, pointy "you stay away from me!!" gestures, but as I have a sore throat, I don't make a sound. She pretends she hasn't seen me (but doesn't make the turn, which means I won [^])

Then a few hundred yards up the road, a van driver attempts to run me off the road by disregarding my right of way coming out of a side street. Again, I make with the flapy pointy gestures.

I WANT MORE AGGRESSION!! Why didn't I shout at them??

Think I should post more in here and lurk less [:)] Gawd, don't you just hate the Friday evening commute sometimes?

Unknown · May 2007

It's just practice. Try shouting at home first, then transfer it to anyone who even pisses you off a tiny bit. Don't try and construct long dialogues keep it simple. "Wanker", "Cock" and "cnut" are my particular faves[^] As for gestures, go big, hit their mirrors or slap the roof[}:)] But no more flapping or sighing inwardly[;)]

Give it a go[:p]

_______________________________________________________
"Finding a witty yet original signature is quite difficult isn't it?"

http://www.flickr.com/photos/26011722@N00/

Punditcp · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Maggot

It's just practice. Try shouting at home first, then transfer it to anyone who even pisses you off a tiny bit. Don't try and construct long dialogues keep it simple. "Wanker", "Cock" and "flower" are my particular faves[^] As for gestures, go big, hit their mirrors or slap the roof[}:)] But no more flapping or sighing inwardly[;)]

Give it a go[:p]

_______________________________________________________
"Finding a witty yet original signature is quite difficult isn't it?"

http://www.flickr.com/photos/26011722@N00/

<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

I'm getting too mellow with age. I didn't use to have any problem letting out the fishwife within, but I've got more inhibited!

I wish i had the co-ordination to slap a roof or a wing mirror, but fear more for my own safety. I live for the day that I have enough guts and presence of mind to open a rear door [;)]

Unknown · May 2007

I have to say i ve got worse at shouting out "suggestions" to drivers

--

Insert stupid, possibly baby elephant realated, comment here......

Punditcp · May 2007

see, with my "suggestions" I've always tried to take the calm rational route: "I say, old man, came a touch close to jolly near killing me back there, how's about you give a gal a bit more room?" sort of approach. Doesn't work, leads to blanking by cagers.

I've tried spit-festooned shriekfests "YA FECKING HOOR YA NEARLY KILLED ME YA TWUNT" stylee - blanking again.

So I've now resorted to the internal monologue in which I shame crap drivers by defeating them with logic and superior knowledge of the Highway Code, but I think that combined with the flappy gestures, it's just bad for my blood pressure [;)] <sigh>

Unknown · May 2007

I have to get a bit more aggressive to.
I find myself just shaking my head vigerously and hoping they see me in their rear view mirror!!
But I do find myself speeding up if it looks like someone might be pulling out of a side road infront of me, just so I can get up their arse to make a point.

dondare · May 2007

Sometimes is best not be rant and rave.

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
Idiots who leap out into the road oblivious of their own safety and mine, flailing about with bags and umbrellas in the belief that buses won't stop at bus stops if there are people just waiting there.

BShane · May 2007

Go easy on slapping the mirrors. I was in court this morning for breaking one. 2 grand for the lawyer and I have to go back in September to find out how much it cost to fix ( probably by the bastards brother in law ) the mirror.

rgisme · May 2007

Really? Did you stop and volunteer your details?

BShane · May 2007

No, They called the cops and told them that I'd threatened them with a gun so the police came out with a vengeance. I tried to lose them but there wasn't enough traffic. Thank god I'm white or I'd be dead now.

Arellcat · May 2007

The winding roads of Edinburgh are perfect for echoing the blast of an Air Zound horn. Cyclesense are currently selling them at 20% off the usual price. At 80psi and turned up to 11, the Air Zound is bloody loud.

[}:)]

--
Windcheetah 202
2001 Speedmachine

paulo.mc · May 2007

Seconded for the 'Zound. Bought one to stop six-formers lemminging in front of me near the local college, but it does have great theraputic qualities and often gets results by shock value alone. Deployed mine yesterday on a school-run mum. She'd seen me, but decided that a combination pull-out, overtake, wrong-side-of-the-road manoeuvre was reasonable, even though she'd have to pull in immediately to avoid on-coming cars (oh, and hit me, no matter). The 'Zound stopped her in her tracks, with a look of shock and disbelief on her chops. Mind you, she started mouthing obscenities after that (you kiss your kids with the mouth!?), so it boiled down to a slanging match anyway.

I'm happy [:)]..... and angry! [:(!]

rgisme · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by BShane

No, They called the cops and told them that I'd threatened them with a gun so the police came out with a vengeance. I tried to lose them but there wasn't enough traffic. Thank god I'm white or I'd be dead now.
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
Oh! That's pretty extreme - not many people would think of doing that. It does serve as a reminder though that there are some 'extreme'(ly) unpleasant people out there - these days you can't be sure that your victim wouldn't have a gun and be prepared to use it for something as trivial either.

Personally I'm not the type to go deliberately knocking mirrors off though, but if I did I want to know there was enough traffic around to block any possible pursuit first! (Not usually difficult in Central London)

Buggi · May 2007

Stick your finger up in their rear view mirror and see if they retaliate. then when you catch them at the lights to give them abuse you can inform them that they knew they were in the wrong or they wouldn't have been checking their rear view to see whether they had knocked you off and thus saw your retort. usually shuts them up because they know your right.

