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Fancy being paid £100k for designing a cycle path?

bedraggledbedraggled Posts: 140
edited May 2015 in Commuting chat
Then just send an application to this lot.

http://www.royalcommission1851.org/awar ... nvironment

Posts

  • chris_basschris_bass Posts: 4,913
    Make a road a bit narrower, cover a foot and a half at each side in paint that breaks up quickly and is slippery as possible when wet, paint a bike on it in paint about 6 inches thick and job done.

    Do I get the job?
    www.conjunctivitis.com - a site for sore eyes
  • imatfaalimatfaal Posts: 2,716
    Chris Bass wrote:
    Make a road a bit narrower, cover a foot and a half at each side in paint that breaks up quickly and is slippery as possible when wet, paint a bike on it in paint about 6 inches thick and job done.

    Do I get the job?

    Sorry you very nearly met our requirements for the shortlist but - You forgot the manhole covers,the occasional tree/sign hazard, and the fact the the bike lane must disappear just before it reaches any dangerous junction
  • kurakokurako Posts: 1,098
    imatfaal wrote:
    Chris Bass wrote:
    Make a road a bit narrower, cover a foot and a half at each side in paint that breaks up quickly and is slippery as possible when wet, paint a bike on it in paint about 6 inches thick and job done.

    Do I get the job?

    Sorry you very nearly met our requirements for the shortlist but - You forgot the manhole covers,the occasional tree/sign hazard, and the fact the the bike lane must disappear just before it reaches any dangerous junction

    Put in some additional kerbing between the cycle path and the road to provide segregation and ensure that the street sweepers can't clean it properly. Slowly allow the path to fill with grit, dead leaves and broken glass.
  • pblakeneypblakeney Posts: 14,508
    The Rookie wrote:
    Amateurs, you've all forgotten to make sure it runs in the door zone past parked cars.
    Rookie right enough.
    The bike lane has to go where cars do park.
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • tgotbtgotb Posts: 4,714
    pblakeney wrote:
    The Rookie wrote:
    Amateurs, you've all forgotten to make sure it runs in the door zone past parked cars.
    Rookie right enough.
    The bike lane has to go where cars do park.
    I have a genuine email from TFL explaining that this is why CS8 ceases to exist half way through the evening rush hour...
    Pannier, 120rpm.
  • rick_chaseyrick_chasey Posts: 53,321 Lives Here
    tgotb wrote:
    pblakeney wrote:
    The Rookie wrote:
    Amateurs, you've all forgotten to make sure it runs in the door zone past parked cars.
    Rookie right enough.
    The bike lane has to go where cars do park.
    I have a genuine email from TFL explaining that this is why CS8 ceases to exist half way through the evening rush hour...

    So cars can park?
  • BikequinBikequin Posts: 402
    Whilst you’ve all explained what you’d build I think you miss the important details of how you’d do it. It’s important during the build to narrow the previously perfectly good piece of two lane road to a narrow single lane to ensure that there are significant traffic jams and that cyclists can no longer filter in rush hour, the build should of course take at least 6 months longer than any sane person would have thought necessary and come in at twice the budget.
    You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quin.
  • bedraggledbedraggled Posts: 140
    I think they're looking for NEW ideas, Out of the Box thinking, which is why my proposal is bound to win :twisted:

    I've looked at all the nation's successful cycle paths and they all share a common theme, they are segregated, and direct routes on ...
    disused rail lines.

    Which is why I'm proposing to close ALL the rail lines into and out of London and then tarmac them over to produce the ultimate cycle super highway.

    Better still it won't cost the Taxpayer a penny because it's not just self funding, it will produce a surplus :shock:
    How can this possibly be :?:
    Easy, I'll weigh all the track in at the scrap metal merchants and sell all the sleepers to the owners of wood burning stoves.

    I haven't forgotten about Central London either because I'll also close the Tube (they're proposing to spend all their time on strike anyway :? ) and convert it into the world's first fully covered, all weather cycle network, no more getting wet, no more headwinds, no frost bite in Winter.

