Jumps- A warning from history

When I was about ten I have a vivid recollection of me and my friends stacking about 10 breeze blocks on top of each other, running a scaffold plank up them and taking turns jumping off them. It was great. In those days there were no videos showing you where to look, how to position your body or how fast to approach the take off and all that. You just PLF and held on. If any one got injured badly I can't remember it.

Fast forward 30 years and I've watched every beginners guide to jumping I can squeeze into my working day. I have rolled past, and stopped on the lip of, more humps lumps and jumps than your average porn star until finally I found the perfect lip. Slight slope in, tiny elevation (50cms tops) and acres of roll on the other side. I was primed. First run in- tentative but with such an easy take of and landing who cares? Over the top I go and to be fair- for my first red bull moment it wasn't bad. But I did know the front wheel hit the ground first and hard. Now I'd seen YouTube videos covering this. The old pogo stick effect when the front wheel hits the ground at 45 degrees or more and you do the old Ironman over the bars. Not cool (unless it's on camera). In fact so aware of this was I that I remarked to my cycling buddy on the way back to have a better go at it that having seen those videos I wasn't about to go into orbit myself.

Now before I go on I should explain that I hadn't been on my MTB for two years and on retrieving my bike from the darkest recess of my shed I had to fit very new, very springy front shocks.

Can you see the punch line yet?

Of I go for the second run with the warning not to screw it up because we didn't have a camera. I know it's the last run of the day so I give it some welly- easily 8-9 miles an hour. I hit the take off perfectly (probably) and as I rise majestically it feels like some has grabbed my back wheel and pushed it in the air like I have gone over the top drop of a Roller coaster. Unlike when I was ten I knew this going to hurt and as I sailed up onthe rebound from my shiny new forks something inside me knew I was too old to get away with this.

Laying on the floor I felt relieved it didn't hurt too much but knew I was buggered because I couldn't move at all and when I did I had the intelligence to know my arm shouldn't be in that position.

I was gutted to later learn that being able to move your fingers doesn't mean you haven't snapped the humourous (sp).

On the upside I have got 6 weeks to sit at home and watch videos showing me how else to crash. Bikes fine BTW and I can recommend the A and E department in Frome and Bath.

Another upside was they didn't cut my jacket off but they did slice up my stinky base layers ( which at least made the Mrs a bit happier)

Also in the vague chance the fellas reading this thanks to the range rover man for getting me out of the woods- always carry a first aid kit with sling kids (I was the only one who did that day)

Oh and finally please remember LOOK UP AND HANG YOUR ARSE over the back a bit- I know there's more to it than that but I'd rather have tyre rash on my balls than a bike up my bum and six weeks watching deal or no deal!