Buggi
my epic adventure: www.action.org.uk/~Antonia

windyphil · May 2007

you could always calmly fold the mirror in - it amuses me to see the driver look in horror as your arm comes swiping down, and at the last minute folds the mirror in.....

If only the legs were as good as the bike....

gaterz1981 · May 2007

Scream as loud as you can. Let me know what happens if you do as i not tried this one yet.

Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p67/ ... 81/MTB.jpg
http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p67/ ... rFrame.jpg
http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p67/ ... rFrame.jpg

hwangeruk · May 2007

I've been dragging them out of their cars at the next set of lights, and making potato shape holes in their faces using their own exhaust pipes.

From the sounds of it, I am not following correct procedure?

Unknown · May 2007

no - correct procedure would be to finish it off by weeing in their shoes.

MTB eijit

frogcp · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">no - correct procedure would be to finish it off by weeing in their shoes.<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
While they're still wearing them I hope [:)]

I have a HRM and find that an anger bout does me more damage than I can ever do the car or them. When I get home I can guarantee the the HRM will show a max reading in the 190's and when I take my BP later on in the evening it's 30 to 40 higher in both sets of numbers. It's not unusual for this to persist into the next day as well.

Now, I try not to loose my cool and ride away firm in the belief that it's only a matter of time before they get theirs - or so I hope [}:)] So now I just ride on thinking 'fluffy-bunny' thoughts. However the bunnies do have very big, sharp, teeth [;)]

And rocket launchers . . .

chewa · May 2007

I've been thinking of the proper retort and the next time someone cuts me up I'll politely ask them (when i catch them) "Just how small does your penis have to be before you feel it necessary to drive like that/it necessary to drive such a big car"

plus je vois les hommes, plus j'admire les chiens

dondare · May 2007

Few situations are so bad that you can't make them a lot worse by losing your temper.

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
Idiots who leap out into the road oblivious of their own safety and mine, flailing about with bags and umbrellas in the belief that buses won't stop at bus stops if there are people just waiting there.

Cunobelin · May 2007

I find that a loud "DO NOT TURN" works. It also gains sympathy from witnesses as you are seen as the victim, not as an aggressive contributor.

He that buys land buys many stones.
He that buys flesh buys many bones.
He that buys eggs buys many shells,
But he that buys good beer buys nothing else.
(Unattributed Trad.)

Punditcp · May 2007

liking the suggestions [:)]

If I can summon the co-ordination, i love the sound of folding in the mirror, failing that, I think the DO NOT TURN option is the way to go. I might throw in some hand-flapping just to drive the point home [;)]

hevipedal · May 2007

My favourite is to come up next to them and knock politely on the window say " excuse me" and then "I'm sorry you didn't see me, but I'm the guy in the Big map of London"
However it's amazing how many people don't even notice me knocking on the window!

 Hevipedal 
Phrase of the week - I've got a bike. You can ride it if you like.
It's got a basket, a bell that rings and
Things to make it look good.
I'd give it to you if I could, but I borrowed it.
 
51yrs old and Proud of it - Made it to 87kg 2 more to go for the target.
Pedal to Paris Sept 2007

domtyler · May 2007

Having had a stinking cold all week last week, I am currently producing healthy(?) amounts of phlegm, this all gets shaken up and has to be expelled while cycling. So I am going along the A11 this morning in the bus lane, turn to spit a mouthful of this fiendishly luminous gloop onto the road but manage to hit a white van. At exactly the same time I go over a large stone that flips out of the side of my tyre into the front of the same van with a loud bang. Poor guy, hadn't done a thing wrong to me but I did wonder if this was some of this karma thing that gets talked about on here. Who's to say?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Porridge not Petrol
________
Lolol

rustychisel · May 2007

tsk tsk... according to the apologists who will no doubt be along in a second, you have condemned the next x 1000 cyclist this bloke comes across to death by WVM.

You must do penance.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I'm only escaping to here because the office is having a conniption

BentMikey · May 2007

I've occasionally put a large snot rocket over my shoulder when aggressively tailgated by a vehicle. They tend to drop well back after that.

My bikes
My skates

If I had a baby elephant, I'd teach it to skate.

snorri · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Pundit

I WANT MORE AGGRESSION!! Why didn't I shout at them??
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Because you are in Edinburgh, a city of gentlefolk where flappy pointy gestures are as near as it gets to aggression. Do not be encouraged by our southern cousins to indulge in coarse behaviour like shouting, stamping your feet and sounding of mechanical devices in public, instead invite your fellow road user into a nearby hostelry in order to discuss the issue in a civil manner.

SPEEDY · May 2007

I am fortunate to have a loud, bellowing voice. I shout " OI, W....R, MOVE"
and it generally gets heard buy anybody within fifty feet

BlackandBlue · May 2007

I tend to shout "Oi! Look out!" - works in most cases so having it as an auto retort is quite handy rather than trying to think of the best thing to say in the circumstances and then shouting that after the moment has passed...

Punditcp · May 2007

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by snorri

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Pundit

I WANT MORE AGGRESSION!! Why didn't I shout at them??
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Because you are in Edinburgh, a city of gentlefolk where flappy pointy gestures are as near as it gets to aggression. Do not be encouraged by our southern cousins to indulge in coarse behaviour like shouting, stamping your feet and sounding of mechanical devices in public, instead invite your fellow road user into a nearby hostelry in order to discuss the issue in a civil manner.
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

It's all become much clearer now [:)]

I'll do this one, definitely.

I looked like an @rse

Comments

Categories