    I honestly can't see any draw backs in my idea (especially as I don't live in London :D )
  • kurakokurako Posts: 1,098
    bedraggled wrote:
    I think they're looking for NEW ideas, Out of the Box thinking, which is why my proposal is bound to win :twisted:

    I've looked at all the nation's successful cycle paths and they all share a common theme, they are segregated, and direct routes on ...
    disused rail lines.

    Which is why I'm proposing to close ALL the rail lines into and out of London and then tarmac them over to produce the ultimate cycle super highway.

    Better still it won't cost the Taxpayer a penny because it's not just self funding, it will produce a surplus :shock:
    How can this possibly be :?:
    Easy, I'll weigh all the track in at the scrap metal merchants and sell all the sleepers to the owners of wood burning stoves.

    I haven't forgotten about Central London either because I'll also close the Tube (they're proposing to spend all their time on strike anyway :? ) and convert it into the world's first fully covered, all weather cycle network, no more getting wet, no more headwinds, no frost bite in Winter.

    I honestly can't see any draw backs in my idea (especially as I don't live in London :D )

    Where your proposal falls down is that it would be absolutely awesome so unlikely to ever happen. I live next to the Wimbledon loop with 2 painfully slow trains per hour (assuming they haven't been cancelled). Being able to ride into town without going through PutneyWimbledon/Tooting/Wandsworth/anything-north-of-the-river traffic would be amazing!!!!
  • Graham.Graham. Posts: 862
    Don't forget to maximise conflict with other road users.

    P7010183_zpswuw2y7wk.jpg
  • On_WhatOn_What Posts: 516
    bedraggled wrote:
    I think they're looking for NEW ideas, Out of the Box thinking, which is why my proposal is bound to win :twisted:

    I've looked at all the nation's successful cycle paths and they all share a common theme, they are segregated, and direct routes on ...
    disused rail lines.

    Which is why I'm proposing to close ALL the rail lines into and out of London and then tarmac them over to produce the ultimate cycle super highway.

    Better still it won't cost the Taxpayer a penny because it's not just self funding, it will produce a surplus :shock:
    How can this possibly be :?:
    Easy, I'll weigh all the track in at the scrap metal merchants and sell all the sleepers to the owners of wood burning stoves.

    I haven't forgotten about Central London either because I'll also close the Tube (they're proposing to spend all their time on strike anyway :? ) and convert it into the world's first fully covered, all weather cycle network, no more getting wet, no more headwinds, no frost bite in Winter.

    I honestly can't see any draw backs in my idea (especially as I don't live in London :D )

    This is exactly the sort of thinking that would get my vote. There is so much infrastructure dedicated to the railways, and it is so badly utilised.
  • tgotbtgotb Posts: 4,714
    bedraggled wrote:
    I think they're looking for NEW ideas, Out of the Box thinking, which is why my proposal is bound to win :twisted:

    I've looked at all the nation's successful cycle paths and they all share a common theme, they are segregated, and direct routes on ...
    disused rail lines.

    Which is why I'm proposing to close ALL the rail lines into and out of London and then tarmac them over to produce the ultimate cycle super highway.

    Better still it won't cost the Taxpayer a penny because it's not just self funding, it will produce a surplus :shock:
    How can this possibly be :?:
    Easy, I'll weigh all the track in at the scrap metal merchants and sell all the sleepers to the owners of wood burning stoves.

    I haven't forgotten about Central London either because I'll also close the Tube (they're proposing to spend all their time on strike anyway :? ) and convert it into the world's first fully covered, all weather cycle network, no more getting wet, no more headwinds, no frost bite in Winter.

