Lighting farts

steerpike
steerpike Posts: 424
edited July 2014 in The bottom bracket
any tips on how to get a good flame going?

Comments

  • sungod
    sungod Posts: 16,523
    petrol and a blowtorch
    my bike - faster than god's and twice as shiny
  • Kieran_Burns
    Kieran_Burns Posts: 9,757
    Vegetarian diet.

    No, seriously... you have no idea. Use a zippo lighter for the broader flame and when you feel one brewing, have the flame ready.

    Let it build and push the fecker out... you don't want blow-back.
    Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
    2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
    2011 Trek Madone 4.5
    2012 Felt F65X
    Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter
  • steve6690
    steve6690 Posts: 190
    Lie on your back, knees on chest and use a "reacharound" technique around your leg with a lighter. You will need to find the optimum anus/lighter positioning. Be careful with trapped gas in your underwear - this cost me the hairs on my scrotum. Good luck....
  • arran77
    arran77 Posts: 9,260
    Christmas dinner is another great source of fuel, just don't walk past an open fire and let rip by mistake :lol:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • southdownswolf
    southdownswolf Posts: 1,525
    Make sure it's only gas that is building up, don't want follow through....
    http://www.stuartmole.co.uk/
  • crumbschief
    crumbschief Posts: 3,399
    Old pair of jogs and a steady hand.
  • rickeverett
    rickeverett Posts: 988
    WARNING ! :

    Lighting Farts without a secondary barrier (pants) greatly increases the risk of backfire. A potentially dangerous situation where the gas inside your intestine also explodes. !
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 58,459
    rickeverett wrote:
    WARNING ! :

    Lighting Farts without a secondary barrier (pants) greatly increases the risk of backfire. A potentially dangerous situation where the gas inside your intestine also explodes. !
    You could have a point.

    Armageddon !
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • motogull
    motogull Posts: 325
    My kinda thread.

    Must give the nieces and nephews a show soon.
  • brianonyx
    brianonyx Posts: 170
    This is only theoretical knowledge, but would some form of tubing make the practice safer?
  • arran77
    arran77 Posts: 9,260
    brianonyx wrote:
    This is only theoretical knowledge, but would some form of tubing make the practice safer?

    If you want to stick things up your arse feel free but I'll pass on that idea thanks :lol:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • motogull
    motogull Posts: 325
    brianonyx wrote:
    This is only theoretical knowledge, but would some form of tubing make the practice safer?

    :lol:

    Well, it might prevent the build up of a decent quantity of flammable gas which will diminish the potential of a decent flare off.

    Further, it would serve as a fantastic direct access to the colon significantly increasing the potential of internal combustion.

    Don't even think about it.
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 58,459
    Motogull wrote:
    brianonyx wrote:
    This is only theoretical knowledge, but would some form of tubing make the practice safer?

    :lol:

    Well, it might prevent the build up of a decent quantity of flammable gas which will diminish the potential of a decent flare off.

    Further, it would serve as a fantastic direct access to the colon significantly increasing the potential of internal combustion.

    Don't even think about it.
    The voice of experience? :shock:
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • rickeverett
    rickeverett Posts: 988
    If piped correctly the result could be the perfect solution to provide the extra 2% power requirement on Mont Ventoux
  • motogull
    motogull Posts: 325
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    Motogull wrote:
    The voice of experience? :shock:

    Thankfully not.
  • morstar
    morstar Posts: 6,190
    Surely somebody sells a one way valve for this purpose.
  • ballysmate
    ballysmate Posts: 15,921
    Do smelly ones burn better than benign ones?
  • rickeverett
    rickeverett Posts: 988
    Ballysmate wrote:
    Do smelly ones burn better than benign ones?


    Negative. Those types are impeded by impurities. Methane is odourless.
  • arran77
    arran77 Posts: 9,260
    rickeverett wrote:
    Ballysmate wrote:
    Do smelly ones burn better than benign ones?


    Negative. Those types are impeded by impurities. Methane is odourless.

    I'd be inclined to agree, there have been some truly awful smells emanating from my rectal passage today and there's no fucking way I'd be going any way near to try and light them :lol:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • brianonyx
    brianonyx Posts: 170
    arran77 wrote:
    rickeverett wrote:
    Ballysmate wrote:
    Do smelly ones burn better than benign ones?


    Negative. Those types are impeded by impurities. Methane is odourless.

    I'd be inclined to agree, there have been some truly awful smells emanating from my rectal passage today and there's no ******* way I'd be going any way near to try and light them :lol:


    Isn't that your wife/partner's job??
  • arran77
    arran77 Posts: 9,260
    brianonyx wrote:
    arran77 wrote:
    rickeverett wrote:
    Ballysmate wrote:
    Do smelly ones burn better than benign ones?


    Negative. Those types are impeded by impurities. Methane is odourless.

    I'd be inclined to agree, there have been some truly awful smells emanating from my rectal passage today and there's no ******* way I'd be going any way near to try and light them :lol:


    Isn't that your wife/partner's job??

    I know that some people don't like their missus very much but surely not enough to inflict this on them :lol:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn

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