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Irritating & grating phrases and words used in the work place

mr_goomr_goo Posts: 3,757
edited August 2017 in The cake stop
Just read this on Sky News. I'm sure most of you have come across some if not all them in your place of work. Any others to add?

I'll put this one in. Stated by an ex MD when I was working in newspaper publishing.

"We're on a critical path"

What the f**k had infected his brain I've no idea as we were discussing new methods of reporting budgets and revenue forecasts.

And I really hate the word synergy.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Aaron Rodgers....Then always be Aaron Rodgers.
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  • ryan_w-2ryan_w-2 Posts: 1,160
    Robust

    Fusion

    Holistic

    Being in construction management, the above are continually thrown about.
    '17 Focus Mares Force 1 --- '19 Cervélo S5 Disc Di2

    IG: RhinosWorkshop - Check it out for all my custom builds...
  • dinyulldinyull Posts: 2,962
    Work in a design office, light and fluffy often come up......don't ask me as I haven't got a clue!
  • pblakeneypblakeney Posts: 13,104
    "We are delighted that so many people got involved in celebrating this magnificent milestone."
    Copied and pasted.
    The project is still fupped up and changes "kicked down the road". Never mind, there was cake.
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • mr_goomr_goo Posts: 3,757
    As I work in construction now (bl00dy awful industry by the way). A new word/phrase that is bandied about to describe a new construction is "Marquee Building". This translates as "f***ing eyesore".
    Always be yourself, unless you can be Aaron Rodgers....Then always be Aaron Rodgers.
  • secretsamsecretsam Posts: 4,549
    "moving forwards"

    Sets my teeth on edge.

    People saying "Pacific" not "specific"

    It's just a hill. Get over it.
  • sungodsungod Posts: 12,805
    lean in
    operationalize
    optics
    could care less
    reaching out
    stepping up
    skin in the game
    rightsize
    less - when it should be fewer
    agile
    resources
    loop back
    pre-plan - this just makes me want to stab whoever says it in the face

    i could continue, but i need to go and reranch the optimess
    my bike - faster than god's and twice as shiny
  • stormsedgestormsedge Posts: 18
    Spiral development (don't spirals go down...death spiral?)

    Controlled chaos

    Show me in powerpoint
  • meanredspidermeanredspider Posts: 12,550
    Mr Goo wrote:
    And I really hate the word synergy.

    Well, it's a good word when you're talking about synergy (or "the productive use of differences') but then you need to believe that's important.

    My personal dislike is for the Japanese jargon that comes with "Lean" and the like. We've called "Lean" lean (an English word) - why can't we think of English words for all the other stuff?
    ROAD < Scott Foil HMX Di2, Volagi Liscio Di2, Jamis Renegade Elite Di2, Cube Reaction Race > ROUGH
  • bobmcstuffbobmcstuff Posts: 9,031
    "Action" instead of "do". "Can you action this please"

    "touch base" instead of "let me know how it goes" or "catch up next week".

    FT's Guffipedia is always good, this recently:

    To pulse
    • Translation into English: To contact

    • Perpetrator: Anonymous US corporation

    • Usage example: “We are pulsing management for availability and hope to be in touch with dates/times ASAP.”

    • Lucy’s commentary: A pulse is a noun. If you have one you are alive. When pulse becomes a verb, and a transitive verb at that, the perpetrator may be alive, but their brains have already gone.
  • kingstongrahamkingstongraham Posts: 11,983
    "Would this be something you could do?"


    Stuff like that.
  • jgsijgsi Posts: 5,026
    Have a great time 'recharging your batteries' but when do the fckn ancillary staff get to recharge theirs after sorting out your fckn mess all summer?
  • type:epyttype:epyt Posts: 783
    Mr Goo wrote:

    My personal dislike is for the Japanese jargon that comes with "Lean" and the like. We've called "Lean" lean (an English word) - why can't we think of English words for all the other stuff?

    'Lean ... a business concept that can't stand up on it's own' ... usually puts an end to any more mention of it for a while (or at least on your earshot) …
    Life is unfair, kill yourself or get over it.
  • joe2008joe2008 Posts: 1,919
    "No-brainer"
    "End of play"
  • kingstongrahamkingstongraham Posts: 11,983
    We are where we are.
  • bobmcstuffbobmcstuff Posts: 9,031
    type:epyt wrote:
    Mr Goo wrote:

    My personal dislike is for the Japanese jargon that comes with "Lean" and the like. We've called "Lean" lean (an English word) - why can't we think of English words for all the other stuff?

    'Lean ... a business concept that can't stand up on it's own' ... usually puts an end to any more mention of it for a while (or at least on your earshot) …

    Lean stands up on its own provided people don't start mutilating it and using all the terminology all the time for no good reason (OK so that happens pretty much all the time) - it's just not the be all and end all.

    People seem to forget that a business focussed on really efficient processes (which is what lean is mainly about, reducing waste) doesn't have a long term* competitive advantage because it is not at all unique and can't really be protected from competition (because anyone can chase efficiency).


