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The Rule(s) Book

philwintphilwint Posts: 763
edited July 2013 in Road general
ok I know The Rules are mildly controversial with people broadly falling into the following camps:

> 60% - Take them as a lighthearted, reasonably funny joke
> 15% - Worry that people might take them seriously
> 10% - Take them way too seriously "How dare they try to enforce rules on my cycling, I'll wear whatever damn colour shorts i want!!!"
> 10% - just don't get the joke (probably Americans)
> 5% - Treat them as gospel!!! :roll:

But I happened across the newly released book of The Rules in Waterstones at the weekend and have been flicking through it ever since. The basic format is it takes each of the rules from http://www.velominati.com/ and adds a few pages of further thoughts on it.

It's all done is a very light hearted, tongue in cheek, way and has made me smile a good deal.

I heartily commend it to you all (unless, God help us, you are one of the 5% in which it will just make you worse lol)

It's on Amazon too:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Rules-Way-Cycling-Disciple-Velominati/dp/1444767518/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1375127352&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Rules
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  • chrisaonabikechrisaonabike Posts: 1,912
    I love the Rules. Yes, I know all the reasons for not taking them too seriously, but most of them have at least a grain of truth in them, even when they're nonsense. They're funny, and it does seem to me as an almost complete noob that they do communicate something of the spirit of road cycling/racing.

    I'll be getting that book sometime, I hope.
    Is the gorilla tired yet?
  • bill_gatesbill_gates Posts: 467
    I've had the book for a few weeks now, I had pre-ordered on Amazon. I like it and think it is very well put together.


    "I like riding in my car, it's not quite a Jaguar."
  • rolf_frolf_f Posts: 16,015
    You missed one - I get the joke; I just think it is predictable and not very good! A bit like those greetings cards featuring black and white photos with not very funny modern captions. Or indeed any internet caption competition. If the rules were any good, I'd like them. ;)
    Faster than a tent.......
  • philwintphilwint Posts: 763
    Rolf F wrote:
    You missed one - I get the joke; I just think it is predictable and not very good! A bit like those greetings cards featuring black and white photos with not very funny modern captions. Or indeed any internet caption competition. If the rules were any good, I'd like them. ;)


    Good point, but for now I'll bundle you in with the "Americans" :p

    Looking up at my post why on earth has "f l i c k i n g" been hit with the censorship stick? Cameron testing his new filters on BR? Or is it some strange sexual proclivity of which i was previously unaware?
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    philwint wrote:
    > 15% - Worry that people might take them seriously

    I'm afraid I'm one of your 15%. I know several people who quote them like I'm supposed to know what they mean. Comments like "You do know the meaning of Rule [insert number of relevant rule here]". They actually know them by number.

    [nasal voice]All distances should be in kms[/nasal voice]. NO, the correct measurement is whatever I f*ckin think it is. If you don't understand imperial measurements or can't convert them, that's your uneducated fault. I don't tell you how you're shagging your wife badly or how your sh!tty Citroen was a poor choice, it's not my place.

    There is only 1 rule, and it's in my sig block. But that would make a terrible book.
  • rolf_frolf_f Posts: 16,015
    philwint wrote:
    Good point, but for now I'll bundle you in with the "Americans" :p

    Looking up at my post why on earth has "f l i c k i n g" been hit with the censorship stick? Cameron testing his new filters on BR? Or is it some strange sexual proclivity of which i was previously unaware?

    Oooh, that's harsh! I'll remember that......

    As for the other - don't you know what f l i c k i n g is? Oh so naïve. You should try it sometime. Just make sure you use ac rather than dc and plenty of Vaseline.
    Faster than a tent.......
  • LegendLustLegendLust Posts: 1,022
    Rules are there to be broken...
  • nweststeynnweststeyn Posts: 1,574
    GiantMike wrote:
    If you don't understand imperial measurements or can't convert them, that's your uneducated fault. I don't tell you how you're shagging your wife badly or how your sh!tty Citroen was a poor choice, it's not my place.

    There's only a limited amount of space for information in even the most educated brains. The sooner we ditch imperial measurements and start using measurements that make sense as standard, the sooner we can learn something new and useful...

    :roll:
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    nweststeyn wrote:
    GiantMike wrote:
    If you don't understand imperial measurements or can't convert them, that's your uneducated fault. I don't tell you how you're shagging your wife badly or how your sh!tty Citroen was a poor choice, it's not my place.

    There's only a limited amount of space for information in even the most educated brains. The sooner we ditch imperial measurements and start using measurements that make sense as standard, the sooner we can learn something new and useful...

