I'll farkin knawck you's orf.....

gtvlusso · October 2009

Crap spouted by the driver of a Black Audi A3 this morning as he over took me, whilst beeping his horn.....

The fact that I was already over taking a slower bike when he decided to over take me, on a bloody wide piece of road. Kinda his problem as he decided to overtake...!

Still, my first altercation in months, I am a little out of practice with the old verbals so I folded in his wing mirror and shouted something like "not getting any from your boyfriend" and blew him a kiss.....really enraged him.

So, I cycled off through the traffic and left him stuck in a queue.

The joy of cycling!

cedargreen · October 2009

Yet more evidence that the Audi is indeed the T*****'s car of choice.

artaxerxes · October 2009

Damn, I was thinking of getting an Audi A3 as well

(actually it's my girlfriend who wants me to get an Audi A3)

BigJimmyB · October 2009

Good work.

I think something quick-witted and slightly derogatory is way better than simple f-offs etc.

I got verbally abused by a fat lorry driver for shouting at him to slow down to the actual limit while I was walking the dog (Jack Russell). He was going way too fast for s suburban street (prob 40+) in a 7-tonner.

He said 'You need to get a proper dog, mate, instead of that poxy little thing'

To which I replied 'He might be little, but I bet he still has a bigger d**k than you, that's if you've even seen yours lately, fat boy'

He went purple as I sauntered off into the woods!

Bikequin · October 2009

I have to admit to spouting some choice words at an Addison Lee taxi driver that decided to pull a 3 point turn despite looking me square in the eyes as I was hurtling along.

Its always Addison Lee they must be by far the worst drivers in London.

Aguila · October 2009

The thing to remember is that people with these sort of anger issues all have deeply unhappy/unfulfilled lives for some reason or another, this fact allows me to glide along in a zen like state as they mouth off simply smiling at them. I used to shout back but it only makes their behaviour worse.

The other thing to remember is that there is a well established link between anger management issues and male impotence.

@bigjimmy Nice put down to the lorry driver mind.

greg66_tri_v2.0 · October 2009

cedargreen wrote:

Yet more evidence that the Audi is indeed the T*****'s car of choice.

As an Audi driver, I think it only fair to chime in with the observation that t***s are t***s whatever they drive.

I always abuse cyclists when I'm driving though. Love it!

UndercoverElephant · October 2009

Greg66 wrote:

As an Audi driver, I think it only fair to chime in with the observation that t***s are t***s whatever they drive.

I always abuse cyclists when I'm driving though. Love it!

+1, since I started cycling, I'm a mess of self-loathing. Sill, I cheer myself up by giving cyclists cheeky tyre-burns every now and then.

prawny · October 2009

I think A3's are the worst Audis, esp 1.9 TDIs

I don't have many problems with A6s and A8s tend to be driven well.

oscarbudgie · October 2009

cedargreen wrote:

Yet more evidence that the Audi is indeed the T*****'s car of choice.

I have an S3 - so guilty

(actually it quite nice, bumpy suspension though) But in general I think your observation is sound!

Also has anyone else noticed that Smart cars are often driven extremely fast / aggressively? Whats that about? Do they give them to estate agents?

biondino · October 2009

GTVL, you're mellowing

greg66_tri_v2.0 · October 2009

prawny wrote:

A8s tend to be driven well.

It is genuinely impossible for me to me more in agreement with this!

Braveheat · October 2009

I got shoved off my bike by a fat farmer in northumberland because I passed his cattle after they had all crossed the road and were moving through the gate into the field. He signalled to his son to come forward with his quad and i thought he meant for me to come by, so the guy goes insane jumps off his quad and throws me into the verge before i even get the chance to unclip then proceeds to yell threats at me, since I had a witness to the whole event i reported it to the police as assault and all he got as punishment was to write me a letter, no fine, no courtcase, nothing. I would bet alot of money that things would have been different if he had shoved a policeman of his bike. There seems to be no consistency in the law and bike riders always seem to come off with nothing. Just means next time something like this happens to me whoever does it will receive an on the spot finecosting them several teeth :twisted:

White Line · October 2009

gtvlusso wrote:

I folded in his wing mirror ...

