The problem with Yokel...

A rant and a Christmas tale.

Was very close to spending christmas courtesy of HM.

The little one did a great big shyte in the potty, bless her. Then decided to take it out and put it on the floor. Bless her. So she's sat there gesticulating and wants her hands cleansed of the doing. The door goes. Then he bangs again. I am trying to wipe her fingers and the floor. In one hand I have a potty, in the other 3 baby wipes covered in shyte. The window gets knocked on. I shout "Okay, okay, I'm coming mate'. He has a clear view of this tricky operation. He presses the doorbell!! 'Okay, give me a moment' I shouted again. So little one is half starkers and is pushing by me to open the door. I am standing there with my hands full and Yokel local standing there giving me screwy looks. 'Sign here' he said abruptly. I said 'Give me a minute'. My intention was to go upstairs and deposit the delivery in the individual pediatric hygene facility manager down the loo but Yokel bloke had other ideas and I didn't like the idea of this shaven headed white van driver eyeing up my half starkers but gorgeous little girl triumphant and bouyed up by her achievement, anticipating some chocolate.
Yokel bloke did not look happy and insisted impatiently 'Sign here'. My hands are full, I have no where 'safe' to put the individual pediatric hygene facility manager down whilst I sign the little screen with a plastic toothpick. I'm thinking 'Does this cnut know I am in the waste management bizness?'. "Just give me a second" I barked, to which he let out an audible sigh. I placed the wipes in the potty and handed it to him and took the screen thingy out of his hand which was connected to the Yokel via an old fashioned telephone chord. I signed 'Tony Soprano' in big letters. He gave me the potty back, visibly and tangibly disgusted by this episode.
I smiled. 'Merry Christmas' I said to the Yokel bloke as he left.