    :roll:

    But Imperial measurements are what separates us from the European animals. And is 5/8 (or 0.625) really going to replace something else very useful?
  • lawrenceslawrences Posts: 1,011
    If only rules 1 and 2 were "You don't talk about the rules."
  • simon_mastersonsimon_masterson Posts: 2,740
    Rolf F wrote:
    You missed one - I get the joke; I just think it is predictable and not very good! A bit like those greetings cards featuring black and white photos with not very funny modern captions. Or indeed any internet caption competition. If the rules were any good, I'd like them. ;)

    This.

    Some of them do resonate, but mostly they stink of shallow trendyism. They appear to be an attempt to masquerade as a distillation of the norms of 'old school' cycling, but I don't know any such cyclists that care about some of the pathetic things that the Velominati cover, and I can't see anything about shunning clinchers, compact chainsets and cassettes/freewheels that go above 20, and so on.
  • verylonglegsverylonglegs Posts: 3,585
    Rolf F wrote:
    You missed one - I get the joke; I just think it is predictable and not very good! A bit like those greetings cards featuring black and white photos with not very funny modern captions. Or indeed any internet caption competition. If the rules were any good, I'd like them. ;)

    This.

    Some of them do resonate, but mostly they stink of shallow trendyism. They appear to be an attempt to masquerade as a distillation of the norms of 'old school' cycling, but I don't know any such cyclists that care about some of the pathetic things that the Velominati cover, and I can't see anything about shunning clinchers, compact chainsets and cassettes/freewheels that go above 20, and so on.

    I suppose I have the same opinion of them, I think I got about as far down as the first dozen and gave up reading them, they just weren't witty enough to keep me interested.
  • iPeteiPete Posts: 6,076
    Ah another Rules thread, they really annoy the SPD sandles and socks brigade.

    On topic, the book has been excellent [upto part III] and has some real laugh out loud bits.

    Page 62 springs to mind, the skinny kid on meth riding up behind you...
  • charliew87charliew87 Posts: 371
    They should be compulsory reading with the purchase of anyone's first road bike.

    Perfectly communicates all that is right, wrong and mental about cycling.
    Canyon AL Ultimate 9.0
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    charliew87 wrote:
    Perfectly communicates all that is snobby, wrong and mental about cyclists.
    FTFY
  • They are a light hearted set of 'rules' based most likely on observations of cyclists from over the years.

    Many things about cycling are part of a 'code' learned through trial and error and passed down to new generations on a club run.

    Now club runs are dying out and more non-cyclists are taking up the sport, the 'rules' are simply a light hearted way of passing some of this knowledge on to the new generation.

    People who are obsessed by them are as bad as those who are obsessed by not following them.

    Whilst they are jokey, there is a heap of truth in many of them. Those who are scoffing them might want to try some of them out before getting all self-righteous.

    There is a particularly unpleasant type of new cyclist coming along who won't take advice and who thinks they know it all. Taken they way they are intended, the rules could help us all.
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    Whilst they are jokey, there is a heap of truth in many of them. Those who are scoffing them might want to try some of them out before getting all self-righteous.

    There is a particularly unpleasant type of new cyclist coming along who won't take advice and who thinks they know it all. Taken they way they are intended, the rules could help us all.

    I couldn't agree more. Knowing that I am allowed to wear whatever socks I like will certainly make me a better racer and a better rider. However, I'm not sure that encouraging people to 'decend like a pro' or 'never get out of the big ring' are actually the very worst kind of advice anybody could ever give, but quite close.
  • rolf_frolf_f Posts: 16,015
    "Rodrego wrote:
    Whilst they are jokey, there is a heap of truth in many of them. Those who are scoffing them might want to try some of them out before getting all self-righteous.

    There is a particularly unpleasant type of new cyclist coming along who won't take advice and who thinks they know it all. Taken they way they are intended, the rules could help us all.

    Oooh, where are all these unpleasant types of new cyclist coming along who won't take advice? I've not noticed any but I'm sure there are some about just as there were some about since the dawn of cycling. Probably the chap who invented the Hobby Horse got told off by someone for wearing the wrong coloured shoes or for waxing his wheels instead of varnishing them.

    Trouble is, if you take the rules this seriously there is a lot of non truth in them as well (and I don't deny that there are plenty of good tips in there - it's just that the weak attempts to be funny spoils them for me!) but all that censored about the right colour this, and the wrong colour that doesn't really achieve anything. Anyway, why would you think that people that don't take advice would be any more likely to follow a random set of rules imposed by someone else they don't know?

