Ageing, and denial
veronese68
Posts: 27,435
My son turned 13 this weekend. Lorks a lordy! I'm the father of a teenager. He's just over 5'9" and he even sounds like me now.
I'm 43 years old, I have no problem with that. I accept it. I realise that I have responsibilities, I have a wife and 2 kids, a mortgage and various other bills to pay. I know all of this. So why should it feel odd to to have a teenage son. I still get that feeling of "beedin' hell, I'm a parent" every now and then. I also don't feel that different to when I was in my 20s in many ways. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
Is it just me? Or, as I suspect do a lot of blokes feel this way? Is it just a male thing?
I'm 43 years old, I have no problem with that. I accept it. I realise that I have responsibilities, I have a wife and 2 kids, a mortgage and various other bills to pay. I know all of this. So why should it feel odd to to have a teenage son. I still get that feeling of "beedin' hell, I'm a parent" every now and then. I also don't feel that different to when I was in my 20s in many ways. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
Is it just me? Or, as I suspect do a lot of blokes feel this way? Is it just a male thing?
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When we had our first, I remember my dad (mid 60s) saying that it didn't feel that long ago (33 years to be exact) that he was in the same position, so I'm not sure that sensation does disappear.1985 Mercian King of Mercia - work in progress (Hah! Who am I kidding?)
Pinnacle Monzonite
Part of the anti-growth coalition0 -
All sounds very familiar. My daughter has just turned 10 last week: I still feel like I'm in my late 20's in many ways and sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm in a very different situation now. I think this may be how mid-life crises start
"I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]0 -
Veronese68 wrote:My son turned 13 this weekend. Lorks a lordy! I'm the father of a teenager. He's just over 5'9" and he even sounds like me now.
I'm 43 years old, I have no problem with that. I accept it. I realise that I have responsibilities, I have a wife and 2 kids, a mortgage and various other bills to pay. I know all of this. So why should it feel odd to to have a teenage son. I still get that feeling of "beedin' hell, I'm a parent" every now and then. I also don't feel that different to when I was in my 20s in many ways. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
Is it just me? Or, as I suspect do a lot of blokes feel this way? Is it just a male thing?
I remember my mother saying :when you're young, you think being old feels different. Then you realise, it doesn't. You just have more experience.0 -
I think the way you feel / how old you feel is so intrinsically linked with your total self that changes to just one of the many elements which comprimise this 'self' will not make a material difference.
Maybe it is because most change is gradual that you do not notice the difference in how you feel?
I am lucky enough not to have had experience of any sudden life changing events - I expect that any such sudden (perhaps devastating event) could make you perceive yourself differently very quickly.0 -
Ok I can trump that lot, I had kids very early, I'm now 42 and my two are 23 & 18. When your son hits 21 before your 40th it really is a 'OH F***' moment. My youngest had a little 'ahem' accident a few years ago and I'm now a grandad as well, although thankfully that was after I'd turned 40, just.
So I'm 42, have two adult kids and a grandchild, what the hell are you lot moaning about
Oh and I still behave like I'm 18, mess about on bikes, crawl home the morning after looking and feeling like S*** and just generally behave badly. God life is good sometimes
pain is temporary, the glory of beating your mates to the top of the hill lasts forever.....................
Revised FCN - 20 -
Rick Chasey wrote:Veronese68 wrote:My son turned 13 this weekend. Lorks a lordy! I'm the father of a teenager. He's just over 5'9" and he even sounds like me now.
I'm 43 years old, I have no problem with that. I accept it. I realise that I have responsibilities, I have a wife and 2 kids, a mortgage and various other bills to pay. I know all of this. So why should it feel odd to to have a teenage son. I still get that feeling of "beedin' hell, I'm a parent" every now and then. I also don't feel that different to when I was in my 20s in many ways. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
Is it just me? Or, as I suspect do a lot of blokes feel this way? Is it just a male thing?
I remember my mother saying :when you're young, you think being old feels different. Then you realise, it doesn't. You just have more experience.
I was just saying to Rick Chasey at the weekend, I have a friend who accidentally got his girlfriend pregnant when they were 18 or 19. I was the same age and both me and my mate were about to head off to uni. Anyway, he did the right thing, jacked in the uni place and went out and got a job, his girlfriend had the kid (and they went on to have another in a couple of years).