Nicely done. 8)

prawny · October 2009

Greg66 wrote:

prawny wrote:

A8s tend to be driven well.

It is genuinely impossible for me to me more in agreement with this!

You have an A8 and two Cervelos?

Hmm I don;t usually hate people I've never met, but... :x

Eau Rouge · October 2009

So there is this short steep hill, no more than 50 meters, in the middle of an otherwise nice downhill run to work. I've found a good attacking sprint is about the best way to get over it. This morning there is a vehicle behind me as I get to it, but with it's blind crest and narrow road, they would be insane to try and pass, and they aren't insane.

When I get to the top, this woman in a van/mpv coming the other way, stops. Just parks up. I've guessed this thing behind me is a little large, but there should be no need for her to stop tp let it past her. I atare in a "what the hell are you doing" kind of way, only, she stares back, and her head follows me past.
Bewildered as to what she could possible be thinking, I quickly glance over my shoulder....and see the flouresent yellow and flashing blue's of an Ambulance! *That's* what she was trying to tell me about!

With the road clear I wave him past and he's off. I had no idea he was there, there was no siren at any point and nothing to reflect the flashing lights from. I happen to have gone up the hill near about as fast as I could, and he couldn't have passed anyway, but it was an interesting one.
I still don't know why the woman stopped though. You want to get out of an ambulances way as soon as possible. She was, effectively, blocking him passing me until we'd both passed her.

FeynmanC · October 2009

One of my pet peeves is people just stopping when they see blue flashing lights, rather than making sure the way is clear before pulling over. Much better to keep driving at a good speed until it's easy for them to get past than cause everyone to stop and make them perform a less safe overtake that takes longer overall.

cuthbertrogergaylord · October 2009

Bikequin wrote:

Its always Addison Lee they must be by far the worst drivers in London.

Actually the worst drivers in London are the Royal Mail van drivers. The manouvers these c*nts pull on a daily basis at rush-hour to do the last collection of the day genuinely beggars belief.

lost_in_thought · October 2009

White Line wrote:

gtvlusso wrote:

I folded in his wing mirror ...

Nicely done. 8)

+1

If you're stopped at lights folding out windscreen wipers would also be a good plan...

Bikequin · October 2009

lost_in_thought wrote:

White Line wrote:

gtvlusso wrote:

I folded in his wing mirror ...

Nicely done. 8)

+1

If you're stopped at lights folding out windscreen wipers would also be a good plan...

Or you could open his boot - forcing him to get off his sorry ar$e and walk round to the back of the car.

Kieran_Burns · October 2009

Bikequin wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

White Line wrote:

gtvlusso wrote:

I folded in his wing mirror ...

Nicely done. 8)

+1

If you're stopped at lights folding out windscreen wipers would also be a good plan...

Or you could open his boot - forcing him to get off his sorry ar$e and walk round to the back of the car.

not so good as this *may* cause him actual loss.

However, rather than fold the mirror back, which can be fixed quickly.... if you press against the glass and push it out of alignment; it takes AGES to get it back just right :twisted:

AidanR · October 2009

The only problem with messing with wing mirrors is that in theory they're supposed to be used so the drivers can see us poor cyclists more effectively. Now, whether someone driving like a clown would use them anyway is debatable, but making a vehicle potentially more dangerous is not necessarily a great idea. I do like the windscreen wiper and boot ideas though...

Gotta agree about people pulling over for ambulances - the only good thing is you can usually hear the ambulance coming before cars can, therefore have time to prepare for a raft of stupid manoeuvres.

FeynmanC · October 2009

Kieran_Burns wrote:

if you press against the glass and push it out of alignment; it takes AGES to get it back just right :twisted:

Like some of these neanderthals utilise their mirrors on a regular basis :roll:

prj45 · October 2009

Isn't it ilegal to interfere with a vehicle? Liek let the tyres down, put a potato up the exhaust?

Folding a wing mirror back is certainly messing around with the safty features of the vehicle, I reckon you could get done for this.

Hrun · October 2009

Okay, I'll bite. First post but I have been lurking for a while.