    I honestly can't see any draw backs in my idea (especially as I don't live in London :D )
    You could build quite a lot of cycling infrastructure in London, just by repurposing bits of track bed that are *already* disused. For instance, the tracks leading into the old Eurostar terminal are completely disused, you could build an elevated bike path all the way from Waterloo to Lambeth. There's another few hundred yards I've spotted near Clapham Junction, and I think there are some short elevated bits Southeast of London Bridge. There's also the old mail rail tunnel; the bit at Mount Pleasant is being turned into a museum, but there are some quite long stretches either side.
    None of this is particularly easy to get to (maybe you could build steps up to one end of the Waterloo bit), and it doesn't really link up into a cohesive network or go anywhere useful, which is precisely why I think TFL would love it; the job's mine!
    Pannier, 120rpm.
  • veronese68veronese68 Posts: 23,700 Lives Here
    tgotb wrote:
    You could build quite a lot of cycling infrastructure in London, just by repurposing bits of track bed that are *already* disused. For instance, the tracks leading into the old Eurostar terminal are completely disused, you could build an elevated bike path all the way from Waterloo to Lambeth. There's another few hundred yards I've spotted near Clapham Junction, and I think there are some short elevated bits Southeast of London Bridge. There's also the old mail rail tunnel; the bit at Mount Pleasant is being turned into a museum, but there are some quite long stretches either side.
    None of this is particularly easy to get to (maybe you could build steps up to one end of the Waterloo bit), and it doesn't really link up into a cohesive network or go anywhere useful, which is precisely why I think TFL would love it; the job's mine!
    What about alongside railway lines? Admittedly they'd have to clear up the rubbish and cut down a few trees, but there is often space.
  • surrey_commutersurrey_commuter Posts: 13,032
    tgotb wrote:
    bedraggled wrote:
    I think they're looking for NEW ideas, Out of the Box thinking, which is why my proposal is bound to win :twisted:

    I've looked at all the nation's successful cycle paths and they all share a common theme, they are segregated, and direct routes on ...
    disused rail lines.

    Which is why I'm proposing to close ALL the rail lines into and out of London and then tarmac them over to produce the ultimate cycle super highway.

    Better still it won't cost the Taxpayer a penny because it's not just self funding, it will produce a surplus :shock:
    How can this possibly be :?:
    Easy, I'll weigh all the track in at the scrap metal merchants and sell all the sleepers to the owners of wood burning stoves.

    I haven't forgotten about Central London either because I'll also close the Tube (they're proposing to spend all their time on strike anyway :? ) and convert it into the world's first fully covered, all weather cycle network, no more getting wet, no more headwinds, no frost bite in Winter.

    I honestly can't see any draw backs in my idea (especially as I don't live in London :D )
    You could build quite a lot of cycling infrastructure in London, just by repurposing bits of track bed that are *already* disused. For instance, the tracks leading into the old Eurostar terminal are completely disused, you could build an elevated bike path all the way from Waterloo to Lambeth. There's another few hundred yards I've spotted near Clapham Junction, and I think there are some short elevated bits Southeast of London Bridge. There's also the old mail rail tunnel; the bit at Mount Pleasant is being turned into a museum, but there are some quite long stretches either side.
    None of this is particularly easy to get to (maybe you could build steps up to one end of the Waterloo bit), and it doesn't really link up into a cohesive network or go anywhere useful, which is precisely why I think TFL would love it; the job's mine!

    I suspect there is a lot more than you imagine - the DLR was built (on the cheap) by using the disused infrastructure of what had been railway lines.
  • secretsamsecretsam Posts: 4,773
    Bikequin wrote:
    Whilst you’ve all explained what you’d build I think you miss the important details of how you’d do it. It’s important during the build to narrow the previously perfectly good piece of two lane road to a narrow single lane to ensure that there are significant traffic jams and that cyclists can no longer filter in rush hour, the build should have course take at least 6 months longer than any sane person would have thought necessary and come in at twice the budget.

    Fool. You've forgotten to add that no workperson (non-gender specific, remember) should be seen lifting so much as a trowel at any time during peak periods. And that the whole thing should be covered in SIGNS explaining to the drivers why it's being done and just who's to blame for all the disruption. This enrages them, increasing aggressive driving towards cycling, increases cycling-related accidents and thus justifies the works.

    It's just a hill. Get over it.
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