    *I was going to say sustainable but I thought better of it given the thread title...
  • meanredspidermeanredspider Posts: 12,550
    Yup - the concepts that are pulled together in Lean are fine just please drop the jargon - it's a massive irritant.
    ROAD < Scott Foil HMX Di2, Volagi Liscio Di2, Jamis Renegade Elite Di2, Cube Reaction Race > ROUGH
  • meursaultmeursault Posts: 1,476
    Ping an email.



    giphy.gif
    Superstition sets the whole world in flames; philosophy quenches them.

    Voltaire
  • ryan_w-2ryan_w-2 Posts: 1,160
    "So what do I need to know?"

    Normally said by clueless senior managers / directors...
    '17 Focus Mares Force 1 --- '19 Cervélo S5 Disc Di2

    IG: RhinosWorkshop - Check it out for all my custom builds...
  • Stevo_666Stevo_666 Posts: 42,198
    How many of you lot work for US groups? A lot of this sounds suspiciously like the sort of censored I used to get when I worked for the Yankee dollar.

    Anyone played buzzword bingo? Passes very quickly with US colleagues.
    Whippet
    Bruiser
    Panzer
    Commuter

    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • pblakeneypblakeney Posts: 13,104
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    How many of you lot work for US groups? A lot of this sounds suspiciously like the sort of censored I used to get when I worked for the Yankee dollar.

    Anyone played buzzword bingo? Passes very quickly with US colleagues.
    Nope. 100% UK. The language is taking over. We are due a monthly 15 minute pep talk soon. Remove the buzzwords and you'd be left with 2 minutes of information.
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • Stevo_666Stevo_666 Posts: 42,198
    pblakeney wrote:
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    How many of you lot work for US groups? A lot of this sounds suspiciously like the sort of censored I used to get when I worked for the Yankee dollar.

    Anyone played buzzword bingo? Passes very quickly with US colleagues.
    Nope. 100% UK. The language is taking over. We are due a monthly 15 minute pep talk soon. Remove the buzzwords and you'd be left with 2 minutes of information.
    I'm probably insulated from it these days, as we seem not to have caught bullshit-itis here in London, while Group headquarters are in a country where they often struggle with normal English, never mind corporate jargon.
    Whippet
    Bruiser
    Panzer
    Commuter

    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • lesfirthlesfirth Posts: 1,087
    Dont worry about it. Everything is ring fenced and underpinned.
  • pblakeneypblakeney Posts: 13,104
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    I'm probably insulated from it these days, as we seem not to have caught bullshit-itis here in London, while Group headquarters are in a country where they often struggle with normal English, never mind corporate jargon.
    Hmmm.
    We have a joint head office where the dictums come from. One is in London.
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • bobmcstuffbobmcstuff Posts: 9,031
    We don't have much since there's only 10 of us in the UK (except when my boss decides to try and shoehorn a few buzzwords into something) and Norwegians don't really go in for it.

    But I am doing an MBA which has turned out to be moderately useful in identifying when the buzzwords actually have some meaning and when it's just someone bullsh1tting.
  • Stevo_666Stevo_666 Posts: 42,198
    pblakeney wrote:
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    I'm probably insulated from it these days, as we seem not to have caught bullshit-itis here in London, while Group headquarters are in a country where they often struggle with normal English, never mind corporate jargon.
    Hmmm.
    We have a joint head office where the dictums come from. One is in London.
    Give us a clue. Then I know whether to issue lots more annoying dictums.
    Whippet
    Bruiser
    Panzer
    Commuter

    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • rick_chaseyrick_chasey Posts: 50,645 Lives Here
    I find myself talking about perspectives all the bloody time.

    "so they're handling x, but from the y and z perspective".

    Can't stop myself.


    I make lots of friends in the office correcting their 'going forward'.

    I have a boss that has turned diary into a verb; "diarise" - does my nut in. "My PA will diarise that". Horrendous.

    Also one of the guys has a verbal tic; keeps saying 'oblique' all the time. "So, let me understand, the responsibilities are to manage the P&L of the retail business, oblique he'll also run the HR piece'.

    What's wrong with and or as well as?
  • pblakeneypblakeney Posts: 13,104
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    pblakeney wrote:
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    I'm probably insulated from it these days, as we seem not to have caught bullshit-itis here in London, while Group headquarters are in a country where they often struggle with normal English, never mind corporate jargon.
    Hmmm.
    We have a joint head office where the dictums come from. One is in London.
    Give us a clue. Then I know whether to issue lots more annoying dictums.
    Nothing to do with accounting so I can avoid that. Thankfully. :wink:
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • meanredspidermeanredspider Posts: 12,550
    I have a boss that has turned diary into a verb; "diarise" - does my nut in. "My PA will diarise that".

    I don't think he did it. As far as I'm aware, it's been a verb all of my life. It's an ugly word. But my iPad links to the Oxford English Dictionary
    ROAD < Scott Foil HMX Di2, Volagi Liscio Di2, Jamis Renegade Elite Di2, Cube Reaction Race > ROUGH
  • It's recent, according to this from 2007. Young at heart eh, MRS? :D
  • rick_chaseyrick_chasey Posts: 50,645 Lives Here
    I have a boss that has turned diary into a verb; "diarise" - does my nut in. "My PA will diarise that".

    I don't think he did it. As far as I'm aware, it's been a verb all of my life. It's an ugly word. But my iPad links to the Oxford English Dictionary

    I was thinking more this. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=diarise
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