Joke thread VI

ryan cole · October 2006

A guy found a sheep and showed him to a policeman.
The policeman said, "Take that sheep to the zoo, now."

Next day the policeman sees the man with the sheep again.

The policeman stops the guy and says, "What on earth are you doing with that sheep?"

The guy says, "What is there to do? Yesterday I took him to the zoo and now I''m taking him to the movies."

ryan cole

Anonymous · October 2006

What do women and condoms have in common?

If they're not on the end of your dick, they're in your wallet.

*

Powered_by_Pies · October 2006

Why are certain sheep sprayed with a black 'X' ?

So you know which ones kick.

<center>"So what do you think of her?</center>

<center>"I believe her to be satan."</center>

will_15 · October 2006

*Racist jokes*

What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew?

A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

How do you fit 100 Jews into a Mini?

2 in the front, 2 in the back and 96 in the ashtray.

<center>DMR</center>
<center>ME</center>
<div align="right">I've donated</div id="right">

dhxcme · October 2006

Why do German shower heads have 11 holes?

Because Jews only got ten fingers.

I put the S in liSp and it ain't comin out

http://myspace-181.vo.llnwd.net/01009/1 ... 6181_m.jpg

bobmcstuff · October 2006

What is an Australian kiss?

It's like a French kiss, but down under.

<hr noshade size="1">DISCLAIMER: The contents of this post are not guaranteed to be 100% accurate. I (bobmcstuff) am henceforth absolved of any responsibility for misinformation caused.

Any persons taking offence at my post can shove it.

dhxcme · October 2006

How do you know if an Ausie has been in your fridge.

All the sh*t beer is gone.

I put the S in liSp and it ain't comin out

http://myspace-181.vo.llnwd.net/01009/1 ... 6181_m.jpg

pingu lord of all penguin · October 2006

what have aussie beer and making love in a canoe got in common?

they are both f*cking close to water!

one by one my penguins will steal your sanity

roryf · October 2006

what did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
dam

why did the prawn get taken away from the disco in an ambulance?
cos he pulled a muscle

Barrelled · October 2006

I do know this joke but couldn't be assed to write it out so the net came in handy

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."

"Sure," they said, "You're welcome." So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer.

Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a hit man," was the reply.

"You're joking!" was the response.

"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools."

"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look?..."

"I think I might be able to see my house from here." So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.

"Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!

What's that? Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her. He's naked as well! The biaaaaaaatch!!" He turned to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a hit?"

"I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."

"Can you do two for me now?"

"Sure, what do you want?"

"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he's a mate of mine, a bit of a lad, so just shoot his dog lover off to teach him a lesson."

The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes. "Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.

"Just wait a moment, be patient," said the hit man calmly, "I think I can save you a thousand dollars here....."

if you had one wish what would it be..?
"to have a swimming pool full of flumps!"

olie123 · October 2006

What did the blonde's left leg say to her right?

Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money!

olie123 · October 2006

An American business man goes to Japan to visit his head office. Whilst there he hires a japanese prostitute. He takes her to his hotel, and shags her. But the only word he she says is 'Hagasima'(or something like that, I cant remember). The business man doesn't know what this means, so he carries on.

The next day he plays golf which his boss. The game is going well, and the the business man scores a hole in one. His boss congralates him in Japanese, and the business man says the only word he knows, Hagasima. His boss, with a shocked expression, says, in perfect English: What do you mean it's the wrong hole!?

dilleydalley · October 2006

TWO bussiness men walk out of there office
bussiness man one : "as soon as i get home i am going to tear off my wifes underwear"
bussiness man two : "yes , i no how you feel . there kind of uncomfy"
*then scratches[:o)]

whAT DO BOB THE BUILDER AND JHON THE BABTIST HAVE IN COMMON

THE SAME MIDDLE NAME.

matthewdee

mtb luke · October 2006

whats big fat and ugly ???..............................................................................................

!!!!!your mum

gravity fighter · October 2006

What's bald downstairs, immature and banned?

mtb luke

onecrazyguy666@hotmail.com
Next time i tell a crap joke, applaude me DAY OF THE YEAR
BIGHIT
me riding

dilleydalley · October 2006

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by mtb luke

whats big fat and ugly ???..............................................................................................

!!!!!your mum
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

well told

matthewdee

dhxcme · October 2006

mtb luke, yo momma so fat and ugly, she got other fat, ugly women orbiting her.

Uuuummmmhhhhhuuuu

Marshall · October 2006

Paul Robinson is so sad after his latest blunder he decides to end it all, so he walks out of White Hart Lane and steps in front of a bus.
Unfortunately it passed under his foot.

Marshall
<hr noshade size="1">
Pooch
Website
Out with the old 
In with the new 
Videos - 1 2 3 4 5

me_groovy · October 2006

mtb_luke's mum's so big I needed an energy bar to swerve around her

<center>I killed the president of paraguay with a fork. how have you been?</center>

davesnothere · October 2006

mtb_lukes mum is so fat, she went swimming in the sea and columbus claimed her for the new world

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Thorpy

you did well not so young apprentice <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"><center>GET WHEEZY - WALNUT LUNG RACING TEAM
He's been like that ever since he got back from 'nam ~ Was he a soldier?
No a sex tourist, you should hear some of the terrible things those filthy bas<s></s>tards did to him </center>

Marshall · October 2006

mtb_luke's mum is so fat when she fell in the Grand Canyon she got wedged.

Marshall
<hr noshade size="1">
Pooch
Website
Out with the old 
In with the new 
Videos - 1 2 3 4 5

dhxcme · October 2006

mtb_luke's mamas so fat I fell in one of the roles of fat and found the bermuda triangle. (wink, wink)

5.10 · October 2006

mtb luke yo mama's so stupid, i told her christmas was just round the corner and she went lookin for it.

<center>Ask me that later...</center>

dhxcme · October 2006

mtb_luke yo mama so fat, her gravitational pull ripped a black hole inside out.

Marshall · October 2006

mtb_luke's mum is so fat when her beeper went off, people thought she was backing up.

Marshall
<hr noshade size="1">
Pooch
Website
Out with the old 
In with the new 
Videos - 1 2 3 4 5

homers_double · October 2006

mtb_luke's mum is so fat marshall had to roll her in flour to find the wet spot.

<center>When God created mountains he meant them for climbing.Not to be used as glorified toboggan runs.</center>

<div align="right">I've donated</div id="right">

Marshall · October 2006

*is still searching*

Marshall
<hr noshade size="1">
Pooch
Website
Out with the old 
In with the new 
Videos - 1 2 3 4 5

Jamie@AC · October 2006

*Jamie starts to help Marshall*

<center><blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by fleabag

With a dead kitten, oozing semen.

shouting 'YOUR NEXT, SUCKA'S'
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></center>
<center>[:D]</center><div align="right">I've donated</div id="right">

Marshall · October 2006

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by Jamie D

*Jamie starts to help Marshall*

<center><blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by fleabag

With a dead kitten, oozing semen.

shouting 'YOUR NEXT, SUCKA'S'
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote"></center>
<center>[:D]</center><div align="right">I've donated</div id="right">
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">

Might want to bring a torch...

Marshall
<hr noshade size="1">
Pooch
Website
Out with the old 
In with the new 
Videos - 1 2 3 4 5

homers_double · October 2006

Just slap her thigh and ride the wave in.

<center>When God created mountains he meant them for climbing.Not to be used as glorified toboggan runs.</center>

<div align="right">I've donated</div id="right">

Joke thread VI

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