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Motivation after bereavement

kingrollokingrollo Posts: 3,162
I lost mom just under 2 weeks ago. She had been ill with dementia for a while so the 'end' wasn't a surprise when it came.
Ive gone through all the emotions, tears, guilt, not sleeping etc - since about Saturday things have begun to come back to an even keel.

I had been training for the birmingham velo 100 at the end of september - and had been knocking 50 mile rides without to much of a problem. Went out today to do one of my shorter routes 27 miles. Couldn't really get motivated and my average speed was the slowest for a while.

Anyone experienced similar ? - any ideas how I should train for the final 2.5 months ?

Posts

  • ric/rstsportric/rstsport Posts: 681
    Sorry to hear about your mom.

    Depending on how you are as a person and your personality may define how you tackle this. There are no right or wrong ways. Some people may be able to train hard as a way to heal and doing it for their lost parent, while for others it may be that some time off is required while you heal.

    After i lost my mum, i tried to train and race, but really wasn't in a fit state to do so, and after a short period of trying to continue, ended up just riding around for a few months in a random ad-hoc way. On the other hand some people find that riding in a group may help them to continue. You'll have friends who may be able to cheer you up, or coerce you (in a nice way) to ride harder than you would do solo (or even just to ride when you may not want to). The company and banter may help.

    Whatever you decide on and how you decide to do it, i wish you well and hope the hurt doesn't last long. Good luck

    Ric
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  • slowbikeslowbike Posts: 8,498
    Sorry to hear about your Mum - although with dementia it's almost a relief in the end ... not nice though :(

    Two ways you can look at your riding ..

    1) Beat yourself up that you're not knocking out 50+ miles at way faster times than you were .. and go and blast a few miles out

    or

    2) Forget the distance & speed - assuming you actually enjoy riding go and enjoy it - if that means a short slow ride and a cake/pub stop then so be it ...

    Personally - at this stage I'd go for 2 ...

    I took my Dad out for a sail after the death of his Dad - we didn't really sail, but had a nice day out in the fresh air and he was able to just forget about everything for a moment ...
  • ugo.santaluciaugo.santalucia Posts: 26,752
    Condolences.

    Why do you worry about your average speed, of all things?

    The event is 3 months away, it's only 100 miles and I really wouldn't worry about it at all, you'll be absolutely fine.

    BTW: I have heard horror stories about how Birmingham Velo have screwed it with the local councils and are desperately trying to come to an arrangement to have at least partially closed roads (like half of the road coned). It sounds like the organisers have bitten more than they could chew. It might end up a complete cockup
  • freezing77freezing77 Posts: 731
    Very much this for me, just ride , it gave me a chance to forget about things and to pass the time in a constructive way instead of moping and being miserable and inward looking at home.
    Same as below in a way.

    ""2) Forget the distance & speed - assuming you actually enjoy riding go and enjoy it - if that means a short slow ride and a cake/pub stop then so be it ...

    Personally - at this stage I'd go for 2 ...

    I took my Dad out for a sail after the death of his Dad - we didn't really sail, but had a nice day out in the fresh air and he was able to just forget about everything for a moment ...""
  • WheelMealsWheelMeals Posts: 86
    Sorry for the loss of your mum.

    Aside from the emotional impact, grief has a significant physical impact. When my dad passed away ~3 years back, I lost nearly a stone in weight over the following 3-6 months and couldn't motivate myself to do much.

    Been said before grief a process you go through rather than over, and I wouldn't underestimate the time it takes.

    So I wouldn't beat yourself up over it, but accept that that you're not going to be PR'ing left right and centre. And as per the poster above, and enjoy riding for the time alone processing it all, and maybe switch off the Strava/Garmin.
  • meanredspidermeanredspider Posts: 12,337
    Condolences.

    I don't know if it's appropriate but when I was trying to re-motivate myself after some difficult life challenges, I bought myself a bike (secondhand but nicer than the existing one). It was enough to re-enthuse myself and focus back to cycling. I totally accept that retail therapy seems a bit hollow but, just occasionally, being good to yourself is important (in whatever form that might take).
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  • simon_esimon_e Posts: 1,697
    WheelMeals wrote:
    Sorry for the loss of your mum.

    Aside from the emotional impact, grief has a significant physical impact. When my dad passed away ~3 years back, I lost nearly a stone in weight over the following 3-6 months and couldn't motivate myself to do much.

    Been said before grief a process you go through rather than over, and I wouldn't underestimate the time it takes.

    So I wouldn't beat yourself up over it, but accept that that you're not going to be PR'ing left right and centre. And as per the poster above, and enjoy riding for the time alone processing it all, and maybe switch off the Strava/Garmin.
    Excellent advice IMVHO.

    I'd be inclined to just take it a day at a time and see how things go. September is a little way off yet. You may feel more like riding/training soon but, even if you eventually decide not to participate, that's wholly understandable. There will be other opportunities.
    Aspire not to have more, but to be more.
  • My condolences.

    I'd echo the above few posts about taking it easy and doing what feels right for you. I lost both my parents in my late twenties/early thirties, and for me the grieving 'process' is more like a new life state - it's just the sad bits of it thankfully get fewer and further between. If the training and the velothon help you cope with what's going on now, then do as much as you want. If you want to just sit and stare out the window instead, do that. Ultimately you need to emerge from the next few months relatively sane (assuming you were before), but not necessarily fit. Worrying about the latter or setting too many targets will make the former more difficult.
  • Alex99Alex99 Posts: 1,407
    Condolences. I've not lost a parent, but have been through some stress lately. I took the option of stepping away from the training plan and just riding when / how I feel like. If stress levels are high for whatever reason, you may find the sort of ride that you normally do harder than before until you adjust and come to terms with things. You should take extra care of yourself and definitely don't beat yourself up mentally for taking it steady.
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