I drive a passat as a rep in the south west and do 4k miles a month.

I run and cycle recreationally.

I give bikes, runners and horses room amongst others and whilst not a perfect driver I am an aware driver.

But, you touch my car and we will have issues. In return I promise not to touch your bike. Think carefully before you get aggressive as this simply lowers you to the level of the people you complain about.

ChillyGetsTrilly · October 2009

BigJimmyB wrote:

He said 'You need to get a proper dog, mate, instead of that poxy little thing'

To which I replied 'He might be little, but I bet he still has a bigger d**k than you, that's if you've even seen yours lately, fat boy'

He went purple as I sauntered off into the woods!

Hah, agreed. I've found that if you can turn the exchange into an insult on the person's mother, that often works quite well.

sicknote · October 2009

Hrun wrote:

Okay, I'll bite. First post but I have been lurking for a while.

I drive a passat as a rep in the south west and do 4k miles a month.

I run and cycle recreationally.

I give bikes, runners and horses room amongst others and whilst not a perfect driver I am an aware driver.

But, you touch my car and we will have issues. In return I promise not to touch your bike. Think carefully before you get aggressive as this simply lowers you to the level of the people you complain about.

I understand what you mean by this but there is a big difference between moron drivers and a good cyclist.
Like you I do both but it just a little thought to be safe around cyclists but there are some that will not think or take a risk that could put someone in hospital or worse.

If a cyclist takes a risk, it is his/her life that they mess with but as you have said you give them room so I cant see you having this problem.

gtvlusso · October 2009

prj45 wrote:

Isn't it ilegal to interfere with a vehicle? Liek let the tyres down, put a potato up the exhaust?

Folding a wing mirror back is certainly messing around with the safty features of the vehicle, I reckon you could get done for this.

I have a bit of a reputation for a low threshold when it comes to d*ck driving......so, said Audi monkey should consider himself lucky that I did not smash his mirror off and then punch his lights out......Thats probably more illegal, but yes, you are right I have technically "vandalised" his property by folding in his wing mirror....
Not bad considering I was going downhill on a fixie at the time too, then over took a Royal Mail lorry (yes, an actual Royal Mail vehicle on the road!)

Biondino is right - I have mellowed :-) probably beciuase I am getting close to BassJunkie levels of kids......!

Fireblade96 · October 2009

prj45 wrote:

Isn't it ilegal to interfere with a vehicle? Liek let the tyres down, put a potato up the exhaust?

Folding a wing mirror back is certainly messing around with the safty features of the vehicle, I reckon you could get done for this.

I've always seen insufficiently utilised wing mirrors as fair game - the driver who just cut you up clearly doesn't pay attention to what's reflected in it, so obviously doesn't need it.

Getout in the very unlikely case of being apprehended for this heinous crime: "I'm sorry officer, he/she cut across so close to me that my shoulder/bag/elbow hit the mirror and knocked it out of position!" *

* I offer no guarantees that this will work

salsajake · October 2009

Have mellowed too, other than stupidly trying like a madman to catch up with people just to then ignore them - quite funny as you can see them looking in their mirror and wondering what is coming back their way, but zip - straight past, nothing, in other words you are so unimportant I can't be bothered.

Most recently I've found a puzzled/dismayed look and shake of the head good to - driver of an Audi (yes, an Audi) passes me, crossing the white line to do so whilst a fire engine is speeding the other way with its lights and sirens on. Fire engine driver gave him a massive "get out of the f'g way" blast on his horn and the Audi then stops literally 20m up the road behind a queue of about 30 cars. As I went past I glanced in and he was already looking up expecting something, so I just shook my head and he visibly slumped and withered into his seat, a manifestation of the realisation of what a complete cock he had just been.

Greg T · October 2009

Hrun wrote:

I drive a passat as a rep in the south west and do 4k miles a month.

you touch my car and we will have issues.

Perhaps it would be best if you identified your Repmobile in some manner to make sure no-one messes with it..

What about festooning the inside with McDonalds wrappers and have it smell of desperation and cheap aftershave?

Welcome to the forum!

I'll farkin knawck you's orf.....

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