Things worked out very well for him in the end, he works in IT and got several well paid jobs, bought a house in the late 90s before prices rocketed and paid off the mortgage, whilst I was busy travelling the world as a scruffy student and learning French.
Anyway, the kid was born in late 1991, so is 20 years old now... I can't believe that a friend of mine has a 20 year old "child"! I only feel fresh out of uni myself but actually it was 16 years ago now! I'm "only" 38 for chrissake! When did life start moving so fast?Do not write below this line. Office use only.0 -
Rick Chasey wrote:I remember my mother saying :when you're young, you think being old feels different. Then you realise, it doesn't. You just have more experience.
I like that, it's very true. My son was bought a book about staying immature. I'm happy to report that I still do many of the things listed in said book.
I'm probably moaning a bit as I'm recovering from manflu. Not really a life changing experience though.
I was reminded of the day a couple of years back when I took the lad up to HMS Belfast with a few mates the day after a stag do as a sort of continuation. We didn't drink anythnig that day, but were suffering. I'd cracked a rib cycling home the night before. There were 4 'grown' men staggering around being told what to do by a very sensible 11 year old. He thought it hilarious, and looked after us very well.0 -
I'm 64 - don't feel any different from when I was 40 except it takes me longer to recover after a long ride. Probably wiser but I still do silly things on the MTB0
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Ageing is a good thing - at least it's far better than the alternative. Losing 2 younger (32 & 43) friends earlier this year kinda puts it into perspective (on top of my 13 year old son having cancer). You never know what life is going to deal you - live for the day and be thankful for each day you get. I'll live a long time because, as my grandfather used to say in his 90's, "The Devil's never in a hurry for the ones he's sure of..."ROAD < Scott Foil HMX Di2, Volagi Liscio Di2, Jamis Renegade Elite Di2, Cube Reaction Race > ROUGH0
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meanredspider wrote:Ageing is a good thing - at least it's far better than the alternative. Losing 2 younger (32 & 43) friends earlier this year kinda puts it into perspective (on top of my 13 year old son having cancer). You never know what life is going to deal you - live for the day and be thankful for each day you get. I'll live a long time because, as my grandfather used to say in his 90's, "The Devil's never in a hurry for the ones he's sure of..."
Very true, there have been a few times I'm surprised I've made it this far. Through near misses in cars, on motorbikes and cycling. Also had a form of cancer myself. Can't imagine the pain of watching our child go through it though. I hope he's doing ok. Although I still do silly things occasionaly, they are more measured and done with more caution. Stil nearly got killed minimoto racing though.
My gran lived to her 90s and used to say old age was punishment for the wicked.0 -
Veronese68 wrote:. I hope he's doing ok. .
He is, thanks. Just finished a year of chemo and a massive op to remove, nuke, then replace a large chunk of his pelvis. But it does change things and makes you grateful for what you have - especially since our family friend (dad to my kids friends) was diagnosed the same day and died in the Spring.ROAD < Scott Foil HMX Di2, Volagi Liscio Di2, Jamis Renegade Elite Di2, Cube Reaction Race > ROUGH0 -
Nodding in agreement as I read through this thread.
No point in denial when it comes to sporting prowess which was brought home to me recently by my 20 year old son.Having read a Cycling plus or something recently about core strength exercises I thought I would practice the 'plank' and having reached 2 mins which I considered reasonable I rashly said to him one day that [on the basis that he has done little exercise since going to Uni] he would be hard pressed to get to 30 secs...bad mistake.He proceeded to reach 2 mins whilst talking to me and then simply got up and slouched back on the settee.0 -
getting on a bit wrote:Nodding in agreement as I read through this thread.
No point in denial when it comes to sporting prowess which was brought home to me recently by my 20 year old son.Having read a Cycling plus or something recently about core strength exercises I thought I would practice the 'plank' and having reached 2 mins which I considered reasonable I rashly said to him one day that [on the basis that he has done little exercise since going to Uni] he would be hard pressed to get to 30 secs...bad mistake.He proceeded to reach 2 mins whilst talking to me and then simply got up and slouched back on the settee.