    Ultimately, the point is that they aren't to be taken seriously. Whether you think them funny or not is down to you but they aren't going to change anyones behaviour in any meaningful way. Some people like being given sets of rules to follow, others like to make their own rules up. It doesn't matter either way.
    Faster than a tent.......
  • iPeteiPete Posts: 6,076
    What's funny about them is that most people find themselves ticking them off, not because they have read them but through their own personal experience in a 'its funny cos its true' kind of way.

    Now anyone who matches yellow bar tap to a blue saddle on a red bike rocking florescent shoes DOES need a good talking to, the rules or not.. and plenty of new riders are incapable of proper bike maintenance, holding their lines and being self sufficient.

    Now who's read the damn thing and who just wants to get upset at their existence?
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    iPete wrote:
    Now anyone who matches yellow bar tape to a blue saddle on a red bike rocking florescent shoes DOES need a good talking to, the rules or not..

    WTF? Unless you're buying their bike for them or paying their wages, let them do whatever they like.

    Anyway, the rules must be wrong because they don't mention Strava and we all know Strava is the cornerstone of cycling.
  • iPeteiPete Posts: 6,076
    Talking to was a strong word, chuckle inside, a bit like spotting someone wearing a fanny pack, socks & sandles, there are no rules for that (or i've not looked) but are you telling me not a single atom in your body thinks... thats just wrong?

    Or spotting a Fiat punto with ferrari badges, each to their own, not my money etc etc. but if you don't cringe a little, kudos to you.

    Maybe I've spent too much time in the 'Bike Anti-Porn - When Things Go Wrong' on lfgss? I'm pretty sure its a normal reaction though...
  • lakesludditelakesluddite Posts: 1,332
    philwint wrote:
    Rolf F wrote:
    You missed one - I get the joke; I just think it is predictable and not very good! A bit like those greetings cards featuring black and white photos with not very funny modern captions. Or indeed any internet caption competition. If the rules were any good, I'd like them. ;)


    Good point, but for now I'll bundle you in with the "Americans" :p

    Looking up at my post why on earth has "f l i c k i n g" been hit with the censorship stick? Cameron testing his new filters on BR? Or is it some strange sexual proclivity of which i was previously unaware?

    Not sure what is wrong with this particular 'f' word, but it might be that, written in upper case letters, the L and the I next to each other might look like a 'U'...perhaps?
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    iPete wrote:
    Maybe I've spent too much time in the 'Bike Anti-Porn - When Things Go Wrong' on lfgss?

    Yes, that explains a lot :wink:
  • Some of them do resonate, but mostly they stink of shallow trendyism.
    I'd go along with that, although I think the phrase "unintentional high metro-camp" is more accurate than trendyism.
    Mangeur
  • binkybikebinkybike Posts: 104
    Some people definitely take them seriously. I have been told and i was WRONG because I use my valve nut (to stop the valve rattling in the rim hole) and valve cap (to stop crud getting in the valve) because they are NOT NEEDED. he wasn't joking either.

    And I just don't think they are funny (and I am not American), I read them once and it didn't even raise a smile, it gets quite dull as the vast majority of them are arbitrary stylisic nonsense. can someone explain what is funny about what prescribing the angle of your quick release??
  • GiantMikeGiantMike Posts: 3,139
    binkybike wrote:
    Some people definitely take them seriously....

    Had a similar incident when I was told that I shouldn't wear leg warmers without arm warmers. The fact that I'd been crit racing and only had the chance to remove the arm warmers was lost on the idiot who seemed to think I'd pull over to take them off so I wouldn't break any rules.
  • rolf_frolf_f Posts: 16,015
    [
    binkybike wrote:
    can someone explain what is funny about what prescribing the angle of your quick release??

    Oh but that does matter!* :lol:

    *Facing backwards - rear aligned to chainstay, front horizontal. Anything else is wrong........!
    Faster than a tent.......
  • iPeteiPete Posts: 6,076
    binkybike wrote:
    can someone explain what is funny about what prescribing the angle of your quick release??


    read the book! :wink:

    There are various minor details for doing so, it isn't all meant to be funny. What Rolf F said + race any crits and you'll sometimes see posters prescribing the best angle to avoid skewering yourself or someone else in a crash...
  • chrisaonabikechrisaonabike Posts: 1,912
    Rolf F wrote:
    [
    binkybike wrote:
    can someone explain what is funny about what prescribing the angle of your quick release??

    Oh but that does matter!* :lol:

    *Facing backwards - rear aligned to chainstay, front horizontal. Anything else is wrong........!
    Anyone that doesn't already get why it's funny won't understand an explanation.
    Is the gorilla tired yet?
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