2 mins continuous plank is damn good if you're doing it properly, even very fit guys in their 20s at my gym find that hard, problem is it's quite easy to do it "wrong", using your legs and shoulders to take the strain. If you do it proplerly, focusing all your attention to the girdle/core muscles round the waist, I doubt either of you would get to 2 mins just like that!Do not write below this line. Office use only.0 -
Rick Chasey wrote:I remember my mother saying :when you're young, you think being old feels different. Then you realise, it doesn't. You just have more experience.
As Oscar Wilde put it: "The tragedy of old age is not that one is old, but that one is young"
I concur with whoever it was that said: "You're only young once; after that you have to come up with other excuses!"
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Underscore wrote:Rick Chasey wrote:I remember my mother saying :when you're young, you think being old feels different. Then you realise, it doesn't. You just have more experience.
As Oscar Wilde put it: "The tragedy of old age is not that one is old, but that one is young"
I concur with whoever it was that said: "You're only young once; after that you have to come up with other excuses!"
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George Bernard Shaw said "Youth is wasted on the young" which I have always thought quite true...Do not write below this line. Office use only.0 -
Once worked with a guy - Rich158 bears this out as a common phenom - who became a grandfather at the age of 33.
As far as the denial aspect goes, I believe it works in more than one direction and there are millions of people out there who would cocoon themselves from taking on apparently "immature" things, preferring excuses over reasons.
There seems to be a kind of socially acceptable negative peer pressure at work; I just can't understand why people would subscribe to that."Consider the grebe..."0 -
at 34 I have no kids, but I do have a mother in law reminding me that I'm not getting any younger and that Jake is 42 and will soon be 'too old to be a father'
Going to the school I went to, getting beyond 16 without a baby is an achievement, let alone 34 Officers don't run, it's undignified and panics the men0 -
My best mate has 3 kids (14 yr old boy who is over 6', 13 year old daughter who is 5'9" and a 9 year old who is frankly: mental)
He's freaking out over having 2 teenage kids and was hiding at my house on Friday as his elder (teenage) daughter had a bunch of friends over, so the place was full of giggling teenage girls.
I did point out that in 3 years time, it'd be a completely different story of course....
"Yup, he says - Mandy (wife) will kick me out" Chunky Cyclists need your love too! :-)
2009 Specialized Tricross Sport
2011 Trek Madone 4.5
2012 Felt F65X
Proud CX Pervert and quiet roadie. 12 mile commuter0 -
A couple of years back I bumped into my old fluid dynamics lecturer from when I was at uni. He said he knew he was starting to get old when he stopped fancying the students and started fancying their mums...ROAD < Scott Foil HMX Di2, Volagi Liscio Di2, Jamis Renegade Elite Di2, Cube Reaction Race > ROUGH0
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Apparently, I'm supposed to be well-behaved at 48 but I didn't get that memo . These days my body reminds me, far too frequently, that recovery takes days rather than hours.
Whilst I don't have any children, my nephews and nieces know who to avoid if they don't want any full and frank discussions (or to be embarrassed) :twisted:
Apparently I'm a 'lovely' aunty though
Edited to add: Rich158, I was a Great Aunt at 38, although beloved niece is NOT allowed to use that tag until I get to age 60. You're lagging mate 0 -
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Having given my mother's wisdom, I must confess I'm not sure I agree.
I'm only 23, so I'm probably not in a position to comment, but I don't feel any emotions as intensely as I did say, 5-7 years ago. It's a considerable difference.0 -
That's just your teenage hormones returning to normal.1985 Mercian King of Mercia - work in progress (Hah! Who am I kidding?)
Pinnacle Monzonite
Part of the anti-growth coalition0 -
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I'm 42, my 21 year old left home this year, my youngest went to secondary. Live your life & enjoy their growing up.0
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What brought this home to me was an advert on TV. Your getting older when the women you fancy start advertising wrinkle creams :shock:0
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Having my daughters boyfriend drive me to my 40th party was at 'weird' feeling.
Oh and at 41 (not super young I know), going wtit her to look at Universities next month will be odd too.
Mine are 17, 15 and I have twins @ 19 months. I love being a Dad to babies again and am doing my best to enjoy every moment because I know just how quickly it all goes....0
